Super Jokes

Following is our collection of uber humor and villains one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Super puns for adults, dirty incredibly jokes or clean mega gags for kids.

There is an abundance of super sex jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 70 funniest jokes on super. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any super drunk man witze you can hear about super.

The Best jokes about Super

Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

Super Bowl Halftime

At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0

Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join...

She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!


If Caitlyn Jenner were a super hero, what team would she be on?

The Ex-Men.

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common?

Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

What did everyone do after the Super Bowl was over?

Watch the second half.


Smart first grader

A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?

Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.

Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?

Then I'd be a football fan.

I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

Y'know Mahatma Gandhi?

Well, he walked a lot, and that means he had really calloused feet.

He also had an odd diet, that didn't consist of much, which made him frail.

This diet also gave him very bad breath.

This made him...


A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

They say that 1 out of a group of 5 guys is gay....

I'm really hoping it's Jake, because he's *super cute*.

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

I was offered sex from a 21 year old girl today

In exchange for that I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner to my friends. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standing with strong will power. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner now available with lemon or vanilla.

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, Get out! We don't serve your kind here.

The superconductor left without resistance.


The next time your gf gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and exlaim:

Now you're SUPER ANGRY


Maybe she'll laugh

Maybe you'll die

The Minnesota Vikings walk into a bar

To watch the Super Bowl

What do you call a super hero completely made of ice?

Justice

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris

Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Help Requested: A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl.

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.


If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St. Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Donna. She will be the one in the white dress.

This was the most Superbowlly Super Bowl ever

*Super Bowl LI

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day

I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

A man is attending the Super Bowl, when he notices an empty seat.

Thinking this to be strange, the man asks the person sitting next to the empty seat if he knows who sits there. The guy replies: Well, I bought two tickets for my wife and I a long time ago, but she passed away. So the man asks: Couldn't you have brought someone else?

"They're all at the funeral."

I was amazed

As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.

A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.

The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.

I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?

Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the funeral.

Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.

In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."

I used to sell home security systems.

It was super easy.

I went door to door and If the customer wasn't home, I'd just leave my brochure and business card on their dining room table.

I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!

Don't worry; so did the ~~Patriots~~ Falcons.

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

A married couple has two beautiful children.

They are getting a third one but this time the child is super ugly.
So the man asks his wife: "Honey, did you cheat on me?"
The woman replies: "Not this time."

I asked my wife for sex recently...

She said, "No, it's a super moon, not a blue one".

Q: What do Cowboys fans do after they win the Super Bowl?

A: Turn off the XBox.

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!

I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

Why does Superman have a lower case "s" on his chest?

Because not all heroes wear caps.

Why doesn't Superman need a boss? (OC)

He already has supervision.

Wife calls her scientist husband...

"Honey.. Its Saturday.. you're late..."

"I'm busy with my team in an experiment"

"Whats that?"

"We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH with ambiant temperature H2O and aqueous CO2. To cool this mixture added some super low temperature, solidified H2O, now while waiting for some protein, we are fumigating the lab with vapours of nicotine...
It's 4 or 5 round experiment.. So I will be late."

"Oh dear.. I won't disturb you. Take your time.."

What does a Dallas Cowboys fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?

He turns off the PlayStation.

The Super Bowl

Surprised to see an empty seat at the Super Bowl, a diehard fan remarked about it to a woman sitting nearby.

"It was my husband's," the woman explained, "but he died."

"I'm very sorry," said the man. "Yet I'm really surprised that another relative, or friend, didnt jump at the chance to take the seat reserved for him."

"Beats me," she said. "They all insisted on going to the funeral."

Have you heard about the new super sensitive condoms?

They hang around after the guy leaves and talk to the woman.

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries

Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, was quite skinny, and apparently had bad breath.

That'd make him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

My ex girlfriend and I had a safe word...

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

The very spiritual Gandhi walked everywhere, leaving him with impressive calluses. And he ate very little, which made him rather frail. His odd diet also plagued him with bad breath. I guess you could say.....

That he was a super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

If I could be any super hero, I think I'd be Aluminium Man.

My superpower would be foiling crime.

Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day.

It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound

Have you heard about the one-armed super hero?

He single handedly stops crime.

I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,

Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.

My brother asked me which super power I'd like

Apparently the united states wasn't a good answer.

Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things...

My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.

Gandhi...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today.

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today. In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.ο»Ώ

What happens to your eyesight when you have kids?

You get adult super vision

Who is Cap'n Crunch's superior Officer?

General Mills

What's the strongest color?

Super Cyan

How do you sneak into a school for ghosts?

Just act super natural.

My friend got jury duty

So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.

Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.

Note: This is an original joke. Any suggestions on how I can clean it up a bit, make it a little punchier?

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

So an old couple was getting ready for bed...

...when the old lady throws off her robe, revealing the skimpy negligee that she was wearing, jumps on her husband and yells "SUPER SEX!".

The man takes one look at his wife and says, "Well if you don't mind, I would like the soup."

I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today…

In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a man with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in lemon and vanilla scents!

I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light!

He's my super visor

What do Superman and Bloods have in common?

They're both getting killed by a Kryptonite.

I think everyone has a superiority complex

except for me

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because PETA can't change anything.


-A joke I found inside the game manual for Super Meat Boy for Steam.

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

So there was a monk...

This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."

What did the Superhero wear to Court?

His Class Action Suit

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes