A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man thought for a while, and said, "I want a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges and environmental consequences that kind of undertaking would create. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel would take over thousands of miles! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing!", and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four?"
Because they only have one season.
The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball veered off into a foursome of men. Indeed the ball hit one of the men who then immediately clasped his hand near his crotch and went into a fetal position. The women rushed to his side and started to apologize. She said "Please allow me to help, I'm a physical therapist, I can relieve your pain." he denies the help and continues to roll around in his fetal position. After minutes of begging the women is finally allowed to help the man. First she unzipps his pants and starts to massage him. Once she is done she asks, "how do you feel now?" the man replies "that felt great but my THUMB still hurts a lot!"
When it rains, I usually go to the bar for a while.
When it's snowing, I like to sit in front of the TV with a case of beer.
I'm starting to think I have a problem with the weather…
So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
Every day Sunny Leone creates history...
Then
we have to
go to
Settings
and
delete that
History.
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally
beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he
told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass
for him that day.
As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town
to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't
accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee,
he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!
At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from
the heavens and exclaimed "You're not going to let him get away with this, are
you?"
The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."
Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin,
dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.
IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!
St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?"
Don't know they're just a bit shady.
On seeing his old friend, John pulls over to say hello.
Bob sees the Rolls Royce and exclaims," Wow, how did you get the great car?"
John says," So I was going out for a walk on a sunny afternoon when a beautiful woman pulled over in this Rolls Royce and asked if I wanted a lift, so I got in.
She drove for a while before she asked me to kiss her, so I did.
We drove for a bit more, then suddenly she pulled over, went to the back seat, took off all her clothes except for her silk knickers
She said," Take anything you want from me"
I knew the knickers would never fit me, so I took the car."
In a sunny day in the fields, there is a shepherd and his dog herding their sheep's.
The shepherd asked his dog to round up the sheep to the fields. The dog went out and started herding the sheep's to the field.
After a while the dog returned and told the shepherd that he already rounded up 20 sheep's on the field. The shepherd was a bit confused because he did not have that many sheep's so he head out to the fields and counted his sheep. The shepherd counted 15 sheep's and wondered why his dog said 20.
He approached his dog and asked "there is only 15 sheep's in the field. Why did you say there were 20?"
The dog turns toward the shepherd and said "i know, but i rounded them up"
were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain.
Tina pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Sunny: "What's that?"
Tina: "A condom."
Sunny: "Where'd you get it?"
Tina: "You can get them at any chemist"
The next day, Sunny hobbled into the local chemist and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a pack of condoms.
The guy looked at her strangely (she was, after all, in her eighties), but politely asked what brand she preferred.
"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.
One sunny afternoon in 1999, Bill and Hillary Clinton were at a baseball game. Right as the game was getting ready to start, Bill stood up, picked up Hillary, and threw her out onto the baseball diamond. When Bill Clinton sat down, his chief advisor leaned over to him and said, "You know, Bill, you may have misunderstood me. I said you that you get to throw out the first pitch."
In Russia in the early 1800's, there was a weather man named Rudolph. He was very good at his job, but he was particularly famous for predicting rain. One morning, it was bright and sunny outside, without a cloud in the sky. However, Rudolph predicted that there would be a huge rain storm, bigger than anyone had ever seen. People laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but sure enough, that night it rained more than anyone in Russia had ever seen. In only 3 hours, it rained over 10 inches! That morning, Rudolph's wife was astounded. "I can't believe you were right about this, honey!" she said, surprised. Rudolph just laughed and said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping. At about 3:30 in the morning Sherlock wakes up Watson and says to him:
"Look up into the sky, Watson, what do you see?"
Watson replies,"I see that it is very clear out, and that the moon is full."
"And what do you deduct from that, Watson?" Sherlock asks.
"I deduct that is is about 3:30 in the morning, and that tomorrow will be a clear, sunny day. tomorrow night the moon will begin to wane," Watson answered. Then he asked," what do you deduct from that, Sherlock?" Sherlock replied:
WATSON YOU IDIOT, SOMEONE HAS STOLEN OUR TENT!
It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"
George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"
I ask honey if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."
She is right, I kill the son of b* in one shot.
I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a funeral procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said "Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen." Joe responds, "Well, we were married for 35 years after all."
A man was sunbathing at a nude beach one sunny afternoon when a little girl walks up to the man. The man immediately covers his genitals with a newspaper to shield the girl from looking at them.
"What's under there, Sir?" the naive little girl asks.
"It's my little birdie and he's trying to sleep," the man replies.
"Ok."
The man falls asleep as the girl walks away. He wakes up in the hospital with horrible pains in the pelvic region. He then sees the little girl and asks, "What happened?"
"I went back to get something to feed your little bird and you fell asleep, so I pet the bird and it spit at me so I SNAPPED IT'S NECK, SMASHED HIS EGGS, AND BURNED HIS NEST!!!"
The Ciaz vs Sunny problems are getting out of hand.
It was a very hot sunny day and the bassist was still inside the car.
A sunny day in Seattle.
Sunny, clear sky with no Brees.
...and he goes to the mechanic, and the mechanic says, Give me an hour, I'll figure out what the problem is.
And it's sunny and beautiful out, so the penguin has a little day for himself. He goes for a stroll, skips rocks by the lake, buys himself an ice cream.
He returns to the mechanic after an hour and the mechanic tells him, Good news! We figured out what's wrong with your car. It looks like you blew a seal.
The penguin looks up at him and says, Oh this? No it's just ice cream.
Son, it's daddy here
Being the swindler cheapskate he is, he stirs water into the paint to save a buck. The painter hastily slaps the paint onto the rectory, and right as he applies the last stroke, the weather, which had been perfectly clear and sunny, instantly went dark, and a torrential rain poured down. The cheap paint instantly washes away with the deluge, and the painter, furious with the turn of luck falls to his knees and shakes his fists to the sky.
"WHY GOD, WHY?" He shouts.
An earthshaking voice booms in response **"REPAINT, REPAINT: THIN NO MORE"**
She said, "What do you mean? It's perfectly clear." Pointing down I said, "I can only see four feet in front of us."
Sunny gets gold.
Cloudy gets silver.
Snowy gets bronze.
And Rainy gets a precipitation award.
Growing up I never knew what a sunrise was until one day it dawned on me.
Sunny D
Mechanic tells him that it will be a few hours so the polar bear goes over to the supermarket and buys a bucket of vanilla ice cream. It's a hot sunny day and he goes over to the park bench to eat it. Then he wanders back to the garage. "Looks like you blew a seal," the mechanic says. "Oh no," the polar bear laughs, wiping his moth. "That's just ice cream."
Guy runs into a bar around noon on a sunny day. He barrels his way towards the bar where no one but the bartender is around and says quick, give me ten shots of your best whiskey! Without skipping a beat, the bartender sets him with all ten shots lined up on the bar, and the guy hits them one after the other until he has all ten down his throat. The bartender looks on astonished, and says man, why did you pound those away so fast? Guy says you'd drink that quickly too if you had what I've got! Bartender of course asks what does he have. Guy says five bucks...
Partially sunny......
Micecream.
On a hot sunny day, I went to a record store. A song was playing on the speakers. Angrily, I picked up a hammer and started banging the speaker system.
The confused owner asked, "What is this?"
I said, "Rage Against the Machine."
Vinny and Paulo were deep sea fishing on a bright sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. Upon noticing this round spiky object coming nearer and nearer to the boat, Vinny shouted, "Paulo! It's a mine, it's a mine!!!"
Paulo replied, "Okay Vinny, you can-a have it!"
Just to bring any comfort and optimism to everyone, I had the unhatched chick sunny side up.
~Original
And buys an umbrella, a pair of sunglasses and a box of tampons.
She was expecting rain with sunny periods that day
A Red Stripe.
Russian dressing
Putin doesn't like rainbows.
Say each of the color questions aloud to yourself and then answer the final question. I'll post the answer in comments if someone doesn't beat me to it.
What color are polar bears?
What color is cotton?
What color are clouds normally on a sunny day?
What color are marshmallows?
So what do cows drink _________?
Dogturdsarethawen
When it's sunny, I call it a light shower.
Choc-ISIS
When I step outside
I told him to put a lid on it.
Natural Light.
... partly moony.
Thanks mom for the corny joke to share on the internet.
None, on a sunny day their light comes from the glass ceiling.
edit; missing words
A sunny day.
A man enters a store on a bright and sunny day looking for a girl called Lorraine. He asks the store owner if she is in today.
"No, she called in sick." The owner replied.
"Oh." The man continues. "Than can i have her number?"
"I wouldn't do that." The owner quickly says.
"Why?" The man asks in confusion.
"Well,"The owner quickly replies. "I wanna know, have you ever seen Lorraine, Comin' down on a sunny day?"
No Umbrella.
Because the world is "bipolar".
We have collected gags and puns about Sunny to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Sunny? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Sunny pick up lines to share with friends.