Sunglasses Jokes

Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?

No son, have you seen my dad glasses?

How to be cool

A) Use happy sunglasses emoji

B)

A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?

The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.

You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.

The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.

I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.

What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear?

Oakley Dokelys

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

A son asked his dad

"Can you pass me my sunglasses?"

"Sure." Replied the dad. "Then can you pass me my dadglasses?"

What does the sun and cleavage have in common?

You can look at both for a second, but if want to stare you need to wear sunglasses.

Boobs are like the sun.

You can stare at em longer if you're wearing sunglasses.

Dad, will you hand me my sunglasses?

"As soon as you hand me my dadglasses, Son."

How to be cool:

A) Make the sunglasses face

B)

If only Steve Irwin wore sunglasses

They might have protected him from harmful rays

So my son asked me where his sunglasses are.

I said
"I don't know, where are my dadglasses?"

A man was pulled over...

A man was pulled over, and the officer noticed a group of penguins in the backseat.

Officer: You need to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: Ok, I will.


The next day the man was pulled over by the officer and he notices the same group of penguins in the backseat but they all had sunglasses on.

Officer: I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.

Man: I did. Today we're going to the beach.

My father always told me, he liked his women like he liked his sunglasses.

Sitting on his face.

Blind pilots

A plane is preparing for takeoff with a full load of passengers when the pilot and copilot board--both with dark sunglasses and tapping walking sticks for guidance. The passengers are understandably uncomfortable, but assume it must be some sort of practical joke, so they say nothing.

As the plane begins to accelerate, the passengers see the end of the runway rapidly approaching, with certain doom awaiting at the end if the pilots really can't see what they're doing. Just before the end of the runway, all the passengers scream together--right before the plane lifts off. They're a little upset, but relieved that the pilots aren't really blind.

In the cockpit, the pilot turned to his copilot and remarked: "you know, Lou, one of these days they're not going to scream in time, and then we'll be in real trouble!"

The penguin joke (my favorite joke)


One day a Cop pulls a van over and when he walks up to the window he sees ten penguins in the back.

The cop asks the man "are those your penguins?"

The man Says "yes, they are my pets."

The cop replies to the man "You need to take them to the zoo right now."

So the man agrees and drives off. The next day the cop pulls over the same van and he walks up to the window and sees the ten pengins all wearing sunglasses.

The cop says to the man "I thought i told you to take those penguins to the zoo."

The man says "I did, today we are going to the beach!"

My (second) favorite joke of all time (sorry if repost)

So two guys are walking their dogs one day, one has a German Shepherd the other has a Chihuahua. They pass by a bar and the guy with the German Shepherd turns to the guy with the Chihuahua and asks if he wants to go in for a drink. The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You're crazy, they'll never let dogs into the bar." to which the guy with the German shepherd replies, "No no, watch this."
He pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses, puts them on and walks into the bar, acting as if his German Shepherd is a seeing eye dog. He goes up to the counter, asks for a drink and the bartender gets it for him no problem.
So the guy with the Chihuahua pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses, puts them on and walks in, acting like his Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog. The guy asks for a drink and the bartender replies, "I'm sorry sir there are no dogs allowed in this bar."
"Hey man, it's a seeing eye dog, c'mon."
The bartender looks skeptically down at the Chihuahua and asks, "A Chihuahua is a seeing eye dog?"
The guy pauses for a second then exclaims, "Wait, they gave me a *Chihuahua?!?*"

Two blind pilots are on a plane

They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable. The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the plane lifts, avoiding the fence at the last second. All the passengers calm down, thinking it was a bad joke.

In the pilot cabin, the co-pilot turns to the pilot and says : "You know what? One day they're going to scream too late, and we're all going to die"

Literal Penguins

A man was driving down the road with three penguins in the back seat of his car. He's pulled over by police officer.

"Can I see your license and regi...what are you doing with three penguins in your car? You can't have these penguins! Go take them to the zoo right now, get out of here..."

The man drives off to the zoo. The next day the man is driving down the same road with the same three penguins in the back of his car. The penguins are all wearing sunglasses, have towels, and sunscreen on their beaks. The same cop see's him again and pulls him over.

"You again, and still with the penguins! I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?!?!"

The man replied, "I did take them to the zoo. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

I don't know why women spend so much money on sunglasses...

Wouldn't it be cheaper to just tint the kitchen windows!

Steps to being cool

A) Use the sunglasses face

B)

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You look, you get a sense of it, and you look away.

AND you can look longer with sunglasses!

Why can't pirates wear sunglasses?

Because they have no buccaneers!

Happy speak like a pirate day!

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero proof alcohol

Reusable ice cubes

Skinless bananas

Do it yourself roadmap

What does the sun drink out of?

Sunglasses.

I don't like sunglasses

They're shady

I like my sunglasses like I like my politicians,

Polarized and able to be bought surprisingly cheap.

Why do the FBI always wear sunglasses?

To protect their FB-eyes

Two guys walking their dogs see a bar across the street...

"Man a beer would be delicious right about now" says one. His friend says, "But there's a sign in the window - 'NO DOGS ALLOWED'." First guy says, "No problem - watch this", puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks in to the bar. Second guy watches him go in and be seated by the bartender who brings him a frosty pint. He thinks "good idea!" and does the same - until the bartender sees him and says "HEY! The sign says NO DOGS ALLOWED." Guy says, "But this is my seeing-eye-dog!" Bartender says "Who ever heard of a chihuahua as a seeing-eye-dog?!?" Guy says, "WHOA!! They gave me a Chihuahua??"xs

What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

I sweat less when I wear sunglasses ...

Because I feel cooler

My grandfather used to run marathons.

Every year while he was in his 20's and 30's, he'd go and participate in the local run. There was a guy who showed up every year, didn't even live in the town. Bit creepy, to be honest, but an alright guy. Anyway, he'd walk up to my grandfather, every year, in these same green sunglasses. He'd tell a story about two priests walking in to a bar, and they couldn't be served for some reason or another. He doesn't remember all the details. But this same guy walked up to the starting line, and told the same story, every year.

The story was never that interesting, but it became a bit of a running joke between them.

How to become cool

A) Put on sunglasses

B)

A young sales clerk removed an old mans sunglasses and insisted he tries on a new pair.

"I can't see myself wearing these" said the old man.

"Why not?" asked the clerk.

"Because I'm blind".

Girl, I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses...

One leg over each ear...

What do you call a skinny man in sunglasses?

Slim Shady.

A police officer sees a car speeding and pulls the man over.

When he gets to the window, he sees the driver has 5 penguins in his backseat. He asks the man why he has penguins in his car. The man replies, "These are my penguins, and they belong to me. The office says, "You need to take them back to the zoo immediately."

The next day, the officer sees the same man driving down the road. He pulls him over again and sees the penguins are in his backseat again and are all wearing sunglasses. The police officer says, "I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!"

"Oh... I did", the driver says, "And today I'm taking them to the beach."

Went to the optometrist office today and bumped into an old friend!

I also bumped into the optometrist, the receptionist and I knocked over their sunglasses display.

Take those penguins to the zoo!

A man was driving around with a bunch penguins in the back of his truck and a cop pulled him over.
Officer: what in the world do you think you're doing son?
Man: we're just out for a ride officer.
Officer: I'm not gonna write you any tickets but you need to take these penguins to the zoo!
The next day, the cop sees this guy again with all the penguins still in the truck. He notices that this time they're all wearing sunglasses. He pulls the man over again.
Officer: son I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!
Man: I did officer, but that was yesterday. Today we're going to the beach!

"Hey Dad, have you seen my sunglasses?"

"Nope. Have you seen my dad glasses?"

It wasn't worth it to ask him if he had any sunscreen...

What's the difference between a flying mammal in sunglasses and a mouse in disguise?

One's a rad bat, the other's a bad rat

I just bought sunglasses off of the black market

The trade was very shady.

Was in line at the bank today

When a man walked in wearing sunglasses and holding a white and red walking stick, demanding all our money.

He was robbing us blind!

What's the difference between a blonde and a pair of sunglasses?

The sunglasses sit higher on your face.

My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.

Turns out, Craig is black.

Broke my good sunglasses...

But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were.

A guy in a Canadian city wants to get hammered.

He goes up to the local pub with a strong man blocking his way.

"I want to drink the night away!"

The muscular guard takes off his sunglasses and says,

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?"

Did you hear the one about the umbrella in the trench coat and sunglasses?

He was looking shady.

I have a plan...

A) emoticon puns and sunglasses
B)

I bought a new pair of polarizing sunglasses and was asking my friends what they thought of them.

They seemed to either love them or hate them.

Why can't sunglasses have political opinions?

Because they're so polarizing

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw the elephant wearing sunglasses?

nothing, he didn't recognise him

Saw a guy wearing sunglasses on a cloudy day

Wasn't that bright

My son asked me to hand him his sunglasses.

I said 'You never told me you had a son named glasses!'

How to be cool:

A) Use the cool sunglasses emoticon

B)

I saw a guy put on two pairs of sunglasses.

He looked pretty shady.

I hate when companies get orders wrong

So when I ordered blue tinted sunglasses and got the wrong color, I was seeing red.

Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees.

Bad idea, Heinz-Sight 2020.

I looked up at the multicoloured sky, where sandals and sunglasses floated above everything. Then I couldn't stop myself, and I broke out into song.

"Summer wear over the rainbow."

Wearing sunglasses makes you look

(βŒβ– _β– )

*Shady.*

The only problem I have with transition lenses is...

I can't wear my sunglasses at night.

What did the arrogant sunglasses say to the nose?

"I'm above you."

I decided to watch the eclipse with only sunglasses, in spite of all the warnings.

I honestly can't see what all the fuss was about.

If blind people wear sunglasses...

Why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?

A blind man walks into a shop with a chihuahua...

wearing black sunglasses and a walking cane.

A shop assistant comes over and says "sorry sir, but we don't allow dogs in here".
The man replies, "but this is my guide dog!".
"Oh.." says the shop assistant, "I thought they were meant to be labradors?"
The man says "oh god, what have I got!"

When I took off my sunglasses, my roommate said, "I thought you had blue eyes."

I replied, "Must have left them in my other genes"

A weather girl walks into a chemist

And buys an umbrella, a pair of sunglasses and a box of tampons.

She was expecting rain with sunny periods that day

The smoothest man on Earth bought a meal in a breakfast joint and asked his beautiful waitress "May I please have the Sussex Cakes ..."

(*lowers sunglasses*)

" ... without the *sus*?"

We have collected gags that can be used as Sunglasses pranks to have fun with. If you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Sunglasses, here are one liners and funny Sunglasses pick up lines.

Joko Jokes