The Best 35 Sund Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Sund jokes. There are some sund noon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sund sundae puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Sund Jokes and Puns
On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ...
... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.
One Sunday morning in church...
... as Pastor Smith is about to deliver his sermon he asks the congregation how many of them managed to read Mark Chapter 17 as he'd asked them to the previous Sunday.
Almost all hands in the church went up.
"Very well," Pastor Smith continued. "By the way, Mark only has 16 chapters, and the topic of today's sermon shall be lying."
Sunday Morning Sex
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
A Sunday School Teacher . . .
A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Sunday in church after St. Patrick's Day
It was a sunday after St. Patrick's day in the church of a small village in the west of Ireland. Obviously all the people were more or less hungover, which infuriated the pastor of the village.
"It's a disgrace how we celebrate our most important saint by indulging in binge drinking and other improper activities. If I could have all the wine in the world, I would throw it in the river!"
There was a wave of murmur among the churchgoers.
"If I could have all the beer in the world, I would throw it in the river as well!"
The people put their heads down in guilt, thinking about what they had done.
"If I could have all the SPIRITS in the world, I would throw them in the river with the beer and the wine!"
Now the church was completely silent.
After a short while, the musical conductor of the church spoke up, "Now let us sing hymn number 369, *'Shall We Gather at the River?'*"
---
I heard this story from the ambassador of Ireland in Finland.
Sundays are sad
But the day before is a sadder day
One Sunday, with one hand motion, God caused the Earth to begin to revolve around the Sun. "What should we call it when it goes all the way around?" asks Adam.
"A year," God replied.
Now, he made another hand motion, and the Earth began to rotate on a tilted axis.
"What should we call it when it rotates all the way around?" Adam asks.
God sighs and takes a seat on the grass below. "Let's call it a day."
One Sunday morning a preacher told his congregation..
"Everyone who wants to go to heaven after they die, come down to the front now!"
The whole church came forward except for one guy. Thinking that maybe the man hadn't heard him, the preacher repeated the invitation.
Again the man just sat there.
"Sir," said the preacher, "don't you want to go to heaven when you die?
The man replied, "Oh, when I die! I thought you were getting a group ready to go right now."
Sundays are always a little sad,
but the day before is a sadder day.
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service
A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
The Sunday School teacher was explaining Sodom and Gomorrah.
TEACHER: "And God told Lot to take his wife and flee out of the city, but not to look back. But Lot's wife looked back, and turned into a pillar of salt."
The children were obviously shocked. One tentatively raised his hand.
TEACHER: "Yes, Billy?"
BILLY: "But what happened to the flea?"
You can explore sund sunday reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sund answer dad jokes. There are also sund puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
On Sunday, I farted in church
I had to sit in my own pew
So a Sunday School teacher asks her class where Jesus is.
Little Susie says, In Heaven!
Little Amy says, In my heart!
Little Johnny says, In my bathroom!
Perplexed, the Sunday School teacher asks little Johnny why Jesus would be in his bathroom.
I don't know, I just hear my dad every morning banging on the bathroom door and yelling 'Jesus Christ are you still in there?!'
One Sunday, little Johnny's grandpa asks him a question,
"Do you know what one eye said to the other eye?"
"No, grandpa."
"It said, Between you and me, something smells."
If, on any given Sunday, you took all the people who fall asleep during church and laid them down end to end
They would all be a lot more comfortable.
Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church."
Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."
Last Sunday, we had a streaker in our church.
They caught him by the organ.
Some Sundays can be sad but the day before is always a sadder day.
Saturday!
Sunday morning, a man bursts into church and interrupts the sermon, shouting "It's a miracle! I'm walking! I'm walking!" "What happened?" the preacher asked.
"They stole my car" the man replied.
A Sunday school teacher ask the children, "why is it necessary to be quite in church?"
The children replied, "because people are sleeping."
Sunday is Go Topless day but I'm not going to let it distract me...
I plan to go to the park and exercise hard
How do you get out of Sunday school?
You tell your mom you're Sikh.
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.
"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"
A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"
The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out of the tomb?"
Susie stood up proudly. "He said, 'TAH-DAH!'"
My Sunday School teacher is so old...
.. when the New Testament came out she said "I don't care for the new curriculum."
Last Sunday, on Mother's Day, I realised that it
...wasn't Mother's Day after all, so there's no need to panic.
Sunday, March 4, 2017:
World Chess Championship. The hotel hosts a gala event with food and drink in the hotel lobby. The semi finalists are mingling. The final two are bragging about their respective stratagems for the final match. The desk clerk asks them to hang around. Because we all love to hear.... Two Chess nuts, boasting in an open foyer.
Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday?
Because Tuesday is a weekday.
A Sunday school teacher asked the children
just
before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is
it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping"
Sunday Morning
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, I'm not going.
Why not? she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons, he said.
1. They don't like me
2. I don't like them.
His mother replied, I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church.
1. You're 59 years old
2. You're the pastor!
Why is Sunderland every gay man's favourite club?
They always play with Gooch Ndong.
Next Sunday is the "Feast of the Circumcision"...
...the service that celebrates the circumcision and naming of Jesus Christ. As the organist, perhaps I should play "O Sacred Head, Now Wounded."
During Sunday service, a pastor announces he is doing a children's sermon this week and invites all the kids to come to the front.
One little girl was wearing a lovely pink dress. As she sat down, the pastor complimented it and asked if it was her Easter Dress.
Leaning right into the pastor's clip-on microphone, she replied, "Yes, but my mama calls it her Bitch-to-Iron dress.
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday got into a fight...
They wanted to see who was the weekest
Where is my Sunday Times?
### Where is my Sunday Times?
Sunderland aren't a bad football team
They managed to get out of the Championship on their first attempt, just like Newcastle
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sund students jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working sund jesus piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.