Summer Time Jokes
48 summer time jokes and hilarious summer time puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about summer time that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Summer Time Short Jokes
Short summer time jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The summer time humour may include short summer winter jokes also.
- I can count the times I was on a vacation in Chernobyl on one hand This summer, it will be my 15th time going there
- I watched a documentary about the 1936 summer Olympics in Berlin It seemed like a wonderful event, but it made me uneasy every time the officials said, "Let's make this a good, clean race."
- The only time my car goes 0-100 real fast. Is when it's sitting in broad daylight on a summer day.
- Why do kids like summer vacation so much? It's the only time they will ever get to experience a classless society
- Had a lot of fun the Renaissance fair last summer with the wife. I had a great time riding her in to battle!
- For the first time I am going to be visiting Britain this summer, but when I got there... Britain had already left.
- Steven Spielberg is working on a movie about clocks which will be released summer 2020 It's about time.
- Two guys looking at a pretty 40 year old woman -- Women...Don't they age like a fine wine on a summer time
-- I don't know dude, mine ages like milk - Just as summer starts, my car's engine is starting to sound strange. Talk about poor timing.
- A woman is like an egg salad sandwich on a hot summer day She's full of eggs and only good for a short period of time
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Summer Time One Liners
Which summer time one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with summer time? I can suggest the ones about summer vacation and spring summer.
- What was the most unexpected summer hit of all time? DES...
PA....
-nish Inquisition - I always get burnt during summer time. I would go under trees but they're a little shady.
- How does ISIS cool down in the summer time? In a blow up pool
- It's almost summer! Time for Americans to start getting bleach body ready
- You know the best part about summer time? No school shootings.
- Why do programmers hate summer so much? Because it's the buggiest time of the year
- It' summer time, you know what that means... No more school shootings for 2 months
- What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland? Summer!
- Did you hear about Anne Frank's time at summer camp? She got so baked.
- What do fat chicks do in the summer time? Stink.
Laughter Summer Time Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about summer time you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean spring time jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make summer time pranks.
Obama and his generals in the Pentagon discussed, and they could not agree on, what is the best time for the assault on Russia.
Finally, they decide to ask the French: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The French answered: "We do not know, but certainly not in the winter, it would go wrong for sure."
Therefore, it would probably be better to ask the Germans: "When is it best to invade Russia?"
The Germans answer: "We do not know, but it certainly would not be in the summer. We have tried, already..."
What to do?
Someone proposes to ask China that is progressive and always comes up with a new idea.
So they asked the Chinese, "When is the best time to invade Russia?"
The Chinese replies: "Right now!"
Russia began to build "The Strength of Siberia" pipeline, "Turkish stream", The Spaceport "Vostochny", The Bridge to the Crimea, and in the near future they will modernize the BAM, they are building new sports complexes for the World Cup in football and athletics, they are planning oil extraction in the Arctic...
Right now they do need a lot of POW as work force.
Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"
Penguin experiencing car trouble
Hot summer day and Mr. Penguin's car breaks down. Takes it to the body shop, and Joe Mechanic tells him to give him half an hour to look it over, and then come back.
To kill some time, Mr. Penguin goes to the local ice cream parlor. After finishing his tasty, frosty treat, he goes back to the body shop.
"Well," says the mechanic, "looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," says the penguin -- "It's just ice cream."
The cursed Prince. This summer's best love story.
Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.
The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.
However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).
One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling,"
But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).
But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.
Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.
Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,
"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"
And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said,
"Pardon?"
Horse problems
A classic I first heard from my grandpa.
Rufus and Ludgate, a couple of rather rural neighbors, each decided to buy a horse one summer. Since they were neighbors, they decided it made sense to pasture the horses together in the same field. Before turning them loose, they talked about how to tell them apart. After endless ideas, Rufus finally said to Ludgate, "Well, why don't I cut the mane short on mine, and you cut the tail short on yours?" This seemed like the perfect solution to the problem, so the horses were trimmed in no time.
The fall came along, and the winter, and come spring, Ludgate wanted to sell his horse. He quickly realized he had a problem: time had run its course, and both horses had long manes and tails. He called up Rufus to deliver the shocking news. The two pondered the situation for a while, and finally Rufus had the answer: "Ludgate, why don't you just sell the brown one and I'll keep the white one?"
A joke from Ukraine
The worker speaks with boss
Worker: "please can I have vacation time during summer"
Boss: "Do you like sweaty woman"
Worker: "no"
Boss: "do you like warm beer?"
Worker: "no"
Boss: "then you vacation in winter time"
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A penguin is driving on a hot summer day when his car...
... suddenly starts to make noises and smoke out from under the hood. The penguin coasts into the service space and stops at the garage.
The mechanic there tells the penguin it's going to take a bit of time to see what the problem is, and starts working on the car, so our penguin shuffles out of the garage into the supermarket next door, frozen goods aisle, to get out of the summer scorch and get a bit of a cool-down.
Half an hour later, the penguin shuffles back to the garage, and the mechanic raises his eyes and tells him:
"Looks like you've blown a seal"
"Oh no, that's just some ice cream I ate earlier"
A penguin is driving through town on a hot summer day.
Unfortunately, his car breaks down and he's forced to take it to a mechanic. The mechanic says "I'll have a look, just go do something for a bit and come back. I'll let you know what I find when you get back."
So, with some time to kill the penguin goes across the road to get some ice cream. Due to the heat, the ice cream melts fast while the penguin tries to eat it. He makes an awful mess, all over his flappers and beak.
He goes back to the mechanic when he's done his ice cream and the mechanic says "Looks like you just a blew a seal"
"Oh no I was just eating some ice cream"
Crab lice on holidays
Two crab lice agree to meet on the beach in Florida for Summer holidays. One already being there, the other arrives all shivering.
"Why are you shivering?" asks the first.
The second answers: "I arrived in a motorcyclist moustache... I alsmost froze to death..."
" That's s**...," says the first, "do like I do. Climb up a stewardesses leg, stay in here croch and you'll be here in no time, nice an cosy."
Next year, they meet again. The second one is shivering again, saying :
" I did what you said... I climbed up a stewardesses leg and lay down at her croch. It was so warm and cosy, I fell asleep. Once I woke up, I was in a motorcyclists moustache again..."
Give me two good reasons
Today, all schools reopened after a long summer vacation.
In one home in our neighbourhood, early this morning, a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON : Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.
MOM : Give me two good reasons why you don't want to go to school??
SON : "One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me!!
MOM : Oh! that's not a reason darling. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON : OK. You give me two good reasons, WHY I should go to school?
MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old, and should understand your responsibilities!
Two You are the 'PRINCIPAL' of the school "😂
If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation s**.....
Then I could also pay off my college tuition without even having a summer job
It was a beautiful summer day.
Birds were singing and a lovely smell of newly cut grass came along with the wind. I saw some gentlemen in the distance, all dressed up in fancy expensive clothing. One of them spotted me and started to wave and calling out my name. I gladly waved back at him, even though I had no idea who he was, but then it hit me...
That was the last time I went daydreaming on a golf course.
Signed,
Mr Fore
Two men are hunting in the woods...
Andy and Ed are off hunting on a hot summer's day, when all of a sudden Ed collapses, seizing and foaming at the mouth. Andy panics and instantly whips out his phone to call 911.
"I think my friend is dead!" Andy frantically yells into the phone.
"Ok, calm down sir. Let's take this one step at a time. First, let's make sure he's actually dead."
There's a silence, then two shots are heard. Back on the phone, Andy says, "Ok, now what?"
During a hot summer, a man goes through a McDonald's drive through and orders several cold drinks...
He repeats this process several times a day for a few days.
After the 4th day, a McDonald's manager decides to investigate why this man is buying so many drinks. He asks the man "why do you keep buying so many drinks when you could just go to a grocery store and get them cheaper?"
The man responds "well I've been giving away these drinks to the homeless and less fortunate so they would have something refreshing to drink as there is no punchline."
Mr Penguin decides to go to the beach...
...as it is a beautiful hot summer day. He packs up the car and drives to the coast. Just before he gets there, the car sputters and backfires, and the engine starts to smoke. He's able to pull into an auto shop, and the mechanic tells him to come back in about 20 minutes.
Mr Penguin decides to walk around and window shop. He soon finds an ice cream parlor and gleefully orders a cone. Since he has flippers he has a hard time holding the cone, and ends up smearing ice cream all over his beak.
Mr Penguin makes it back to the auto shop and the mechanic says "Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
And Mr Penguin says "Oh no, I just ate some ice cream."
July in Honolulu
July in Honolulu is a tough time flower-wise for making garlands. Often they run out of the desired plumerias, carnations, and orchids. When that happens, they have to make substitutions, which is why the Hawaiians refer to July's garlands as the Daisy Leis of Summer
Bees and flowers
As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:
So Johnny, you remember last time we went fishing, right?
I sure do, dad!
And you remember those girls we met, right?
Of course!
Well, what we did to them, the bees do to the flowers as well.
My dad owns 4 tents which he uses for camping
He uses all 4 at different times of the year, and each one is based on 1 of 4 different musical genres.
In spring he uses the jazz tent, in summer he uses the pop tent, in autumn he uses the classical tent….
But now is the winter of our disco tent.
