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Suitcase Jokes

104 suitcase jokes and hilarious suitcase puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suitcase that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you ready to laugh? If you're looking for a funny take on the otherwise mundane task of packing a suitcase, check out this article featuring the best suitcase jokes. With jokes about lost suitcases, handbags and even foreskins, it's sure to bring a smile to any traveler's face. Some gags involve rattlesnakes and even levitating suitcases - you won't want to miss out!

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Popular Suitcase Short Jokes

Short suitcase jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suitcase humour may include short luggage jokes also.

  1. I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
    I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."
  2. I told my suitcases that there will be no holiday this year.... I am now dealing with emotional baggage.
  3. I just told my suitcases we aren't going on vacation this year Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage
  4. My wife bought a new suitcase for work She asked if I wanted to know why she bought that specific one
    I reply with a "no"
    She asks why, and I say, "Because it's a pretty open and shut case"
  5. I finally found the courage to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday abroad this year. Now, I'm dealing emotional baggage.
  6. My mother-in-law once went on holiday with a massive case of diarrhoea. She only found out when she opened her suitcase.
  7. I stayed in a hotel recently where the towels were so thick... I could hardly close my suitcase.
  8. "Suzy, I won the lottery! 4 million dollars! Pack your suitcase!" \-"Do I need to pack winter or summer clothes?"
    "I don't care. Just leave."
  9. I told my suitcases that we wouldn't be going anywhere this year due to the coronavirus. Ive been having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage.
  10. Covid Vaccine? Just been up town and there's a bloke near Oxford Circus with a suitcase selling COVID 19 vaccines. £2 each or three for a Pfizer.

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Suitcase One Liners

Which suitcase one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suitcase? I can suggest the ones about briefcase and handbag.

  1. I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy. I can't even close my suitcase.
  2. My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised. So she packed my suitcase and I left.
  3. I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's jam packed.
  4. I climbed on a tree with a suitcase. My aim is to become a branch manager.
  5. My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
  6. I could never date a suitcase Just too much baggage for me I guess
  7. What do you call a croatian stuffed inside a suitcase? Luggit
  8. I took two pieces of bread as my suitcase on a trip. It was jam packed!
  9. Why does Oregon Ducks need such big suitcases? Because they Pac-12 of everything
  10. Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
    Because they're headcases.
  11. What happened when the octopus found a suitcase full of £20 notes? It was squids in.
  12. I enjoy squeezing into a suitcase so much... ... I can hardly contain myself.
  13. What's worse than ten babies in one suitcase? One baby in ten suitcases.
  14. A woman is like a suitcase: both hard to carry and a pity to throw away.
  15. During hide and seek i trued to hide in a small suitcase, But I couldn't contain myself.

Suitcase Packing Jokes

Here is a list of funny suitcase packing jokes and even better suitcase packing puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The electron asked the photon, Have you packed a suitcase? The photon said, No, I'm travelling light.
  • When I get home from work, I like to pack myself into really small suitcases. I can hardly contain myself.
  • On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase. It was jam packed.
  • Why do actuaries always pack a bomb in their suitcase when they fly? Because the odds of two bombs being on the same plane are astronomical.
  • My wife accused me that I would cross dress every now and than... I told her:"That's an outrageous thing to say to me!"
    So I packed all of her stuff in my suitcase and left her.
  • You Know What I Love Doing More Than Anything? Trying to pack myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. 
  • My wife got mad at me because I said she was lazy. She says she so upset she's going to leave me, just as soon as I pack her suitcase.
  • A man walks into a bar. A man walks into a bar with a ski mask, and a suitcase that happens to be on fire. He says "NOBODY MOVE! I'M PACKING HEAT HERE!"
  • I took my sandwich suitcase on holiday... It was jam packed

Lost Suitcase Jokes

Here is a list of funny lost suitcase jokes and even better lost suitcase puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short... I lost the case.
  • What did the son say to his father when he lost his suitcase in the airport on their trip to the middle east? "Where's baghdad?"
  • The airline lost my prosthetic leg To make matters worse, a baggage handler dropped a heavy suitcase on my foot... I wanted to sue the airline, but my lawyer said I didnt have a leg to stand on.
Suitcase joke, The airline lost my prosthetic leg

Suitcase joke, The airline lost my prosthetic leg

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about suitcase can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of suitcase puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Comical Suitcase Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land

What funny jokes about suitcase you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean baggage jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make suitcase prank.

Found 4 fox cubs

I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

A married couple are having a fight.

Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"

Discipline is important

A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't s**... him."

Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...

And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.

Going to Vegas

A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."

BIG fight

Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."

Honey, I just won the lottery!

-- Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack some suitcases!
-- That's fantastic! Should I pack summer or winter clothing?
-- I don't care, but I want you gone by tomorrow!

A man finds a rhumba of rattlesnakes inside a suitcase

So he calls 911 and tells the operator about the matter at hand. The operator is shocked to hear this and asks whether the snakes are moving. The man says "I don't know, but that might explain the suitcase."

Are they moving?

A man called his local animal control as he was walking through the woods-
Animal Control: Thanks for calling, how can we help you?
Man: I was walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in the bush, and inside was a Fox and 4 cubs.
Animal Control: Oh no, thats terrible. Are they moving?
Man: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.

A man is walking through the woods...

when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"

I was walking through the woods and found a suitcase containing a fox and four cubs...

I immediately called the RSPCA and told the lady on the other end.
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."

A man wins the lottery...

A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"

I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins

If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase.

I'm not crazy

Man: Doctor my family thinks I'm nuts because I like pancakes, Psychiatrist: I see nothing wrong with that, I like pancakes too, Man: Well then you should come over and see my collection, I have three suitcases full.

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road

"Are they moving?" asked the operator
"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"

Working holiday

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."

A man tried smuggling sausage and v**... out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.

The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

A man run homes excitedly, burst open the front door and yells to his wife "Honey! I won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife excitedly jumps up hand grabs her suitcase and begins throwing clothes in it. She says "Ohmygod, that's amazing! Where should I pack for?"

The man replies " I don't care! Just get out!"

My mate bought a new suitcase

My mate bought a new suitcase advertised as 'indestructible!', with a lifetime guarantee.
One week later one of the wheels broke clean off and the case would fall over when being used.
He tried to return his broken suitcase but the company refused to deal with him.
'Im going to sue!' my friend said angrily
I told him I would too but I was afraid his case wouldn't stand up in court.

What did the Mexican guy say after he was caught on the train with a suitcase full of cooked snails?

Es cargo

Patrick wants a bike...

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be d**... if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"

Walked into the house, with winning scratch off ticket in hand..

Me: Honey! It finally happened! we won the lottery!

Wife: Great I'll take my half and pack my bags.

Me: Your $8 is on the suitcase.

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase

He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

A man takes a wallet to the patent office..

...and tells the patent officer he would like to apply for a patent for this special wallet he had designed. The patent agent tells him that he is about a hundred years too late to get a patent for a wallet. The man says, I don't think you understand. This is a special wallet made from foreskins. When you massage it ...it turns into a suitcase.

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references

My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.

Did you hear about the person who was murdered and put into a suitcase?

It was an open and shut case.

Rabbi the Collector

I knew a Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins he removed. He had them tanned, then made into a wallet.
It's very impressive.
If you s**... it, it turns into a suitcase.

I walked into a plane

I was about to sit down after I saw my friend and said hi to him.
For some reason I was taken off the plane and was arrested by 2 cops.
After they patted me down and look in my suitcase I was allowed back in.
All I said said was "Hi Jack!"

Had a conversation with my suitcase about not going on holiday this year

Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

Cur-phew!

I told my suitcases that we're not going on holiday this year. Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

My neighbour has a f**... for holidays

I thought he was just jealous when he asked "Can I come in your suitcase?"

You can't take it with you

A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "s**... idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."

I called the RSPCA

I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase''

A vulture and his wife are going on vacation to the Bahamas.

With many large suitcases packed, they arrive at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags, and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.
"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.
"No, sorry, that's our carrion"

A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter

-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.
-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.
-Great then, because that's what you did on my last flight.

A guy walks up to a musician...

"You ok?" He asks?
"Yeah." The musician responds, "Just thirsty."
"There's a vending machine with some water over there if you need it."
"Yeah I tried it... It only accepts ones."
The musician opens a suitcase next to him, revealing a saxophone.
"I only got a tenor on me."

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it's 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it's ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let's have one beer
10. Chuck Norris doesn't exis...

My wife and I were going on holiday

And we were discussing our secret s**... fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.

Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!

Two lawyers enter a restaurant.

They both pull up suitcases onto the table they're on, and take out a sandwich each from their suitcases. Seeing this, a waiter comes up to them and tells them they cannot eat their own food in the restaurant. With an irritated tsk and a shake of the head, the two lawyers exchange their sandwiches, much to the despair of the unfortunate waiter.

Drunk Son

The son arrived home drunk. To avoid being punished, he pretended to open his laptop and begin reading.
Dad: Did you come in drunk today, too?
Son: No, Dad, as you can see, I'm studying.
Dad: What are you studying by opening the suitcase, you m**...?

I called Animal Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing four kittens."

That's terrible," she replied, "We're they moving?
I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "but if they were that would explain the suitcase.

A man tells his friend that he has a dog in a suitcase who can play the piano.

The friend says ok let's see it . The man opens the suitcase and sure enough a small dog with a small piano comes out and plays the piano with great skill. As he plays a crowd gathers around to watch. After some time a female dog comes out from the crowd, picks him up by the scruff and carries him off. The friend asks what's going on is that part of his routine? The man says No that's his mother, she wants him to be a doctor.
(Translated from Hindi and relayed by my father in law)

There's a hotel that still has an elevator operator, to prevent people from doing graffiti in it, or kids from jumping in it.

A man who's on vacation talks to the elevator guy whenever he rides the elevator, and they get to know each other pretty well.
When he's leaving the hotel at the end of his vacation, the elevator operator notices his suitcases and says "Goodbye son" and the man replies "you're not my father" and the elevator operator says "no, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

Help

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly agreed to let the nurse wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down she asked him if his wife was meeting him.
I don't know, he said. She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.

Have you heard about the dyslexic spy who got caught with a suitcase nuke in the post office?

Fission mailed!

My girlfriend said my obsession with Only Fools And Horses was too much and asked me to go.

I said, I'll get the suitcase from the van...

An old man was visiting his daughter and grandson

During the visit, the grandson crawled up into his lap and said "Grandpa, can you make a noise like a frog?"
"Why sure!" the man said & offered several croaking ribbit sounds.
Delighted, the boy jumped down and ran over to a nearby closet, working hard to remove a suitcase from the back.
"Now why do you need that all of a sudden?" the grandfather asked.
And the boy replied "Because Mama says we can go to Disney World when you croak!"

Suitcase joke, "Suzy, I won the lottery! 4 million dollars! Pack your suitcase!"

jokes about suitcase

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these suitcase jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.