Suitcase Packing Jokes
43 suitcase packing jokes and hilarious suitcase packing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suitcase packing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Suitcase Packing Short Jokes
Short suitcase packing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suitcase packing humour may include short suitcase jokes also.
- "Suzy, I won the lottery! 4 million dollars! Pack your suitcase!" \-"Do I need to pack winter or summer clothes?"
"I don't care. Just leave." - The electron asked the photon, Have you packed a suitcase? The photon said, No, I'm travelling light.
- When I get home from work, I like to pack myself into really small suitcases. I can hardly contain myself.
- On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase. It was jam packed.
- Why do actuaries always pack a bomb in their suitcase when they fly? Because the odds of two bombs being on the same plane are astronomical.
- My wife accused me that I would cross dress every now and than... I told her:"That's an outrageous thing to say to me!"
So I packed all of her stuff in my suitcase and left her. - You Know What I Love Doing More Than Anything? Trying to pack myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
- My wife got mad at me because I said she was lazy. She says she so upset she's going to leave me, just as soon as I pack her suitcase.
- A man walks into a bar. A man walks into a bar with a ski mask, and a suitcase that happens to be on fire. He says "NOBODY MOVE! I'M PACKING HEAT HERE!"
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Suitcase Packing One Liners
Which suitcase packing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suitcase packing? I can suggest the ones about luggage and airline luggage.
- My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised. So she packed my suitcase and I left.
- I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's jam packed.
- I took two pieces of bread as my suitcase on a trip. It was jam packed!
- I took my sandwich suitcase on holiday... It was jam packed
Suitcase Packing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about suitcase packing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean packing boxes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suitcase packing pranks.
I went to my sisters house and saw her packing a suitcase.
I asked, "What's going on?" She said, "I'm feeling homesick." I suggested, "But you're at your home now." She replied, "I know. I'm sick of it!"
One day little Johnny walked out of his bedroom with his suitcase packed.
His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. I didn't want to be left behind!"
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."
Granny congratulates Johny to his birthday and tells him:
"
May you live so many years, how many steps you made to the church during these years!"
Suddenly appears the Death and tells Johny:
"Have you heard your Granny's wish?
So, pack up your suitcases, tomorrow you'll finally go with me, mac!
Those 4 steps will not save ya!"
As soon as they had finished making love, Susie jumped up from the bed and started packing her suitcase
"What on earth are you doing?" asked her puzzled husband.
"In Las Vegas I could get two hundred dollars for what I just gave you for free," she pointed out, "so I'm moving to Las Vegas."
This was enough to provoke her husband to jump up and begin packing *his* bags.
"What are you up to?" asked Susie in surprise.
"I'm following you to Las Vegas," he replied. "I've *got* to see you live off six hundred dollars a year."
The mother of the bride and her daughter were packing for her honeymoon night.
The daughter asked her mother to pack her black nightgown. The mother looked everywhere but couldn't find it. Time was running short so she grabbed her daughter's pink negligee from the laundry hamper and stuffed it into the suitcase.
After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very shy so he asked his bride to change in one corner of the room and promise not to peek as he changed in another. Agreeing, the bride went to her corner, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in. "Oh my God," she yelled, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"
"Honey, you promised not to look!" said the groom.
The Fishing Trip
On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I'll swing by the house to pick them up in an hour. Oh! And please pack my new blue pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but does exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend the husband comes home very tired, tan and happy. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he has had a good time.
I did! he says as he carries his things into the bedroom. You wouldn't believe all the fish we caught! Some bass, some catfish, and a few trout.
As he tosses his suitcase onto the bed, his wife leans against the doorjamb.
"Really." She says.
Yup, he says. Then he glances up at her, By the way, why didn't you pack my new blue pajamas like I asked?"
The wife crosses her arms and replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."
A married couple are having a fight.
Finally the wife screams at the husband to get out of the house. She throws his suitcases at him and he packs his things. On his way out, the woman says, "I hope you die the slowest, most miserable, most agonizing death imaginable." So he turns and says, " What, so now you want me to stay?"
Live Commentary on l**...
A couple purchased a talking parrot on their honeymoon, much to the groom's annoyance, since the bird did a running commentary on their l**.... The groom finally threw a towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if it didn't quit.
The next morning, packing to return home, the newlyweds couldn't close a large suitcase.
"Honey," the groom said, "you get on top and I'll try."
That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success. Then the man said, "Let's both get on top and try."
At that point, the parrot yanked away the towel and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I've got to see!"
A marriage in trouble
The mother-in-law arrives home from the mall to find her son-in-law angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home, and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife, with a guy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever !"
"Calm down, calm down!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"I told you there must be a simple explanation..... she didn't receive your E-mail !"
THE EXPLANATION
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
p**... in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened p**... ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife
Jean, n**... with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable,
the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down p**...!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"p**.... I told you there must be a simple explanation ....
She never got your E-mail!"
Going to Vegas
A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."
BIG fight
Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'
Marriage, the real story
A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."
Honey, I just won the lottery!
-- Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack some suitcases!
-- That's fantastic! Should I pack summer or winter clothing?
-- I don't care, but I want you gone by tomorrow!
$400a night
A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed.
'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', said the man.
'I'm going to Las Vegas', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get $400 a night for what I give you for free!
'The man said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand.
'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife.
The man said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on $800 a year!'
A man wins the lottery...
A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
A man run homes excitedly, burst open the front door and yells to his wife "Honey! I won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife excitedly jumps up hand grabs her suitcase and begins throwing clothes in it. She says "Ohmygod, that's amazing! Where should I pack for?"
The man replies " I don't care! Just get out!"
A young lady isplanning for her honeymoon...
She asked her mom to buy her a long blue negligee for her wedding night, iron it, and pack it neatly in her suitcase. Upon arriving in the honeymoon suite with her new husband, the shy virgins prepare for romance. He says I'll go in the bathroom to get undressed- no peeking. . She opens her suitcase to find that her mom did not follow ANY of her instructions.
She holds up a small wadded up rose color teddy. Dang it! she says. it's short, pink and wrinkled!! From the bathroom, her husband says: I told you not to peek!!!
Walked into the house, with winning scratch off ticket in hand..
Me: Honey! It finally happened! we won the lottery!
Wife: Great I'll take my half and pack my bags.
Me: Your $8 is on the suitcase.
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"
A bee is about to make love to his wife.
As she's freshening up in the bathroom, he is lying in bed under the covers when he's overcome by a weird sensation. Looking under the covers, he sees his t**... have exited his body, seemingly as if they're about to go for a trip with mini suitcases packed, tiny coats and hats worn. The t**... notice the bee, briefly farewell him with a tip of the cap, and leave the room before he can do anything but gasp.
The bee's wife enters from out the bathroom, notices his shock and asks, "What's the matter?"
"Honey, nuts cheerioed"
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.
A vulture and his wife are going on vacation to the Bahamas.
With many large suitcases packed, they arrive at the airport and saunter up to the check-in counter. The agent weighs, tags, and sends each bag off, until she notices one giving off a foul smell.
"Sir, are you checking this bag?" The agent asks.
"No, sorry, that's our carrion"
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
Where the h**... do you think you're going? he says.
I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a b**... there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
Where do you think you going? the wife asks.
I'm coming with you…I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!