The Best 57 Suitcase Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Suitcase jokes. There are some suitcase portmanteau jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suitcase valuables puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Suitcase Jokes and Puns
Found 4 fox cubs
I called the ISPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
Discipline is important
A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't spank him."
The mohel
After many years, a mohel had saved the foreskins from thousands of circumcisions and didn't know what to do with them so he brought them to his tailor. A couple weeks later, the tailor hands the mohel a wallet and the mohel, disappointed, says, "I give you thousands of foreskin and all you can make me is this wallet?!"
To which the tailor responds, " Yes, but rub it and it becomes a suitcase!"
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
Train conductor
A train conductor is making sure he stamped everybody's ticket when a man try's to get on the train without a ticket. Too stop him the conductor swings his suitcase hitting the man on the head killing him. The conductor has to go to the electric chair. When they turn it on it doesn't do anything. They ask him what happened and he simply said "I'm a bad conductor."
Going to Vegas
A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her things. "What are you doing?" he asks.
His wife replies, "I'm leaving you and moving to Las Vegas. I hear that men will pay me $500 to do to them what I do to you for free."
The man says nothing, walks over to the closet, grabs his suitcase and begins packing his things.
"What do you think you're doing?" his wife asks.
The man replies, "I'm going to Vegas. I want to see how you're going to live off of $500 a year."
A man comes home to find his girlfriend packing her suitcase.
"What's going on baby?"
"I'm leaving you!"
"Why?"
"I just found out you're a pedophile!"
"A pedophile??? Well that's an awfully big word for a fourteen year old."
BIG fight
Me and the wife had a big fight,she told me to leave the house. To spite her I went upstairs and packed my bags. As I was walking down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, I see she's waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. When we're at eye level, she says to me. 'I hope you die a slow and painful death.' Looking into her eyes, I reply, "So, now you want me to stay?'
Marriage, the real story
A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies,
"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."
The German tax evader in Switzerland
A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.
He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"
The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsuspicious? Poverty is not a shame in Switzerland."
I climbed on a tree with a suitcase.
My aim is to become a branch manager.
You can explore suitcase rattlesnakes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suitcase drawer dad jokes. There are also suitcase puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man finds a rhumba of rattlesnakes inside a suitcase
So he calls 911 and tells the operator about the matter at hand. The operator is shocked to hear this and asks whether the snakes are moving. The man says "I don't know, but that might explain the suitcase."
Are they moving?
A man called his local animal control as he was walking through the woods-
Animal Control: Thanks for calling, how can we help you?
Man: I was walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in the bush, and inside was a Fox and 4 cubs.
Animal Control: Oh no, thats terrible. Are they moving?
Man: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
I was walking through the woods and found a suitcase containing a fox and four cubs...
I immediately called the RSPCA and told the lady on the other end.
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure," I said, "But I guess that would explain the suitcase."
A man wins the lottery...
A man wins the lottery, jumps in to his car and goes home in a hurry, screeching in to his driveway. He leaps out and runs in to his house and yells to his wife upstairs "I've won the lottery! I've won the lottery! Quick, pack up your suitcase, I've won the lottery!" His wife is yells down "Woohoo! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?" The husband replies "I don't care, just get out!"
I got a job making wallets out of elephant foreskins
If you rub the wallet it turns into a suitcase.
What did the son say to his father when he lost his suitcase in the airport on their trip to the middle east?
"Where's baghdad?"
I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road
"Are they moving?" asked the operator
"Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"
Working holiday
A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room.
"Where are you going?" he asks.
"I'm going to Las Vegas. I can earn $200 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do for you for free."
The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well.
"Where are you going?" the wife asks.
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you can live on $200 a year."
I could never date a suitcase
Just too much baggage for me I guess
My wife got mad at me because I said she was lazy.
She says she so upset she's going to leave me, just as soon as I pack her suitcase.
I took two pieces of bread as my suitcase on a trip.
It was jam packed!
A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane.
The whole event was pretty terrible.
It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.
A man run homes excitedly, burst open the front door and yells to his wife "Honey! I won the lottery, pack your bags!" The wife excitedly jumps up hand grabs her suitcase and begins throwing clothes in it. She says "Ohmygod, that's amazing! Where should I pack for?"
The man replies " I don't care! Just get out!"
My mate bought a new suitcase
My mate bought a new suitcase advertised as 'indestructible!', with a lifetime guarantee.
One week later one of the wheels broke clean off and the case would fall over when being used.
He tried to return his broken suitcase but the company refused to deal with him.
'Im going to sue!' my friend said angrily
I told him I would too but I was afraid his case wouldn't stand up in court.
I phoned the animal shelter today
and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."
My girlfriend dumped me because I'm unorganised.
So she packed my suitcase and I left.
What did the Mexican guy say after he was caught on the train with a suitcase full of cooked snails?
Es cargo
Patrick wants a bike...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 15-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $85,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"
Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $85,000 mortgage and no bike!"
You Know What I Love Doing More Than Anything?
Trying to pack myself into a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
The airline lost my prosthetic leg
To make matters worse, a baggage handler dropped a heavy suitcase on my foot... I wanted to sue the airline, but my lawyer said I didnt have a leg to stand on.
Walked into the house, with winning scratch off ticket in hand..
Me: Honey! It finally happened! we won the lottery!
Wife: Great I'll take my half and pack my bags.
Me: Your $8 is on the suitcase.
My wife accused me that I would cross dress every now and than...
I told her:"That's an outrageous thing to say to me!"
So I packed all of her stuff in my suitcase and left her.
What do you call a Croatian stuffed inside a suitcase?
Luggit
My mother-in-law once went on holiday with a massive case of diarrhoea.
She only found out when she opened her suitcase.
On my first day working for TSA we searched a neat, sandwich shaped suitcase.
It was jam packed.
A zombie is checking for an overseas flight...
At the security check the TSA is scanning his luggage, running him through metal detectors, etc. Finally, an attendant stops him at the gate.
"Sir, you're absolutely crawling with bugs. You're going to have to store those un your suitcase or ship them separately."
"Oh, no, it's okay." He says. "These are my carrion beetles."
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks
"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"
A man takes a wallet to the patent office..
...and tells the patent officer he would like to apply for a patent for this special wallet he had designed. The patent agent tells him that he is about a hundred years too late to get a patent for a wallet. The man says, I don't think you understand. This is a special wallet made from foreskins. When you massage it ...it turns into a suitcase.
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references
My wife was leaving me because I made too many Legend of Zelda references. She packed up her suitcase, and she walked out. As soon as she walked out of the door, I noticed that she had left her suitcase here. We live in a bad neighborhood, so she packed some pepper spray in it just in case. I quickly picked it up, ran out the door, and saw her. I handed it to her and said:
It's dangerous to go alone. Here, take this.
My girlfriend hand cuffed me to the bed, took her suitcase and my wallet, and locked me inside.
This role play stuff is getting too serious, but I must say she makes sex exciting.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up.
I was carrying emotional baggage.
Are you Drunk?
Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.
Wife: Did u drink ??
Husband : No! I swear!
Wife: Idiot!!! Then why are you typing on your suitcase?
Did you hear about the person who was murdered and put into a suitcase?
It was an open and shut case.
One doctor saved all the foreskins of circumcisions he did.
After 35 years he retired and told his wife he was going to make something out of them. After a week he showed her what he'd made, a wallet.
"That's all you got from 35 years?"
He said "yea but when you rub it a few times it turns into a suitcase."
Rabbi the Collector
I knew a Rabbi who kept all of the foreskins he removed. He had them tanned, then made into a wallet.
It's very impressive.
If you stroke it, it turns into a suitcase.
I walked into a plane
I was about to sit down after I saw my friend and said hi to him.
For some reason I was taken off the plane and was arrested by 2 cops.
After they patted me down and look in my suitcase I was allowed back in.
All I said said was "Hi Jack!"
Had a conversation with my suitcase about not going on holiday this year
Now I'm dealing with emotional baggage
Why do actuaries always pack a bomb in their suitcase when they fly?
Because the odds of two bombs being on the same plane are astronomical.
My neighbour has a fetish for holidays
I thought he was just jealous when he asked "Can I come in your suitcase?"
I reported to the police that some thieves had stolen my suitcase. The matter got taken to court. Long story short...
I lost the case.
The electron asked the photon, Have you packed a suitcase?
The photon said, No, I'm travelling light.
You can't take it with you
A wealthy man is on his deathbed. He tells his wife he thinks he has found a way to take his money with him when he dies. He asks her to put some money in a large suitcase and place it in the attic. When his soul leaves his body he'll grab the suitcase on his way to heaven. The wife obliges and does as asked and soon after the man dies.
A few months later the wife is cleaning out the attic and finds the suitcase. "Stupid idiot" she says "I knew I should have put it in the basement."
Covid Vaccine?
Just been up town and there's a bloke near Oxford Circus with a suitcase selling COVID 19 vaccines. £2 each or three for a Pfizer.
I called the RSPCA
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," the woman on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase''
I hate hotel towels....So thick and fluffy.
I can't even close my suitcase.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suitcase room jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working suitcase carryon piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.