The Best 83 Suit Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Suit jokes. There are some suit robe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suit wig puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Suit Jokes and Puns
My friend had this really fancy business meeting...
He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself
"Fine," I said...
"Suit yourself"
A minister and a lawyer at the pearly gates.
A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments.
"Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, (to the lawyer) the keys to our finest penthouse suit."
"This is unfair!" cried the minister.
"Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've seen."
The girl I met last week said she wanted a guy who was "funny and spontaneous"
I showed up at her kitchen window late at night wearing a clown suit and suddenly it's all panic and screaming...
Regretting the compliment...
A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
What happens when Catwoman takes off her suit?
The Dark Knight Rises!
A statistician and his wife are going I vacation.
As they are packing, the statistician puts a bomb in his suit case.
"Good god, what's that for?" His wife asks.
"Well, there's low odds of one bomb being on a plane, what are the odds of there being two?"
Apparently Iron Man also did a tuxedo range...
But it wasn't his strong suit
A One Line Advertisement By A Married Man
For Sale: Wedding Suit, Worn Only Once By Mistake
Customer: I'd like to try on that bathing suit in your front window.
Saleswoman: I'm sorry, ma'am, but you'll have to use the dressing room.
A man out of work...
...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"
What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?
The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants
You can explore suit suede reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suit attire dad jokes. There are also suit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
A cowboy rides into town wearing a paper suit.
He's wearing a paper hat, a paper shirt, vest, jacket and pants. He even had a paper holster for his six-shooter.
He wasn't in town 10 minutes before he was arrested for rustling.
Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?
A: the defendant
Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)
For the young and/or foreign:
Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.
An old woman is upset at her husband's funeral . . .
"You have him in a blue suit, and I wanted him in a brown suit," she cried.
The mortician says, "We'll take care of it ma'am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"
Miley Gets Classy
One day, Miley Cyrus had a business suit on and was carrying a briefcase.
When she walked outside, a man noticed what she was wearing.
"Wow, you're looking fancy. Where are you even going?" the man asked.
She responded "Twerk."
What do you call a guy in a suit sitting in a tree?
Branch Manager
A man is driving his car when suddenly the door of a parked car is swung open in front of him.
He proceeds to smash into the door of the car, ripping it off. He stops to see another man, in a very expensive suit, jump out of the car and scream at him "you just ripped the door off my lovely Porsche!".
The first man says "You are so materialistic...you didn't even notice that you left arm was ripped off in the accident".
The second man looks down for a second, then screams "my Rolex!"
What is Iron Man when he removes his suit?
Stark naked.
Why didn't the vampire purchase the expensive suit?
He just couldn't ever see himself wearing it.
An farmer walks in to a lawyer's office in Alabama...
And he says to the lawyer, "Sir, I'd like to get a divorce."
To which the lawyer says, "Well, do you have a suit?"
"Yes, I sure do", the man replies. "Wear it to church every Sunday."
"That's not what I mean. Do you have a case?"
"No, you see I've always been a John Deere man myself. Never had a Case in my life."
"Sir, do you have any issues with your wife. Did she cheat on you, is she a niggard?"
To which the farmer replies, "No, but the baby is. And that's why I want a divorce."
What do you call Dora the Explorer in an Iron Man suit?
FeDora
I'll see myself out.
A famous armorer was called to court...
…to demonstrate his new plate design. He set it on a stand in the middle of a grand gallery. The king called in his executioner, a dour and muscular man who prided himself in his ability to slice folk exactly in half, to strike the suit. With a sonorous clang! the executioner's heavy sword bounced off of the chest piece. Frustrated, he pointed an accusatory finger at the armorer and cried This is why we can't halve nice things!
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
What's the same about Christmas and work?
I do all the work and a fat man in a suit gets all the credit.
Did you hear about the latest Calvin Klein Lawsuit?
Yeah - but it wasn't much of a suit. It was actually a brief case.
Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice?
The Spanish Inquisition.
Racist joke NSFW: What do you say to a black man in a suit?
"Will the defendant please rise"
A man walks into a tailor to buy a tuxedo. He confidently tells the tailor he doesn't need any assistance. The tailor says…
... "Fine. Suit yourself."
I wanted to be a tailor.
But I didn't suit the job.
A joke to me by an old southern man.
I told my Wife to go to Cox's and get me a seersucker suit.
She went to Sears......
What is space like without a space suit?
Breathtaking
Woman: "I'm a sucker for a man in a suit and tie."
Man: "You had me at 'I'm a sucker'."
A guy asks a girl to prom...
A guy asks a girl out to prom and she says yes. Excited, the guy goes to dress shop to get a tuxedo but there is a very long line. After buying the suit he goes to buy flowers for his partner. So he gets in another very long line in the flower shop. Finally after hours of waiting he goes to prom. After dancing for a while his partner asks him to get punch for her. When he gets there, their is no punch line.
What did the tailor say to the fed up customer?
Suit yourself.
What do you call an african american in a 3 piece suit?
The defendant.
I had an idea for a suit made entirely of banana skins...
but no one seemed to find it very appealing.
I had a dream about a horse in a suit of armor.
Pretty sure it was a knightmare.
What is iron man without his suit?
Stark naked.
Why is Christmas just like your job?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, when suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!"
The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."
President of South Korea Impeached.
Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors
But he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect.
Luckily the judge was lenient as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.
Retraction
The following headline appeared in the daily newspaper and threw the city hall into an uproar: "Half the city council are crooks."
A retraction in full was demanded of the editor under the threat of a libel suit. Next afternoon, the headline read, "Half the city council aren't crooks."
Former president Clinton
Walks into a dry cleaner with a suit,
"I'm in a hurry can I get this by 3 today?"
The clerk, preoccupied, quickly looked up and asked "come again?"
"No, it was mustard this time."
Vader has a pretty sweet suit.
It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.
Why is Christmas just like another day in the office?
Because you do all the hard work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
My mom says that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Her malpractice suit isn't going so well.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings
You know she's a keeper.
What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?
Hue-dini
What do you call a woman in an Iron Man suit?
Fe-Male
Elevator confusion
A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator together and it stops to let a man on. The man is wearing a business suit and has obvious dandruff flakes on both shoulders. He says hello and gets out on the next floor. The women continues to ride in awkward silence when the brunette speaks up. She says, "Someone needs to give that guy some head and shoulders."
The blonde looks confused and replies. "How do you give a guy shoulders?"
"What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer.
I said, "Spiders."
He said, "Professional ones?"
I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
I took my shoddy suit to the tailors, and said, "can this be repaired? It looks like the stitching's come undone."
"Hmmm, yes... ", he replied, examining the suit, "sew it's seams".
Batman: I must save this city
Alfred: Well you're a billionaire so maybe you can redistribu...
Batman: This bat suit is the only way
Potato in bathing suit joke
Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!
Father: Really, what?
Boy: That the potato should go in the front.
I keep having this recurring dream about a horse wearing a suit of armor
Actually, it may be more of a knight mare.
What is Ironman underneath the suit?
Stark naked.
What did the Superhero wear to Court?
His Class Action Suit
You know why the 2 piece bathing suit was invented?
To separate the dairy section from meat section...
To the guy in the wheelchair that stole my camo suit.
You can hide but you cant run.
I was challenged to my first fight the other day. I picked out an outfit, showed up and got my ass kicked.
It turned out not to be my strong suit.
When your date shows up in a white suit that's covered in honey...
You know she's gonna be a keeper.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.
She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
What do you call a snakeskin suit?
A Hissy Fit
A blonde and a brunette are riding in an elevator...
At one point, a man steps aboard with dandruff all over his suit. He gets off a few floors later and the brunette turns to the blonde and whispers-
Now THAT'S a guy who could really use some Head & Shoulders!
The blonde looks perplexed:
How do you give somebody shoulders?
Waiting and waiting and waiting...
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
in hell
A man goes to hell. They tell him:
-- You have not sinned too much, so we allow you to choose torture yourself.
He goes into the first room and there people are fried in a frying pan. It doesn't suit him and he leaves.
In the second room needles are inserted under the nails.
It hurts too, he says and leaves.
In the third room there are men knee-deep in shit having a smoke.
-- This is for me, although it stinks probably I have no better choice.
He gets into shit. He takes out a cigarette, lights it.
And then he hears:
-- The smoke break is over, finish off eating!
A guy asks a girl to the school dance
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
I told my tailor I wouldn't be needing his services anymore
He said "Fine, suit yourself"
A rich man brings a prostitute to a fancy party
The two enter the ballroom with arms in grasp.
The man, with a new suit, clean shave, and an outrageously expensive watch, was clearly dressed to the nines.
The prostitute, barely covered and well worked, had been payed handsomely for her time.
The two approach the bar and both order a whiskey, neat; the prim proper elderly waitress responds with a putrid gasp,
I'm sorry, I cannot serve you, as this is the punch line.
Sue reports for jury duty as ordered.
She promptly asks to be excused because she believes she's prejudiced. "I took one look at those shifty eyes and that cheap polyester suit and I immediately knew that he was guilty as sin."
"Sit down," says the judge. "That's the prosecuting attorney."
You know what's funny about bathing suits?
If a man swims in a bathing suit that only covers his private parts, he will almost always be swimming competitively. If a woman swims in a bathing suit that only covers her private parts, she will almost always be swimming casually.
What is the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?
The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.
It was a boring day in the tall office building…
One guy says, Hey, Boss, let's all go to roof. I'll show you a neat trick!
So, the boss and a bunch of other office workers file up to the very high roof. The guy says, Boss! Watch how strong the winds are in the city with all these skyscrapers! Then, business suit and all, he jumps from the ledge. Within seconds he comes back up, landing awkwardly on the roof.
The boss says, Let me try! He jumps off and plummets like a rock, splattering on the pavement dozens of floors below.
The group is stunned, but Lois thinks, Why did Clark hate Perry so much?
I heard an invisible man has started an Instagram account modelling formal wear.
I might follow suit.
Why was Spider-man's suit wrinkled?
Because he lost his iron, man.
What do you call a werewolf in a bright pink neon track suit
A Right There-wolf
My girlfriend surprised me when she came home today in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey.
She's a keeper.
An engineer on trial.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!"
An Englishman, a Welshman, and an Irishman take their wives to breakfast
Tea is served
Trying to be cute the English man says to his wife
Would you like some sugar, sugar?
The Welshman trying to follow suit says to his wife
Would you like some honey, honey?
The Irishman refusing to be outdone says to his wife:
Would you like some milk, you fat fecking cow?
A knight
A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suit outfit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working suit tuxedo piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.