Suit And Tie Jokes

16 suit and tie jokes and hilarious suit and tie puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suit and tie that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Suit And Tie Short Jokes

Short suit and tie jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suit and tie humour may include short suit tie jokes also.

  1. Before our night out, my wife said that she didn't want me to get dressed up. No point arguing with her.
    So I slipped into my suit and tie while lying on the floor.
  2. It said :"Only black ties" on the wedding invitation card. But when I arrived, I saw people wearing suits too.
  3. Everyone was admiring me in the gym while I was working out. I think they liked my new suit and tie.

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Suit And Tie One Liners

Which suit and tie one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suit and tie? I can suggest the ones about suit fitting and suits.

  1. So there is a penguin, they had a suit and tie. Yet, no one said that they look fly.
  2. Father: "What the heck are you wearing with your suit, son!" It's a tie, dad
  3. Woman: "I'm a s**... for a man in a suit and tie." Man: "You had me at 'I'm a s**...'."

Suit And Tie Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about suit and tie you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean neck tie jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suit and tie pranks.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, when suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!"

The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."

Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."
Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon."
Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. "Child's play. I had a patient who was in a horrible e**.... He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping a**.... I put a suit and tie on it, and now he's the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!"

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?

A: the defendant
Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)
For the young and/or foreign:
Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act defined as punishable under criminal law.

A man walks into the bar and takes a stool next to a duck on the bar...

Man: what's with the duck?
Bartender: oh he's magic
M: what?
B: magic... So you whisper your greatest desire in his ear and immediately he grants it
M: no way
B: try it!
The man leans into the ducks ear and whispers something and *p**...* a small man in a suit with tails and a white bow tie appears on the bar.
M: well it must be broken because I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist...

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late.
Frantically I threw on a suit.
"OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!"
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door.
"Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!"
"Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench."
Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions.
After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down.
"Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied.
"What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously.
"I ran a morgue." was the reply.

A man walked into a bar and heard, "Great tie!" He looked around and seeing no one, he heard again, "Beautiful suit!" Wondering what was going on, he saw the bartender walk up and said, "I heard a voice talking about my suit and tie, and that they looked cool, but no one's around. Dude, what's up?" The bartender smiled, "Oh yeah, those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

A bunch of insects are having a formal get together and decide to invite a simple drone worker whose sole function is to carry whatever the queen wants back to the colony...

Becoming all excited at the prospect of doing something different he decides to dress himself in the best suit there is but he cannot seem to complete the look with a half-windsor knot.
Such a complicated task required more skilled mandibles so he goes over to his boss but suddenly gets crushed by a rock and dies.
What did you expect? It's an ant tie joke.