Following is our collection of funny Suicide jokes. There are some suicide jumpers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suicide death puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A little upset to find out he came back
...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages suicide bombing and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left nipple.
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, ΒFuck it, soldier on!Β
It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.
They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat.
and says my wife wants to commit suicide by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.
The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."
"Worst case of suicide I've ever seen"
I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.
You can explore suicide suicidal reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suicide sheriffs dad jokes. There are also suicide puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.
Wow this blew up fast.
"Dude, I don't think it worked."
he lost his huile d'olive
...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
The worst case of suicide he's ever seen.
All over the place
"Everyone in Moscow commits suicide"
Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.
Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?
He was soda pressed.
I just need to talk her into it now.
Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.
-Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers.
-Seriously? And what happened?
-After the first two, I felt much better.
Because his life had no porpoise.
Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.
He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
A suicide vest gets something accomplished when triggered.
I didn't make the cut
I'm only going to show you this once.
Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.
Dying alone!
What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?
"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"
They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed suicide.
So I told him, "C4 yourself"
They left me hanging
Now all I need to do is talk her into itβ¦
β¦ When you get to Heaven they will make you have sex with a suicide bomber.
Two bullets to the back of the head.
... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.
"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."
They never get returned
destruction of government property.
Point at its chest and say 'What's that?'
To kill his career.
Everywhere
Would it kill them to write few sentences?
With two bullets to the back of the head.
There are bullet holes in the mirror.
suicide vest
Me "when I what"
...if I could just get the right people to try it.
They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.
Become a Catholic priest and get them now.
Otherwise it's just plane suicide.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
All that lies ahead now is a miserable, pointless life, with suicide seemingly the only way out.
And while he's going through all that, I'll be in the pub with my mates every night.
Dying alone
Alzheimers I would commit suicide rather than burdening you with me"
I said "Thats the fifth time you've said that today"
Do the job well on first try and they are set for life.
Escape rope.
Suicide Squad.
'Cause I think of you everyday.
They left him hanging.
Destruction of government property
Imagine how surprised Jeff must have been.
Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suicide seppuku jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working suicide suicide blonde piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.