Suicide Hotline Jokes
74 suicide hotline jokes and hilarious suicide hotline puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suicide hotline that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Suicide Hotline Short Jokes
Short suicide hotline jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suicide hotline humour may include short suicide note jokes also.
- I called a s**... hotline in Iraq.. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
- I lost my job at the s**... hotline. Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.
- My boss hates that I have started saying 'just do it' Somehow he thinks it's inappropriate for s**... prevention hotline'
- My roommate called the s**... hotline and they put him on hold They just left him hangin'
- I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline... ...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!" - My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." They don't let me volunteer for the s**... prevention hotline anymore.
- I called a s**... hotline in saudi arabia they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane
- I accidentally dialed a s**... hotline in Saudi Arabia. The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.
- Ya know, if you believe in reincarnation, s**... is a temporary solution to a permanent problem anyways, the hotline asked me not to come back
- I called the s**... hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts. Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"
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Suicide Hotline One Liners
Which suicide hotline one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suicide hotline? I can suggest the ones about suicidal and suicidal thoughts.
- I called the s**... hotline today They left me hanging
- I got fired from a s**... hotline Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.
- What do you get for calling a s**... hotline in Iraq? A job offer
- I accidentally called Nike instead of the s**... hotline They said just do it.
- Seriously, why put the s**... hotline on the backs of buses? Put it on the fronts.
- I called the s**... prevention hotline They told me to hang on
- I called a s**... hotline in Japan. They were really helpful. It was quick and painless.
- Terrible advice for a s**... survival hotline: If at first you don't succeed...
- I can't believe the s**... hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.
- Nike should operate a s**... hotline And tell every caller to just do it
- The s**... Hotline is Unbearable They always leave people hanging.
- Who is the world's worst s**... hotline operator? Shia Lebouf.
- Come hang with us... Welcome to the s**... prevention hotline.
- The Eddie Izzard Diabetic s**... Prevention Hotline 1-800-CAKRDTH
- I called into a s**... hotline And they tried to save my life, talk about misleading.
Share Hilarious Suicide Hotline Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about suicide hotline you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suicide blonde jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suicide hotline pranks.
Was really suicidal, so I called the s**... hotline.
They patched me through to Al-Qaeda.
Depression
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
I lost my job at the s**... Hotline.
Whenever I put someone on hold, I'd play Van Halen's 'Jump'.
I called a s**... hotline today...
they do NOT give the kind of advice I was looking for.
Middle Eastern s**... hotline
A man living in Iraq calls in the the s**... hotline and he says to the operator " I'm feeling very suicidal and don't feel like living anymore"
The operator replies to him " well sir can you drive a truck".
Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...
During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the s**... hotline was looking for.
Why did the guy lose his job at the s**... prevention hotline? v2
He kept leaving them hanging.
new job in call center
I got a new job with the local s**... hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
I called the Muslim s**... hotline
but they kept asking me if I can fly a plane.
s**... Hotline
Did you hear the government moved the s**...-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
[Offensive] A muslim calls a s**... hotline.
H: Whats the problem?
M: I have suicidal thoughts.
H: Great! Can you pilot a plane?
Everyone knows the s**... hotlines in the Middle East
connect directly to t**... recruiters.
I run a s**... hotline.
A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.
He must've confused me with the *anti*-s**... hotline.
I also called a s**... hotline in Iraq...
They told me to try calling back in a few days because they already had enough volunteers for the week.
I called a s**... hotline in India...
They told me to try turning it off and turning it back on again.
I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..
Had to ask for direction
I was in Iran for awhile and got a little bit depressed about something for awhile
so I called the s**... hotline but the rates were expensive so I did it myself.
Why is working a s**... prevention hotline such an uplifting job?
Win or lose, you get no bad customer reviews.
What do you call the Airplane instructors in Afghanistan?
s**... Hotline.
Call the s**... hotline the other day...
they put me on hold and "Jump" by Van Halen came on.
The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline
*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?
*Caller*: My life s**..., I see no way out.
*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.
*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?
*Hotline*: How close are you to India?
*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.
*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?
Today I got fired from my job as a s**... hotline operator...
Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...
I called the s**... hotline today
Now homeland security is investigating my ties to ISIS.
I was about to kill myself yesterday...
Had the noose tied and stool ready. Just when I was about to hang myself, I decide to call the National s**... Hotline. I told them that I was going to hang myself. They said "Hang on for a moment".
Robin Williams tried calling the s**... hotline, but it was useless.
They left him hanging.
A man calls the s**... hotline and speaks to the operator
I️ was searching the web the other day and came across the s**... help hotline
I️ can tie a noose perfectly fine, I️ don't need any help to do it.
A man wanted to commit s**...
But he hesitated and called the s**... prevention hotline.
s**... prevention: Hello?
Man: I'm so tired of life. I just want to end it all... please, what do I do?
s**... prevention: I know life can be tough... but just hang in there!
*a few minutes pass*
s**... prevention: Hello?
Some guy tried to call me 3 times and when I finally called him back, he didn't answer!
God I hate working for the s**... hotline...
A s**... hotline in the United Arab Emirates
Caller: I'm feeling depressed
Hotline Operative: Great can you fly a plane?
So I went to Iraq for holidays...
And I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me back home...
Knowing that I can't trust anyone I wanted to kill myself.
So I called the s**... hotline...
They got excited and asked me if I can drive a plane.
A young man at his wit's end called the s**... Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.
"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the s**... Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your s**... please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."
What does Hillary Clinton day when she calls the s**... hotline?
Hello, I'd like to place an order
Dark pickup lines
Are you s**...?
Because I think about you every day.
Are you the s**... hotline?
Because I need to get your number.
Are you a noose?
Because I'd love to hang with you.
Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.
Are you a death certificate?
Because I wish you were mine.
Are you an electrical outlet?
Because I'd like to stick my fingers inside you.
Are you death?
Because I long for your sweet embrace.