The Best 35 Suicide Hotline Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Suicide Hotline jokes. There are some suicide hotline jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suicide hotline puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Suicide Hotline Jokes and Puns

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I called the Suicide hotline today

They left me hanging

I lost my job at the suicide hotline.

Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.

My roommate called the suicide hotline and they put him on hold

They just left him hangin'


I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

I was being trained as a caller in a suicide prevention hotline...

...On my first day of training, my manager said;

"Let me show you the ropes!"

My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

They don't let me volunteer for the suicide prevention hotline anymore.

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

I accidentally dialed a suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia.

The first question they asked was if I knew how to fly a plane.

Ya know, if you believe in reincarnation, suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem

anyways, the hotline asked me not to come back

I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

You can explore suicide hotline reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suicide hotline dad jokes. There are also suicide hotline puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

new job in call center

I got a new job with the local suicide hotline. I tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.

I run a suicide hotline.

A guy called me once, told me I had 60 seconds to convince him not to jump off his balcony on the 41st floor.

He must've confused me with the *anti*-suicide hotline.

Dark pickup lines

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you the suicide hotline?
Because I need to get your number.

Are you a noose?
Because I'd love to hang with you.

Are you a coffin?
Because I wish I was inside you.

Are you a death certificate?
Because I wish you were mine.

Are you an electrical outlet?
Because I'd like to stick my fingers inside you.

Are you death?
Because I long for your sweet embrace.

I got fired from a suicide hotline

Apparently they look down upon reverse psychology.

What do you get for calling a suicide hotline in Iraq?

A job offer

I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline

They said just do it.

Why is working a suicide prevention hotline such an uplifting job?

Win or lose, you get no bad customer reviews.

The one about the Pakistani Mental Health Hotline

*Hotline*: Pakistani Mental Health Hotline, how can I help you?

*Caller*: My life sucks, I see no way out.

*Hotline*: Do not worry, we are here to help you.

*Caller*: I'm feeling suicidal. What should I do?

*Hotline*: How close are you to India?

*Caller*: Don't know exactly, maybe 400km.

*Hotline*: So can you drive a truck?

Seriously, why put the suicide hotline on the backs of buses?

Put it on the fronts.

I was about to kill myself yesterday...

Had the noose tied and stool ready. Just when I was about to hang myself, I decide to call the National Suicide Hotline. I told them that I was going to hang myself. They said "Hang on for a moment".

I called the suicide prevention hotline

They told me to hang on

I called a suicide hotline in Japan.

They were really helpful. It was quick and painless.

Terrible advice for a suicide survival hotline:

If at first you don't succeed...

I also called a suicide hotline in Iraq...

They told me to try calling back in a few days because they already had enough volunteers for the week.

Suicide Hotline

Did you hear the government moved the suicide-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?

I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

Shia Labeouf got rejected for a job he applied for...

During a practice run he caused negative results.
Apparently he wasn't what the suicide hotline was looking for.

I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold.

They left him hanging.

A young man at his wit's end called the Suicide Hotline for help. Unfortunately he was greeted by an automated voice message after waiting for several rings.

"Hello," spoke an artificial sounding voice on the other line "we regret to inform you that the Suicide Hotline is no longer in service. If you do require assistance with your suicide please use the emergency number 911 and an officer will be out to assist you shortly."

Nike should operate a suicide hotline

And tell every caller to just do it

The Suicide Hotline is Unbearable

They always leave people hanging.

Today I got fired from my job as a suicide hotline operator...

Apparently reverse psychology wasn't a good method...

A man wanted to commit suicide

But he hesitated and called the suicide prevention hotline.

Suicide prevention: Hello?

Man: I'm so tired of life. I just want to end it all... please, what do I do?

Suicide prevention: I know life can be tough... but just hang in there!

*a few minutes pass*

Suicide prevention: Hello?

Middle Eastern suicide hotline

A man living in Iraq calls in the the suicide hotline and he says to the operator " I'm feeling very suicidal and don't feel like living anymore"
The operator replies to him " well sir can you drive a truck".

I called a suicide hotline today...

they do NOT give the kind of advice I was looking for.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suicide hotline jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working suicide hotline piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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