Suicidal Thoughts Jokes
47 suicidal thoughts jokes and hilarious suicidal thoughts puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suicidal thoughts that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Suicidal Thoughts Short Jokes
Short suicidal thoughts jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suicidal thoughts humour may include short suicidal jokes also.
- I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts He said I have to start paying in advance
- A depressed man went to the doctor The man said "Doc, I'm having dark thoughts and I may be suicidal. What should I do?"
And the doctor said "Pay in advance." - At the doctor "Doctor, I have suicidal thoughts what should I do?"
"First you should pay your visit." - do you know what a casual youtube blogger and a primary school teacher have in common? suicidal thoughts
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Suicidal Thoughts One Liners
Which suicidal thoughts one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suicidal thoughts? I can suggest the ones about thoughts feelings and thoughts and prayers.
- I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts but now I don't.
- If I had a penny for every suicidal thought I have had... I wouldn't be suicidal anymore
- Do you want to here my one tip for getting rid of suicidal thoughts? Give in
- Why did the ballon go near the needle? Because it was having suicidal thoughts.
- I told my psychologist I'm having suicidal thoughts. He's making me pay in advance now.
- Man was reading his wife's s**... note Then he thought he could be a wonderful writer
- Why did Henri Lautrec contemplate s**...? Thought he had nothing else Toulouse.
- How did the philosopher commit s**...? He jumped in front of a train of thought.
- I've never thought about s**... until now... But it might cheer me up if you tried.
- People thought I was kidding about committing s**... But I was dead serious.
- She: I really liked s**... Squad Me:(trying to impress her) I have suicidal thoughts...
Hilarious Fun Suicidal Thoughts Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about suicidal thoughts you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean depression jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make suicidal thoughts pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit s**...," the blonde replied.
"Trying to commit s**... by shooting your finger?"
"No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these,’ then I put it in my mouth and I thought, ‘I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth fixed.’ So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, ‘this is going to make a loud noise,’ so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped s**... is not one of my thoughts.
I'm thinking maybe h**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit s**...,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor. “You tried to commit s**... by shooting your finger off?”
“No silly!” the blonde said. “First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I’m not shooting myself in the chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Suicidal Blonde
A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit s**...," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit s**... by shooting off the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought 'I just paid $6000 for these, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'"
"So, then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'"
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit s**... yesterday....
But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, f**... it, soldier on!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the s**... bomber that became a Youtube sensation?
He never thought he'd blow up like this.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
DAEEM GURRL . . .
you must be suicidal thoughts, cause you've been running through my mind all day. - Jim Hamilton
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once thought about s**....
Then I realised that there's probably better things to name our child.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!
Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of s**..., and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have been struggling with depression and thoughts of s**... but my friends have been very supportive...
they insist that I go through with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
[Offensive] A muslim calls a s**... hotline.
H: Whats the problem?
M: I have suicidal thoughts.
H: Great! Can you pilot a plane?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I once tried to write a book about my thoughts
But there's only so much you can put in a s**... note.
Side effects may include increased or decreased intelligence, headaches, red eyes, loss of sleep, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, narcolepsy, unsuppressed crying, and death.
Ask your doctor if you should take school today.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did I tell you guys about the guy who attempted s**... from the top floor of my building?
I thought he was gonna live but that was a different story.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm thinking about joining isis...
The thought of dieing as a s**... bomber just blows my mind
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Think deep thoughts when committing s**... in the ocean.
Just let that idea sink in a few minutes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...
I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.
I'm a perfectionist. I've been writing and rewriting a s**... note for twelve years. It's killing me.
My friend asked, Must you write so many s**... jokes?
Don't worry. I'll stop soon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke
A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.
The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked Did h**... escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still resides today?
St. Peter replied no, he committed s**... in Berlin as the Soviet Red Army advanced into the city.
The conspiracy theorist thought to himself wow, this goes even deeper than I thought!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't Harley riders wear helmets?
If you spent $30,000 on a bike and $10,000 on apparel and people still thought you were a dweeb you would be suicidal too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a disabled person who's having suicidal thoughts? [OFFENSIVE!]
A veg on the edge
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Multiplying by zero is just s**... in math: you don't really get a solution, but the problem goes away.
Shower thoughts didn't like it, but maybe you will