The Best 31 Suicidal Thoughts Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Suicidal Thoughts jokes. There are some suicidal thoughts jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suicidal thoughts puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Suicidal Thoughts Jokes and Puns

I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts

He said I have to start paying in advance

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “Fuck it, soldier on!”

I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts

but now I don't.

I told my therapist I've been having suicidal thoughts

He now makes me pay in advance

i told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts

he said i have to start paying him in advance from now on


I called the suicide hotline in Iraq. I told the operator that lately I've been having suicidal thoughts.

Operator: "Great! Can you drive a truck?"

I don't know the meaning of the word "quit." I was going to look it up, but...

I still have some suicidal thoughts, but most of them have already killed themselves.

I'm a perfectionist. I've been writing and rewriting a suicide note for twelve years. It's killing me.

My friend asked, Must you write so many suicide jokes?
Don't worry. I'll stop soon.

I told my psychologist I'm having suicidal thoughts.

He's making me pay in advance now.

Multiplying by zero is just suicide in math: you don't really get a solution, but the problem goes away.

Shower thoughts didn't like it, but maybe you will

At the doctor

"Doctor, I have suicidal thoughts what should I do?"

"First you should pay your visit."

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

You can explore suicidal thoughts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suicidal thoughts dad jokes. There are also suicidal thoughts puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I once thought about suicide.

Then I realised that there's probably better things to name our child.

I once tried to write a book about my thoughts

But there's only so much you can put in a suicide note.

If I had a penny for every suicidal thought I have had...

I wouldn't be suicidal anymore

Side effects may include increased or decreased intelligence, headaches, red eyes, loss of sleep, drowsiness, suicidal thoughts, narcolepsy, unsuppressed crying, and death.

Ask your doctor if you should take school today.

I told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts

.... So he made me pay in advance

Why don't Harley riders wear helmets?

If you spent $30,000 on a bike and $10,000 on apparel and people still thought you were a dweeb you would be suicidal too!

Did I tell you guys about the guy who attempted suicide from the top floor of my building?

I thought he was gonna live but that was a different story.

[Offensive] A muslim calls a suicide hotline.

H: Whats the problem?

M: I have suicidal thoughts.

H: Great! Can you pilot a plane?


How did the philosopher commit suicide?

He jumped in front of a train of thought.

I have been struggling with depression and thoughts of suicide but my friends have been very supportive...

they insist that I go through with it.

DAEEM GURRL . . .

you must be suicidal thoughts, cause you've been running through my mind all day. - Jim Hamilton

In light of recent discoveries, I made a joke

A conspiracy theorist died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter told the conspiracy theorist You may ask me one question, and I will reply honestly.

The conspiracy theorist thought for some time and asked Did Hitler escape death in WWII and move to Argentina, where he still resides today?

St. Peter replied no, he committed suicide in Berlin as the Soviet Red Army advanced into the city.

The conspiracy theorist thought to himself wow, this goes even deeper than I thought!

Did you hear about the suicide bomber that became a Youtube sensation?

He never thought he'd blow up like this.

[NSFW] If I had a dollar for every suicidal thought I've had...

I would have enough for professional help.

What do you call a disabled person who's having suicidal thoughts? [OFFENSIVE!]

A veg on the edge

do you know what a casual youtube blogger and a primary school teacher have in common?

suicidal thoughts

Think deep thoughts when committing suicide in the ocean.

Just let that idea sink in a few minutes.

Do you want to here my one tip for getting rid of suicidal thoughts?

Give in

I've never thought about suicide until now...

But it might cheer me up if you tried.

If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts.

I'm thinking maybe homicide.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suicidal thoughts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working suicidal thoughts piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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