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Suicidal Jokes

142 suicidal jokes and hilarious suicidal puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about suicidal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article explores the potentially crass practice of using dark humor in the form of suicide jokes to address mental health issues. From suicidal chemistry to suicidal fruit, these jokes often make light of a serious topic and raise the question of whether they can be a healthy way of expressing feelings of despair. Does this approach to mental health represent a cry for help, or help to defuse a potentially dangerous situation?

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Funniest Suicidal Short Jokes

Short suicidal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The suicidal humour may include short apparent suicide jokes also.

  1. I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
    They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
  2. A guy barges into a psychiatrist's office, and screams... "Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!"
    The doctor calmly answers "Pay me in advance"
  3. I finally told my therapist I was having suicidal thoughts He said I have to start paying in advance
  4. What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge? Don't do it! You have potential!
  5. Some consider romeo and juliet a tale of true romantic love... But only if you consider 2 underage kids in a relationship that lasted 3 days causing 2 suicides and 3 murders romantic...
  6. I told my psychiatrist I got suicidal tendencies. He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
  7. I told my therapist that I've been having suicidal tendencies. He made me start paying in advanced after that appointment...
  8. My eldest came to me and he told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, "Hang in there son", and pointed to the spare room.
  9. A depressed man went to the doctor The man said "Doc, I'm having dark thoughts and I may be suicidal. What should I do?"
    And the doctor said "Pay in advance."
  10. i told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts he said i have to start paying him in advance from now on

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Suicidal One Liners

Which suicidal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with suicidal? I can suggest the ones about suicide note and suicide blonde.

  1. I told my psychologist that I have suicidal tendencies. He started charging in advance.
  2. What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging....
  3. What's the best part of having a suicidal coat? It hangs itself
  4. I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts but now I don't.
  5. I told my therapist I've been having suicidal thoughts He now makes me pay in advance
  6. I went to give a suicidal person a high five.... But he left me hanging.
  7. What does a suicidal man say to a suicidal girl? Hey, wanna hang?
  8. Like a suicidal Humpty Dumpty, I crack myself up
  9. Why did the suicidal guy cross the road? To get to the other side.
  10. I realize I'm not good advising suicidal people I said "hang in there!"
  11. Why'd the apple jump in the grinder? He was suicider.
  12. Takes a second to understand. The more suicidal people, the less suicidal people.
  13. What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends? Hang at home.
  14. Bad advice to a suicidal person Hang in there
  15. I told my psychologist I'm having suicidal thoughts. He's making me pay in advance now.

Suicidal Thoughts Jokes

Here is a list of funny suicidal thoughts jokes and even better suicidal thoughts puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • At the doctor "Doctor, I have suicidal thoughts what should I do?"
    "First you should pay your visit."
  • If I had a penny for every suicidal thought I have had... I wouldn't be suicidal anymore
  • I told my psychiatrist I'm having suicidal thoughts .... So he made me pay in advance
  • Why don't Harley riders wear helmets? If you spent $30,000 on a bike and $10,000 on apparel and people still thought you were a dweeb you would be suicidal too!
  • DAEEM GURRL . . . you must be suicidal thoughts, cause you've been running through my mind all day. - Jim Hamilton
  • What do you call a disabled person who's having suicidal thoughts? [OFFENSIVE!] A veg on the edge
  • do you know what a casual youtube blogger and a primary school teacher have in common? suicidal thoughts
  • Do you want to here my one tip for getting rid of suicidal thoughts? Give in
  • Help, I've got suicidal thoughts
  • Why did the ballon go near the needle? Because it was having suicidal thoughts.

Suicidal Emo Jokes

Here is a list of funny suicidal emo jokes and even better suicidal emo puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an emo OC? A Mary Su-icide.
  • For those possibly wondering why the popularity of the emo movement disappeared If your social group is defined by a suicidal nature, don't expect it to last a long time
  • What do you call a group of EMO's? A s**... squad.
  • What do you call an emo s**... club? Suicidal Thots
  • What do you call 4 emo friends? s**... Squad.
  • What do you call a emo club A s**... squad
  • What do you call an emo girl who commits s**... in the winter? Cold cuts.
Suicidal joke, What do you call an emo girl who commits s**... in the winter?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about suicidal can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of suicidal puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheeky Suicidal Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle

What funny jokes about suicidal you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean suicide hotline jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make suicidal prank.

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a s**... forest

A little upset to find out he came back

After my joke last week about the Holy Qur'an...

...I had tons of private messages from Muslims on this site. As an apology to them I would like to say this:
"Islam is a religion based on peace, love and respect, and this is the central message of the Qur'an. As such I offer a full apology for making the claim that it encourages s**... b**... and violence."
OK, there - I said it. Now can you please stop sending me death threats?

I called a s**... hotline in Iraq..

They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Three men die, and go to the pearly gates...

St. Peter walks up to the firsts, and he says: "You have lived a good life, but you have cheated on your wife many times. Confess here before your friends, and you will be allowed into heaven."
The man says: "I slept with a different woman every week of my ten-year marriage. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a bicycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The second man says:"I was married for five years, and I slept with a different woman as a lover each year. I beg for forgiveness."
St. Peter forgives him, and gives him a motorcycle. He tells him that he must travel for a thousand miles as penance, and think about his sin.
The third man says: "I was married for a month, and stayed faithful throughout. Then my wife died, so I committed s**... so I may be with her."
St. Peter tells him: "I know. Follow me." He then leads him to a helicopter, and tells him to enjoy the ride. The man soon enough passes the other two men, who see him land a short distance away. They eventually catch up to him, and see he is crying.
The first two men ask him: "Why are you crying? You have no sins to atone for!"
The third says: "I just saw my wife... She was skateboarding."

A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times.

He said it was the worst case of s**... he'd ever seen.

Depression

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I felt like I needed to end it all, so I called the s**... Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Why did the chicken commit s**...?

To get to the other side.

An old lady was tired of her hard life and wanted to commit s**....

She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left n**....
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit s**... yesterday....

But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “f**... it, soldier on!”

I called a s**... prevention line.

It connected me to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I felt suicidal and they asked if I could drive a truck.

I'm not worried about Muslim s**... b**...

They can only do it once. Those hindu s**... b**... are the real threat.

A guest calls the front desk of a hotel:

and says my wife wants to commit s**... by jumping out of the window.
The receptionist: sir, this is a private matter. Please call the cops.
Guest: no. i need a maintenance guy. Your window doesnt open.

I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about s**...?"

The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."

What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

"Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"

A blonde was rushed to the hospital

A blonde was rushed to the hospital with a bullet wound in her index finger.
Doctor: how did this happen?
Blonde: I tried to s**....
Doctor: you shot your finger for s**...?
Blonde: No, I shot in my ear. But just before pulling the trigger, I realized that there would be a loud bang, so I closed my other ear with my finger.

Today I saw a sign for a s**... helpline on the back of a bus.

I couldn't help but think, it would work much better on the front.

A man was found dead eight years after committing s**...

Sort of proves his point, doesn't it?

I lost my job at the s**... hotline.

Apparently reverse psychology isn't very well accepted.

Ronda Rousey says she contemplated s**....

Holly Holm declined the rematch though.

I am s**... bomber AMA

Wow this blew up fast.

What did one s**... bomber say to the other?

"Dude, I don't think it worked."

Why did the French chef commit s**...?

he lost his huile d'olive

An old woman wants to commit s**......

...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.

My roommate called the s**... hotline and they put him on hold

They just left him hangin'

why would you be a s**... bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?

What a shame. He had so much potential.

Where do s**... b**... go after they die

All over the place

If hillary nukes Russia I can see the headlines now

"Everyone in Moscow commits s**..."

What did the s**... bomber instructor say to his class?

Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on s**............

Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

A really sad man committed s**... by crushing himself with a vending machine

He was soda pressed.

Me and my wife decided to form a s**... pact...

Weird thing was that after she killed herself, I didn't feel like dying anymore.

In the middle of a really messy divorce, I decided s**... was the only option.

I just need to talk her into it now.

What does a s**... bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

s**... gone wrong [CORNY]

-Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers.
-Seriously? And what happened?
-After the first two, I felt much better.

Why did the fisherman commit s**... when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist s**... bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

I told my psychiatrist I'm thinking about s**...

He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Who are the best readers in the world?

s**... jumpers : hundreds of stories in a few seconds

What's the difference between a feminist and a s**... vest?

A s**... vest gets something accomplished when triggered.

I tried out for s**... club

I didn't make the cut

What did the s**... bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

A blonde tried to commit s**...

Police found six bullet holes in her mirror.

What has 3 d**... and is suicidal?

Me with 2 d**... in my mouth.

What is a s**... b**... worst fear?

Dying alone!

s**... b**... Instructor

What were the s**... b**... instructor's last words?
"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

The police have just released my mother-in-law after questioning her about the m**... of her husband.

They only spoke to her for 2 minutes before coming to the conclusion he committed s**....

I got a paper cut while writing my s**... note.

It's a start.

A guy was wondering what being a s**... bomber was like

So I told him, "C4 yourself"

My therapist committed s**... today.

Hi s**... note read.
"Do as I say, not as I do."

I called the s**... hotline today

They left me hanging

I'm in the middle of a long and messy divorce and I've decided that s**... is the only way out…

Now all I need to do is talk her into it…

Never die a v**...…

… When you get to Heaven they will make you have s**... with a s**... bomber.

How do Putin opponents commit s**...?

Two bullets to the back of the head.

My girlfriend and I planned to commit s**... together...

... But once she killed herself, things started looking a lot more positive.

A Muslim is about to commit s**... when a Catholic priest stops him

"What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest
"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit s**... to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head
"Foolish Muslim, s**... is not the way!" He says
"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Do you know why libraries don't have books about s**...?

They never get returned

Why is s**... i**...?

destruction of government property.

How do you make a walrus commit s**...?

Point at its chest and say 'What's that?'

I was trying to come up with a good s**... joke...

But I couldn't figure out how to end it

My motto is "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

They don't let me volunteer for the s**... prevention hotline anymore.

Why did Logan Paul go to the s**... forest?

To kill his career.

What did the Alabama sherriff say about the black guy with 17 bullet holes in his back?

He said it was the worse case of s**... he's ever seen

Where do s**... b**... go after they die?

Everywhere

I was being trained as a caller in a s**... prevention hotline...

...On my first day of training, my manager said;
"Let me show you the ropes!"

I've been meaning to make more friends recently...

So I've joined a s**... cult and I'm going to hang with them for a while.

A grandmother goes to the doctor

A grandmother goes to the doctor and asks: "Where is the heart?"
The doctor answers: "2 centimetres below the n**..."
Next day in the newspaper: "Woman tries to commit s**... and shoots herself in the knee"

I hate when people don't leave a s**... note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

How do Russians commit s**...?

With two bullets to the back of the head.

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit s**...?

There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Hitlers s**...

One jewish man tells a joke to a woman, so he says:
"Why did h**... commit s**...?"
She said: "I don't know."
he replies:".... He saw the gas bill."
Then she said:"That's horrible! How could you say that!"
And he replies: "I'm sorry, I really shouldn't be joking about the holocaust. My great grandfather died in concentration camp."
The girl replies: "I'm so sorry to hear that."
And he says: "Yeah, it's sad, he fell off the guard tower."

Suicidal joke, Hitlers s**...

jokes about suicidal

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these suicidal jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.