I'm only going to show you this once.
Everywhere
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
destruction of government property.
All over the place
Wow this blew up fast.
Dying alone!
Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.
"Dude, I don't think it worked."
Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.
What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?
"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"
I didn't make the cut
You leave him hanging....
-Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers.
-Seriously? And what happened?
-After the first two, I felt much better.
But all he sees are other men just like himself.
Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."
He said, "Watch this demonstration carefully. I'm only going to do this once."
Everywhere!
A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly guy, gets off his bike and says, "Hey, honey, what are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, passionate, deep-tongued, lingering, thrilling kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are going to waste. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"
Hey, wanna hang?
Pay attention because I am only going to do this once
If you do me right I'll explode on your chest.
He's all over the front pages.
To get to the other side.
I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.
**Nike**
*"Just Do It"*
...a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Pocket dials
Hang at home.
"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"
Welcome to Suicide Bombing Class 101. Listen carefully because i'm only going to say this once.
ADMIRAL ACKBAR!
Everywhere.
A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought 'I just paid $6000 for these, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'"
"So, then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'"
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
What makes them *tick*?
A group of 40 other suicide bombers.
It's 2:00 PM at the suicide bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:
"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."
I rang a suicide helpline last night, buy a thicker rope wasn't what I was expecting to hear.
But what if the question is, "what is the leading cause of death for men in the military?"
They never have positive reviews.
They're a dying breed.
= Less suicide bombers
Because he didn't want to die alone.
Suicide prevention line of course!
Did you hear the government moved the suicide-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?
I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.
I think they used all of their potential.
I think it is fair to call it abomination.
It leaves you hanging.
Cuz they go down and don't have to worry about breathing
So he could rest in peas.
They always leave people hanging.
But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.
Every where.
The Big Bang Theory.
Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.
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