Suicid Jokes

What are some Suicid jokes?

What did the suicide bomber instructor say...

I'm only going to show you this once.

Where do suicide bombers go after they die?


why would you be a suicide bomber...

And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

Why is suicide illegal?

destruction of government property.

Where do suicide bombers go after they die

All over the place

I am suicide bomber AMA

Wow this blew up fast.

What is a suicide bombers worst fear?

Dying alone!

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to his class?

Now pay attention class, I'm only going to do this once.

What did one suicide bomber say to the other?

"Dude, I don't think it worked."

What does a suicide bomber say when he's teaching class?

Pay attention! I'm only going to show this once.

Suicide Bombing Instructor

What were the suicide bombing instructor's last words?

"Now I'm only going to show you this once!"

I tried out for suicide club

I didn't make the cut

What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five?

You leave him hanging....

Suicide gone wrong [CORNY]

-Hey doc, so here's the thing, I felt really bad so I tried to kill myself with painkillers.
-Seriously? And what happened?
-After the first two, I felt much better.

A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

A suicide bomber is teaching some new recruits...

He said, "Watch this demonstration carefully. I'm only going to do this once."

Where do suicide bombers go after work?



A tough looking group of bikers were riding when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge so they stopped. The leader, a big burly guy, gets off his bike and says, "Hey, honey, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he also didn't want to miss an opportunity so he asked... "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" So she does... And it was a long, passionate, deep-tongued, lingering, thrilling kiss. After she's finished, the biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. That's a real talent you are going to waste. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......"

What does a suicidal man say to a suicidal girl?

Hey, wanna hang?

What did the suicide bomb instructor say to his new students?

Pay attention because I am only going to do this once

I'm like a suicide vest.

If you do me right I'll explode on your chest.

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

Why did the suicidal guy cross the road?

To get to the other side.

A suicide bomber enters a mall, trigger in hand, threatening to blow up the building.

I swiftly chop off his hand, disarming him.

This Suicide Prevention message was brought to you in part by:


*"Just Do It"*

Doing a suicide attack is...

...a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

What is a suicide bombers worst nightmare?

Pocket dials

What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends?

Hang at home.

What do suicide bomb instructors always start their lesson with?

"Right lads, I'm only going to show you this once!"

suicide bombing class...

Welcome to Suicide Bombing Class 101. Listen carefully because i'm only going to say this once.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?


What's a suicide bombers favorite place to go?


Suicidal Blonde

A blonde hurries into the hospital emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off the tip of your finger?"

"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought 'I just paid $6000 for these, I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'"

"So, then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'"

"So, then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud noise,' so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

What was the suicide bomber greeted by in the afterlife?

A group of 40 other suicide bombers.

The suicide bombing instructor

It's 2:00 PM at the suicide bomber's academy. The instructor walks into the classroom to address the students:

"Kids, I know you're just back from lunch, and I know you're feeling a bit tired. But please pay very close attention, cause I'm only going to show you this once..."


I rang a suicide helpline last night, buy a thicker rope wasn't what I was expecting to hear.

They say suicide is never the answer...

But what if the question is, "what is the leading cause of death for men in the military?"

Why are suicide kits so hard to sell on Amazon?

They never have positive reviews.

Suicide bombers

They're a dying breed.

More suicide bombers...

= Less suicide bombers

Why did the suicidal man get his pilot's license?

Because he didn't want to die alone.

What are the suicide nets in Japan made of?

Suicide prevention line of course!

Suicide Hotline

Did you hear the government moved the suicide-hotline call center to the middle east to save money?

I called to talk to someone and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

Say what you want about suicide jumpers.

I think they used all of their potential.

There were too many suicide bombings happening in Iraq.

I think it is fair to call it abomination.

Suicide is the worst ending to a story.

It leaves you hanging.

Suicidal girls give the best head

Cuz they go down and don't have to worry about breathing

Why did the suicidal kid cover his bed in legumes?

So he could rest in peas.

The Suicide Hotline is Unbearable

They always leave people hanging.

A suicide bomber walks into a bar

But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Every where.

What is a suicide bomber's favorite TV show?

The Big Bang Theory.

Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

How to make Suicid jokes?

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