The Best 33 Suggestions Jokes

is google male or female?

female: because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions

Is Google a woman?

I can't even finish a sentence without it coming up with other suggestions.

I think Google's a woman...

Because it won't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

I'm 45 and have the body of a 25 year old model!

She's in my basement, any suggestions?

My friend got jury duty

So I drove him down to the courthouse. He came out 5 minutes later and said we could go. I said "How did you do that?" He said it was easy, just pretend to be super racist and they let you go. So I tried it myself a couple weeks later.

Apparently it doesn't work if you're the defendant.

Is Google male or female?

Female, because it can't let you finish a sentence without providing several suggestions.

I had a buddy in college who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.

He was the original trip advisor.

A guy asks his friend to rub some beef fat on his ribs

His friend refuses saying he won't assist in a suet side!

(My first OC post, thought up while cooking dinner. Improvement suggestions welcome)

I asked my wife for suggestions for a new exercise routine. She said, Why don't you try lunges?

I said, That sounds ....like a big step.

Help! I need activity suggestions. I'm going to hang out with my father, first thing tomorrow morning. He's a retired Naval officer and an alcoholic.

What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning??

God wants to go on vacation

So he asks his angels for suggestions. Venus? asks one, god says no too hot. Another says Mars; no too cold. What about earth? Earth! No way, god says. 2000 years ago I hooked up with some girl there and they're still talking about it!

So my German neighbour got a Samoyed...

...and she asked me for suggestions about what she should name him. I suggested her the name "Cloud".

Now everytime that dog does something ridiculous I hear a high pitched yell : "Cloud Nein!!"

The wife says I'm no longer allowed to help in our search for a new apartment as my suggestions are always "disgusting".

In my defence, the last place I found was in a great location in the centre of town and it did say "TO LET".

How was I supposed to know the "I" had fallen off?

Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church?

It has six commandments and four suggestions

I'm going to name my ankles "Swishers"

Because those joints are always getting rolled.

*I struggled a lot with the wording, I'd be happy to take suggestions on how to make it hit better*

i want to buy my girlfriend a present within 200$ on valentines day any suggestions?

i also need a girlfriend to give her the present and 200$

I'm deciding whether or not to join christianmingle.

If I do, what should my name be? HungLikeJesus? JesusInTheStreets_SatanInTheSheets? HeCameAgain? Do you have any suggestions for blasphemous names?

Note: this is a joke, I'm not hating god, I'm hating the closed minded website.

My friend was giving me suggestions on talking less and listening more when she said, "You wanna hear a tip?"

I didn't really appreciate it when she stabbed my ear with a pencil.

A psychopath, a sociopath and an empath walk into a bar...

I know there's a joke in there somewhere.
Any suggestions?
I just can't make it out.

I'm looking for a good hypnotist.

I'm open to suggestions.

United inflight movie suggestions?

So far I've got:

The Chinese Connection
Necessary Roughness

Optometry jokes

I just started optometry school and I'm in desperate need of optometry jokes. Any suggestions?

A joke I am working on. Feedback and suggestions are appreciated!

Did you hear about the synagogue that had all the Stars of David and Hebrew graffiti'd over?

The police are calling it an anti-Semiotic hate crime.

Why should you always listen to Snoop Dogg's suggestions?

His ideas are never half-baked.

How to raise a kid?

I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions?

Standing behind a lady at Home Depot. Heard her ask for suggestions for tools to buy her grandson who was studying to be a quantum mechanic.

Have to make a funny comic for French class. Any topic suggestions?

I'm told to give a joke next week in my class

It's this new thing the tutor wants to do, now I'm not sure what kind of joke I should give to an IT class. Hmm.. suggestions?

P.S. Sorry if this isn't allowed, if so just do what you need to do.

Thanks! :)

What do you call good suggestions given over the radio?

Sound advice.

Little Johnny took his short story to his teacher to look over...

After filling in all of his holes, the teacher then looked at Johnny's story and gave him suggestions to improve the plot.

What do you call someone who eats too much gluten?

A gluten glutton?
Other suggestions welcome....

"Welcome back, happy New Year!"

"Thank you!"

"Welcome!"

And that's the last time I'm taking Bollywood movie suggestions from my friends.

My friend just brought home five new chickens for her chicken coop, and asked for suggestions for naming them...

I suggested "breakfast, lunch, dinner, brunch and supper..."