The Best 63 Suggest Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Suggest jokes. There are some suggest concern jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these suggest posit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Suggest Jokes and Puns
I was wondering the other day...
I was wondering the other day what our parents must have done for entertainment before television was popular and affordable. I asked my 38 brothers and sisters if they had any ideas, but none of them could suggest an answer either.
A woman was crying...
Guy: Why are you crying, miss?
Woman: *sobbing* I heard that people say I'm **ugly**.
Guy: Well, you know what they say, **real** beauty is not outside, but on the inside.
Woman: ...
Guy: So, what I suggest is that you stay inside and never go out.
Where do conspiracy theorists keep their ideas?
In a skeptic tank.
---
(Note: I just made up this joke earlier today. I'm not 100% sure the joke is obvious; feel free to suggest a better wording!)
What do you call a Psychic Compromise?
A Happy Medium.
Sorry, a played around with the wording of this a lot and couldn't find anything better. Please suggest a better phrasing.
A drunk is walking around downtown...
When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
It's a fair notion to suggest that I'm quite keen on oral contraceptives.
I asked a girl to have sex with my one night.
She said "No."
The wife's back on the warpath again...
She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
Unidan and I are planning a summer road trip.
I don't think I'm going to enjoy it. Every place I suggest we stop at I'm outvoted 5 to 1.
German Mining Company
German miner, "herr supervisor, we're working so many hours and we're so efficient that within a year we will run out of ore to mine."
Mine Supervisor, "this is a problem. A very bad problem."
Miner, "what do you suggest we do?"
Supervisor, "Mein Fuhrer."
Two old friends meet in bar...
[translated from Turkish]
-Hey Jack! How have you been! It's been months!
-Bonjour Monsieur ! Indeed, it's been a while
-"Bonjour Monsieur"? What's this French?
-Mais biensur !
-Don't screw with me Jack. I know you don't know French. We both went to the same school and we never had any French lessons!!
-No, no! I'm learning via the radio. 99.3 FM. Every day at 10AM you have French lessons. Very easy, I suggest you try.
-Oh, ok, cool I'll give a try tomorrow.
Next morning he calls Jack:
-Yo Jack, I have those old radios with a needle for tuning. Does it work with those old radios too?
-Sure! Scroll to 99, then go a little further to the right.
-Oh cool! Thx!
-Mais de rien !
-oh! stfu already...
Couple of weeks later, he meets Jack again. And Jack asks:
-Salut mon ami, How is your French?
- Shhhszzzzoussssshzzziuhli! (static noise)
[probably not the best written joke :/]
I suggested a threesome to my girlfriend.
"That's fine," she said, "Just not with another girl."
"OK then, I'll call up James and Daniel." I replied.
You can explore suggest risks reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean suggest journals dad jokes. There are also suggest puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Donald trump
The last American president was black, polls suggest that the next president will be Donald trump.....
Huh. I guess orange is the new black
How many feminists does it take to make a sandwich?
12
One to make the sandwich,
One to excoriate men for creating hunger,
One to blame men for inventing such a laborious recipe,
One to suggest the whole "putting meat in between two non-consenting flaps of bread" bit to be too "rape-like",
One to deconstruct the Bologna sausage itself as being phallic,
One to blame men for not making the sandwich,
One to blame men for trying to make the sandwich instead of letting a woman do it,
One to blame men for creating a society that discourages women from eating,
One to blame men for creating a society where women make too many sandwiches,
One to advocate that sandwich makers should have wage parity with Michelin star chefs,
One to alert the media that women are now "out-sandwiching" men,
And one to take pictures for her blog for photo-evidence that men are unnecessary.
New research shows that birthdays are good for your health
Studies suggest that people with the most birthdays live the longest
**Suggestion for you**
At a formal event, roll your tie up into a little bundle right below the knot. Then ask someone, "Which of the 2 flaps do you think will unravel first?" After they guess, let it unravel and go "It's a tie!".
Rumours suggest Usain Bolt has been cheating on his wife. I'm amazed she hasn't caught him.
Then I remembered that he can finish in 9.58 seconds.
ISIS has reportedly acquired a shitload of cutting edge weapons technology from the Korean black market.
Recent photographs suggest that the technology is known to have an Iris Scanner, S Pen, a 12 MP primary camera and a really mindBLOWING battery life.
"Mr. Obama, how exactly does someone impeach a president?" "The american people have made their decision. To suggest we impeach a president before he's had a chance is an outrage! Regardless of your opinions and the flawed system we're under the election was held fair and square...
...Now would you *please* stop asking that, Mr. Trump?"
Nine out of ten doctors suggest you drink water instead of soda.
The one that doesn't lives in Flint, Michigan.
What a pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.
Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex
So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.
So a man and a wife were walking....
The wife sees a dog licking itself and whispers to her husband
"I wish I could get down like that."
The husband replies "I suggest you ask if you can pet em first"
If you ever have a few extra minutes on your hand...
If you ever have a few extra minutes on your hand...
I suggest going to get a more accurate watch.
Problem Child
Psychiatrist to the mother of a problem child:
"You are far too upset and worried about your son. I'm going to prescribe some tranquilizers for you. I suggest you take them regularly."
On the next visit: "So, have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes, they have."
"And how is your son now?"
"Who cares?!?"
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
My friend from Beijing asked me to suggest some nice Taylor Swift songs so I asked him to listen to "T.S.1989" album
I haven't heard anything from him since
If there is anything that really bothers you, I suggest that you let a friend know.
That way, they will be bothered by it too.
if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it...
...he would roll over in his grave.
I suggested to my wife that she should buy a taser so that she could stop men trying to force her to have sex with them.
I was shocked when she actually took my advice.
I suggested to my WiFi that it should main Reinhardt on Overwatch
It's great at tanking during pivotal moments.
A maniac is on the loose after stabbing 6 people with a knitting needle...
Early reports from the police suggest he is following some kind of pattern...
If you're looking for a well paying job, I'd suggest looking into becoming a baker.
I've heard they make a lot of dough.
A man was diagnosed with cancer.
Man: "Wow, Doc, how bad is it?"
Doctor: "Well, you're at the extreme end of stage 4 pancreatic cancer. You've only got about 3 months to live."
Man: "Oh no! Is there anything I can do?"
Doctor: "Well, I'd suggest moving to Arkansas and becoming a pig farmer."
Man: "Really? That would cure my cancer?"
Doctor: "Oh no, of course not. But it will be the longest three months of your life."
An obese woman goes the the doctor.
The doctor attempts to suggest diet and exercise. The woman responds, "Doctor, you don't understand. My mother is obese, my sister is obese, my brother is obese, my cousins are obese. Obesity runs in my family." She doctor thinks for a second and responds, "It sounds like no one runs in your family."
How did the woman react when the doctor suggest she have a brain biopsy?
She gave him a piece of her mind.
Penises are an important part of human culture and anatomy and must be honoured
I suggest we erect a statue
A second opinion
Doctor: Your test results came back, I'm afraid you do have cancer. I suggest we treat you with chemotherapy as soon as possible.
Patient: Hmm I don't know.... I'd like a second opinion.
Doctor: Okay. You are also ugly.
A man is planning his vacation,
As he does so, a friend swings by and offers to help:
-Hey man, may I suggest the Maldives? Had an amazing time there.
-I'm not taking any advice from you! Back in 98, you suggested Rome, I went there and my wife got pregnant, in 2007 you suggested Brazil, I went there and my wife got pregnant, then, in 2013 you suggested France, and, guess what? My wife got pregnant, again!
-Well that's not my fault! You should just start taking your wife with you!
I suggested to my missus that I was her birthday present.
She said she hoped I kept the receipt.
Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.
They are. It's called wrestling.
Hard to swallow
My friend says to me "I'm sick but I'm having a tough time keeping my medicine in me".
"Why don't you try taking it with food like soup or a banana?" I suggest.
A few days later I see him and he's looking a lot better.
"I tried taking my meds with a banana like you said and it worked!" he proclaimed.
"What kind of pills were you taking?" I asked.
"Oh, they weren't pills. They were suppositories."
If you really like a girl and you ask her out, and she says I love you like a brother
Suggest a weekend in Alabama.
Unless you are from Alabama, in which case she is your sister.
Studies suggest that parents can do 1/3 of their kids' math assignments
However, they struggle with the other 3/4
Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !
Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.
Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?
Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.
Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.
Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.
Doctor: Exactly.
Cleveland Indians are going to change their name....
....I suggest Cleveland Bharati.
I was thinking about watching a romantic movie with my girlfriend tonight,
can anybody suggest me a good girlfriend? :)
Studies suggest that masturbation is twice as effective as sex for dealing with stress.
So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush
I have this theory about my sex life lately
Actually, it's more of a hypothesis since I have no physical evidence to suggest it even exists.
An Antarctic explorer has a sore ass from sitting on the ice all day.
Since there's currently no doctor on base, he phones his doctor 5,000km away in Melbourne. The doctor says it's probably just piles, but since I can't examine you, you'd better send a photo just in case it's something more serious.
Worried, the explorer blurts out how the hell do I take a photo of piles on my own butt in the middle of Antarctica?!?
The doctor replies I'd suggest a polarrhoid camera.
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears,
Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely dangerous. If you see any grizzly-bear droppings leave the area immediately.
So how do we know if they're grizzly bear droppings? asks one of the ramblers.
It's easy, replies the ranger. They're full of small bells.
I suggested that the call centre I work at should use the A-Team theme tune as their hold music and my boss agreed
I love it when a plan comes together
A rabbi and a priest are out for a walk through the park.
It's a hot summer day and as they pass by a pond, the rabbi suggest taking a bath to cool down a little.
The priest is hesitant at first, but since they're at a remote spot with noone around, he agrees.
Just as they have finished taking off their robes a group of ladies is jogging by. The priest hastily covers his crotch, while the rabbi hides his face behind his hands.
When the ladies have passed, the priest asks:
"Why didn't you cover your private parts?"
To which the rabbi replies:
"Well, MY congregation recognizes me by my face. "
I suggested to my wife that maybe it's time we asked our roommates to move out, seeing as they are obnoxiously loud and leave their shit everywhere.
After throwing her shoe at me, she told me that it's apparently illegal to kick your kids out before they are 18.
A group of tourists were enjoying sushi at a restaurant in Japan.
Having never eaten sushi before, one woman asked the chef if he would suggest the best way of eating it.
He nodded, and replied Let me shoyu.
Now that Facebook changed their name to Meta, FAANG is not longer a valid abbreviation of the biggest 5 tech companies.
I'd like to suggest MANGA
Kyle Rittenhouse has a lot of people to thank for his acquittal.
I suggest he start with the prosecution.
Damn
A guy was planning his holiday with his travel agent...
Last year you suggested The Maldives and when I returned my wife was pregnant. The year before that you suggested a safari in Africa and when I returned my wife was pregnant. And before that you suggested Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant. Can you suggest somewhere cheaper this year so that I can take her with me!
My dad's latest dad joke
My dad raises rabbit and goes through a lot of hay. As we're getting a new bale out a truck drives by with big round bales.
Me: that would keep you in hay for awhile.
D: rabbits can't eat those.
Me: what? Why not?
D: not good for them
Me:You mean the type of hay
D: nope, can't have those big round ones.
(This back and forth keeps going for like ten minute as I suggest why they can't have them and his just saying no)
Me: is there an actual reason why they can't have that hay?
D: (smirks) they won't get a square meal
Me:(floored)…did you just wind me up for like ten minutes to tell me a dad joke??!
D: yeah
A Submarine Captain is walking down the street...
... when he sees a Buddhist monk fixing a fence.
"Hey mister, I'm having some trouble running my submarine. None of my crew like me. You're a wise man, what would you suggest?" asked the Captain.
"Make sure to switch everybody's positions very often" said the monk.
"Why?" said the Captain.
The monk replied "You'd be surprised at the amount of karma you get from reposting."
Authorities in Lake Tahoe are on the lookout for three bears that have collectively broken into more than 30 homes
Current leads suggest that the bears' location to be somewhere in the goldilock zone
Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain.
Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea River
After decades of marriage, a woman tells her husband that she wants breast implants...
The husband tells her that breast augmentation surgery is too expensive and that they should try to find some alternatives.
"Well, what would you suggest?" asks the wife.
The husband responds, "At least once per day, you should take a wad of paper and slide it between your boobs. If you do it long enough, your boobs will get bigger."
"How the hell is that supposed to give me bigger tits??" she exclaims.
"Well, it's worked for your ass, hasn't it?"
Moving company: "You've got a lot of heavy furniture to haul. I suggest renting a moving truck."
Dad: "Why would I want to rent a truck that doesn't move?"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the suggest propose jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working suggest presume piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.