Sugar Jokes
154 sugar jokes and hilarious sugar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sugar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to indulge in some sweet humor with our collection of funny sugar jokes! From friendly sugar to Splenda, brown sugar to demerara, find a joke to share with your sweet tooth friends. Laugh over Alan Sugar puns, no sugar riddles, or jokes about your favorite type of sugar - watermelon sugar!
Quick Jump To
- Short Sugar Jokes
- Sugar One Liners
- No Sugar Jokes
- Sugar Daddy Jokes
- Blood Sugar Jokes
- Friendly Sugar Jokes
- Brown Sugar Jokes
- More Sugar Jokes
Funniest Sugar Short Jokes
Short sugar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sugar humour may include short molasses jokes also.
- TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. At least, I'm pretty sure...
FP - Fun fact: "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound. . . At least, I'm pretty sure that's correct.
- Doctor: Don't eat anything fatty. Me: Can I eat sugar instead?
Doctor: No fatty, don't eat anything. - I hope they serve cookies at the Royal Wedding this weekend Just to show how a touch of brown sugar makes a ginger snap.
- My wife and I were discussing people owning weird animals... and she said, "I've always wanted to get a manatee." I said, "That's very kind of you. I will take it with two sugars."
- A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a "sugar daddy". He's an artificial sweetner.
- American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"
Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow" - TIL "Sugar" is the only "su"-word in the english language that makes the "sh"-sound! (I haven't actually fact-checked this one, but I'm pretty sure it's correct)
- In the english words, only in Sugar the S sounds like 'Sh'. But I am not Sure about that one.
- Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu". I am pretty sure about it.
Share These Sugar Jokes With Friends
Sugar One Liners
Which sugar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sugar? I can suggest the ones about honey and sweetie.
- What is the gender-neutral term for "sugar daddy?" Glucose guardian.
- Customer: What do you have with no fat and no sugar?
Waitress: Napkins.. - What do rappers like to add to their coffee? Two pack sugar.
- What do vampire hummingbirds eat? Your blood sugar!
My wife won't laugh at this :( - Her: What are those things you blow to make a wish? Me: Sugar daddies?
- What do you call a sugar daddy with no money? A splenda daddy.
- Glucose walks into a bar... Bartender says "what can i get for you sugar?"
- Sugar is a gateway drug It gets you addicted to coke
- Jokes about white sugar are rare enough, but jokes about brown sugar? Demerara
- It's a real-shame I failed my entry-level idiom class I came close, but no sugar.
- I got two packs o' sugar... Call me Two Canes
^I'm ^sorry. - I like my women same as I like my sugar. Unrefined.
- What did they call the sugar that went to space? Intergalactose
- Where did Harry Styles go to school? Watermelon Sugar High
- I can eat sugar with my right OR my left hand. I'm ambi-dextrose.
No Sugar Jokes
Here is a list of funny no sugar jokes and even better no sugar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I want to treat the roads with sugar instead of salt This way, you know... Everyone can have a sweet ride
- Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas! - Did you know sugar is the only word that begins with an 's' that makes a 'sh' sound? I'm sure of it.
- I got arrested the other day after police found me covering a boy with melted sugar I was charged with child molassation
- Going to open up a donut shop next to a medical m**... store I'll call it glazed and confused
- I have a new recipe that's gluten free, sugar free, no-fat, non-GMO, pesticide free, low-calorie, vegan, kosher and paleo-friendly. It's a real breath of fresh air.
- Roses are red Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And so are you.
The roses have wilted
The violets are dead
The sugar bowl's empty
And so is your head. - How to make Emo Cupcakes What You'll need:
Cupcake Tray
An oven
Milk
Butter
Eggs
Flour
Sugar
We're
Going
Down
Swingin' - I really like cooking fruit with sugar. I know many people disagree with me. But that's my jam!
- What do you get when you eat unsalted butter, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, raw eggs, vanilla extract and whole milk? A stomach cake!
Sugar Daddy Jokes
Here is a list of funny sugar daddy jokes and even better sugar daddy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music. I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
- How do you call it, when a sugar daddy falls in love with a girl? Candy Crush.
- Make a wish !! 1st blonde: "What are those things you blow to make a wish ?"
2nd blonde: "Sugar Daddies." - My daughter asked me what a sugar daddy was. I gave her £2000 to never ask me that again.
- I could never be a sugar daddy I'm cheap and unhealthy. So I'd prefer to be called a high fructose corn syrup father.
- What do you call a sugar daddy with HIVs?
- My boyfriend got diagnosed with diabetes. Now he wants me to call him my sugar daddy.
- What did the woman say to her sugar daddy after their big fight? Leave me a loan
- If ice cream were to come from a sugar cow, where would money come from? A sugar daddy.
- I brought cake and candy to my son's birthday celebration. And that, officer, is why I told the hostess at Chuck E. Cheese's that I was the sugar daddy looking for my party boy.
Blood Sugar Jokes
Here is a list of funny blood sugar jokes and even better blood sugar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a guy who checks his blood sugar frequently? Sir Lance A. Lot
- An old gentleman with diabetes had a dangerously low blood sugar level... The man fainted.
Friendly Sugar Jokes
Here is a list of funny friendly sugar jokes and even better friendly sugar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A diabetic friend I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."
- My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory... until his position was dissolved.
- [True story] My girlfriend told me tonight that sugar was my enemy. I replied "You know what they say. Keep your enemies closer than your friends."
- The other day my girl friend called me her booger sugar Because she likes to do me in secret In the bathroom.
- My middle aged friend is completely broke, and is going out with a girl less than half his age. She thinks of him as her sugar-free daddy.
Brown Sugar Jokes
Here is a list of funny brown sugar jokes and even better brown sugar puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- There are loads of jokes about white sugar, but the ones about brown sugar… demerara
- Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar? Demerara.
- How do you make a Royal Ginger Snap With a little brown sugar
- There are hundreds of jokes about white sugar.... But when it comes to jokes about brown sugar... well... demerara
- You hear lots of jokes about white sugar, but you hardly ever hear them about brown sugar, demerara.
- Why are there more bags of white sugar than brown in Jamaica? Because demerara.
- So I used to tell jokes about sugar… There were lots about white sugar but brown sugar…
Demerara. - Where does the brown sugar go to watch a movie? The Cinemon.
Humorous Sugar Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about sugar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean candy jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sugar pranks.
I may be sweet like sugar,
but I'll still beet you with my cane!
A woman walks into a grocery store...
... she grabs a 2 liter bottle of coke zero and a big bag of sugar. she pays for the pop and leaves the store. she is later arrested fro shoplifting. when the police ask why she payed for the coke but not the sugar she said "well it said sugar free"
Tea?
An American, an Englishman and an Irishman were having breakfast together with their wives.
The American suddenly smiled and turned to his wife saying: "Would you please pass me the honey, Honey."
The Englishman, not to be outdone, turned to his wife and said: "Please pass me the sugar, Sugar."
The Irishman paused a while, then turned to his wife and said: "Pass me the tea, Bag."
A policeman pulls over a driver...
for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
I can't do that, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.
Okay, we'll just get a u**... sample down at the station.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.
Alright, we could get a blood sample.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.
Fine then, just walk this white line.
Can't do that either, officer.
Why not?
Because I'm drunk.
3 paddys are out for dinner
English p**... tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"
Scottish p**... asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"
Irish p**... says "pass me the milk
Cow."
The suave Englishman at the breakfast table asked his sweetheart "Please pass the sugar, sugar!"
The debonair Frenchman asked his girl "Please pass the honey, honey!"
The American r**..., not to be outdone, yelled "Pass the pork, pig!"
At the dinner party...
the suave man asks his wife "Pass the sugar, sugar!"
Not to be outdone, his buddy says to his own wife "Pass the honey, honey!"
Their biker pal turns to his old lady and yells "Pass the pork, pig!"
What's the difference between l**... and l**... (Latter Day Saints)?
one you take with a sugar cube, the other with a grain of salt :P
Breakfast Wife
(Overheard at work)
I was eating breakfast at a dinner with the old lady when the man at the next booth says to his wife, "Please pass the sugar, sugar".
A short time later at the booth on the opposite side of me, the man says to his wife, "Please pass the honey, honey".
Annoyed, my wife says to me "How come you never talk sweet to me like that?"
"Ok", I say, "Please pass the bacon, pig."
A nutritionist is giving a speech at a conference on eating healthy
Red meat is terrible for your metabolism, soda rips apart your gastric wall. Fast food is almost all fat and sugar but there's one food that is the worst of all. Almost all of us eat it sooner or later and the negative effects can last for years after a single consumption. Does anyone know what this is?
After a moment of silence an elderly specialist sitting in one of the front rows gets up and says "wedding cake"
Sugar
A blonde would wake up every morning, go into the kitchen, carefully open the lid of the sugar container, look into it and then close it.
This made her new boyfriend very curious. So one day he asked her why she did that. She replied, "My doctor asked me to check my sugar level every day."
Roses are red violets are blue
Roses are red and Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet and so are you
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead
The sugar bowls empty and so is your head
A kid asked his mom : how did you make me ?
His mom said : one night i put little sugar under my pillow and in the morning you were by my side; The kid grabbed some sugar and put it under his pillow, he woke up in the morning and found an ant in his bed, "If you weren't my son, I swear i would've squashed you!"
If girls are made of sugar, spice, and everything nice ...
Why do they smell like tuna?
The s**... is made up of Glucose........
MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .
Gordon Ramsay screamed at me that I didn't know the first thing about seasoning
But I took it with a pinch of sugar
A nurse runs up to a doctor
"Doctor, Doctor!" she exclaims. "This patient's blood sugar is crashing!"
"This calls for a cool refreshing beverage!" says the doctor.
The nurse says, "Dr. Pepper! not now."
Good joke to drop on most people.
A man walks into a bar and see's a sign that says:
Hamburgers - $1.00
Cheeseburgers - $2.00
h**... - $10.00
So the man approaches the blond, b**..., beautiful bartender and says: "Are you the one who gives the h**...?"
She replies "I sure am, sugar!"
"Great. Wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
Today I was so bored that I put a bit of sugar right in front of an ant.
The ant spent some good minutes eating the sugar, as it left to call his other ant friends, I cleaned it up so they would think she's lying.
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy playing in front of his house saw him and called,
What've you got in your truck?
Fertilizer, the farmer replied.
What are you going to do with it? asked the little boy.
Put it on strawberries, answered the farmer.
You ought to live here, the little boy advised him. We put sugar and cream on ours!
If life gives you lemon...
I hope ~~he~~ life also gives you water and sugar or else your lemonade's gonna s**....
Recently, a group of scientists discovered...
a subclass of ant has a genetic mutation that makes them grow larger than average, DESPITE missing a jointed segment on their legs. This same mutation also causes them to have an aversion to dairy-based foods, even with their high based sugar content.
TL;DR lack-toes-in-taller-ants
What's white and ruins lives around the world?
Sugar.
You racist b**....
A man is meeting with his boss and his boss's boss for brunch.
All three of their wives are joining them to eat. Among the conversation, the man's boss's boss asks his wife to pass him the sugar.
"Pass the sugar, sugar."
Then his boss looks at his wife to pass him the honey.
"Pass the honey, honey." He says.
The man thinks he should match his boss's and boss's boss's humor.
He looks to his wife and says, "Pass the tea, bag."
True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.
Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.
"New Years resoultion"
I have been reading so many bad things lately about how all the bad things sugar and junk food could do to me, so my New Years resoultion is no more reading 😊
What do you call a sugar daddy with h**...?
Financial AIDS
Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?
He went in all buns glazing.
Why do bakeries in denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?
If they didn't, they would be sweetish.
A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow
Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, "What's that smell? Is it brown sugar?"
Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, "No I don't think so. Smells like vanilla to me."
The baby mole still in the burrow says "I don't know what you guys are talking about. All I can smell is molasses!"
A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"
Why is there no cure for diabetes?
Because they can't have a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.
What do you call a baker holding a bag of sugar in both hands?
Ambidextrose.
Why does Swedish sugar taste better?
It's Sweder
There was a family of moles underground.
They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says wow, I smell sugar . The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims wow I smell glucose! Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says holy cow I smell fructose! The sister mole wants to catch a whiff of the smell and climbs to the hole. Sadly the hole is clogged by her family and she said all I smell is molasses
If you do these things every day for 30 days straight you will be unrecognizable
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink four 8oz glasses of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone, cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
If you do these things for 30 days you will be unrecognisable.
1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.
2. Drink 3L of water minimum daily.
3. Get outside in the sun everyday.
4. No sugar.
5. Read for 30 mins each day.
6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week
7. Capture someone and cut their face off then sew it onto your face.
8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.
"excuse me, is this sugar free?"
**Cashier:** No. You have to pay for it.
I visited the doctor today and he said my sugar was too high
So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf
The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".
The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"
My boss at the cereal factory pulled me into his office...
I like your recipes son, but I think we should make some changes.
Ok , I said, Like What?
Well, first I'd like to dip it in sucrose. Then, I'd like to dust it with dextrose -
Stop right there , I said. No need to sugar coat it.
Three generations were having brunch together
The grandson looks over at his newlywed wife and asks her, "Will you pass the honey, honey?" She giggles and passes the honey.
The father, not to be outdone, looks over to his wife and asks, "Will you pass the sugar, sugar?" She laughs, "You old charmer," and passes the sugar.
The Grandfather looks up, makes eye contact with his wife of 55 years and asks, "Will you pass the tea... bag?"
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing l**... and stockings. Asked to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap
I said, 'Fuck off Dave, I've got work in the b**... morning' .
I was woken late last night about 3am
By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.
I said, f**... off dave, I've got work in the morning'.
A 70 year old guy goes to see his doctor
He tells the doctor he got himself a 22 year old sugar baby and is having s**... 3 times a week.
The doctor asks if he has any aching joints or pain, and the guy tells him no.
The doctor then asks if he thinks he has an STD, or has had any itching, and the guy says no, and goes on to say how happy he is.
The doctor finally says, "If everything with you is fine, then why are you telling me about having so much s**...?"
The guy says, "Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"
I went on a cruise once, and we were hit by a gigantic wave, and the boat sank.
I woke up on a sugar sand beach, with gigantic cotton candy clouds filling the sky, and the sea glistened under the setting sun like a pool of honey, next to me was a volleyball that looked like a marshmallow. Towering above me was a gigantic volcano that looked like an upside down ice cream cone.
It was then that my worst fears were realized, that I was trapped on a dessert Island.
A lorry carrying 300kg of strawberries crashed into a lorry carrying 50kg of sugar.
Instead of helping clear up the accident cars drove through the mess and the jam was getting thicker!
You know when people muddle berries and preserve them with sugar?
That's my jam.
