Sue Me Jokes
120 sue me jokes and hilarious sue me puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sue me that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sue Me Short Jokes
Short sue me jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sue me humour may include short sue name jokes also.
- Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes Me: I wish for a world without lawyers
Genie: Done, you have no more wishes
Me: But you said 3
Genie: Sue me. - I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to my lawyer and said, I want to sue the airline. You don't have much of a case, he replied.
- Genie: You have 3 wishes. Me: I want a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done. That concludes your wishes.
Me: But you said I have 3 wishes?
Genie: Sue me. - Genie: I shall grant you three wishes. Me: I wish for a world without lawyers. Genie: Done, you have no more wishes. Me: But you said three. Genie: Sue me.
- I used to date a girl called Sue denim.... Until I found out that it wasn't her real name.
- I showed my lawyer my ripped up bag and asked if I could sue the airline. He said, You don't have much of a case.
- Fresh and Funny! Hey Sue, what do you say to a nice walk?
Oh Harry, that would be lovely!
Wonderful. Could you bring me some beer and cigarettes on your way back? - I hired some lawyers to sue the airline company for mishandling my luggage. They lost my case.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
- I'm really scared that the Fine Bros are going to sue me because I just had an allergic reaction.
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Sue Me One Liners
Which sue me one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sue me? I can suggest the ones about suing and sued.
- I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
- I was going to sue my neurosurgeon. But he changed my mind.
- I tried to sue an airport because of my missing luggage. I lost my case.
- How does a lawyer name their kids? Bill and Sue
- Why can't you sue a deaf guy? He can't go to the hearing
- I tried to sue the airline for misplacing my luggage. I unfortunately lost the case.
- I'm dyslexic but hoping to get a law degree. One that I can really sue.
- What did the lawyer name his baby? Sue
- Fine Bros can't sue metal beams, Because they don't react to jet fuel.
- What is a name for a female lawyer? Sue
- A man who has a lawsuit with Folgers has grounds to sue.
- I like defending myself in court. So sue me.
- Why did Papa John sue Papa John's? He kneaded the dough.
- Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill. - What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue
Sue Me Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about sue me you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suits jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sue me pranks.
Started reading the bible.
Could not bother finishing. Jesus is such a Mary Sue and lacking in any true character development. 1 star.
Dating in 1962
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1962 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell.
"Oh, come on in!" Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.
"Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink? Lemonade? Iced tea?"
"Iced tea, please," Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.
"So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?" she asked.
"Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop,
maybe take a walk on the beach..."
"Peggy likes to screw, you know," Mom informed him.
"Uh...really?" Fred replied, with raised eyebrows.
"Oh, yes!" the mother continued. "When she goes out with her friends, that's all they do!"
"Is that so?" asked Fred, incredulous.
"Yes," said the mother. "As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!"
"Well, thanks for the tip," Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.
A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse
and full circle skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.
"Have fun, kids," the mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely disheveled Peggy Sue burst into the house
and slammed the front door behind her.
"The Twist, Mom!" she angrily yelled at her mother. "The d**... dance is called the Twist!
Mary and Sue are discussing good-looking boys in their high school.
Mary asks "Have you seen that new Mexican kid Amal Garcia?"
"Garcia?" Sue responds. "No, but I think I've seen his brother Juan"
Mary replies "They're identical twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
A right-wing law firm is trying to overturn Roe v Wade.
They find their test plaintiff, a man whose daughter had gotten an abortion after he forbade it. The firm sues the doctors, and the appeals go all the way to the Supreme Court, exactly as intended. The Court even agrees to hear the case ... only to uphold Roe v Wade, 5 - 4.
All in all, it was a classic case of abort, retry, fail.
Why did the h**... sue her estranged brother?
He wasn't paying child support.
Lindsay Lohan had a miscarriage while filming her reality TV show
So, will she sue herself?
What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?
Sue.
So I'm at the dentist's office...
...in the waiting room when this woman comes storming out, shouting curses and threatening to sue. When she's gone, the dentist is standing in the doorway, speechless, so I ask him, "gee, doc, what's got her knickers in a twist?" And he says, "I don't know, I just asked her to take a shot in the mouth."
Why did the gay man sue the mental hospital?
They held him in a straightjacket.
Don't give a man a fish. Teach a man to fish. Then sue that man for fishing on your property.
I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs
But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.
Should a white wife sue both white husband and Asian mistress for destroying their lives if exposed on Ashley Madison?
There once was a lady named Sue...
..who didn't have much to do.
So she pulled out the vacuum,
and went to the bathroom,
and found a new way to go p**....
Why didn't the patient sue the dentist for pulling the wrong tooth?
Because it was accidental.
There once was a Little Girl named Sue...
She likes a lot of celebrities. But, every person she idolises commits s**.... Because they're Sue's idols! Hahaha?
You're in a bar and a guy throws a punch at you
You can't even react back or TheFineBros will sue you.
What do you call it when one law firm sues another law firm?
A bar fight.
I was really angry when my wife tried to sue me for impotence
But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court
Jury awards $22 million to man locked in closet by East Cleveland police for four days with no food or toilet.
R Kelly is going to sue the East Cleveland police for copyright infringement.
Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...
When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".
Amazon should sue Samsung....
For infringing on the copyrights of their Kindle and Fire.
What do you call a lawyer from krypton?
Sue-per Man
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn't have a leg to stand on
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a lawyer a fish...
And he'll sue you for giving out raw, uncooked food, and doing so without a license.
What do you call a cat that sues a cat?
A Clawsuit!
My friend got crushed when a Billy bookcase fell on him in Ikea yesterday. He's decided not to sue though...
He says it was a shelf inflicted injury.
What happened when The Cat in the Hat attacks his surgeon
The Dr Sues.
My school does these things at the end of the year called "Senior Pranks".
Usually the same routine, with some alterations each year. Pull the fire alarm, play inappropriate music over the loud speaker, and throw a couple smoke bombs here and there. I'm always surprised how the local retirement home doesn't threaten to sue anyone.
I'm going to have to sue the zoo...
... I visited the apiary and there weren't any monkeys at all, just a s**... bunch of bees.
I never really met my neighbors until they tried to sue me over the ownership of some property.
Turns out we had a lot in common.
There once was a lady named Sue...
There once was a lady named Sue
She didn't have much to do
So she pulled out the vacuum
and went to the bathroom
And found a new way to go p**...
**I just want to say this is not a repost. I wrote this Limerick, with the exception of the first two lines.*
My Aunt Sue is a rather mediocre knitter
She's a so-so sewer Sue
My mate bought a new suitcase
My mate bought a new suitcase advertised as 'indestructible!', with a lifetime guarantee.
One week later one of the wheels broke clean off and the case would fall over when being used.
He tried to return his broken suitcase but the company refused to deal with him.
'Im going to sue!' my friend said angrily
I told him I would too but I was afraid his case wouldn't stand up in court.
Bubba Calls 911
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. 'Where do you live?' asked the operator.
Bubba replied, 'At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.'
The operator asked, 'Can you spell that for me?'
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, 'How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?'
Why did the blackboard sue the dry erase marker?
Because the dry erase marker would only work with the whiteboard.
What do you call a Asian lawyer
Sue-Yu
I'm pretty sure that I experimented with homosexuality in college...
I'm not sue though, my memories are kind of Spacey.
I went to my WIFES doctor and told him I was going to sue him.
When he asked why I explained that ever since my wife left his care she hasn't been s**... interested in me.
The doctor said all he done was cataract surgery and now she can see.
Never try to sue an origami
This action will eventually fold back on you
Why did the taxi driver sue the man who died in his cab?
Because life isn't fare.
A mans luggage was lost on an airline, so he attempted to sue them.
Turns out he lost the case.
I tried to sue Santa for skipping our house on Christmas
...but he had a clause in his contract that allowed it
Tried to sue British Airways because they lost my luggage.
Turns out I didn't have a case.
A Lady Threatened to Sue Her Husband's Doctor
A lady threatened to sue her husband's doctor because after he recovered from surgery he had performance issues in bed. She claimed that he could no longer get it up and therefore could no longer please her.
The Doctor responded with "How's that my fault? I only removed his cataracts."
What do you do if you have an ugly kid with a hot partner?
Sue for false advertising
When I was a young boy I tried to get the leader of our church to touch me inappropriately during confession so that I could sue him...
But he just told me to stop pastor baiting.
3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets n**... and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?
Their drug dealer
The airline lost my prosthetic leg
To make matters worse, a baggage handler dropped a heavy suitcase on my foot... I wanted to sue the airline, but my lawyer said I didnt have a leg to stand on.
The airline smashed my luggage
so I asked my lawyer if I could sue them... he said, "you don't have much of a case".
What do you call a lawer that can cook?
A sue chef
Why did the weatherman sue the clouds?
They wouldn't let him see his sun!!
Miners to sue a harmless tree-hugger. If you ask me, those miners are just making...
A molehill out of the mountain.
Levi's is sueing a smaller company over pants
It's because they tried to sell bootleg jeans
I tried to sue a company that sold me an erectile dysfunction treatment that didn't work
But the evidence wouldn't stand up in court.
I sued a hypnotist for fraud.
I won cause he couldn't persuade me not to sue him.
Buddy Hackett duck joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,
"I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied,
"This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said,
"I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?"
The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said,
"Okay, you old f**.... Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
What do you get when you throw a billion lawyers in the ocean?
A Sue-Nami!
Today the president signed a bill making it against the law to get up out of a chair.
I tried to sue but the judge said there was no legal standing.
Someone tried to sue me over my bottomless pit
But there weren't any grounds
How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
That's not funny. I'm going to sue!
(I got this from an Apples to Apples card)
If being spineless is a crime, sue me!
I think, I'll just plead guilty.
*On a serious note, I'll probably beg you to withdraw charges.*
The Seattle Harbor Enterprise, or SHE, is embroiled in another lawsuit....
They have been charged with illegally surveiling the employees of a net manufacturing company and even tracking them to their homesand even emailing them during non work hours.
So the employees got together and pooled up enough money to raise a lawsuit against the the org for their wrongful actions.
The event is being called the:
"Sue SHE fish net stalking case"
How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
3 lawyers .One climbs the ladder , the 2nd one to push it and the 3rd one to sue the lightbulb company.
If a person is sueing a product for blinding him/her in one of their eyes, they should win double the amount
Because they are not gonna be able to see half of it anyway.
What's the martial arts All jews are afraid of?
Jew Git sue.
Sue has lunch with her blonde friend, Mary.
Sue offers to pay because she recently got a whole bunch of money. Mary asks her how, and she says a man hit her with his car so she sued him.
The next day, Mary shows up with a wedding ring on her finger. Sue asks what happened, and she says, "a guy hit me with his car, so I did just what you would have done. I Mary'd him!"