Sucks Jokes

Following is our collection of dyson humor and suck one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Sucks puns for adults, dirty blowjob jokes or clean vaccum gags for kids.

There is an abundance of bad jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes on sucks. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any vortex witze you can hear about sucks.

The Best jokes about Sucks

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

I wish I could be ugly for one day.

Being ugly every day sucks.

An insolent teenager stomps off to her room...

Teenager: "And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"

Dad: "Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"

I wish I was poor one day in my life...

Because being poor everyday sucks...

Working at home sucks...

....if you're a firefighter.


Why is Oklahoma so windy?

Because Kansas sucks, and Texas blows

A blonde came up to the librarian and yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters and the story makes no sense!"

The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

My girlfriend is the squareroot of -100.

She's a 10 but it sucks because she's imaginary.

Why does Elton John play the piano?

Because he sucks on an organ.

What is the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job still sucks.

A boy and his father are in an argument

Father: "I've had enough of this! Go to your room and don't come back out until you've thought long and hard about what you've done"

Son: "Fine, I didn't want to be here anyways"

Son: *Stomps up stairs*

Son: *Walks into his room, gently closes the door*

Son: "Jim Morrison sucks!"

Father: "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors!?"


Elton John is a great pianist

but I hear he sucks on the organ

Otherwise

You may think this joke sucks,

But the title says otherwise.

What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.

You know what sucks?

Negative Pressure

Losing game pieces sucks...

Especially when it's hide and seek...

I'll never forget you, Brian..

Dad: Go to your room!

Son: Jim Morrison sucks!


Dad: what did I tell you about slamming The Doors?

I wish i was ugly for just one single day..

Because being ugly everyday just sucks!

I've come to the conclusion that my sex life sucks.

I was masturbating the other day, and my hand fell asleep.


I got a job at the zoo circumcising Elephants.

The pay sucks but the tips are huge.

An insolent teenager is having an argument with her father

And as she storms off she shouts, "Oh and by the way, Jim Morrison SUCKS!"

The father looks back and responds, "Hey, there will be no slamming of The Doors in my house."

Bono from U2 is the voice of my car's GPS

It sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Having sex with a waitress sucks.

She only takes the tip.

Meanwhile at the Sperm Donor Bank

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.

He goes up to the nurse and demands for her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.

So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!".

So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.

Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard is it ?."

I just bought the best vacuum ever

It sucks

You know your life sucks...

when your job sucks, your car sucks, your house sucks, but your wife doesn't.

- Sorry if it's a repost.

If I got a dollar everytime someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

I'd have enough money to buy a house in the economy they ruined.

Trump was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, Trump called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours, they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from Putin."

"Vlad? How could he do this to me? What could be worse than this?"

"The handwriting's is Melania's."

I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do.

Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians.

Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!"

One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!"

You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"

What has eight arms and sucks?

Nickelback

Sorry in advance for the pun...

So they opened a new zoo by my house, it really sucks. They only have one dog....it's a total shih tzu.

Thoughts from 25-35 year olds

~Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.~

~I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.~

~I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.~

~I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.~

~Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...~

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S IN THE EGGS!!!
Me: I don't know, it's a surprise!!

(Sorry if the formatting sucks. On mobile)

I heard that Elton John was pretty good on the piano

but apparently he sucks on the organ.

My ex-wife is like a tornado

First she blows, then she sucks, then she took my house and dog.

It's not that hard [NSFW]

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says "But sir, it's just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside is all the sperm samples.

The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks
at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally, after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says

- "See honey - it's not that hard."

My friend was in a terrible accident, and now has to breathe through a straw

...you could say he sucks at life.

What's the difference between a job and marriage to a woman?

After ten years, the job still sucks.

What do you call an Egyptian god who sucks at CS:GO?

A-noob-is.

What sucks about being an egg?

You get laid once, and it's by your mom.

What are the problems of a middle aged man?

Life sucks, job sucks, and wife does not

You know what sucks when you're married?

Not your wife.

Being Bipolar sucks...

I love it

People say maintaining a long term relationship with a girl is the same as having a full time job. I for one think there complete opposites.

After 10 years, my job still sucks.

Hillary Clinton sucks!

No she doesn't, because if she did Bill wouldn't have Monica.

What has 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard.




I wish i could be ugly for one day

Because being ugly every day sucks :(

Easy as 1,2,3.....4.

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."

I've been going to the gym for five years now and I still don't have abs.

It sucks being the cleaner.

It sucks being a grown up.

Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.

Oh So Creamy

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.Β 

He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.Β 

She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"

"I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies.Β 
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.Β 

The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!"

She looksΒ at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples???"

"DO IT!", He screams.

So the nurse sucks it back.

"That one there, drink that one as well."
So the nurse drinks that one as well.Β 

Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says: "See honey - its not that hard."

Adam's new wife

Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion.

God said to him, "I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. However, to make her I'll need an arm and a leg."

Adam says, "Aw what, that sucks! What can I get for a rib?"

What is the difference between poverty and my ex-wife?

Poverty sucks.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes