The Best 55 Succes Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Succes jokes. There are some succes farmers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these succes consecutive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Succes Jokes and Puns
I just successfully robbed a bank!
Now what to do with all this sperm...
Successful entrepreneur
I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"
U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.
Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.
Success is like being pregnant
Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.
Success is like fart...
... you can't stand if is not yours.
Behind every successful man
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
A successful woman needs four animals in her life...
A jaguar in her garage, a mink in her closet, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass to pay for all of the above.
What is successful but always beat?
Rihanna
What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?
Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.
What does a successful rapping cow struggle with?
Moo money moo problems
The most successful marriages and the very worst marriages end exactly the same way...
...with one partner watching the other one die.
You can explore succes give reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean succes succession dad jokes. There are also succes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Behind every successful man is a woman.
This game of hide and seek has been going on for too long...
The least successful Michael Jackson impersonator of all time:
Jared
I don't believe you can become a successful bodybuilder without the use of supplements.
There's just no whey.
My successful pancake business was recently shut down
Someone tipped off the police that I was selling them hot
Behind Every Successful man.
Teacher: Behind every successful man there is a women
what do we learn from this?
Student: we should stop wasting time in studies and find a woman.
If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be...
...I'd still be below average.
I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.
As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.
When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.
I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)
Great success.
What is the most successful hotel?
Auschwitz, 6 million stars.
What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common
They both take risks and get positive results
What does a successful CS:GO bettor spend the money on?
Vacation.
I'll always be less successful than Edgar Allan Poe
Nevermore
Success has a thousand fathers
Failure has a mother-in-law
What is the most successful spinoff ever made?
The Bible
To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...
1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have sex with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.
I had a really successful sex change.
I'm having more sex than I did last year.
E.T. became a very successful property manager. His slogan was...
"E.T. own home."
I don't know why I'm not successful yet! I learned all the rules!
Success is 50% attitude, 50% hard work, and 2% math accuracy
How to be a successful president:
Start every morning with a fresh cup of covfefe.
Why is success in the shaving industry so difficult?
Razor thin margins.
I just had a successful liver transplant operation.
That surgeon really de-livered!
Behind a successful man is usually a woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Success is like a fart.
It only bothers people when it's not their own.
Why was there never a successful "Antz" videogame?
Because they had too many bugs
In germany after the succes of Uber and Ubereats a new app is rising under elderly folk for finding people to help in your household
They're calling it Ubermensch
With the success of American documentary shows like Moonshiners...
They should release a spin-off called Crackers
Success is like farts...
You only tolerate your own.
The most successful investor was Noah.
He floated stock, while everything else around him went into liquidation.
Success is my middle name!
But no one calls me by it.
I successfully made a real clone that looks exactly like me
I'm beside myself with excitement.
I own a successful company with over 30 000 workers.
Everything goes fine with girls until they find out I'm a beekeeper.
What do a successful marriage and a successful murder have in common?
They both end with one person watching the other person die.
Just want to tell you that I was successful in making it to every single Halloween party last night.
I went as a black dad.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
If you want to be more successful, increase the number of women.
Successful people only sleep on bare mattresses...
...because after all that hard work you don't want to sheet the bed.
Success isn't always valued
The gastrointestinal system's success is a complete human waste.
The most successful people are torture victims
because no pain no gain.
Since the success of The Rock, fans suggest more wrestlers should participate in acting.
They are. It's called wrestling.
I'm very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank
For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way
Why did the successful comedian lose his job after a car accident?
It caused amputation of both his arms and lost his funny bone
Success is relative
The more successful I am, the more relatives pop out at my house.
PS. Most of them I've only seen just now
When I successfully invade Canada and they offer me lands in a peace treaty...
I'll take Nunavut.
Who was the most successful Transgender and Transrace person in history?
Michael Jackson. He grew up a poor, black boy, and died a rich, white woman.
How to be successful in two easy steps
1) Never tell anyone everything you know
I successfully quit my job as an animator without making a scene, so I had a party to celebrate...
and everybody brought gifs.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the succes pregnancy jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working succes wealthy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.