succ Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious succ puns

Success is like pregnancy...

Everyone congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

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Success is like getting pregnant.

Everyone says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you got fucked.

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Success is like being pregnant

Everyone congratulates you, but no one asks you how many times you got f**ked to get there.

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I just successfully pulled-off the 'key to comedy' joke around my surgery.

As I felt the anaesthetic starting to kick in I said, 'I have a joke'. 'Better be quick!' The anaesthetist said.
'Do you know what the key to comedy is?'
Then I smiled and passed out.

When I woke up a couple of hours later I asked the nurse to tell the anaesthetist my message: 'timing'.

I was a bit worried I just dreamed the first part but I checked with the doc and they said they got it all :)

Great success.

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Being successful is like getting pregnant..

..Everyone will come to congratulate you but no one dares to ask how hard and how many times you were fucked.

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Success is like being pregnant

Everyone congratulates you, but no one ever asks how many times you've been fucked to get there.

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Success is like a fart.

It only bothers people when it's not their own.

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Success is like Pregnancy

Everyone congratulates you, but no one knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.

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If at first you don't succeed..

Then that's it for skydiving.

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Success And Shit ...

Success Is Like The Smell Of Shit, It Can Only Be Tolerated If It Is Yours .
^_^

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Success is like being pregnant,...

Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you were fucked before you got there.

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Being successful is like being pregnant..

..Everybody congratulates you, but nobody knows how many times you've been fucked.

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Success is like giving birth...

everyone congratulates you in the end but nobody knows how many times you got fucked in order to get there.

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If at first you don't succeed,

Then maybe Russian roulette isn't for you.

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If at first you don't succeed

we have a lot in common.

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What do successful businessmen and aids patients have in common

They both take risks and get positive results

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To have a successful marriage, every man has to follow these four steps...

1. Find a woman who will love you unconditionally.
2. Find a woman who will always cook for you.
3. Find a woman who will always want to have sex with you.
4. And most importantly, ensure that none of these women ever meet.

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I just successfully robbed a bank!

Now what to do with all this sperm...

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If at first you don't succeed...

... then bomb disposal probably isn't the career for you

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Success is like a clitoris.

I can't seem to find it.

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U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.

Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.

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Success means different things at different times of life

At age 4, success means not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success means having friends.
At age 17, success means having a driver's license.
At age 25, success means having sex.
At age 35, success means having money.
At age 45, success means having money.
At age 55, success means having sex.
At age 65, success means having a driver's license.
At age 75, success means having friends.
At age 85, success means not peeing in your pants.

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The most successful investor was Noah.

He floated stock, while everything else around him went into liquidation.

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If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be...

...I'd still be below average.

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If at first you don't succeed

Then skidiving isn't for you

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The successful entrepreneur was constantly in demand for after-dinner speeches and could never find the time to prepare his own material.

His assistant always wrote the speech. It was at the annual conference that he was called upon to give encouragement to small businesses.
After the meal, the entrepreneur stood up to address the audience. "Ladies and gentleman. There are three main areas of tension in today's small businesses. The first is the problem of not paying competitive salaries ..."
He then turned to the next page and read out, "From now on, you unappreciative pig, you're on your own ..."

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You know what they say?

If at first you don't succeed, then sky diving is not for you.

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Being successful is like being pregnant.

Everyone congratulates you, but not many people ask about how hard you were fucked.

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A very successful lawyer buys a new Ferrari...

He parks in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too close and completely tears the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up to take a report.

Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically. His Ferrari, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally winds down from his ranting and raving, the officer shakes his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "All you care about is money and your possessions."

The lawyer unleashes a stream of obscenities before the officer can calm him down.

"Hear me out...see, you are so worried about your car, you didn't even notice that the accident took off your left arm."

"Oh my god!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

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What does a successful CS:GO bettor spend the money on?

Vacation.

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Don't succumb to peer pressure. . . .

. . . Remember, none of your friends do.

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What was the most successful love story in Game of Thrones?

Shireen. She was only on Tinder for a couple of minutes.

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What is the most successful hotel?

Auschwitz, 6 million stars.

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Inspirational quote of the day:

You can't spell "success" without "succ".

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Successful Sons.

Four friends met up for a game of golf, and while one man went to grab a drink, the other three men spoke about how successful their sons are.

Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a car dealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.

Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet

Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle

Guy 4 walks back to the group of the other 3 guys

Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about

Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are

Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gay stripper

Guy 2: You must be so disappointed with what he's done with his life

Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a castle from his three boyfriends.

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What are the most funny Succ jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Succ? Well, here are the best Succ dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Succ pick up lines to share with friends.

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