Subway Jokes
173 subway jokes and hilarious subway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about subway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains a selection of jokes aboutsubways. Whether you're a fan of the underground transport system or not, these jokes are sure to make you laugh. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
Quick Jump To
- Short Subway Jokes
- Subway One Liners
- Subway Sandwich Jokes
- Subway Sandwiches Jokes
- Subway Footlong Jokes
- Subway Train Jokes
- More Subway Jokes
Funniest Subway Short Jokes
Short subway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The subway humour may include short submarine jokes also.
- Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
- Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.
- The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- My highschool bully still takes my lunch money... But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
- I thought this guy on the subway was yawning. Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.
- Death must be really boring for subway drivers. A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
- I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.
- So this black guys stopped me on the subway and asked "did the Yankees win?" I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now"
- How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career? By trying to get into smaller pants.
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Subway One Liners
Which subway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with subway? I can suggest the ones about public transportation and railway.
- TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub.
- Subway is a lot like prostitution. You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.
- Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- The ladies call me Subway. Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- This sub is seriously falling apart I knew I should've gone to Subway
- What do Subway and prostitutes have in common? You're paying them to do your wife's job
- How did Jared from Subway lose weight? He was ordering off the kids menu.
- Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich
- What do you call a midget playing drums in a subway? A metro-gnome
- To the guy who coughed on me on the subway...
- TIFU by getting my girlfriend's order wrong at Subway Oops, wrong sub
- I had a 12 inch Italian last night Then I went to Subway
- I am a sandwich maker at subway, but i'm not very good at my job. AMA! Wrong sub, my bad
- What do me and Subway have in common? We both lie about it being six inches
Subway Sandwich Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway sandwich jokes and even better subway sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich. She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?" - I saw my ex working at subway the other day So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.
- To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money. On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.
- What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters? Counter productive.
- What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
- [TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway Ooops, wrong sub!
- I once asked a feminist to make me sandwich and she got offended Last time I ever go to Subway
- I took my wife to Subway today. I asked the girl, can you make me a sandwich please.
She said no problem sir.
I turned to the wife and said, see how hard was that... - Why does Subway call its employees Sandwich Artists? So you can finally say you are earning money as an artist.
- A hen walks into Subway The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."
Subway Sandwiches Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway sandwiches jokes and even better subway sandwiches puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today. I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.
- I walked into a Subway copycat joint earlier to see how their sandwiches compare. They claimed to be Sub standard... but i thought they were below par.
- Subway makes all their sandwiches with love. Now if they would actually put some meat in them...
- TIFU by eating my brother's extra hot Subway sandwich! Whoops, wrong sub.
- I saw Kim Kardashian walk into the Subway I work at, order five sandwiches, and walk back out holding all of them. I wasn't surprised. It's not the first time she's taken several footlongs at once.
- The guy who used to bully me in middle school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- Jared's favorite dressing on his Subway sandwich is Neverland Ranch. I'm sorry.
- What does a stripper and a Subway sandwich maker have in common? They both prefer to be called "artists" instead of what they really are.
- Why do subway sandwiches only measure up to 11 inches? Jared likes his footlongs a little smaller.
- I went to subway and ordered a sandwich... It was of average quality, I'd call it *Subpar*.
Subway Footlong Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway footlong jokes and even better subway footlong puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Jared from Subway get in his court sentence? Free foot-longs for life.
- Things not to say in Subway 1. I would like a 6-inch Hearty Italian.
2. 6-inch doesn't fill me up.
3. Yes, give me more meat.
4. squirt more of that mayo.
5. I can't take a foot-long. - Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches Anything under 12 is better for Jared.
- Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
- You must be a terrible Subway employee Because you just have me a footlong for free.
- Jared from Subway should be happy… … He will have a life time supply of foot-longs where he's going.
- When Jared from Subway goes to prison, They're gonna ask him:
"Six inch or footlong?" - Jared from subway... He'll be getting used to a new style of footlong HIYOO
- Joke is funny, proceed with caution! Funny Pick-up line: Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a 'footlong'.
- I'm scared to go to subway They always ask me if I want the 6 incher or the foot-long
Subway Train Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway train jokes and even better subway train puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a London subway train full of professors? A tube of smarties.
- I dont respect people who give no effort to make room on crowded subway trains... ... and yet I think the people who yell at them are crazy.
- Yo mama so fat, when she went to a subway she mistook the train for a sandwich and ate it.
- What do employees do on their first day of work at the subway? Training
Comedy Subway Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about subway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suburban jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make subway pranks.
The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...
... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."
A guy was in a Subway sandwich shop
and ordered a coke and a sandwich. They asked him if he wanted his sandwich toasted. He said he sure did. He raised his coke and said, "The best of everything to you, sandwich".
How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way"
(there's no f in way)
*joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
When you're sad, no one sees your tears.
When you're happy, no one sees your smile.
But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares.
What do you call a dog who likes to eat at subway?
A sub-woofer!!
TIFU by picking up the wrong order at subway.
Whoops, wrong sub.
I was craving some Indian food yesterday...
...So I went and got subway.
What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed?
NYC subway commuters.
I was sitting on the subway next to a fat guy and it got me thinking...
So I turned to him and asked "How can you let yourself get so fat? Isn't it hard to put that much weight on?"
"Nah, piece of cake."
Do you know what comes in a Subway kids' meal?
Jared
Where did Josh Duggar take his first Ashley Madison date?
Subway
Why are Subway and Jared no longer together?
Because Subway has been around longer than 17 years and Jared lost interest.
Jared from Subway broke Subway's number one rule
He put old meat between fresh buns
Subway to release a statement next week
In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.
What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?
19 Kids and Counting
Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks...
...he was on Club Penguin.
Jared may not get free subway for life anymore...
But he will have no shortage of 6 inch or foot longs.
The ladies call me "subway"..
..because I lie about being 12 inches and my meat smells like a yoga mat.
I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...
Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...
(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)
What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?
They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.
A man sneezes on the subway who clearly has a cold.
The man next to him says in a disgusted tone, "people like you make me sick."
A man is sitting on the subway when suddenly he sees the only other passenger take out a roll of film and start eating it.
The man stares at him shocked for a while before deciding he has to say something, "But . .but isn't that awefull?" he asks.
The other passenger stops eating "Yeah, your right, the book was much better"
New Subway slogan idea from Jared
12 is the new 18
I was on the subway when someone sneezed on me.
I was so disgusted, I turned to him and said "People like you make me sick."
Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?
He thought they had delivery service.
TIFU by going to Subway instead of Quiznos
Oops, wrong sub
A woman was m**... furiously on the subway
The police were going to arrest her, but she got off.
On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
LPT Don't order the wrong thing for your wife at subway
Oops wrong sub
I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway
His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.
6 inches is the size prefered by women,
Source: I work at Subway.
What do men and Subway have in common?
They both exaggerate the length.
I've stood up for black people plenty of times...
Not worth getting shot over a seat on the subway.
TIFU by messing up my wife's Subway order.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.
Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.
Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?
Guy: Why do you think so?
Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.
Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.
Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?
Guy: You haven't even thanked me.
The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday
Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break
Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.
And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.
Subway released their new kids menu.
They say it's Jared's favorite.
Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...
They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Correct!
TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.
Whoops, wrong sub.
My husband is like the New York subway...
He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.
Subway is a lot like a h**...
I can do it myself
Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ?
they're always a little smaller than they say.
Subway is like prostitution.
You pay a stranger to do your wife's job.
Girlfriends are like subway seats...
You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.
I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway
So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.
4 out of 5 dentists say brushing alone is not enough.
That's why I do it on crowded subway cars.
Subway
The company that managed to convince people that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad...
She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.
Subway
A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
Overheard in a Subway the other day...
The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"
He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"
How did the subway guy lose his job?
The same way he got it: trying to get into a smaller pair of pants.
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
