Subway Jokes
163 subway jokes and hilarious subway puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about subway that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article contains a selection of jokes aboutsubways. Whether you're a fan of the underground transport system or not, these jokes are sure to make you laugh. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
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Funniest Subway Short Jokes
Short subway jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The subway humour may include short submarine jokes also.
- Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants
- The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
- Death must be really boring for subway drivers. A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
- I made a huge mistake I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.
- My husband is like the New York subway... He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.
- My girlfriend wanted to go to one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you So I took her to Subway
- I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich. She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?" - I saw my ex working at subway the other day So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.
- Subway to release a statement next week In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.
- Why are Subway and Jared no longer together? Because Subway has been around longer than 17 years and Jared lost interest.
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Subway One Liners
Which subway one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with subway? I can suggest the ones about public transportation and railway.
- TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway Whoops, wrong sub.
- Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition
- The ladies call me Subway. Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.
- TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich. Whoops, wrong sub.
- This sub is seriously falling apart I knew I should've gone to Subway
- Why did the feminist get fired from Subway? Because she refused to make a sandwich
- What do you call a midget playing drums in a subway? A metro-gnome
- To the guy who coughed on me on the subway...
- I had a 12 inch Italian last night Then I went to Subway
- I am a sandwich maker at subway, but i'm not very good at my job. AMA! Wrong sub, my bad
- What do me and Subway have in common? We both lie about it being six inches
- TIFU by going to Subway instead of Quiznos Oops, wrong sub
- Where did Josh Duggar take his first Ashley Madison date? Subway
- What do you call a London subway train full of professors? A tube of smarties.
- 6 inches is the size prefered by women, Source: I work at Subway.
Subway Sandwich Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway sandwich jokes and even better subway sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters? Counter productive.
- What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*
- [TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway Ooops, wrong sub!
- I once asked a feminist to make me sandwich and she got offended Last time I ever go to Subway
- A hen walks into Subway The sandwich artist says, "Sorry, we don't serve chicken."
- I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today. I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.
- I walked into a Subway copycat joint earlier to see how their sandwiches compare. They claimed to be Sub standard... but i thought they were below par.
- Subway makes all their sandwiches with love. Now if they would actually put some meat in them...
- TIFU by eating my brother's extra hot Subway sandwich! Whoops, wrong sub.
- I saw Kim Kardashian walk into the Subway I work at, order five sandwiches, and walk back out holding all of them. I wasn't surprised. It's not the first time she's taken several footlongs at once.
Subway Footlong Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway footlong jokes and even better subway footlong puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Jared from Subway get in his court sentence? Free foot-longs for life.
- Things not to say in Subway 1. I would like a 6-inch Hearty Italian.
2. 6-inch doesn't fill me up.
3. Yes, give me more meat.
4. squirt more of that mayo.
5. I can't take a foot-long. - Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches Anything under 12 is better for Jared.
- Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
- You must be a terrible Subway employee Because you just have me a footlong for free.
- Why do subway sandwiches only measure up to 11 inches? Jared likes his footlongs a little smaller.
- Jared from Subway should be happy… … He will have a life time supply of foot-longs where he's going.
- When Jared from Subway goes to prison, They're gonna ask him:
"Six inch or footlong?" - Jared from subway... He'll be getting used to a new style of footlong HIYOO
- Joke is funny, proceed with caution! Funny Pick-up line: Do you work at Subway? Cuz you just gave me a 'footlong'.
Subway Train Jokes
Here is a list of funny subway train jokes and even better subway train puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do employees do on their first day of work at the subway? Training
Nyc Subway Jokes
Here is a list of funny nyc subway jokes and even better nyc subway puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Jared picked the wrong Subway to be a spokesman for... If he had just done voiceover for the NYC Subway, hey kids come inside me would've been perfectly acceptable
- My great grandmother worked on the Underground Railroad... She lived in NYC, we just called it the subway.
- What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters.
Comedy Subway Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about subway you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taxi jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make subway pranks.
The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...
... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."
A guy was in a Subway sandwich shop
and ordered a coke and a sandwich. They asked him if he wanted his sandwich toasted. He said he sure did. He raised his coke and said, "The best of everything to you, sandwich".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.
Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.
How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?
You take the letter "f" out of the word "way"
(there's no f in way)
*joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said
I was craving some Indian food yesterday...
...So I went and got subway.
Do you know what comes in a Subway kids' meal?
Jared
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a stripper and a Subway sandwich maker have in common?
They both prefer to be called "artists" instead of what they really are.
With all this stuff about Jared from Subway and his pending charges I can't help but think....
He was just trying to "Eat Fresh".
Jared from Subway broke Subway's number one rule
He put old meat between fresh buns
What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?
19 Kids and Counting
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Has anyone seen what's up with that Subway Jared guy lately?!
He got fat again!
What's Subway Jared's favorite song?
Teenage Dream
Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks...
...he was on Club Penguin.
You all know how it got started with Jared right?
He walked into a Subway and asked for a sub. They said "6 or 12?" He replied with "doesn't matter."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can't believe they're still using that guy as a Subway spokesperson!
Robert Griffen III is terrible!
Jared may not get free subway for life anymore...
But he will have no shortage of 6 inch or foot longs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Jared lose all that weight eating at Subway?
He just ordered off the children's menu.
I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...
Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...
(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was arrested today for m**... on a subway.
Apparently, it's a crime to be metrosexual.
What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?
They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man sneezes on the subway who clearly has a cold.
The man next to him says in a disgusted tone, "people like you make me sick."
A man is sitting on the subway when suddenly he sees the only other passenger take out a roll of film and start eating it.
The man stares at him shocked for a while before deciding he has to say something, "But . .but isn't that awefull?" he asks.
The other passenger stops eating "Yeah, your right, the book was much better"
New Subway slogan idea from Jared
12 is the new 18
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was on the subway when someone sneezed on me.
I was so disgusted, I turned to him and said "People like you make me sick."
Whether it is six inches or twelve inches filling me...
I'll still pick Subway over Quiznos.
Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?
He thought they had delivery service.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman was m**... furiously on the subway
The police were going to arrest her, but she got off.
On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
LPT Don't order the wrong thing for your wife at subway
Oops wrong sub
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do men and Subway have in common?
They both exaggerate the length.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I've stood up for black people plenty of times...
Not worth getting shot over a seat on the subway.
Kyiv subway. A middle-aged woman enters the train.
Young guy stands up from his seat and lets her sit down.
Woman: Young man, are you from Lviv?
Guy: Why do you think so?
Woman: You are the only one to give me a seat.
Guy: You are right, I'm from Lviv. And you must be from Donetsk.
Woman: Yeah. But how have you guessed it?
Guy: You haven't even thanked me.
The bully who used to take my lunch money from me in middle school still takes my lunch money from me everyday
Except now he works at Subway and I'm on my lunch break
Someone has been spraying graffiti of what appears to be corporate ledgers all around my neighborhood.
And the words of the profits are written on the subway walls, and tenement halls.
Subway released their new kids menu.
They say it's Jared's favorite.
Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...
They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Correct!
welcome to subway!
lettuce meat olive your eggspectations
TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.
Whoops, wrong sub.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Subway is a lot like a h**...
I can do it myself
Whats the average man got in common with subway foot longs ?
they're always a little smaller than they say.
Girlfriends are like subway seats...
You don't know how many homeless guys were in them before you came along.
I'm always annoyed when I see adverts for Dailysex classes on the subway...
...why can't they advertise helpful classes, maybe something that would help me with my dyslexia
I should get a job at the Pentagon Subway
So I can say I build subs for the Pentagon.
Why was the pasta noodle kicked off of the subway?
They realized he was stroganoff
What do Subway and I have in common?
We both advertise a healthy foot long, but it's really only 7 - 8 at most
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Subway and prostitutes have in common?
You're paying them to do your wife's job
4 out of 5 dentists say brushing alone is not enough.
That's why I do it on crowded subway cars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did Jared from Subway lose weight?
He was ordering off the kids menu.
Subway
A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
Overheard in a Subway the other day...
The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"
He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"
How did the subway guy lose his job?
The same way he got it: trying to get into a smaller pair of pants.
An old lady started talking to me on the subway: "Hello,..."
Me: "Sorry, I have a grandma."
