The Best 75 Subway Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Subway jokes. There are some subway rail jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these subway footlong puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Subway Jokes and Puns
Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it
Trying to get into smaller pants
TIFU by mixing up by wifes sandwich order at Subway
Whoops, wrong sub.
The guy who invented the Apple maps app walks into a bar ...
... and says, "Wait a second, this isn't Subway."
A guy was in a Subway sandwich shop
and ordered a coke and a sandwich. They asked him if he wanted his sandwich toasted. He said he sure did. He raised his coke and said, "The best of everything to you, sandwich".
I thought this guy on the subway was yawning.
Turns out he was just a mute sitting on a tack.
So this black guys stopped me on the subway and asked "did the Yankees win?"
I looked him in the eye and said "Yes, it's ok, you're free now"
When you're sad, no one sees your tears.
When you're happy, no one sees your smile.
But try jacking off in the subway. Then *everybody* stares.
I was craving some Indian food yesterday...
...So I went and got subway.
Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way.
Trying to get into smaller pants.
Where did Josh Duggar take his first Ashley Madison date?
Subway
Why are Subway and Jared no longer together?
Because Subway has been around longer than 17 years and Jared lost interest.
You can explore subway meatball reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean subway train dad jokes. There are also subway puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I made a huge mistake
I took my girlfriend to Subway, when she got her six inch sub, she looked at me and she instantly knew that I've been lying to her for years.
Subway to release a statement next week
In light of recent events, kids now get free 6 inches.
Jared Fogle of Subway told his wife she didn't have to worry about the Ashley Madison leaks...
...he was on Club Penguin.
Why did the feminist get fired from Subway?
Because she refused to make a sandwich
She threw her vibrator on the subway tracks...
It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster.
I am a sandwich maker at subway, but i'm not very good at my job. AMA!
Wrong sub, my bad
I saw a movie trailer about 30 trapped chillean miners...
Apparently Jared from subway had a stash...
(I'm so sorry about this, I just thought of it and needed to get it out)
What does Santa Claus and Jared from Subway have in common?
They both leave kid's homes with empty sacks.
Why did Jared from Subway call Boyz2Men?
He thought they had delivery service.
TIFU by going to Subway instead of Quiznos
Oops, wrong sub
[TIFU] I picked up somebody else's sandwich at Subway
Ooops, wrong sub!
On second thoughts, Jared Fogle and Subway are pretty similar.
I mean, both stick 38 year old meat into 10 year old buns.
Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"?
Even art majors deserve recognition
I had a sudden, albeit extremely belated, realization about Jared from Subway
His career ended the way it began: trying to get into smaller pants.
6 inches is the size prefered by women,
Source: I work at Subway.
I've stood up for black people plenty of times...
Not worth getting shot over a seat on the subway.
What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich?
*Make me one with everything*
I had a 12 inch Italian last night
Then I went to Subway
My highschool bully still takes my lunch money...
But on the upside, he makes great Subway sandwiches!
TIFU by getting my girlfriend's order wrong at Subway
Oops, wrong sub
The ladies call me Subway.
Because I have poor quality meat and lie about being 6 inches.
TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...
They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.
How do you fit an elephant into a subway?
You take the S out of Sub and the F out of Way.
"There's no F in Way"
Correct!
To this day, the guy who took my lunch money during school still takes my money.
On the bright side, he makes really good subway sandwiches.
TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.
Whoops, wrong sub.
What do me and Subway have in common?
We both lie about it being six inches
My husband is like the New York subway...
He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.
Subway is a lot like a hand job
I can do it myself
What do you call a midget playing drums in a subway?
A metro-gnome
Subway is a lot like prostitution.
You're paying someone else to do your wife's job.
What do Subway and prostitutes have in common?
You're paying them to do your wife's job
4 out of 5 dentists say brushing alone is not enough.
That's why I do it on crowded subway cars.
How did Jared from Subway lose weight?
He was ordering off the kids menu.
Subway
The company that managed to convince people that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
Subway
A restaurant that managed to convince everyone that eating an entire loaf of bread is healthy.
I went to subway with my wife and asked the girl to make me a sandwich.
She said "no problem"
I turned to my wife and said "now, how hard was that?"
A pianist performing in a subway terminal...
was playing beautifully. I was only offput by the weird looking kid with a dunce cap sitting atop the piano.
Suddenly, the weird looking kid with the dunce cap jumped up and scurried off. The piano player abruptly stopped playing.
I asked him, "why did you stop playing?"
To which he replied, "I cannot play piano without my metro-gnome."
To this day, my bully that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the positive side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
A girl met a guy at the subway
G: Everytime you smile I feel like calling you over to my place
B: awww... Are you single?
G: No I'm a dentist
How did Jared the subway guy begin and end his career?
By trying to get into smaller pants.
What's the difference between Elon Musk and Jared the Subway guy?
Elon wanted to put Thai boys into small objects, Jared wanted to put small objects into Thai boys.
I had my prostate exam yesterday.
It's the last time I will ever fall asleep on the subway.
And so the Lord said unto John, come forth, and you shall receive the gift of eternal life.
But John came fifth, and received a $10 subway gift card
What do you call a London subway train full of professors?
A tube of smarties.
I don't think antivaxxers are such a big problem.
I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.
To the guy who coughed on me on the subway...
This sub is seriously falling apart
I knew I should've gone to Subway
This sub is falling apart
I knew i should have just bought some mcdonalds, Subway is trash.
Hiring a prostitute is a lot like eating at Subway
You pay someone else to do your wife's job.
What do you call a Subway manager who spends too much time helping make sandwiches up front and not enough time back in the office attending to business matters?
Counter productive.
I saw my ex working at subway the other day
So I stopped in and had her make me a sandwich, for old times sake.
Subway is opening a sandwich making college in Alabama.
Everyone there is already great at making things inbred.
A Subway sandwich maker has a very eccentric regular customer.
The eccentric customer always orders a tuna sandwich, but heavily modified, made with an extra cup of mayo, smothered in chili peppers, red peppers, onions, and pickles, then toasted until it's burnt. It looks and smells disgusting and the worker dreads it when he sees that customer come in.
Finally he asks his boss if he can just not wait on that customer. His boss asks why.
The worker screams in frustration: "I hate the mods on that sub!"
Ten Surprising facts doctors don't want you to know about subway tracks!
the 3rd one will shock you!
I took my wife to Subway today.
I asked the girl, can you make me a sandwich please.
She said no problem sir.
I turned to the wife and said, see how hard was that...
A deaf woman and a blind man are sitting on the subway
The deaf woman says to the guy: *sign language*
And the blind man says:
The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.
On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.
Common misconception about New York, we don't have 24 hour subway service.
We actually have 12 hour service because it doesn't work half the fuckin' time
Murphy in London
Murphy found himself in the London underground subway station, at four o'clock in the morning. He walked along to the escalator, on the escalator it is written, Dogs must be carried on the escalator. he thought, God, where am I going to find a dog at this hour of the night?
I once asked a feminist to make me sandwich and she got offended
Last time I ever go to Subway
How do Subway employees greet their customers?
'Hey man, what sub?'
My girlfriend wanted to go to one of those restaurants where they make the food in front of you
So I took her to Subway
I ordered a ham and cheese at Subway
The sandwich artist began making my selection, using his right hand to place the slices of ham.
Suddenly, he pulled his hand away and cried out in pain.
Ouch! Hand cramp!
Before I could ask if he was ok, he finished stacking the slices of ham with his left hand.
Lucky for you I'm hambidexterous he said.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the subway sandwich jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working subway tifu piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.