Substitute Jokes
54 substitute jokes and hilarious substitute puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about substitute that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Substitute Short Jokes
Short substitute jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The substitute humour may include short replacement jokes also.
- What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid! I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).
- I'm fine with substitute teaching math, science.. even music. But art class is where I draw the line.
- I once had a substitute that had no rules, except for no Smashmouth. I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face.
- Happy St Patrick's Day! If you can't kiss the Blarney Stone today, just use a fake substitute. Any sham rock will do.
- What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane ? (Substitute 'litre' for 'gallon' if reading outside of USA) Water because butane is a lighter fluid
- I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend. Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong.
- Why do butter substitutes have such a hard time? Because they're always being marginalized!
- BREAKING: Messi has just been substituted by a noob player, these are the words of the coach post-game! "Ah woops, wrong sub"
- Zoology teacher was asked to substitute history teacher's class since he was on leave.. And so he did..
Describe Shahajahan's wife Mumtaz with a neat diagram and label the parts - If European in the bathroom, what are you before you get there? Russian
(A substitute teacher told this in my class today)
Share These Substitute Jokes With Friends
Substitute One Liners
Which substitute one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with substitute? I can suggest the ones about replace and alternative.
- My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with? A dog, dogs eat meat
- I think butter substitutes are better than butter But only margarinely
- Hey girl, are you an integral? Because I want to substitute u for my x.
- TIFU by walking into the class of the wrong substitute teacher Whoops, wrong sub.
- Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute I try to get within the Margarine of error
- What does a statistician call a defective butter substitute? A margarine of error!
- TIFU by sending a substitute math teacher to a geography classroom. Whoops, wrong sub!
- If you teach a Pokemon substitute.. Does that mean you're a substitute teacher?
- My sushi preparation class had a kleptomanniac as a substitute teacher She took roll
- My substitute teacher gave off fishy vibes. One describes it as temp-aura.
- How is the government in 2018 like a diner? No substitutions!
- You could call an average substitute... sub par.
- TIFU by substituting lettuce for sauerkraut instead of cabbage. Whoops, wrong sub.
- My substitute teacher had diarrhea... She couldn't control her Pewp Hole.
- TIFU by calling my substitute teacher by my regular teacher's name. oops, wrong, sub
Substitute Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny substitute teacher jokes and even better substitute teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- IAmA teacher, and the other day I messed up by hiring the wrong substitute for my history class. Whoops, wrong sub.
- What do you call a part time teacher that likes beans? A substitute.
One of my students told me this today, and it made me chuckle. - What did the HS principal say when he accidentally got a math substitute to fill in for a chemistry teacher? Whoops, wrong sub.
- TIFU by thinking I was a funny class clown and shooting a spitball at the substitute teacher. whoops wrong sub!
- What do you call an Asian substitute teacher named Marie? The Yellow Sub Marie.
- ELI5: What happens if 2 substitute teachers mix up and go to eachother's class? Whoops wrong sub
- TIFU by hooking up with my "female" substitute teacher. Whoops, wrong sub.
- TIFU when my HS friends and me tried to pull a prank on a substitute teacher wrong sub
- A joke from a substitute German teacher (who was later fired) What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy?
-Refrigerator doesn't f**... when you take the meat out of it.
Heartwarming Substitute Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about substitute you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean subordinate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make substitute pranks.
Dating when your 30 is like finding a seat at a theater one minute before the show.
The perfect seats are already taken by someone who arrived much earlier than you and of the seats available, the ones in the back are an unfulfilling experience, the ones in the front overwhelm you with discomfort, and the ones that are decent substitutes are either broken or next to kids.
What do you call a h**... on a submarine?
A substitute
I went to my school reunion last weekend and the main topic of conversation was still about the stunning substitute teacher…
…we had one day, in the early eighties, who gave a boy a b**... in front of the entire class.
She went down in history.
A boy walks in late to class.
That day they have a substitute. She asks the boy "Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry I was on Blueberry Hill."
and takes his seat. About 5 min later another boy comes in late.
The substitute asks " Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry, I was on Blueberry Hill."
and takes his seat.
This happens 2 more times.
About 5 min after the last boy a girl walks in.
The teacher says" let me guess you were on Blueberry Hill!?"
The girls says" No,.... I am Blueberry Hill!"
Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living...
Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living.
Johnny said "My mom is a substitute."
Ms. Smith, knowing Johnny's mother said, "I think you mean p**...."
Johnny said, "No, my sister is a p**..., but when she doesn't feel well, my mom substitutes for her."
Since it my cake day i tell one of my favorite joke
There was this substitute teacher how had just finished teaching the lesson and was busy getting everyone working and was down to just one student not working and he ask the student why he wasn't working, the student said tell me a joke and i will. And than the teacher waving his hands at the student says ta daaaa.
h**... on Naval Subs
Substitutes.
A substitute teacher enters the class and asks:
"What do we call it when a muscle moves in our body involuntarily?"
No answer comes from the students. After waiting for a while the teacher decides to move on with another topic, but he sees a reluctant hand rising from the back row. The teacher tells him to answer. The kid replies:
"A tick, sir"
"Very good, son! What is your name?"
"Tavit"
Legal Humor
A recent news headline indicated that lawyers were now being used as experimental test subjects in place of laboratory rats. I read further because this just didn't seem right, but the story gave several very solid reasons for the substitution of lawyers for rats.
First: There are more of them.
Second: The researchers had a tendency to become attached to the laboratory rats.
Third: There are just some things you can't get a rat to do.
Reddit was planning to promote some food subreddits on the featured page.
One of the featured subreddits was supposed to be about chocolate fountains, but there was a big controversy, and they decided to find a replacement. A former substitute teacher who was fired from her job had started a subreddit about bar food.
The mods selected it as a replacement. The subpar sub's pub sub sub subbed superbly.
A Short One
My friend got suspended from Home Ec the other day.
The teacher asked him what a good substitute for a p**... holder would be. He thought for a few seconds and said "Well if I lost my jar I would just grab a bag."
July in Honolulu
July in Honolulu is a tough time flower-wise for making garlands. Often they run out of the desired plumerias, carnations, and orchids. When that happens, they have to make substitutions, which is why the Hawaiians refer to July's garlands as the Daisy Leis of Summer
