The Best 35 Substitute Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Substitute jokes. There are some substitute class jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these substitute substitute teacher puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Substitute Jokes and Puns

I once had a substitute that had no rules, except for no Smashmouth.

I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face.

A joke from a substitute German teacher (who was later fired)

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy?

-Refrigerator doesn't fart when you take the meat out of it.

What does a statistician call a defective butter substitute?

A margarine of error!

A math equation

W = women M = Money T = Time

W = T x M We know that women are time and money

Time is equal to money, so T = M

We can then say W = M^2

Money is the root of evil.

We can then substitute again and say that
W = sqrt(M^2).

Now simplified, W = E. Women are evil. Math proves it!

If you teach a Pokemon substitute..

Does that mean you're a substitute teacher?

TIFU by calling my substitute teacher by my regular teacher's name.

oops, wrong, sub

What did the HS principal say when he accidentally got a math substitute to fill in for a chemistry teacher?

Whoops, wrong sub.

Substitute joke, What did the HS principal say when he accidentally got a math substitute to fill in for a chemistry

Zoology teacher was asked to substitute history teacher's class since he was on leave..

And so he did..

Describe Shahajahan's wife Mumtaz with a neat diagram and label the parts

TIFU by walking into the class of the wrong substitute teacher

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by sending a substitute math teacher to a geography classroom.

Whoops, wrong sub!

I've perfected an AI as a substitute to a girlfriend.

Every time I try to turn it on I get the silent treatment and there are no output to tell me what's wrong.

You can explore substitute replace reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean substitute alternate dad jokes. There are also substitute puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Hey girl, are you an integral?

Because I want to substitute u for my x.

My substitute teacher had diarrhea...

She couldn't control her Pewp Hole.

My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with?

A dog, dogs eat meat

I went to my school reunion last weekend and the main topic of conversation was still about the stunning substitute teacher…

…we had one day, in the early eighties, who gave a boy a blow job in front of the entire class.

She went down in history.

Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute

I try to get within the Margarine of error

Substitute joke, Whenever I weigh out my butter substitute

Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living...

Ms. Smith asked Johnny what his parents do for a living.

Johnny said "My mom is a substitute."

Ms. Smith, knowing Johnny's mother said, "I think you mean prostitute."

Johnny said, "No, my sister is a prostitute, but when she doesn't feel well, my mom substitutes for her."

IAmA teacher, and the other day I messed up by hiring the wrong substitute for my history class.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What do you call a part time teacher that likes beans?

A substitute.

One of my students told me this today, and it made me chuckle.

I used to love honey so much I would substitute it for the jelly in my PP&J.

That stuff was my jam.

My substitute teacher gave off fishy vibes.

One describes it as temp-aura.

I went to the store to buy butter, but grabbed a substitute by mistake.

I guess you could say I have a margarine of error.

TIFU by thinking I was a funny class clown and shooting a spitball at the substitute teacher.

whoops wrong sub!

My sushi preparation class had a kleptomanniac as a substitute teacher

She took roll

If European in the bathroom, what are you before you get there?


(A substitute teacher told this in my class today)

What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane ? (Substitute 'litre' for 'gallon' if reading outside of USA)

Water because butane is a lighter fluid

Substitute joke, What's heavier, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane ? (Substitute 'litre' for 'gallon' if readin

A Short One

My friend got suspended from Home Ec the other day.

The teacher asked him what a good substitute for a pot holder would be. He thought for a few seconds and said "Well if I lost my jar I would just grab a bag."

You could call an average substitute...

sub par.

Since it my cake day i tell one of my favorite joke

There was this substitute teacher how had just finished teaching the lesson and was busy getting everyone working and was down to just one student not working and he ask the student why he wasn't working, the student said tell me a joke and i will. And than the teacher waving his hands at the student says ta daaaa.

A boy walks in late to class.

That day they have a substitute. She asks the boy "Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry I was on Blueberry Hill."
and takes his seat. About 5 min later another boy comes in late.
The substitute asks " Where have you been, and why are you late?"
He says: "Sorry, I was on Blueberry Hill."
and takes his seat.
This happens 2 more times.
About 5 min after the last boy a girl walks in.
The teacher says" let me guess you were on Blueberry Hill!?"
The girls says" No,.... I am Blueberry Hill!"

What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid!

I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).

Reddit was planning to promote some food subreddits on the featured page.

One of the featured subreddits was supposed to be about chocolate fountains, but there was a big controversy, and they decided to find a replacement. A former substitute teacher who was fired from her job had started a subreddit about bar food.

The mods selected it as a replacement. The subpar sub's pub sub sub subbed superbly.

What do you call a hooker on a submarine?

A substitute

A substitute teacher enters the class and asks:

"What do we call it when a muscle moves in our body involuntarily?"

No answer comes from the students. After waiting for a while the teacher decides to move on with another topic, but he sees a reluctant hand rising from the back row. The teacher tells him to answer. The kid replies:

"A tick, sir"

"Very good, son! What is your name?"


Happy St Patrick's Day!

If you can't kiss the Blarney Stone today, just use a fake substitute. Any sham rock will do.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the substitute theorem puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working substitute glasscock piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes