Submitted Jokes

Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...

I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.
I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

What are some dirty jokes you know?

I was asked to submit some dirty jokes to an ongoing event. The annoucer ask a person a dirty joke and if they guess the answer correctly they're awarded a prize.
An example of a dirty joke they've asked is "What do you call two people 69ing?"
"Odor eaters."
Any dirty jokes are greatly appreciated.

A guy submits a comment to a group of people, hoping to learn how the community approves/disapproves...

(?|?)

Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?

i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.

There was once a pastry competition...

Many bakers submitted their desserts to the contest, but the judges were torn between two Italian chefs' pastries.
They said to the chefs, "We would love for both of you to win... *But there cannoli be one."*

When the human cannonball submitted his two week notice the ringmaster had trouble finding another man of his caliber.

I just submitted my application to be on the next season of Survivor...

Which apparently was not the answer my dad was looking for when he asked "How is the job search going?"

What did the Father Buffalo say to his boy as he was leaving for college?

Bi son
(dangit, not sure how I tagged it dirty. Submitted on my phone through BaconReader)

My dad was always obsessed with puns

So when Reader's Digest held an unfunny joke/pun contest (in which they offered to pay any pun-tender $100 for each submitted 'joke' they published), my dad submitted 10 hoping that at least one would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Did you know Harvey Weinstein once submitted a slogan to Carl's Jr., but they had to change it?

The original slogan was, "You're not leaving this place until it's all over your face."

So I Submitted an Article to the School Newspaper

The article was written on the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. The article ended up being brought to the attention of the administrators. After about a month, the administration closed down the school due to "chemical risks." When the school reopened, it was disconnected from all water lines.

I was driving by some land that was for sale

I was driving by some land for sale and was wondering the price. It was a lot.
Edit. First time submitting. Hope you liked it!

I don'f understand people making typos in their post titles...

Don't they proof read before submitting?

I sorted by top of all time and copied and pasted the best joke here

I was just about to hit submit and a tow truck came along and hitched onto the back of my car. I jumped out and screamed, *Why are you towing my car?* The tow driver just stared back at me with this dead look in his eye, not saying a thing. *At least tell me where you're bringing my car*, I begged. The driver slowly turned to me and and said: Repo St.

A mushroom goes into the hall of bad jokes and says I'd like to submit a joke of my people

The receptionist looks at him and says listen buddy we have so many bad jokes here that I'm not sure we can squeeze yours in. It has to be exceptionally bad, let me hear it.
Mushroom: so a shroom goes on a date with this girl and she says 'tell me about yourself' and he says 'well I'm a fungi!'
Receptionist: yeah that jokes bad but it's just not gonna cut it, we can't put it in,
We don't have mushroom.

My wife is a paralegal and said there's no such thing as "paralegal jokes," here's my attempt: How many paralegals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One to screw in the bulb, one to log the bulb paperwork into the system, one to draft a summary on the changing of the bulb, and one to submit a report confirming the other two submitted their reports.

Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.

Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.

How do you go about dismantling a bureaucracy?

make sure you submit the proper forms first.

Certain public employees who have to submit daily to the rapid fire ...

... of well-meant but needless questions may be excused if they occasionally turn upon their persecutors. This is how an elevator boy dealt with one of them:
"Don't you ever feel sick going up and down this elevator all day?" a fussy lady asked him.
"Yes, ma'am", courteously replied the elevator boy.
"Is it the motion going down?" pursued the lady.
"No, ma'am."
"The going up?"
"No, ma'am."
"Is it the stopping that does it?"
"No, ma'am."
"Then what is it?"
"Answering questions, ma'am."
​
Source: 1913 newspaper

A student is blatantly cheating in an exam

The invigilator is watching in a mixture of disbelief and amusement as the student peeks at a crib sheet and looks at his neighbours papers.
At the end of the exam the students line up to hand their papers in. When the cheater gets to the front of the line the invigilator says "Uh-uh, no way. You were blatantly cheating; you don't get to submit a paper"
The student looks him in the eye and says "Do you know who I am!?"
"Not a clue!" says the invigilator.
"Good then" says the student, as he slips his paper into the middle of the stack of papers on the desk and walks out.

How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?

Thank you for your query. Your number is #204588. We have allotted a timeslot for you at 2-3pm on Tuesday the 28th of November, during which time you will be required to fill out and submit forms 32.B and 44.A from our catalogue. Once these forms have been processed by our team we will begin an investigation into the matter, which will conclude within 4-6 business weeks.