Submarine Jokes

144 submarine jokes and hilarious submarine puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about submarine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Love making others laugh? Then dive into this collection of submarine jokes! From submarine sandwiches to submarine racing, these hilarious jokes feature all things submarines, whether they be yellow submarines or naval warships. Get ready to submerge into a sea of laughter with the following jokes or you can also read some submarine puns!

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Funniest Submarine Short Jokes

Short submarine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The submarine humour may include short underwater jokes also.

  1. I saw a documentary about a submarine that recycles 87% of its garbage But I think this sub is doing even better!
  2. TIL in 1974 Russians accidentally blew up their own submarine, thinking it was an enemy Oops, wrong sub
  3. AMA: I am a submarine naval commander discharged for friendly fire in an underwater sea battle Oops, wrong sub.
  4. North Korean submarine accidentally destroys another North Korean submarine Woops, wrong sub
  5. The other day, I was on a submarine tour. I was going to tell a dark joke, but my friend stopped me.
    Why shouldn't I tell my joke?" I asked.
    "Err, this isn't the right sub."
  6. One of my dad's favorites about flying "You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."
  7. Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest d**... runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"
  8. The Titanic was recently visited by a diving crew with a robot submarine. What they found out was completely amazing. Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full.
  9. Do you know what Elon Musk could've called his submarines if they were built in time to save those children? Thai Pods.
  10. It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green. That would've been sublime.

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Submarine One Liners

Which submarine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with submarine? I can suggest the ones about under the sea and submerged.

  1. I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine. It's a pretty good µ-boat.
  2. There are more airplanes in the ocean than submarines in the sky
  3. Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams... and its dream was to be a submarine.
  4. Did you know there are more planes in the ocean.. Than submarines in the sky?
  5. TIL that during wwii 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub.
  6. What do you call a marine who can't swim? A submarine.
  7. How can north korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine? By how fast it sinks.
  8. Why did the submarine quit its job? It was under too much pressure.
  9. What do you call a dog riding in a submarine? A subwoofer.
  10. Aeroplane jokes tend to go right over my head. But submarine jokes are beneath me.
  11. Finally they named the book about the Titan Submarine.
    20,000 Leaks Under the Sea
  12. Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces? Submarines.
  13. What do you call a dog on a submarine? A subwoofer (I'll see myself out)
  14. What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? A not see you boat.
  15. What do you call a barking dog in a submarine? A sub-woofer!

Here is a list of funny navy submarine jokes and even better navy submarine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • BREAKING - The Russian Navy has released a statement after accidentally sinking one of it's own submarines Oops, wrong sub.
  • I tried to join the Marines. But I fell short of their physical requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
  • What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy? A Sub-Marine.
  • What's the difference between a Marine and submarine? Nothing. The Navy goes down on both of them.
  • Canada's navy has 3 submarines!!! Unfortunatley 2 of them are located in west Edmonton mall
  • I identify as a Nuclear Submarine but my high anxiety prevents me from joining the Navy. I think its because I crack under pressure.
  • A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine... Everything goes well and the day is uneventful.
  • TIL that in the British Navy, boarding the wrong submarine is grounds for discharge.
  • Why does the Argentine Navy even have a submarine ? So it can go underwater and check out the rest of their Navy
  • My friend in the Navy tells me I can never do anything correctly. Whoops, wrong submarine

Nuclear Submarine Jokes

Here is a list of funny nuclear submarine jokes and even better nuclear submarine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did the sea monster say to himself after he saw the nuclear submarine? "Mmmmm... canned people."
Submarine joke, What did the sea monster say to himself after he saw the nuclear submarine?

Submarine Sunk Jokes

Here is a list of funny submarine sunk jokes and even better submarine sunk puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Help, I just sunk the wrong submarine and I need legal advice Whoops! Wrong sub.
  • TIL That there was a German warship during WW2 that accidentally sunk 34 friendly submarines.
  • TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war! Sorry, wrong sub :(

Yellow Submarine Jokes

Here is a list of funny yellow submarine jokes and even better yellow submarine puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What was John Lennon's favorite fruit & place to eat it? A wee olive in a yellow submarine.
  • We all live in a yellow submarine... ...I really wish the bathroom was working right.
  • Have you heard China's NEW Navy anthem? We All live in a Yellow Submarine

Submarine Sandwich Jokes

Here is a list of funny submarine sandwich jokes and even better submarine sandwich puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is a sandwich on a ship? A sub-marine
  • Help my friend buy a submarine sandwich
  • I was just about to e**... submarine sandwich when Dave Grohl came out of nowhere and took it [There goes my hero](/spoiler)
Submarine joke, I was just about to e**... submarine sandwich when Dave Grohl came out of nowhere and took it

Amusing & Witty Submarine Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about submarine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean subway jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make submarine pranks.

How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.

Did you hear about the gay whale bothering the Navy?

It bit the head off a submarine and s**... all the s**... out...

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlight
Submarine screen door
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart board
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chair
Water proof tea bags
Zero proof alcohol
Reusable ice cubes
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmap

If someone tells you he has a centrifuge on a submarine, don't believe him!

It's a subterfuge...

So Merkel, Putin and Obama walk along the beach.

Suddenly Obama mentions; "You know, our Navy submarines can submerge for 4 weeks straight!"
Putin grins and says; "Well, our submarines can submerge for 6 weeks straight, they just have to surface for the food!"
Suddenly a Submarine surfaces right in front of them, a man appears and yells "SIEG HEIL! WE RAN OUT OF BENZIN!"

What do you call a Nordic God child m**... being fired out a submarine?


my old man had a joke from his days in the Air Force

Background: my dad was a biomed tech and did work for all branches throughout many areas.
One day, he's at a Navy submarine repair station. as him and his buddy are walking in, 2 Navy guys see em and say 'Air Force? what are you guys doing here? where are they going to put the landing s**...?'
the other Navy guys says, 'fuck that, where are they going to put the golf course?'

What does a submarine full of gay guys smell like?

Sea Men

I went to a military history exhibit at a museum in Little Italy.

I saw a cool old German submarine. I walked up to a guy and said, "Hey, is that a U-boat?"
He said, "No, it's-a the museum's!"

After joining the submarine forces of the Navy, I was guaranteed that I would be stationed on a nuclear-powered submarine by an Admiral.

Unfortunately, when I received my order I found out that my post would be a navigator on a Diesel-powered sub with no nuclear capability.
When I approached my command to complain, I was told that this happened all the time and would soon sort itself out - a moderator would soon move my post to the correct sub.

TIFU by destroying a friendly submarine

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by starting a World War after accidently shooting a British submarine.

Oops, wrong sub.

My friend and I applied for work at the new submarine factory.

I don't know if we'll get jobs, but we'll see what surfaces.

What do you call an Indian bloke in a submarine?


Did you hear the submarine construction business closed down?

Shame they went under

Obama and Putin are walking on the beach.

Obama says "We have got great submarines, they can stay under water for 6 weeks". Putin replies "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for 10 weeks". Suddenly, a submarine emerges and a man sticks his head out and yells "Heil h**...! Do you have diesel?"

How can you tell a Belgian in a submarine?

He's the one with a parachute on his back.

TIL that a Russian submarine was accidentally destroyed by a Russian warship that mistook it for an enemy submarine.

Oops, wrong sub!

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach

The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks."
The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight."
The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail h**... we need Diesel!"

TIFU by getting on the wrong submarine

Oops, wrong sub.

[US] Mexican Submarine Destroyed in the Gulf of Mexico

Oops wrong sub

Obama, Putin and Merkel at the baltic sea

Obama declares: Our submarines can stay submerged for ten days before needing air.
Putin promptly says: That's nothing. Russian submarines can stay submerged for up to a month.
Merkel is embarrassed and stays silent.
Suddenly a submarine emerges. The hatch opens and the man yells: Heil h**...! Is the war over?

A french, an english and a german general are talking about submarine technology

The French general tells them their submarines can stay underwater for three days.
The British says theirs can stay submerged for 180 days
Suddenly a submarine comes up. A man comes out and shouts: "SIEG HEIL. Wir brauchen Sprit!"

Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, "hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around".

The second cow says, "I don't care, I'm a submarine!".

Obama, Putin and Merkel discuss their submarines.

All three are sitting at a resort by the seaside, and are arguing.
Obama begins by saying "American submarines are the best in the world, they can go for weeks without needing supplies!"
Putin laughs and tell them "s**... globalists. Russian submarines are best in world, they go MONTHS without refueling."
Merkel opens her mouth to speak, when a submarine rises out of the water. A man opens the hatch and shouts "Heil h**...! We need fuel!"

Fun WWI fact: There are more crashed planes down at the bottom of the ocean than-

-crashed submarines in the sky.

Whats long, hard, and gets women excited?

A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert.

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A Russian submarine

A Russian submarine was sailing,and the captain felt a huge shake.Confused,he ran to Vladimir and asked him: "What was that,was it an earthquake or we hit something?",Vladimir said: "No Captain,Ivan's girlfriend ran with her lover to Venice", the captain even more confused says:Yeah,but what's the matter with that and the shake?Vladimir said:Well,there is no more Venice...

What did King Arthur say when asked about Lancelot's betrayal?

"I don't want to talk about it, I've had a bad knight."
Bonus joke:
Why should you hire submariners?
They have experience working under pressure.

What is the similarity between Madeleine mccann and a submarine?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean and full of sea-men

My grandfather was the kind of man who was proud of the fact that his back door was always open.

We think that's why his submarine sank.

I have such dirty thoughts when it comes to submarines

Every night my mind sinks to new depths

The last joke my Italian grandfather told me before he passed.

Two italian soldiers are sitting on a beach in Normandy during WWII when a German submarine surfaces offshore. One Italian looks at the other and says, "Is thata UBoat?" The other Italian replies, "nope, not mine".

Why are submarines more dangerous than regular ships?

They're built with sub-standard materials.

Two sardines swim at the bottom of the sea. A submarine goes by. — Heavens! What's that?

— Just a can of people.

What do you call a Marine that likes to follow orders?

A Sub-Marine!
*attempt at OC joke. I'm sure someone else has thought of this before me though.*

Why did they put Patrick Henry in a submarine?

Because he said "Give me liberty or give me depth".

When you think about it, technically all Australian submarines are down under.

.............I'll let that sink in.

How do you start a German submarine?

DOS Boot.

An English man, French and American walk near the sea

And argue who has the best submarines.
The french says: Our submarines can las a whole week under water.
The english man says: Our submarines can last two weeks under water.
The american says: Well our submarines can last a whole month under water.
Near them a submarin emerges from the water and a man comes out of it and asks: Heil, is the war over?

Two sailors where trading jokes on a submarine.

One of them says, this is the best joke ever: A bus driver drove into a nun and then starts laughing hysterically.
Confused, the other sailor asked, how is that even funny?
The other sailor says it's not, but on this sub it is

If Adele smokes a joint in a submarine

Is she rolling in the deep ?

I was thinking of dating this girl I met. She's an marine biologist who works on a submarine.

But between you and me, I think she's a little out of my league.

Do you know how to sink a Russian submarine?

The Russians are perfectly capable of sinking their submarines themselves

What's the difference between Madeleine Mccann and a submarine?

Nothing, now. They're both at the bottom of the ocean, full of s**....

My grandfather would always go on about the old days and how they could leave their b**... open

which is probably why his submarine sank.

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the North Sea

Trump, Merkel and Putin are flying over the north sea with a helicopter. After a while Putin says "we have submarines that can stay under water for one week without refueling". Then trump says "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for a whole month without refueling!". Merkel can't think of anything and looks ashamed out the window. Suddenly a submarine surfaces in front of their eyes, a man steps out of it and raises his right arm and screams "HEIL h**... WIR BRAUCHEN DIESEL!"

World Leaders

President Macron, Theresa May and Angela Merkel meet for a summit at the North Sea.
Gazing over the water, May says, "We have a submarine that can stay underwater for 10 days."  Macron responds, "That's nothing, our submarines can stay underwater for 30 days!"  Merkel looks quite ashamed and shies away, when suddenly a U-Boot surfaces, the hatch opens and the commander looks out: "Heil h**..., we need Diesel!"

John and Jim were at the pub.

John timidly ask Jimmy,have you ever heard that joke about the submarine?
Jimmy, confused responds know what? It's never come up

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.
How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.
Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.
The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 b**...: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

What do feline submarines have?


Two tuna fish passing by a submarine. Big Tuna Mommy says:

Don't be scared little Tuna, these are canned humans.
-I read this joke when I was five. I still think it's funny. -

Why couldn't the submarine captain keep piloting the sub?

The pressure was killing him.

What do you call a dog in a submarine?

A sub-woofer!

I have to admit that I lied at my interview when asked if I perform well under pressure

I hate working on this submarine

Submarine joke, I have to admit that I lied at my interview when asked if I perform well under pressure

jokes about submarine