Subject Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Subject puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Subject

Genders are like the Twin Towers

There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.

Genders are like the twin towers

There used to be 2 of them but now it's a touchy subject

So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...

... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely apeshit. So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...

Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"

The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a taboo subject...

These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"

"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.

"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean history?"

The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"

Gender is like the Twin Towers

There used to be two, and now it's a really touchy subject to bring up

Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!

Me: Don't you mean history?

Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!

If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective...

I'd say it was Doctor Whom.

A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"

"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"

Talking about Genders is a lot like the World Trade centers.

There were 2 of them now it's a sensitive subject.

Birth

A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their dicks?"

"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

What is SEX?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

I asked my father what it was like learning Braille, but he didn't want to tell me.

I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject.

Remeber when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?

Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

What was the seal's favorite subject in school?

ART ART ART!

I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...

Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?

The robber screams, Don't change the subject!

A man goes into a bank...

...and proceeds to walk up to the nearest bank teller and pulls out a gun:

"Make one wrong move and you're geography!"

"Don't you mean history?" asks the teller

"Don't change the subject!"

So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...

Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!

A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.

Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."


The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.


Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

What's a feminist's favorite subject?

Triggernometry.

My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...

Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

An English class is writing an essay

One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".

A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.

"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"

The teller said "Don't you mean history?"

The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"

What subject did Dracula major in during college?

AcCOUNTing

This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.

What's a pirate's favorite school subject?

Arrrrrrrrt.


What's a pirate's favorite body part?

The arrrrrm.



What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?


No. The Navy you idiot.

I was being mugged the other day...

The guy said, "Give me all your money or else you're biology!"
I said, "Don't you mean history?"
He told me "Don't change the subject!"

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now when you talk about Botox no one raises an eyebrow

Lover's Lane

A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.

The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"

"I'm reading a book sir."

"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.

"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."

With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"

"I'm 20."

"And how old is she?"

The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."

How do you feel about sex?

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'

I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....

He asked, "What do you do in your free time".

To which I responded, "I stalk people".

"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".


"I know"

So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...

**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!

**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-

**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?

**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-

**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!

**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.

**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.

A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.

He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies I think not and disappears.

This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.

What math subject are Feminists best at?

Triggernometry.

An elderly couple had been dating for some time.

Finally they decided it was time for marriage. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly. "Well," she says, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say I would like it infrequently." The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment. Then, looking over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and asked, "Was that one word or two?"

Making jokes about rape is hard...

because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it

The Blonde And The Lord

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,

"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

She stopped, looked skyward! and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"

The voice replied,

"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RING!"

I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy

it is a touchy subject

What is a feminists least favourite subject at school?

Triggernometry.

I asked my dad why he never makes any jokes and why he always change subject

"What are you talking about? I've made two jokes... By the way where's your brother?"

Liars

A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, Next Sunday, I'm going to preach on the subject of Liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17.

On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand. Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.

Smiling, the preacher said, You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark only has 16 Chapters.

Regarding the molestation jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but molestation...

Is a very touchy subject.





I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?

Oldie but goodie: A Jewish man and an Italian woman got married.

Both were virgins, and both were so innocent when it came to the subject of sex. On the wedding night, they just weren't sure how it all works. So the man decided to call his mother to get a few pointers. But she simply says, "Look, son, just get undressed, then undress her. You'll know what to do. Trust me."

The newlyweds get undressed, but they are still confused. So the man calls his mother again. Frustrated, she says, "Just stick the longest part of you into the hairiest part of her!"

A few minutes later, the mother's phone rings again.

"I've got my nose in her armpit. Now what?"

Math in the real world

Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."

A man robs a bank.

Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...

A kid grew up his whole life thinking he was adopted.

Many times he would enter a room unexpectedly and his parents would be there and would quickly hide official looking papers and act suspiciously about the subject. He always considered asking but was always too nervous about it. He thought he'd be disappointed to hear the truth. One day he works up the courage to ask so he goes into his parents room where he finds his dad working on his computer. He asks him "Dad, am I adopted?" His dad looks shocked and replies with "Well son, truthfully, we've been working on getting that done your whole life but we haven't found anyone to take you yet."

Pre-nup.

In a small town, an elderly couple had been dating each other for a long time.
At the urging of their friends, they decided it was finally time for marriage.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather trustingly.

"Well," she said, responding very carefully, "I'd have to say... I would like it infrequently. "

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then over his glasses, he looked her in the eye and casually asked ............

"Is that one word or two?"

What are the similarities between the Twin Towers and Genders?

There used to only be two, now it's a really touchy subject

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...

The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.

Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

Whats a feminist's favorite subject in school?

Trigonometry.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a sensitive subject.

But now when you make jokes about botox, nobody lifts an eyebrow.

When I heard my new job required passing a drug test.....

Boy was I excited. Finally a test in a subject I know about!

He didn't avoid the subject of his erectile dysfunction,

it just never came up.

Oscar Wilde once boasted that he could make a pun on any subject...

Someone called out "The Queen!"

"Ah", replied Wilde, "but the Queen is not a subject."

Timbuktu

In the finals of a national poetry contest, the last two contestants are a Harvard graduate and a redneck. The Harvard graduate steps forward to receive the last subject. The judges tell him 'Timbuktu'. He thinks for a moment and recites his poem:
Across the vast and open sands
March a lonely caravan.
As they march, two by two
Destination Timbuktu
The crowd goes wild as the redneck steps forward. The judges tell him his subject is Timbuktu. He thinks for a while, when a big grin spreads across his face.
A huntin me and my friend Tim went.
We found three whores in a pop-up tent.
Of them were three, and of us were two,
so I bucked one and Tim-buck-two!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes