Hilarious Subject Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
Genders are like the Twin Towers
There used to be two of them and now its a really sensitive subject.
Lover's Lane
A cop comes upon a car parked late one night on Lover's Lane. Upon further investigation he finds a male subject reading a book in the front seat and a female subject filing her nails in the back seat.
The cop asks the guy, "What are you doing up here?"
"I'm reading a book sir."
"Uh-huh. And what's she doing?" the cop inquires, motioning toward the back seat.
"Well clearly, sir, she is filing her nails."
With a puzzled look on his face, the cop says, "In the 13 years I've been a cop I've never seen anything like this on Lover's Lane. How old are you son?"
"I'm 20."
"And how old is she?"
The guy looks at his watch and says, "Well in about 15 minutes she'll be 18."
Math in the real world
Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."
Birth
A teenager comes home from school and asks her mother "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their d**...?"
"Yes, dear" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then when I have a baby," responded the teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"
So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...
The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"
Regarding the m**... jokes. A lot you guys may not know this, but m**......
Is a very touchy subject.
I'm sorry. Did that joke rub you the wrong way?
I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.
Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.
A man goes into a bank...
...and proceeds to walk up to the nearest bank teller and pulls out a gun:
"Make one wrong move and you're geography!"
"Don't you mean history?" asks the teller
"Don't change the subject!"
So a guy walks into a bank with a gun and walks up to the teller...
Bank Robber: Put all your money in this bag or you're geography!
Bank Teller: Don't you mean history?
Bank Robber: Hey! Don't try to change the subject!
Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller...
Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'
Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"
Robber: "Don't change the subject."
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...
I'd say it's Doctor Whom.
^*
You can explore subject relevant reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean subject owlgebra dad jokes. There are also subject puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...
Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.
So the Pope visits Queen Elizabeth II...
... and she says : "Watch, Francis! With a wave of my hand, I can make every loyal subject go completely hysterical!" So she waves at the crowd and every loyal subject goes completely a**.... So Francis tells her : "Well, Elizabeth, with a wave of my hand, I can give every Scotsman and Irishman eternal joy!" And she replies : "I'd like to see that!" .... So he slaps her.
How do you feel about s**...?
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about s**...?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it infrequently' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
So this doctor walks into a bar and he orders a beer...
**Feminist:** Why isn't the doctor a woman? Does it have to be a man? You know women can be doctors too!
**Me:** Okay, this FEMALE doctor orders a beer-
**Feminist:** Why is she drinking a beer in a bar? She's obviously an intelligent woman for being a doctor, why would she subject herself to such a male environment?
**Me:** Okay, she's not in a bar, she's um, at a… baseball game, and she orders a beer from one of the stands-
**Feminist:** Why would a strong independent intelligent woman doctor be supporting a male dominated sport?!!!!!! That's so oppressive! The men will look at her so demeaningly with no respect for what she has achieved!
**Me:** … Okay fine, I just won't tell the joke then.
**Feminist:** If you seriously can't tell a joke without being sexist then you're not actually funny at all. I bet the original male doctor was White too, you racist.
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
What subject did Dracula major in during college?
AcCOUNTing
This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere.
A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother. "That babies come out of the same place where boys put their p**...?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"
A robber burst into a bank brandishing a gun and yelled at the teller.
"Give me the money! One false move and you're geography!"
The teller said "Don't you mean history?"
The robber screamed "Don't change the subject!"
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What's a feminist's favorite subject?
Triggernometry.
Making jokes about r**... is hard...
because it's such a touchy subject and you always have to force it
What is a feminists least favourite subject at school?
Triggernometry.
When I was growing up plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject...
These days if you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
An English class is writing an essay
One of the students asks how long the essay should be.
The teacher responds, "Like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep me interested".
I was talking to my friend over the weekend, when he brought up the subject of hobbies....
He asked, "What do you do in your free time".
To which I responded, "I stalk people".
"Oh", he exclaimed, "Really? I enjoy walks in the park or going to movies with friends".
"I know"
A grade school teacher asks her students what their parents do for a living.
Billy proudly stands up and announces, "My daddy plays piano in a w**...."
The teacher is aghast and promptly changes the subject. Later that day, she calls Billy's mother and explains what Billy said.
Billy's mother says, "Actually, his father's an attorney, but how can we explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
What's a pirate's favorite school subject?
Arrrrrrrrt.
What's a pirate's favorite body part?
The arrrrrm.
What's a pirate's favorite branch of the military?
No. The Navy you idiot.
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective...
I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
Whats a feminist's favorite subject in school?
Trigonometry.
What math subject are Feminists best at?
Triggernometry.
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?"
The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."
Talking about Genders is a lot like the World Trade centers.
There were 2 of them now it's a sensitive subject.
What is s**...?
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
What are the similarities between the Twin Towers and Genders?
There used to only be two, now it's a really touchy subject
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a t**... subject.
Now when you talk about Botox no one raises an eyebrow
A man robs a bank.
Robber: Give me all your money or you're geography!
Employee: Don't you mean history?
Robber: Don't change the subject...
Remeber when plastic surgery was a t**... subject?
Now you mention botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
I was being mugged the other day...
The guy said, "Give me all your money or else you're biology!"
I said, "Don't you mean history?"
He told me "Don't change the subject!"
I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject
But I must say, it's pretty c**... of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.
A guy storms into a bank, pulls out his gun, points it at a teller and hollers, Give me all your money or you're geography! Trembling, the teller stammers, D...d...don't y...y...you m...m...mean h...h...history?
The robber screams, Don't change the subject!
Genders are like the twin towers
There used to be 2 of them but now it's a touchy subject
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a sensitive subject.
But now when you make jokes about botox, nobody lifts an eyebrow.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
I asked my father what it was like learning Braille, but he didn't want to tell me.
I didn't realize it was such a touchy subject.
Gender is like the Twin Towers
There used to be two, and now it's a really touchy subject to bring up
I asked my dad why he never makes any jokes and why he always change subject
"What are you talking about? I've made two jokes... By the way where's your brother?"
My dad once told me that essays are like bikinis ...
Big enough to cover the subject, but small enough to keep it interesting.
I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.
Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.
A horse walks into a bar, and orders a drink.
He finished it, and the bartender asks if he wants another one. The horse replies I think not and disappears.
This joke is normally told with Rene Descartes as the subject, but to tell you that one first is to put Descartes before the horse.
I don't like talking about my childhood as a church choir boy
it is a touchy subject
If I was being subjective, I would have to say that the greatest sci-fi show of all time is Dr. Who.
If I was being objective, I would say it's Dr. Whom.
An elephant is standing on a street corner with an e**....
His thing is HUGE, hangs all the way to the ground.
At that moment a mother is taking her son to school and the son looks at the elephant and says "Mommy what is that?"
Mom: "Oh that's the trunk honey"
Kid: "No mom, further back between the legs"
Mom: "Oh that? That's nothing...." and awkwardly changes the subject.
The next day, same elephant in the same condition is on the corner only this time the dad is taking the kid to school.
Kid: "Hey dad, what is that? It's not the the trunk and it's not the legs, it's in between the legs. Mommy says that's nothing."
The dad thinks for a second and then laughs, "Yeah well, mommy is spoiled."
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt;
long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
I remember when plastic surgery was a bit of a t**... subject..
..but nowadays when you mention Botox no one raises an eyebrow.
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
My wife: Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you.
3 farmers.
3 farmers were sitting at the local cafe drinking coffee. The subject of the lottery and what they would do if they won came up.
"I think I would take some time off and go on a cruise. I've always wanted to go on a cruise." Said the first farmer.
"First thing I would do is buy a fancy sports car. I've always wanted a fast car." said the second farmer.
The third farmer was sitting quietly, fidgeting a little. "Come on, what would you do with your millions?" Asked the other two farmers.
Reluctantly the third farmer answered "I reckon I would just go on farming like I have been until the money runs out"
A good conversation is like a miniskirt…
Short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject.
Cr
A vampire decided to use his immortality to research the best career
He tried every type of job there was, from innovation to construction to civil service, and he landed on the job of mirror cleaner.
In his book on the subject, he said that the tai chi like motions of the arms were very relaxing, and the mirror will certainly get dirty again leading to job security.
"I'm as surprised as you are," wrote the vampire. "It was not a job I could see myself doing."
Genders are like the twin towers
There used to be two of them, now it's a sensitive subject
A research paper should be like a women's skirt.
Short enough to keep my attention, but long enough to cover the subject.
People call me slow, but ...
It's just that my wit is so fast, and my intellect so massive, that my brain is subject to relativistic time dilation.
I must be very unlucky
every time I argue with someone on reddit it's with someone who's already a professional in that subject! never knew redditors were so smart
Cosmetic surgery used to be a t**... subject...
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
What's a seal's favourite subject?
ART! ART! ART! ART!
A young couple was seeing a therapist.
The wife says, "We just don't have history anymore."
The husband interrupts, "Honey, don't you mean chemistry?"
The wife says, "There you go, changing the subject!"
Hey guys please don't make fun of braille.
It's a very *touchy* subject
If Satan was a teacher, which subject would he teach?
Trigonometry. There's a lot of sin involved.
