The Best 62 Stupid Wife Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stupid Wife jokes. There are some stupid wife stupidest jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stupid wife he is so stupid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stupid Wife Jokes and Puns

A man comes home, finds his wife in bed with another man, and asks, “What is this?!?” The wife turns to her lover and says, “See, I told you he was stupid!”

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.

He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"

"There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"

A man enters into his bedroom with a goat in his hands.

His wife is reading a book when the man suddenly says: 'See, this is the cow I am having sex with when you have a headache.'
Wife puts the book down and says:' Are you stupid? That is a goat, not a cow.'
'I've been talking to the goat'

Stupid Wife joke, A man enters into his bedroom with a goat in his hands.

Mutual Agreement

In the middle of an argument a man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time!"

The wife responded calmly, "Allow me to explain...the good Lord made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; and he made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

My wife is one of those annoying people that ruins films by asking questions.

Last night we were watching Schindler's List and she stupidly asked, "Why are you wanking?".

Told you he was stupid

So a man came home from work to find his wife having sex with one a other guy and the husband says "what are you doing" and the wife says to her lover "I told you he was stupid".

My wife hate pioneers...

She says they were the only ones stupid enough to invent covered wagons and Dutch ovens.

Stupid Wife joke, My wife hate pioneers...

"Woman was in bed with her lover" Clever Woman

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"

A wife asks her husband, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Her husband responds, "No, that question makes you look stupid".

Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...

If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...

My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop making Pokémon references...

'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the stupid pokémon references!'

'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'

You can explore stupid wife stupidity reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stupid wife darling dad jokes. There are also stupid wife puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Today I had dinner with my boss and his wife

It was a complete disaster. The wife asked me "how many potatoes would you like?" and I said "I'll just have one". She said "it's alright, you dont have to be polite", and I said "alright then, I'll just have one you stupid cow".

A husband was driving a car with his wife in the passenger seat

Resulting from road rage, a nearby car driver shouted at the husband, "You're a stupid idiot"

The wife then replied, "Do you know this person?"

The husband said, "No, why?"

The wife said, "Because he seems to know so much about you."

The wife left a note by the TV today saying "Its not working, I'm leaving"

I plugged it in, turned it on, nothing wrong with it stupid cow!

Man yelling at TV

Man is watching TV when he starts yelling: No! Don't go there! Don't do it! You stupid fool!

His wife asks him: What are you watching?

Just our wedding video.

Today I found out that I have an additional risk factor for heart disease.

Apparently I am on an oral contraceptive.

Every time my wife is in the mood for sex, I say something stupid and suddenly she has a headache.

Stupid Wife joke, Today I found out that I have an additional risk factor for heart disease.

My gambling addiction must be getting out of hand because I've just lost my wife in a game of poker...

She said "How could you do such a thing, losing your wife in a stupid card game!?"

I replied, "Sorry honey, it was very hard for me at the time."

She said, "What do you mean?"

I replied, "Well, it wasn't easy, folding when I had four aces."

My wife shouted at me...

You're so useless! You never tidy up or help with the housework, you're lazy and stupid and I bet you don't even know how to keep a house tidy!

I decided to prove her wrong so I did the washing up, ha! You should have seen her face when I showed her I knew how to load the dishes into the tumble dryer...

Stupid random OC

Yesterday as usual we brushed our teeth and I kissed my wife good night. After the kiss..

Wife: Are you an ox?

Me: What?

Wife: You smell "Oxy" Clean


My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it

So I bought her a candle. That showed her.

A German man, an Englishman, and a Belgian man walk into a bar

After a couple of drinks, the German man says: 'My wife is SO stupid. She bought a bike, while she can't even ride it!'
The Englishman replied: 'Well, my wife is even more stupid: she bought a pool and can't even swim!'
The Belgian man laughes and says: 'That's nothing, my wife couldn't be more stupid: she is going to Ibiza for two weeks. She's bringing twenty condoms, and she doesn't even have a dick!'

My wife is so stupid she just asked me what's a Grecian urn...

duh, everyone knows it depends on what job he has.

Stupid joke warning: A man was performing oral sex on his pregnant wife when she suddenly gave birth...

I told my wife I was going to build us a car out of spaghetti, She said I was crazy and to stop making stupid comments.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

The beautiful wife

One day a man walks up to his wife with a question. "Honey, why are you both so beautiful and so stupid?"

She responds: "Well, god made me so beautiful so that you would be attracted to me."

The man nods.

"And he made me so stupid so that I would be attracted to you."

The size, complexities and wonder of the universe can only be matched by the ignorance, ego and stupidity of man.

Source: my ex-wife

Jack goes to his friend Mike

Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"

The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.

After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied.

Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.

Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"

Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"

Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."

A convicted thief comes out of court and calls his wife:

- What did they say, Rob?

- Either 3 years in prison or $100.000

-Don't be stupid, take the money!

My wife has been complaining about how stupid that moth meme is all day

...It must be her time of the moth

My wife let me name our daughter, convinced I wouldn't given her a stupid name.

But I called her Bluff.

Yo mama so stupid

She laughs at your dad because he has an ugly wife.

I'm not saying my wife is stupid

But she thought Remembrance Day was for people with Alzheimer's.

My wife has left me a note: 'I'm leaving you because you're so stupid and bigoted.'

Well I'm not stupid, I'm actually dyslexic. And I can't help having big toes.

I told my wife I wanted to name our unborn son Obvious.

She said, "That's a stupid name."

I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."

Wife : Do I look fat?

Husband : Do I look stupid?

I've lost 150 pounds already on this new amazing diet!!!!

It's called the pretend you started at 400 pounds diet!!!

My wife thought this joke was stupid. Help me prove her wrong lol.

My wife said to me that if i got another stupid gift this Christmas , she would burn it

So, i brought her a candle

My wife and I have stupid fights so much, we can't even simultaneously have oral sex.

I wanna be the nine!

A man was watching TV

Man : Don't do it !

Man : Don't do it, you stupid idiot!

Wife : What are you watching, honey?

Man : Our wedding

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.

But a short while later, he receives another message. "Stupid autocorrect. I meant wifi."

Marriage banter

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

Got my wife with the greatest dadjoke yet

She was talking about something and I got the rare chance to interrupt her by saying "Hi leaving and taking the kids due to these stupid jokes, I'm dad!"

"You're so childish!" screamed the wife. "Why do you always have to use that stupid walkie talkie with your stupid friends? This is ridiculous! This relationship is over!"

I shouted back, "This relationship is what?! Over!"

True story, my younger son called my older son "stupid"...

wife: "We don't call people the 's-word' in this house!"

me: "Yes. Don't call people 'stupid'. That's r€tarded."

wife: \*stink eye\*

son: \*helpless giggles despite determination not to laugh at anything Dad says\*

My wife said she wants a divorce because I play too many video games.

What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

Hopping onto the trend of jokes translated into English, here's one from my family in Bosnia

Two men are sitting together and talking, the first asks, "Do you love your wife?"

The second replies, "Of course I love my wife!"

The first then says, "Ok but how much?"

The second man isn't sure how to answer, so the first man asks, "Say your wife is being attacked by a bear, what would you do?"

The second man simply says, "Stupid bear."

So, I trained a chicken to talk

WIFE: Well, let's see

ME: What's a male deer?


ME: How much is 200 pennies?

CHICKEN: Buck Buck

WIFE: This is stupid. Chickens just make that sound

ME: Oh believe me it gets better

CHICKEN: Yeah, just be patient Susan

A man came home to a note from his wife that said

"I'm leaving you because you are stupid and bigoted"
He wrote her back saying, "I'm not stupid, I'm just dyslexic. And how the hell can I help it if I have big toes?!"

My wife said "Why don't you write a book instead of stupid word play jokes?"

I said, "That's a novel idea."

A man works up courage to ask his wife how many sexual partners she had before him

She says "really?" and goes silent. Doesn't say anything in the morning. Or afternoon. Or the next day. After 3 days, husband approaches his wife and apologetically asks - "Why are you giving me the silent treatment? Are you mad at me for that stupid question?"

Raising her finger she says "Shhh. Be quiet, I'm still counting"

My wife told me to stop buying stupid stuff online

So I shipped her back to Russia.

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!"and hung up.

Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?" And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know "if the coast is clear."

My wife is getting sick and tired of me buying her stupid gifts.

"Next one you buy, I'm going to burn it." She screamed.

So, I bought her a candle.

Not your typical response

Some guy was having fun with another woman in her house. He finished up and as he was ready to leave, he realizes he smells like her perfume. So he had a great idea. He went to a local bar, drank a few good ones and went home.

His wife smelled him and said:
"Do you think I'm stupid, huh? You can bathe yourself in a women's perfume all you want, I can still guess you went to a bar, you drunk!".

My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, Don't go to church you stupid bitch, I said what are you watching?

She said, Our wedding video.

Financial Advisor: "I don't quite know how to break this to you but you're basically broke." Wife: "He's always spending money on stupid stuff!"

Me: "Lets ask the dog if he thinks his jeans are stupid."

An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.

The doctor paused and said, There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot.

But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella instead of his rifle by mistake.

When he encountered a bear, he still didn't realize his mistake and pointed the umbrella and shot the bear.

The bear lay dead with a bullet in his heart!

The old man said, That's stupid! The bullet must have been shot by another person.

That's exactly right, said the doctor.

Put your foot in it eh?

I came home from work to a note from the wife saying;
"I've left you because you are stupid and bigoted".

I'm not stupid, I'm dyslexic and its not my fault I've got big toes!

A man and his blonde date were at a restaurant

So, said the blonde, do you have any kids? I know your divorce with your previous wife was hard

Yeah, replied the man, I have one thats just under three

The blonde, feeling like her date was trying to point out her stupidity said, I may be a blonde, but I know how much 2 is

A man in Russia is asked by his wife to go get some sugar.

So he goes and he waits all day in a line. When he finally gets to the front of it, they tell him they're out. And he starts yelling. "This war is stupid! This is like being back in the bad old days, living under communism again!"

At once a policeman approaches him and says "Friend, be silent. You know, back in the bad old days, if you said such a thing aloud, well... you would have been shot. Just be glad things are different now."

So the man went home and his wife said "Were they out of sugar?"

And he said, "Yes! And also bullets!"

My wife is currently giving away 30% of her liver (living liver donor transplant)….

We met with the surgeon right before she went back to the operating room and I told him I really hope you De-Liver

True story! (yes he thought I was stupid 😂)

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stupid wife dumb wife jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stupid wife english wife piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes