The Best 66 Stupid Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stupid jokes. There are some stupid moron jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stupid hilariously stupid puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stupid Jokes and Puns
A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, I want to be President one day.
Trump says, Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?
The kid replies, You know what, I've changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.
Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?
It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.
A bad workman blames his fools...
**
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are stupid?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're stupid. Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
A scientist is trying to prove that all blonds are stupid
so he holds an all blond convention and randomly picks someone from the crowd. First he asks her what two plus two is. She answers seven, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what ten minus four is. She answers thirteen, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!". So this time he asks her what is five times five is. She answers twenty-five, and the crowd yells, "Give her another chance!".
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.
Must be one-of-a-kind...
Years ago, my older friend told me a joke that I have never heard from anyone else to this day. The joke itself is brilliantly stupid.
"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water?"
"It's going to take a moment for me to get hard; I just got laid by some chick."
The last joke my brother made up, before he passed away this week.
Him: "If my name was Ella, and I married Darth Vader. My name would be Elevator". Stupid and corny, but it's exactly the kind of lame jokes he would make.
What's the stupidest animal in the jungle?
The Polar bear.
There's no reason to be tailgating me when I'm doing 50 in a 35...
...and those flashing lights on your car look stupid.
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday ..
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.
She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."
I said, "But, Baby, I can change."
She said, "There you go again!"
You can explore stupid ludicrous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stupid dumber dad jokes. There are also stupid puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The oldest man in the world is lying on his deathbed.
A reporter asks him how he managed to live to be so old.
The man replies, "I just don't argue with stupid people."
The reporter tells him, "That's ridiculous."
The old man replies with, "Yes, you're right."
I had a detention for only using uppercase letters today
Stupid capital punishment
Mom: Son, why dont you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
I'm getting a little tired of these people coming to my door telling me I need to be "saved" or "I'll burn"...
Stupid firefighters.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid...
I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
Why is wrestling stupid??
It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....
A mexican kid tells D. Trump:
I want to be President!
Trump says: are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of tour mind? Are you retarded?
Kid says: you know what, never mind those are too many requirements.
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much...
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...
"Who's a Trump fan?"
Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.
"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.
"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.
"And why are you a Sanders fan?"
"Because mommy and daddy are"
"And if mommy and daddy were idiots, what would that make you?" she asked
"A Trump fan"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
Him: To get to the stupid persons house.
Me: *voluntary laugh as older cousin*
Him: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
Him: It's the chicken!
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window...
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in...
My wife said she would leave me if I didn't stop making PokΓ©mon references...
'You need to make a choice' she said 'It's either me or the stupid pokΓ©mon references!'
'I understand', I replied, holding back tears. 'Sandra, I choose you!!!'
A woman who has just given birth has fallen into a coma.
After 7 months the mother finally awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: Good news, you had twins! a boy and a girl. They are healthy, luckily your brother named them for you.
Mother: Oh no, not my brother! he's so stupid! What did he name my daughter?
Doctor: Denise.
Mother: well that isn't so bad, and what did he name my son?
Doctor: Denephew.
I hate it when I'm at someone's house and they keep asking stupid questions like...
"Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"
Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore, you used to be best friends?
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
The funny thing about teen pregnancy is that before it happens all you hear is "Don't do it! You'll regret it! You'll lose your freedom! Make the responsible choice!" Then after it happens, they say "We're a still disappointed, but we can still make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."
Stupid auto-correct: I meant "Trump's presidency" not "teen pregnancy".
Accidentally called 911
Set my house on fire to not look stupid.
Not everything Donald Trump says is stupid.
The Chinese built a wall 2,000 years ago - and they still don't have any Mexicans!
Kids these days are so stupid
They actually believe I've got chocolate in my van
Do you know who i am?
Boy: Our principal is so stupid.
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No
Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No
Boy: Good (*walks away)ο»Ώ
I just made this one up and it's really stupid. What do you call a resistor that can't afford rent?
Ohm-less
The term "Every 60 seconds in Africa..." is really stupid
Everyone knows Africans don't get seconds, they're lucky if they get a single serving.
when you're dead you don't know it. It's only painful to others.
The same thing is true if you're stupid.
I made a chicken salad this morning
Stupid thing won't even eat it.
Racism is so stupid.
You shouldn't treat someone differently just because they're from an inferior race.
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid present, she would burn it
So I bought her a candle. That showed her.
My kids were hungry so I made them burgers from scratch.
They got really upset and started to cry.
Scratch is a stupid name for a cat anyway..
It's stupid when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me.
It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hotdog on the ground outside.
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful busty girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you stupid bitch'."
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
A mother and a son walk into a doctor's office
Because the son has been doing very poorly in his classes.
The mother says to the doctor "I think my son has become stupid."
The doctor says in reply "Well how do you suppose that would happen?"
"Well I don't know for sure but he hasn't passed a single test since he was vaccinated last year."
"Ah-ha! That's it!"
"So it was the vaccines then?"
"No, it's genetic."
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?
"Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.
Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?
Because blonde men are stupid too.
I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to be "saved" or you'll "burn"
Stupid firemen.
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink and no one listened.
He kept warning them until they got sick of it and kicked him out of the theater.
I hate those people that bang on your door saying you need to be saved or else you'll burn
Stupid firemen
Wrestling is so stupid;
men with no pants, fighting for a belt.
I tried donating blood today. Never again!!
Too many stupid questions. Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from?? Why is it in a bucket???
Americans are so stupid, it takes them a week to get the results.
We in Russia get results 20 years before the elections.
I hate those people who come and knock on my door, telling me how I have to be "saved" or else I'll "burn"
Stupid firefighters.
You are obese!
A woman visits the doctor
Doctor: Madame, you are obese.
Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!
Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets? Man responds: Of course i was thinking about Hitler! ; Stalin lets him go but then he stops the soldier to say: Who were YOU thinking about?
"Zoom meetings" is a stupid name, and it's branded. We should call it a bit more casual like "coworker video chat"...
Or something shorter, like "co-vid".
Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, stupid and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of times
Just like yo mamma
My wife was screaming and yelling at the tv, Don't go to church you stupid bitch, I said what are you watching?
She said, Our wedding video.
Cop: So I'm writing you a ticket for driving alone in the car pool lane.
Me: You're going to feel really stupid when you look in my trunk.
SERIOUS: This subreddit needs to understand what a "dad joke" really means.
I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
I hate 'your mom' jokes so much.
They're stupid, old, and have been done by everyone hundreds of times.
Just like your mom.
A man in Russia is asked by his wife to go get some sugar.
So he goes and he waits all day in a line. When he finally gets to the front of it, they tell him they're out. And he starts yelling. "This war is stupid! This is like being back in the bad old days, living under communism again!"
At once a policeman approaches him and says "Friend, be silent. You know, back in the bad old days, if you said such a thing aloud, well... you would have been shot. Just be glad things are different now."
So the man went home and his wife said "Were they out of sugar?"
And he said, "Yes! And also bullets!"
Here's a stupid joke I just heard. What's the male equivalent of getting flowers?
It isn't flowers but does involve tulips
I was talking on my phone in the library.
The librarian walked over. "Please be quiet, the people around you can hardly think."
"That's a bit mean," I said, "they don't look *that* stupid."
I always thought orthopedic shoes were stupid
But now I stand corrected
Falling in love makes you do stupid things.
One time I even got married.
97% of people are stupid.
Thank God I'm in the other 5%.
My wife is currently giving away 30% of her liver (living liver donor transplant)β¦.
We met with the surgeon right before she went back to the operating room and I told him I really hope you De-Liver
True story! (yes he thought I was stupid π)
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stupid dumb stupid jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stupid he is so stupid piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.