stupid bird Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stupid bird puns

My friend told me a stupid bird pun.

I replied, "Toucan play at this game."

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"Don't talk to the Bird!"

Jill's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the work top, and I'll send you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances,talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!

When the repairman arrived at Jill's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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pulled over by a cop

I was driving down the street this morning and a stupid goose flew out in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to swerve or stop and ran right into him. It must've hit at the right angle because sure enough, the goose bounced off the hood of my car, popped up, and smacked straight into a police car's windshield right behind me.

Immediately his lights went on and I got pulled over. I'm a bit pissed off at this point when the officer walks over to my car. He proceeds to ask if I knew why he pulled me over and after a shrug he looks down and says, it's for flipping him the bird.

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Saying goodbye to mother

We were dressed, and ready to go. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet, and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

As we walked out the door, the cat we had put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes on out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the day. So she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the backyard!'

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Saying goodbye to mother

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon.
He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.
A few minutes later, I get into the cab. Sorry I took so long, I said, as we drove away. That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to takeoff, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!
The cab driver hit a parked car.

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The Burglar

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"


Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.


"Jesus is watching you," went the voice loudly again.


The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.


He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"


"Yes," said the parrot.


The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot, "What's your name?"


"Clarence," said the bird.


"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"


The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

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Spike & The Parrot.

A woman called a dishwasher repairman. Since she had to go to work, she told him she would leave the key under the mat and for him to
leave his bill on the counter and she would send him a check. "Don't worry about my Dobberman Spike. He won't bother you, but, whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances talk to the parrot!"

When the repairman arrived, he discovered the biggest and meanestlooking Dobberman he had ever seen. But the dog just lay there, watching him go about his business.

However, the parrot drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing, and name-calllng.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!

The parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

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young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test,

the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!!

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Three friends, Harry, Dick, an Billy were stranded on an island

They stumble upon a genie lamp, who proceeds to give them each a wish.

Harry, being the smartest of the group, says, "I wish to have the power to change into a bird so I can fly away."

So Harry flies away.

Dick, being somewhat smart, says, 'I want to become a bird and fly away!"

So he turns into a bird and follows Harry.

However, Billy was the most stupid out of the three. He said, "I want to be a... uh..." and forgets what Harry and Dick said. He then shouts, "Harry! Dick!" in an effort to get their attention.

Billy turns into a hairy dick.

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A boy walks up to a pirate

A boy walks up to a pirate and curious about his missing leg, arm, and eye, asks about them.

"Why are your arm and leg missing?" the boy asks.

"Well, I was attacked by a gator while burying me treasure. Now I got me a wooden peg and hook for me hand"

"Then what happened to your eye?"

"Stupid seagull pooped in it."

"A bird pooping in your eye made it fall right out?" The boy asks, surprised.

"No, lad. That was the first day I had my hook!"

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Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback.

Two men were hiking in the Australian Outback when an emu walked up to them.

One of the men was thrilled to see an emu so close up. The other man was more hesitant, for he read that emus can be very aggressive and hostile.

The man started to yell at the emu, "Go away, you big, fat, stupid, flightless bird! We don't want you here!"

The other man responded, "Dude, stop ostracizing it."

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Grand pa needs explanation.....[NSFW]

One sunny day grand pa was masterbeting in his room. Suddenly little Johnny entered the room and asks his GPa what is this?
GPa gives his dick to little johnny and tells him its a bird, and if you pat him like this he will be happy.
johnny starts patting it nicely and asks what these?.....Gpa these are birds egg. johnny again asks what is this? Gpa says its the nest of the bird.
After some more patting Gpa cumes and during orgasm he faints.

He gains conscious and finds himself in the hospital,
wondering what happened.
when Johnny comes to hospital, GPa asks what happened that day?




Johnny- When i was patting your bird, suddenly the stupid fuck pukes all over my hand.
Then I said Ok you son of a bitch, and break his neck, then I ruptured his eggs, and finally I set his nest on Fire.

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What are the most funny Stupid Bird jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stupid Bird? Well, here are the best Stupid Bird dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stupid Bird pick up lines to share with friends.

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