The Best 19 Stump Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stump jokes. There are some stump prune jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stump lawn puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stump Jokes and Puns
So this amputee hadn't told his fiance about his condition yet...
and he kept putting it off. Finally, on their wedding night, in bed with the lights out, he screws up his courage.
"Honey, I have a confession to make."
"What is it, dear?"
Instead of answering, he simply takes his brides hand and puts it on the stump of his leg.
"Well!" she exclaims, "This is a surprise! But I'll get the vaseline and see what I can do."
A man is walking through a forest and sees a huge hole
The whole is really deep. It's huge and dark and seems bottomless, so the man decides to see how deep.
He throws in a pebble and listens, but it doesn't make a sound.
He throws in a big stick; still no sound
He throws in a huge tree stump he prised up out of the ground; nothing
Suddenly, a dog comes running by and jumps straight into the hole at alarming speed.
The man stares into the hole, dumbfounded, when another man walks by and asks "have you seen my dog?"
"Yeah" he replies, "he just jumped in this hole"
"That's funny" the other man replies, "I had him tied to a tree stump"
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
The butcher
A butcher gets his finger stuck in a slicer and cuts it off. He spends all day at the hospital getting the stump sewn up, then calls his wife.
"Honey, I'm in the hospital," he says. "I accidentally cut off my finger, but I'm OK."
"Oh, God!" she cries. "The whole finger?"
"No. The one next to it."
What do you call a stripper who works with amputees?
A stump grinder
How do you stump two nudists who are dating?
Ask them who wears the pants in their relationship.
For all of those Philosophy Majors out there
Philosophy Joke:
If an argument concludes a tree fall without human interaction in a forest for a stump to be made, and there are no lumberjack's in the forest to hear it, does it make it sound?
How do you stump an archaeologist?
Hand them a used tampon and ask what period it comes from.
Which one is more brave, a stone or a stump?
A stone, because it's a little boulder.
What kind of math involves trees?
The ones that stump you
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that plays 15 musical instruments?
Stump the Band
You can explore stump shrubbery reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stump stub dad jokes. There are also stump puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The pastor states, Everything in modern day life is explained in the Bible.
Everyone in the congregation is trying to stump the preacher. Finally someone yells out, What about PMS? A hush grows through the church. The pastor answered, That's easy. And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!
True Story from South Carolina
A real estate agent said she saw a for sale sign leaned against a stump in front of a house. She saw a car in the driveway and decided to stop and inquire about the property. She rang the bell, an old man appeared, she explained who she was and asked how much the house was listed for. The old man laughed and said "Lady the house aint for sale, the stump is."
What do you call it when two hand amputees high five eachother?
A stump bump.
Why did the blonde hooker show up with part of a tree?
Because the guy said he had a stump fetish.
Why didn't the tree stump go to parties?
Because he was a big stick in the mud.
How many volts does it take to stump growth in testicles
not sure, i never checked
What do you call an amputee rapper?
Lil Stump
math problem that didn't stump the internet
2 girls ÷ 1 cup
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stump bukka jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stump hand piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.