Stumbled Jokes
65 stumbled jokes and hilarious stumbled puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stumbled that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Stumbled Short Jokes
Short stumbled jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stumbled humour may include short stumbles jokes also.
- A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. ...and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician...
I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12. - What do you call a black man that is hammered AF that is stumbling to his car from the bar? An Uber so he can get home safely
- A man stumbles upon a Genie and is granted 3 wishes. Genie: What is your first wish?
joe: I want to be rich.
Genie: Granted. What is your second wish?
Rich: I want lots of money. - A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night... He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too." - A gay deer walks into a bar After a long night he comes stumbling out and says, "I can't believe I just blew 50 bucks in there"
- Two guys stumble out of a bar on night to fight. The first man draws a line in the dirt and says " if you cross this line i'll punch you"
That was the punch line. - I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage... ...it was a site for sore eyes.
- Two atoms are walking back home together... One of the atom stumbles and falls
Atom: ouch, I think I just lost an electron.
Atom 2: are you sure?
Atom: I'm positive. - My son stumbled upon his adoption papers and got upset I was waiting for the right time to talk about the matter.
Not too worried as he will be with a new family by tomorrow. - How did the hikers know they'd stumbled into a linguist's campsite? They walked past tents.
Share These Stumbled Jokes With Friends
Stumbled One Liners
Which stumbled one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stumbled? I can suggest the ones about fumbled and stammered.
- Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble around breaking things
- I found a website for clumsy people. I stumbled across it.
- Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble everywhere.
- So a dwarf stumbles out of a bar... ...because he's a little drunk.
- I stumbled upon an Islamic Fortnite Youtuber... His name was Allah-A
- Stumbled into a 80s gay bar I was stuck between a rock hard place and a hard rock phase
- What do you do when you see your wife stumbling around in the back yard? Shoot her again
- Why did the horse stumble? He was de-stable-ized.
- My friend is very literal He trips on every metaphor he stumbles across
- What do you call Bumble Bee when he's drunk? Stumble Bee.
Be kind please. - A midget stumbles out of a bar He's a little drunk.
- What do you do when you stumble upon a one-armed Polish man stuck in a tree? You wave!
- You are what you eat. O gawd. I think I just stumbled onto a dark truth about Vegans.
- Yo mamma is so fat She stumbled and didn't fall
- My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it? It was the asphalt.
Cheerful Fun Stumbled Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about stumbled you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tripped jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stumbled pranks.
Jack wakes up with a horrible hangover and a throbbing black eye.
The first thing he sees is a single rose on the side table and a note from his wife: Dear, breakfast is made. I've gone shopping to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!
He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, there's breakfast. Joe, he says to his son, what happened last night?
You came home s**... and got that black eye tripping over a chair.
So, why the rose, breakfast, and sweet note from your mother?
Oh, that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to t**... clothes, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'
Two mexicans are stranded in the desert for days....
... and they're at death's door....
They stumble on, hoping for salvation in the form of an oasis or something, they suddenly spy through the heat haze a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with s**... after s**... of bacon. There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly- raw bacon, all sorts.
"Hey, Pepe" says the first hombre. "ees a bacon tree!!! We're saved!!!"
"You're right, amigo!" says Pepe.
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree there's the sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets.
His friend quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?"
With his dying breath Pepe calls out.... "Ugh, run,amigo, run!! ees not a Bacon Tree".......
"ees... a.... Hambush"
There's a drunk guy in line at the grocery store...
The woman in front of him has a block of cheddar cheese, a half gallon of milk, and a dozen eggs.
He stumbles up to her and says, "Why, you must be single!"
Rather surprised, she looks at him and replies, "Yes, I am single! You could tell that just from what I'm buying?"
Without missing a beat, the drunk guy says, "No, it's 'cause you're f**...' ugly!"
Has this to anyone?
A drunk stumbles into a confessional. The priest hears him come in, but then he doesn't hear anything, so the priest knocks on the wall. The drunk says, "Forget it, buddy, there's no paper in this one, either! "
An old man stumbles into a bar after having had a few already...
Once inside, he slides up to the bar and orders a shot of whiskey. "To the class of '55!" he yells, holding the glass aloft. Next to him, an old drunk raises his glass, "To the class of '55!"
"Where you from?" asks the first man of the second after they both toast.
"I'm from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania."
"You don't say?! I'm from Pittsburgh!"
The two men drink to their hometown.
"What high school did you go to?" Ask the second man as he orders them another round.
"St Ignaius on Lombard Street."
"You're kidding me, I went to St Ignaius!" The two toast the coincidence and sling an arm over each other's shoulders as they begin to fondly reminisce about the old days.
A bar regular walks in and calls out to the bartender, "Hey Steve, what's going on?"
"Oh nothing," Steve replies, "The Johnson twins are drunk again."
Two genies in a deserted house..
A guy gets lost in a desert and stumbles upon a house s**... bang in the middle of the desert. After ascertaining that it wasn't a mirage, he enters the house and sees three doors and a lamp at the entrance of the house.
He rubs it and out pop two genies, who are very grateful and decide to grant the man three wishes.
"Before you open each of these doors, wish for what you want most and then open the door."
So he goes upto the first door, closes his eyes for a moment and then enters the room to find all kinds of riches.
He follows the same process and enters the second room and is greeted by the most beautiful women in the world all eager to please him in every possible way.
When he finally makes his third wish and enters the third room, a noose appears from the ceiling and within minutes, the man is dead.
As the two genies leave the house and traverse the desert, one of them turns to the other and says sadly, "I just don't understand. He didn't look suicidal. What was his third wish?"
To which the other genie replies, "Yeah I have no idea why he wished to be hung like a black man."
Obligatory addition: *And then the other genie fainted.*
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
An atheist in the forest...
stumbles upon a bear. The bear rears up to attack and the atheist yells "oh god no!" time stops and he hears the voice of god say "you called for me my son?" the atheist responds "I would ask you to save me, but that would be hypocritical, so instead, can you make the bear a christian?" he hears "I shall do this for you my son". Time resumes and the bear stops, puts his paws together and says "God in the heavens.... thank you for this meal you have provided me with today, amen"
A drunk stumbles out of the bar at 7am....
As he walks home, he sees a nun walking towards him. He stares her down the entire time as they get closer and closer. Right as they are about to pass, he punches her right in the face, knocking her out cold, then stands over her body and yells, "Not so tough today, are ya, Batman?".
Two Zombies Are Having A Conversation..
Two zombies start talking about their past lives as humans. The main talker is rambling on and on about what he would have been. Suddenly, the second starts walking around normally, not stumbling into everything. The first is amazed and stares at him. "How.. did you do that?", he asks. The second realizes what he's doing and stops, looking back to the first. "Oh, I'm sorry. You just bored me back to life."
This woman stumbled upon something called "magic underwear"...
... She asked the manager, "What's magic about them?"
The man replied, "Well, if you wear it, you won't get pregnant!"
The woman bought the underwear but came back a few weeks later.
"You said that I won't get pregnant! It doesn't even work!" The woman lashed out at the manager.
The manager said to her, "Of course it does, miss."
"Then explain to me why I'm pregnant."
The manager simply replied, "Did you take it off?"
A man is very thirsty...
A man is very thirsty. As he is stumbling down the country road he sees a cow grazing in front of a cottage. "I'm saved!", he says to himself as he milks the cow and quenches his thirst.
The man knocks on the door to pay for the milk. "Your cow's milk saved me," he says. The home owner replies, "Cow? I don't own a cow, I just have a bull."
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
Ole and Sven
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"why sure," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "where ya from?"
"Norway," replies the second man.
The first man responds, "Ya don't say, I'm from Norway too! Let's have another round to Norway."
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Norway are ya from?"
"Bergen," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Bergen too! Let's have another drink to old Bergen."
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "So, where did you live?"
"On a boat, at the fishin' docks," replies the second man.
"Dis is unbelievable!," the first man says. "I lived on a boat at the fishin' docks, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's up?," he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "Ole and his brother Sven are getting drunk again."
Strange music
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp and out comes a genie. The genie says, "I will grant you any three wishes you want, but whatever you wish for I will give your mother-in-law double."
The man agrees to the terms and says, "I wish for a billion dollars." Instantly, he has a billion dollars and his mother-in-law has two billion dollars.
The man then says, "I wish for a 10,000 square foot home on 100 acres." The genie grants his wish and gives his mother-in-law a 20,000 square foot home on 200 acres.
Finally, the man cleverly says, "I wish for you to beat me half to death."
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night.
His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a d**....
He looks at her and slurs, "You don't scare me. I'm married to your sister!"
Lemonade
A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"
"This one has the antidote."
A young mother is cleaning her son Jimmy's room...
When she stumbles upon an s**... magazine underneath his pillow. She freaks out because young Jimmy is only 8 years old. She runs to her room where she meets her husband.
"Bill, look what I found underneath Jimmy's pillow! He's only 8, what should we do??!"
The husband eyes the magazine and ponders.
"...Well we can't s**... him."
are you sure I'm drunk?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."
The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."
Trying to catch the bus
A man is trying to catch the bus, hes running and everytime he almost makes it he stumbles and falls, the crowd on the bus is laughing their butts off, a lady opens a window and tells the man :" Please stop it, we will wee our pants" to which the man replies :" thats nothing soon you will sht your pants, because im the bus driver"
Three priests walk into a bar
and see a man whos already had a few drinks. The man walks up to them and says "you know I'm jesus christ". One of the priests replies "I don't think you are son" so the man says right, I'll prove it to you. He walks out of the bar and a few seconds later comes stumbling back in. The barman sees him and shout "jesus christ not you again"
Two men are lost in the desert
Two men are lost in the desert. They are both severely dehydrated and extremely hungry. While stumbling over a particularly large sand dune, one man spots a tin of fig-flavored altoids.
Desperate for any sustenance, he stumbles ahead and grabs the tin, but realizes it was only a mirage.
He turned to the man behind him and said, "I guess it was just a fig mint of my imagination."
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m and his wife is livid.
You SWORE that you'd be home by 11:45!
"No," slurs the mathematician I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12.
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...
And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!
A blind man was walking downtown and he stumbled upon the fish market.....
As he enters the market with his seeing eye dog all of a sudden he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.
The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are
you doing?!!"
The blind man replies, "Just looking around."
A drunk guy walks out of a bar..
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his c**... and without Missing a beat, blurts out....
"F*c**... Me! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"
A man comes home drunk...
As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...
Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?
Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...
As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH
Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???
Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.
Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?
Bob: I was still wearing it
This hideous woman came stumbling up to me in a club with whiskey breath. She leaned into my ear.
"s**...?" she asked.
"Male," I replied.
A man stumbles upon a magic lamp with a genie willing to grant him one wish.
Man: I wish your name was "Burger King".
Genie: Wait, what? Why?
Man: It's for a joke, trust me.
Genie: You'd waste a wish, something with the power to change the cosmos itself, for a joke?
Man: Yes.
Burger King: Have it your way.
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
One time i was at a bar
A lady asked me if alcoholics run in my family
i said "No but they stumble around and break s**..."
Marital Misunderstanding
It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:
"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"
Her husband looks at her and says:
"This is the pig I sleep with when you're having one of your headaches."
"You idiot. That's not a pig it's a goat!"
"Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to my goat."
A drunk man
A drunk man stumbles out of bar and runs into 2 priest. The drunk man looks at the 1st priest and says,
"Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 1st priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."
Then the man turns to the 2nd priest and says the same thing. "Hey, I'm Jesus Christ."
The 2nd priest tells the man, "No, my son, you're not."
The drunk man tells the priests that he can prove it. So he takes the 2 priests into the bar and the bartender says,
"Jesus Christ. You're back again?"
Two drunks stumble out of a hotel...
...and manage to get into one of the cabs. After a bit of a process getting seated, one of them tells the cabbie.
"To the Grand Hotel please."
The cabbie turns around and says, "But we're already at the Grand Hotel."
One of the drunks gives the cabbie a bill, and says, "Next time, don't drive quite so fast."
A blind guy, a deaf guy and a disabled guy in a wheelchair pass by a magic lake.
Just for fun, they decide to try out this supposedly miraculous lake. The blind guy stumbles in first and stays around in the water for a while, Then he comes out, bouncing with joy, saying "My sight has returned! I can see now!". The deaf guy went in right after and took a swim. He came out just as happy. "I can hear everything again!" The disabled guy in the wheelchair drives in, splashes around and then comes out, beaming and cheerful. "Guys, I have new tires!"
A Christian m**... goes to proselytize in Africa and gets lost
So he goes aimlessly through thick forest and stumbles upon a lion. He gets scared the lion will eat him so he starts praying to God to protect him from the lion. Then, suddenly, he sees the lion praying as well!
He gets relieved and tells the lion: Brother! I didn't know you're a believer as well. I'm so glad, for a moment I thought that you might eat me
The lion responds: Quiet, please! Don't interrupt my mealtime prayer!
There's only one mother.
Little Johnny got an assignment to write an essay for homework. The title of the essay: There's only one mother. He proceeded to write:
"When I came home from school, I stumbled over my dad that was passed out drunk in front of the door. I heard the commotion upstairs so I ran up to check. I found my mom in bed with our neighbor. Mom asked me to get two bottles of beer from the fridge. I went downstairs, opened the fridge and there was only one bottle, so I shouted "There's only one, mother!""
3 blondes are walking in the woods.
3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs,
"Caitlyn you dumb b**... those are bear tracks!"
The third blonde chimes in,
"Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks."
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A rabbi & a Catholic priest met at an interfaith conference
They decided to take a break for lunch together. While reading the menu, the priest asked a question.
"From what I know of your people Rabbi, you are not supposed to eat pork. Have you ever actually tried it?"
"Well, yes" said the rabbi "A couple of times. Now tell ME, Father- I've heard that your people are supposed to be celibate. So have YOU ever...?"
"um" the priest stumbled "in my youth, once or twice..."
"Better than pork, isn't it?!"
Memory problems
My dad's getting old. He has trouble remembering where he left his keys, sometimes stumbles over finding words.
But weirdly he can remember in graphic detail every dump he's ever taken.
He has a c**... memory.
