Stuffed Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have?

cancer.

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers.

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Kristen gave Sally 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Todd gave Sally 5 flowers and 3 stuffed animals. What does Sally have?

Cancer.

Pregnant elephants

What is harder then getting a pregnant elephant into a Volkswagen?

Getting an elephant pregnant in a Volkswagen.


I'm taking a gunsmithing class and this was in the text book with no context. Just stuffed between a paragraph on slave pins and one on replacing firing pins.

A woman had 2 pet rabbits.

When they both died unexpectedly, she decided to get them stuffed so she took them to a taxidermist.

"Would you like them mounted?" the taxidermist asked.

She thought about it for a moment and said, "no, holding hands is fine".

A pirate walks into a bar

with a steering wheel stuffed in his pants. The bartender looks at him and asks, "Why is there a steering wheel sticking out your pants?" The pirate replies, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!"

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.

The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"

"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."

"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

A terrorist had two cases at home...

he stuffed one of them with explosives and headed to the metro. Once inside a wagon he waited until the doors were closed and shouted "Infidels!! now you will die!". Fortunately, that was not the case.

My son is just starting to use words, and he likes to hold the tv remote to his ear like a phone,...

...and say "Hello." So we'll hold up something to our ears and do the same, as though we were answering his call.

Yesterday I happened to be holding his stuffed animal lamb when he was doing this, so I held the lamb to my ear and responded. I looked over to my wife and said something like "look dear, he's calling me on the lamb-line."

She conceded that that was actually a pretty good one, at least for me.

An old lady's beloved pair of pet rabbits died

So she took them to the taxidermist to get them stuffed. The taxidermist asked her "would you like them mounted?" "No" she replied, "just holding hands."

Three shelves of stuffed animals

A man and a woman meet at a singles' bar, and they quickly hit it off and decide to go back to her place. They immediately head for the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, the man notices something peculiar: on the wall are three shelves full of stuffed animals: huge ones on the top shelf, regular-size ones on the middle shelf, and small ones on the bottom shelf. He doesn't have time to pay attention to them, of course.

After they have sex, the man says to the woman, "So, how was it?"

The woman thinks for a while and responds, "Eh, take one from the bottom shelf."

I bought my daughter some stuffed animals for her birthday.

In hindsight, getting them at the taxidermist was probably a bad idea.

A couple on the first date.

She: What are your hobbies?
He (gets a stuffed hamster out of his pocket): Taxidermy.
Hamster: And ventriloquism!

Why was 6 mad at 7 for winning him a stuffed animal at the fair?

Because 711492

When I was a kid I pretended I was doing surgery on a stuffed animal inside a blanket fort

I guess you could say they were undercover operations

One my 5 yr old told me: why didn't my teddy bear get invited to thanksgiving?

He 's already stuffed!

The mother of the bride and her daughter were packing for her honeymoon night.

The daughter asked her mother to pack her black nightgown. The mother looked everywhere but couldn't find it. Time was running short so she grabbed her daughter's pink negligee from the laundry hamper and stuffed it into the suitcase.

After the wedding, the newlyweds went to their hotel room. The groom was very shy so he asked his bride to change in one corner of the room and promise not to peek as he changed in another. Agreeing, the bride went to her corner, opened her suitcase and saw the negligee her mother had thrown in. "Oh my God," she yelled, "it's short, pink and wrinkled!"

"Honey, you promised not to look!" said the groom.

Why couldn't the teddy bear smell?

Because his nose was stuffed

So I just saw the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals is weird...

...Imagine Dragons.

For Christmas my wife wanted a stuffed Reynard, but I forgot. So...

Zero fox given.

Having an orgy and buffet combo was a bad idea

I'm so stuffed

Why couldn't the Teddy Bear eat?

Because it was stuffed

Guy walks into a taxidermists...

Guy walks into a taxidermists with two cardboard boxes, one under each arm.

"Yes sir, can I help you?" Asks the taxidermist.

"I hope so" replies the guy "It's my two pet monkeys you see... they were out playing in the road yesterday and a car came swerving round the corner, and they weren't looking... and anyway they were both killed and I was wondering if you could take a look and tell me if it would be possible to get them stuffed?"

So the taxidermist looks in the first box, then he looks in the second box, then he turns to the guy and says "Yes sir I think we could do something really nice here. Would you like them mounted?"

"Naa" says the guy "Just holding hands would be fine"

What's the difference between a Thanksgiving turkey and an EA game?

The turkey is stuffed with content and you only have to pay for it once.

What did the teddy bear say after it finished eating dinner?

I'm stuffed

Recently bought my friend a stuffed elephant for her bedroom.

When I bought it for her, she was super happy and said thanks.

I said, don't mention it.

Who wasn't hungry on Christmas?

The Turkey, he was stuffed!

What did the turkey eat for Christmas?

Nothing, it was already stuffed!

A man and a woman go out for dinner. They have a great time and decide to go back to her apartment.

Since this is his first time in the apartment, the woman decides to give him a tour. They go throughout the apartment and the tour ends in the bedroom. When in the bedroom the man notices that there are 3 shelves filled with stuffed animals on the wall. The top shelf has itty bitty animals. The middle shelf has normal sized teddy bears and the bottom shelf has gigantic stuffed animals. One thing leads to another and they end up having sex.

After they finish the man rolls over to look at her.

How was it? He asks.

She thinks for a second and reply's, Go take a teddy bear from the middle shelf

cat problems

A girl cat asked her boyfriend cat where her mouse stuffed animal was. He says "that was a stuffed animal? I thought it was real so I ate it!"

She responds: "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE MICE THINGS"

What did the scarecrow say when the farmer asked him in for dinner?

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

Why was 6 mad when 7 won her a stuffed animal?

Because 7 1 1 4 9 2

A wife texts her husband on a cold winters morning...

Windows frozen ……

Husband texts back, Pour some luke warm water over it"……

Wife replies, Computer completely stuffed now

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....

I was a transparent transparent.

One more Pirate joke for the road!

A pirate walks into a bar with his ship's steering wheel stuffed in the front of his pants. The Bartender finds this odd, and asks the pirate "why do you have ship steering wheel in your pants?" the pirate replies with, "I don't know, but it is driving me nuts!"

NSFW - What is the difference between a warehouse and a whorehouse?

One is stuffed with boxes, the other is where boxes get stuffed.

What do they have in common?

They both happily take your money so you can drop a load.

I like my women like i like my calzone

Folded over and stuffed with meat.

What do you call Bruce Lee stuffed in a shell?

A crustacean

Thanksgiving dinner.

So a housewife is preparing thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, "are you hungry, dear?"

And the turkey answers, "no, I'm stuffed."

Why does Thanksgiving feel like a date with Bill Cosby?

You wake up 3 hours later drowsy and wondering why you feel like you just got stuffed with dark meat

I went to a museum to feed the animals...

...but they were all stuffed.

I like to put grilled chicken in my egg and cheese stuffed breakfast burrito...

Nothing warms my heart and stomach more than reuniting a mother and child.

My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear and she asked, Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?

In my best bear voice, I replied, No thanks, I'm stuffed!"

I was at a voodoo store looking to buy an Afrikan juju doll. I couldn't decide which one I wanted, so I stuffed them down my pants, one by one until I got to one that aroused me. It was at this point I knew...

That's my fetish.

What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake?

No thanks, I'm stuffed

Why don't teddy bears ever order dessert?

Because they're always stuffed.

What did the teddy bear say after he felt full?

I'm stuffed

Why didn't the turkey eat dessert?

Because it was already stuffed, guys!

Why are teddy bears never hungry.

They are always stuffed!

I still sleep with stuffed animals

I can't help it, I just love taxidermy

Growing up, my kid always had lots of stuffed animals....

...but he never appreciated them. Everything we went to the taxidermist he'd start crying.

A good joke for a date

Joe takes Kelly to a carnival on a blind date. Joe asks, "what would you like to do first?" and Kelly replies, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weight guesser who predicts that Kelly weighs 130 pounds. Since she only weighs 110 pounds, Kelly wins a stuffed animal.
Joe asks what she would like to do next, to which she replies again, "I want to get weighed." He suggests the Ferris wheel, but Kelly is adamant. So they return to the weight guesser, and, of course, this time he has no trouble guessing Kelly's weight, 110 pounds. "Maybe we should try the fun house or go karts", Joe suggests. Again, Kelly says "I want to get weighed." At this point, Joe is completely bewildered and fakes a headache so he can bring Kelly home. When Kelly gets home her roommate asks her how her date was and Kelly replies, "Oh Wauwa, it was wousy!"

One time I had a doughnut stuffed with icing

It was filling!

Why wasn't the teddy bear hungry?

He was already stuffed!

What did one British tampon say to the other British tampon?

We're bloody-well stuffed.

My wife says I'm starting to look like a big stuffed manicotti.

Nothing gets pasta my mouth.

What did the man say when his nose was too stuffed up to have sex?

I can't breed.

I just heard stuffed wildebeests are now the new trend.

Turned out to be a bunch of fake gnus

Why don't teddy bears eat?

They're already always stuffed

The other day I overheard my wife on the phone with a taxidermist...

She kept going on about how she loved how he stuffed her beaver.

Three guys are kidnapped

Three guys are kidnapped and stuffed in a van blindfolded, without knowing where they are.
The van has an open window, and so, one of the guys moves closer to the window and says :"Hey guys, I think we are in Italy, I smell pizza".

The second guy moves closer to the window and says :"No man, we are in Mexico, I can smell the tacos".

The third guy goes like :"We are in New York, you morons".

The other two men ask : "How do you know that for sure?"

The third guy answers : "I put my hand out the window and someone swiped my watch!"

What do a stuffed olive and Angelina Jolie have in common?

they've both had a pit in them

My ex girlfriend kept stuffed animals all over her bed. It really killed the mood...

...because she was a taxidermist.

What do I have when a dollar bill is stuffed into my pants?

All you can eat under a buck.

I've got a great recipe for popcorn stuffed duck.

It's called Quacker Jacks

Why did the teddy bear turn down a slice of cake

Because it was stuffed

A Carnival worker and a woman get married

The couple, being good Christians never have relations until their wedding night. As the woman ends up finally seeing the Carney's room, notices that he has shelves and shelves of stuffed animals.

They finally do the deed. As they are laying there exasperated, she, panting, asks her husband So how was it? He replied You may have any animal off of the 2 shelf.

What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?

They both know what it's like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed

What do you call a Croatian stuffed inside a suitcase?

Luggit

What do gay bars and redneck bars have in common?

Stuffed bears.

I like my weed like I like my women

Wrapped in plastic and stuffed under the floor board

I like my women like I like my whiskey

Stuffed in a barrel that remains untapped for decades.

What do you call a teddy bear that cant eat any more?

Stuffed!

Grandma

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where
the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes when
she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to
the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and
stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again
the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again
grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi
Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the
nephew: "They won't let me fart."

I made beef stuffed okra for dinner. My wife didn't really like it

She thought it was mediocre meaty okra.

Two men are talking when...

One asks, "Oh yeah, what'd you do with your dog after he died?"

The other replies, "We got 'im stuffed."

"Oh, so like taxidermy?"

"No, Thanksgiving."

Why didn't the scarecrow want dessert?

Because he was stuffed!

I hate build a bear. I took my chihauhua there and it disappeared.

AND the stuffed animal they gave me keeps barking.

Why do you never see a Teddy bear ordering dessert?

Cus they are always stuffed.

Why don't you feed your teddy bear?

Because it's always stuffed.

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter

Pirate Captain is strutten through the club a patch on each eye a puffy shirt and a stuffed toy kitten hanging from his ear. One guy nudges his mate and says "check ouwt this faggort Dwayne".
Pirate Captain turns and shouts "OI!!! I MAY BE BLIND BUT I HAVE ACUTE EARING"

What did the turkey say before it was roasted?

Boy! I’m stuffed!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The turkey, because he's always stuffed!

What are the funniest stuffed jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Stuffed? Well, here are the best Stuffed puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Stuffed pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes