studied Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious studied puns

I always wanted to be an exorcist

So I studied and worked real hard to become an orcist. Then I quit.

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I studied 10 pages of a dictionary

I learnt next to nothing

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Grandpa is becoming more sarcastic.....

I was talking about studying abroad for school to my grandmother. My grandpa looks up from his paper, and in all seriousness said, " I once studied a broad, then I married her." He returned to reading.

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The Gynecologist had become

fed up with his job and decided to change professions. One day after seeing an advertisment for an auto mechanic school on TV, he decided to sign up. The Dr studied very hard and gave it the same level of excelence as he did when practicing medicine.

The day of the final exam came. The Dr had to completely rebuild an engine, which he did in record time. When the grades were posted, he was surprised to see that he had achieved a score of 125%. Curious, he spoke to his teacher.

"I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth or anything but how can I have gotten a score above 100%?" he asked.

"Well" said the instructor, 'You took the engine apart perfectly, that accounts for 50% of the grade, you put it back together flawlessly, that accounts for 50% or the grade. The extra 25% is because never in my career have I seen that all done through a four inch exaust pipe!"

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A man dies and goes to hell...

A man dies and goes to hell.

As he approaches the gates he is stopped by the gatekeeper who asks for his name.

Joe, he replies.

Well, joe, I've found your name on the list. There are seven levels in hell, but since your only sin was cheating on a science test in the third grade, you will only be in the first level.

Oh, it won't be that bad then, joe replies.

Joe, that's the hottest level because heat rises. You'd know that if you studied for your test.

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The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.

The Mossad goes next. They study the mummy for a month, and conclude: it was a pharaoh who ruled 1000 years BC, give or take 100 years.

The KGB team goes next. They hold the mummy for a week, and then come up with this: it was Pharaoh Ramenhotep the Second, born 1022 BC, became king after murdering his uncle, ruled for five years, on the third year of his reign the Nile flooded Luxor, on the fourth year the hittites attacked.

Everyone is perplexed: "How did you find all this out?"

"He confessed"

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Two guys who haven't seen each other since High School meet...

**Guy 1**: Hey George! Haven't seen you in such a long time! How's it going? You went to study Philosophy like you always wanted?

**Guy 2**: Yea! I have a license in Philosophy!

**Guy 1**: Oh, that's awesome! And your sister told me that you also studied Journalism after that?

**Guy 2**: Yes. I'm thinking of even getting a Master's in Journalism.

**Guy 1**: Good job George, I'm proud of you. Keep it up! I'll have a Big Mac now please.

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The jigsaw puzzle

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then...", he sighed, "Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."

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An Famous Statistician

A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated that the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was one in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds.

One day, a colleague met him at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"

"No, I flew"

"What about the possibility of a bomb?"

"Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of two bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So now I bring my own bomb along!"

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A big city lawyer runs a stop sign

in a little Southern nowhere kind of town. He gets pulled over by the local sheriff. The lawyer, being very studied and knowledgeable, believes he can easily outsmart the poor hick. So the sheriff comes to his window and says, "You didn't stop at that stop sign." "It's okay officer, I slowed down," says the lawyer. In reply, the sheriff says, "Well yes, but that isn't stopping." "Oh, what's he difference?" the lawyer says annoyed with this stupid local cop. The officer makes the lawyer get out of the car, preparing to show him the difference. He takes out his nightstick and proceeds to beat he lawyer senselessly for about a minute. After this, the sheriff helps the lawyer to his feet and says, "Alright now sir, would you like me to stop or just slow down?"

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My grandpa's favorite joke/ gag

I was out in the woods with him one day when he bent over and picked up this funky looking rock. He studied it carefully and told me this rock was a "old Indian sex stone" and handed it to me. After studying it myself I asked him what made it a sex stone and he told me "it's a fucking rock"

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A Golden Oldie Blonde joke...

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, Please come over here and help me… I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started.

Her boyfriend asked, What is it supposed to be when it's finished?

The blonde said, According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger.

Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

He took her hand and said, Second, I'd want you to relax… Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate, and then…

He sighed, let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

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A young boy was getting ready for a geography test he was going to take at school.

As he studied, he decided to ask his mother for help:

"Mom, will you help me revise for my geography test?"

"Sure honey, let's see... what's the capital of Germany?'

"Berlin!"

"Good job! What about the capital of France?"

"Berlin!"

"Way to go! What's the capital of the US?"

"Berlin!"

"Good job, little Adolf!"

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Johnny Comes Home From School

Johnny comes home from school and is greeted by his father.

"How was school son?" he asks

"Not great to be honest Dad," Johnny replies "Got my exam results today, it's not good, I failed."

"That's a shame Johnny," his dad says "you studied hard at home, where did it go wrong?"

"It's not all bad though Dad," Johnny says "I had sex with a teacher today"

Johnny's dad is shocked, but quite impressed "Well I'll tell you what Johnny, how about I don't tell your mother about this and get you that new bike you wanted?"

"I'd give it a few weeks for the bike Dad," Johnny says "My ass is killing me"

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I studied archeology

Now my life is in ruins.

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What do you say to someone who studied media at university?

Can I have fries with that please?

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If you fell off a tall building

If you fell off a tall building and had never studied physics, would you understand the gravity of the situation?

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4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....

One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.

" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.

" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends..." .

All the 3 Ladies fainted ....

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I studied abroad the first semester of my junior year

Then she closed her blinds

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I studied Suicide in college but didn't pass the final...

I only got hesitation marks.

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I told my job interview that I studied philosophy at school.

He said, "Was that useful?"

I said, "I don't know. Was it?"

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I studied human thought and cuisine in the Middle East.

I earned my bachelor's in Falafelsophy.

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I just got out of my Geology class.

We studied metamorphic rocks which was Gneiss.

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My friend Bert disliked his name

... so he studied all the rules and laws about legally changing it. In case you have any questions about name-changing, feel free to ask him - he is now an ex-Bert.

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I studied cognitive development for ten years.

Didn't learn a thing...

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I studied a dictionary for 6 hours

I learnt next to nothing

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Yo mamma so dumb... she studied for

A urine test

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I've Studied Various Religions

And here's what I found:

* Christianity was too cross.

* Islam kept dropping bombs on me.

* Buddhism kept repeating itself.

* Hinduism made me have a cow.

* and Judaism made my hair curl.

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I studied abroad

She didn't teach me anything

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She told me I was a talented lover

I told her I studied a broad.

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TIL Mick Jagger once studied to become a Bryologist

After forming his band, he abandoned his dream. After all, a Rolling Stone gathers no moss.

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A Waste of Time

Few people know it, but I studied abroad for a year...

Crap, she didn't teach me anything so I returned to Florida.

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I studied abroad...

Too bad I got busted for peeking in her window.

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I studied everything except...

Me : I studied everything except page 29 of the book

The exam : write everything you know about page 29

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I've studied Basic Human Anatomy so much

I know it like the back of my hand.

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What are the most funny Studied jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Studied? Well, here are the best Studied dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Studied pick up lines to share with friends.

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