Student Jokes
150 student jokes and hilarious student puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about student that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of hilarious jokes and one-liners, perfect for student council speeches, classrooms, student vs teacher jokes, or just for fun. From student pilots and student nurses to professor jokes and student anthems, these jokes are sure to make every student and teacher laugh out loud. With this collection of jokes, student and teachers alike can confidently lighten the mood in any situation.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Student Short Jokes
Short student jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The student humour may include short patient jokes also.
- Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
- A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?" "Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
- Did you hear about the math student that was afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
- I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? It's where the students have the most potential.
Share These Student Jokes With Friends
Student One Liners
Which student one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with student? I can suggest the ones about applicant and teacher pupil.
- How do you get a philosophy student off your porch? Thank him for the pizza
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I am forever in your debt.
- Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing? It doesn't have any answers.
- Thanks, student loans, for getting me through school I don't think I could ever repay you
- What's a Maths student's favorite drink? Probably tea.
- A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?
- When a mathematics student graduates do they get a degree, or a radian?
- Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
- I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said "I ain't no snitch!".
- I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts but now I don't.
- what do you call medical students who graduated online? google docs
- Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself? He was already suspended.
- Why was the student's report card wet? Because his grades were below C-level.
- What do Hogwarts students use to read PDF files? They use Adobby
- 100 Law Students walk into a bar... ...About 50 of them pass.
Teacher And Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny teacher and student jokes and even better teacher and student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
- Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence' Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'
- Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
- Today I gave a student detention for being tardy I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher
- Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."
- A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!" "You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!" - Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence" Teacher asks class: "use the word Dandelion in a sentence"
Jamaican student: "the cheetah is faster dandelion"
*Everyone dies* - A frustrated student handed in his exam. "I've been writing for two hours, yet i haven't answered a single question!" he complained.
"Well done, that's a straight A." replied the Politics Teacher. - A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it. - The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."
Student Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny student teacher jokes and even better student teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "When am I ever gonna use this?" Asked the student to the algebra teacher "Well you won't, but one of the smart kids might" he replied cheerfully
- Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ? Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
- What did a physics teacher say to calm down a student who wanted to jump off the roof? Don't do that, you have so much potential!
- My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."
- A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton" "I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton - The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
"It was me, goodbye." - Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
- Student: (*hands in exam*) "I've been writing for 2 hours but I haven't answered a single question!" Politics Teacher: "Congratulations, that's a straight A."
- The Chemical Formula For Water Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!" - Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"
College Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny college student jokes and even better college student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college. I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.
- It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
- Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
- I'd like to take a moment to say thank you student loans for getting me through college. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you.
- What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans? Debt from above.
- Dad says, "College students are more interested in women today than ever before.." A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad
- I've always said that college students are a lot like koala bears They sleep 22 hours a day, and 90% of them have chlamydia.
- After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans. I wish I can post this in a different sub.
- What criminal offense do college students commit the least? Resisting a rest.
- I feel bad for current college students... Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.
Student Of The Year Jokes
Here is a list of funny student of the year jokes and even better student of the year puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school. This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."
- What's the difference between a university student and a beggar? 15 years
- What did the Arts student say to the Science student Why did I waste 3 years of my life?
- Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years! - Its the year 2500 and students are in history. A student asks the teacher why is there a gap in the textbook between 1990 and 1999 and the teacher answers because only 90's kids remember.
- You hear the one about the transgender student? He spent his Junior year a broad.
- Student asks teacher how he feels about the new year starting tomorrow. Teacher shrugs his shoulders and says, "S'cool."
- Why Do Squirrels Swim On Their Back? To Keep Their Nuts Dry. (Told in school assembly today by a 13 year old student)
- I learned a tip to pay off my student loan... Apparently each pack of cigarettes I smoke takes away one year of my debt!
- Im first year law student and our professor asked us what is law. Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more...
Heartwarming Student Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about student you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cola jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make student pranks.
An international school teacher asks a question: "What's your own opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
**An African student:** What's food?
**A European student:** What's scarcity?
**An American student:** What are 'other countries'?
**A Chinese student:** What's 'my own opinion'?
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
A gorgeous student walks into her professor's office...
She says "Professor I'm really struggling in your class."
He say's "Ok it's good you're here then, what can I help you with?"
"Well I don't quite understand the material but honestly, I would do anything to pass."
"Anything?" He asks.
She leans in close and softly says "Anything."
He leans in closer, almost whispering as he asks:
"Would you, study?"
A student goes up to his professor after class...
A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed n**... with a gorgeous n**... g**... the right of you, and a n**... gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
Dear student loan,
Thank you for saving my life. I can't think of how I can ever repay you.
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A Blonde Takes a Test
The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."
A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow
She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A student walks up to his teacher...
-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"
-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."
-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.
He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."
A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."
Teacher to student If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Student: One dollar.
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Student: You don't know my father.
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
A teacher asks her student about his favorite tree...
Teacher: "Bob, which tree do you love most?"
Bob: "The eucalyptus is pretty"
Teacher: "That's nice. How do you spell eucalyptus?"
Bob: "Yep, can't go wrong with a good solid oak"
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
So a foreign exchange student asks me:
"Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"
I told them it was either.
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
A Texan says to a Harvard student...
Texan: where are ya from?
Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.
Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, j**...?
A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang...
....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
Teacher: Tell me the sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher:"There has to be at least one s**... student here"
*Timmy stands up*
Teacher:"Timmy do you think you're s**...?"
Timmy:"No, I just felt bad that you were standing alone"
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
Idiot Teacher
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
Teacher: What do you do after school?
1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo
Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"
Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"
Student: I is the...
Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Student walks into professor's office
She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
Thank you banks
Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.
I don't know if I can ever repay you.
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master s**..., why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master s**...."
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)
Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"
Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"
Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up...
"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless c**..."
to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"
What's the difference between an art student and a philosophy student?
A philosophy student asks you *why* you want fries with that.
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had..
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,
- Doesn't need heating,
But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
- Has great packaging.
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"?
In the classroom the teacher is asking a student to do something.
Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with "I."
Student: I is the ...
Teacher: Stop! Never put "is" after "I." Always put 'am' after "I."
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
A high school senior visits a psychic...
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...
Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
This no kidding came from my 10 y/o today from his class. 5th Grade
Student #1: was acting rude and obnoxious toward other students in class
My kiddo: "Stop acting rude"
Student #1: "Make me"
Student #2 (a friend of my kiddo): "Your Mom and Dad already made that mistake."
Thank you student loans for getting me through university...
I don't think I could ever repay you
