Student Jokes
150 student jokes and hilarious student puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about student that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is full of hilarious jokes and one-liners, perfect for student council speeches, classrooms, student vs teacher jokes, or just for fun. From student pilots and student nurses to professor jokes and student anthems, these jokes are sure to make every student and teacher laugh out loud. With this collection of jokes, student and teachers alike can confidently lighten the mood in any situation.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Student Short Jokes
Short student jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The student humour may include short patient jokes also.
- Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
- A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
- Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college. I don't think I can ever repay you.
- Why is it best to teach physics on the edge of a cliff? (Original joke) Because that's where students have the most potential.
- I hate it when engineering students refer to themselves as engineers... Like you don't see med students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves unemployed.
- A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a computer science student. I don't have either". - A Zen student asked his master, "Is it OK to use email?" "Yes," replied the master, "But no attachments."
- I just graduated with a degree in Egyptology. So now I am qualified to teach more students Egyptology. I'm beginning to think this is some sort of pyramid scheme.
- What did the kamikaze flight instructor tell his students? I'm only gonna show you this once
- A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies." Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"
Share These Student Jokes With Friends
Student One Liners
Which student one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with student? I can suggest the ones about applicant and teacher pupil.
- How do you get a philosophy student off your porch? Thank him for the pizza
- Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing? It doesn't have any answers.
- What's a Maths student's favorite drink? Probably tea.
- A vegan, a girl with a boyfriend and a student walk into a bar.. Who tells you first?
- When a mathematics student graduates do they get a degree, or a radian?
- Do special ed teachers mark late students as tardy? i have no shame.
- I told my Mexican student to turn in his essay He said "I ain't no snitch!".
- I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts but now I don't.
- Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself? He was already suspended.
- What do Hogwarts students use to read PDF files? They use Adobby
- 100 Law Students walk into a bar... ...About 50 of them pass.
- Teacher: What is the tense of the phrase "I am beautiful" Student: Past
- What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student? An essay.
- What do you call optometry students? Pupils.
- What book does every Mexican student read in school? Tequila Mockingbird.
Teacher And Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny teacher and student jokes and even better teacher and student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence' Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'
- Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
- Today I gave a student detention for being tardy I was then fired from my job as a special ed. teacher
- Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."
- A man lost $100 bill Teacher: Why are you late?
Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Student: No. I was standing on it. - The student and the teacher. JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...." - Teacher - how did our grandparents kill time without smartphones or internet ? Student- I've already asked this question to my mum, her 5 brothers and 7 sisters !!
- My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?" One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."
- A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton" "I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton - The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
"It was me, goodbye."
Student Teacher Jokes
Here is a list of funny student teacher jokes and even better student teacher puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why can a teacher donate her adult-sized kidney to save a student? Because it's a kidney, not an adultney.
- The Chemical Formula For Water Teacher: "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Student: "HIJKLMNO."
Teacher: "What are you talking about?"
Student: "Yesterday you said it's H to O!" - Harassment. So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"
- A teacher asks a student.. Teacher: I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer fast. Got it?
Student: Yes teacher.
Teacher: What is 2+2?
Student: FAST! - The grammar teacher said "In English, two negatives make an affirmative, but two affirmatives never make a negative." A student replied... "Yeah, right!"
- Teacher: did your father help you with your homework? Student: no he did it all by himself
- Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O. - Biology Joke Biology teacher:
Can anyone name a disease?
Student:
I can sir.
Teacher:
Well done. Whose next? - A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
Student: Honey
Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
Student: Milk
Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
Student: Homework - TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it. Whoops, wrong sub.
College Student Jokes
Here is a list of funny college student jokes and even better college student puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's comforting to know that the US government works the same way as a college student when it comes to deadlines... They both wait until the last minute, then get an extension.
- Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
- What do you call a college student who joined the paratroopers to pay off his student loans? Debt from above.
- Dad says, "College students are more interested in women today than ever before.." A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad
- After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans. I wish I can post this in a different sub.
- What criminal offense do college students commit the least? Resisting a rest.
- I feel bad for current college students... Back when I was in school, our national health emergency was caused by drinking Four Lokos.
- A group of vaping college students is called a smog. A group of vaping middle school students is called down to the principal's office.
- As a broke college student, do you know what the best vehicle to have is? A scholarSHIP.
I'm sorry. - Water, Electricity and College students all have one thing in common... They all follow the path of least resistance
Student Of The Year Jokes
Here is a list of funny student of the year jokes and even better student of the year puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school. This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."
- What's the difference between a university student and a beggar? 15 years
- What did the Arts student say to the Science student Why did I waste 3 years of my life?
- Q: How many University Graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but it may take up to seven years! - You hear the one about the transgender student? He spent his Junior year a broad.
- Student asks teacher how he feels about the new year starting tomorrow. Teacher shrugs his shoulders and says, "S'cool."
- I learned a tip to pay off my student loan... Apparently each pack of cigarettes I smoke takes away one year of my debt!
- Im first year law student and our professor asked us what is law. Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more... - student loans... that's it, that's the joke.
It takes like 1000 years to pay off your debt. Longer than it took you to earn your degree. - As a high school student, people often ask me what I want to do a few years in the future. I don't know. It's not like I have 2020 vision or anything.
Heartwarming Student Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about student you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean athlete jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make student pranks.
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
"How long should my essay be?"
Back in high school I was in an english class and a fellow student asked the teacher how long our essays should be.
He responded saying, "As long as a girl's skirt: long enough to cover everything that needs to be covered, but short enough to keep me interested."
So a college teacher is talking to his male students...
"Access to the women's dorms is strictly prohibited. If someone is caught there for the first time, they will suffer a fine of 100 dollars. The second offence will involve a 300 dollar fine. Getting caught there for the third time will cost you a hefty fine of 500 dollars."
Suddenly, a student in the back raises his hand and asks:
"How much for a semester pass?"
a teacher asks students
Teacher asks students to tell about their dreams, one of them raises his hands and says: 'my dream is to get 100 thousands dollars monthly like my father'.
teacher got shocked, 'does your father get 100 thousands dollars monthly?' teacher says.
student replies: 'no, my father dreams too'.
(sorry for my English)
*Teacher to Student* T: "Use the word 'centimeter' in a sentence"
S: "My grandma was arriving at the train station so i was centimeter"
T: "No, no, that's 'Sent to meet her'. Okay, try another one. Use 'contagious' in a sentence please"
S: "I had to wait at the train station for hours because it took that contagious!"
A Blonde Takes a Test
The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
A student walks up to his teacher...
-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"
-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."
-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
A student comes to a young professor's office hours...
She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"
A teacher asks her student about his favorite tree...
Teacher: "Bob, which tree do you love most?"
Bob: "The eucalyptus is pretty"
Teacher: "That's nice. How do you spell eucalyptus?"
Bob: "Yep, can't go wrong with a good solid oak"
A computer science student...
...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. You can't see that, it's private!
The second student protested, But we're in the same class
So a foreign exchange student asks me:
"Is the word "ee-ther" or "eye-ther?"
I told them it was either.
What do you say to an art student with a job?
"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"
Two students were complaining about math class.
"I hate math. Well, I really just hate numbers." "What do you mean?" "Take seventeen, for instance. I hate seventeen. There's nothing good about seventeen." "What's so bad about seventeen?" "Nothing really. It's just a prime example."
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
A teacher was giving a math lesson...
...and she asked one of her students, "If you had two dollars, and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?"
The student replied, "Two dollars."
"Not quite," the teach responded. "Sounds like you don't know your addition.
"No," the student said, "you just don't know my father."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Texan says to a Harvard student...
Texan: where are ya from?
Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.
Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, j**...?
A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang...
....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the physics student that committed s**... by jumping off a skyscraper?
What a shame. He had so much potential.
In law school...
Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.
She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car c**..., or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete s**... exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six.
One Slytherin to break it.
One Gryffindor to volunteer to change it.
Three Hufflepuffs to hold the ladder to ensure the safety of the Gryffindor student.
And one Ravenclaw to point out that they could have just used magic in the first place.
Teacher: "What can you get from a chicken?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher: "Anyone who thinks they're s**..., stand up"
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher:"There has to be at least one s**... student here"
*Timmy stands up*
Teacher:"Timmy do you think you're s**...?"
Timmy:"No, I just felt bad that you were standing alone"
After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting...
"Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!"
Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases
One kid wrote:
1. h**..., AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /
The teacher asked what's '/' ?
Student replied it's a s**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Teacher: What do you do after school?
1st Student: I go and buy w**... from Yakobo
2nd Student: I always go and buy cigarettes from Yakobo.
3rd Student: I go and buy c**... from Yakobo.
4th Student: I always stay at home and do my homework.
Teacher: You are a great student, I hereby appoint you as the class monitor. You are a good example to other students. What's your name?
4th Student: Yakobo
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Smart first grader
A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped-up about the Super Bowl. It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?
Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too, says the student.
Well, that's a lousy reason, says the teacher. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?
Then I'd be a football fan.
Students are smart
Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.
Thank you banks
Thank you banks for the student loans, car loans and mortgages, which helped me survive my life.
I don't know if I can ever repay you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A confused chinese student asks his master: "Master s**..., why do all chinese look the same?"
Then the Master replyed: "I am not master s**...."
What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?
A bench can support a family.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two students and a teacher want to have s**... with foreign exchange students.
One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"
The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"
The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."
A student receives a bad grade on his exam
And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.
He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"
The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".
The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During an exam, a student pokes the guy next to him and whispers, "pssst... is C the chemical symbol for chlorine?"
He whispers back, "Na, Cl you idiot!".
"OK thanks..." replies the student, "but why so salty?"
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)
Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth
A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennessine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures.
The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
The year is 2540, a student notices something odd about his history book
How come these textbooks skip the years 1990 through 1999? He asks
The teacher puts down his marker, lowers his head and sighs.
Because... he lifts his head, a single tear rolls down his cheek, ...only 90's kids remember the 90's
"The word of the day is 'contagious'" Said the teacher, "Who can use it in a sentence?"
Little Jenny stood up and said "My dad has a cold and said its contagious"
The teacher praised Jenny and ask for an example from another student.
Billy stood up and said "Miss, my mum has the flu, and I think its contagious"
Happy with Billy's response, the teacher asked for one more student to stand up and give an example.
Little Johnny stood up...
"Miss, my next door neighbour is painting his house with a 1 inch brush and my dad said its going to take the contagious."
There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.
They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.
The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."
The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.
The old country man then goes, "Tim and I off hunting went, found some girls in a pop up tent, they were three and we were two and I buck one and Tim buck two."
An Arab student emails his dad:
*An Arab student emails his dad:*
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.
Your son, Nasser.
*The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:*
My dear loving son,
Twenty million USD have just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad
"What would a peaceful death be like?" asks the professor
"The same way my grandfather died" The student replies
"And how died your grandfather?"
"He fell asleep"
"Nice answer. And what would be a terrible death?"
"The way that my grandfather's friends died"
"And how died your grandfather friends?
"They were in the car with my grandfather when he fell asleep"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless c**..."
to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"
According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had..
Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.
He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.
"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.
During a biology exam a student has to list three pros of breast milk.
He's unprepared, but starts looking for common sense answers and writes down:
- Contains all the nutrients a baby needs,
- Doesn't need heating,
But he still needs one more. And just as the time is about to run out, the student writes:
- Has great packaging.
Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.
He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."
A high school senior visits a psychic...
"I've applied to 10 different colleges," the student said. "Which ones will accept me? Which one will I attend?"
"That is hard to say," said the psychic. "But you will spend an absurd sum of money."
"How do you know this?" the student asked.
The psychic replied,
"It's mostly intuition."
Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....
The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.
He continued, Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: How much for a season ticket?
How to stay in class
A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"
At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away
His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.
Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...
Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher is teaching a class of kids about intelligence
She explains what intelligence is and then
Teacher: people opposite to intelligent are called s**.... Now how many of you think of yourselves as s**..., stand up.
She waits to see if someone would stand up but no one does. After a long while, finally a kid stands up.
Teacher: Do you think you are s**...?
Student: No
Teacher: Then why did you stand up?
Student: I felt bad since you're the only one standing.
This no kidding came from my 10 y/o today from his class. 5th Grade
Student #1: was acting rude and obnoxious toward other students in class
My kiddo: "Stop acting rude"
Student #1: "Make me"
Student #2 (a friend of my kiddo): "Your Mom and Dad already made that mistake."
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.
He says, "The female dormitory would be prohibited for all male students, and the male dormitory would be prohibited for the female students."
Continuing further, he says, "Anyone caught breaking this rule would be fined $50 the first time."
"Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time would be fined $100."
"Being caught the third time, would incur a hefty fine of $200."
"Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
