The Best 76 Stud Jokes

Funny that when a guy sleeps with tons of girls, he's a stud..

But when a girl sleeps with tons of guys, somehow I'm not one of them.

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

A New Study Conducted on Asians (A joke I came up with,but still not sure if a repost)

A new study conducted on Asians shows that the long held to be true stereotype is partially false. In fact, only 50% of Asians have small penises.

The other 50% are women.

There's a new study out from the Department of Education...

It shows that two thirds of Americans don't understand fractions and the other half don't care.

According to a new study..

...6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

A student goes up to his professor after class...

A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed naked with a gorgeous naked girl on the right of you, and a naked gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"

Why is studying statistics hard to do in Afghanistan?

because of the tally-ban

A student visits his teacher man early in the morning

And sits on in a chair. The teacher man looks up and offers the pupil a cup of coffee.

"Sure, I'll take a mug of joe," says the student.

The teacher pours a cup, and gives it to the kid. The student takes a sip, and nearly gags.

"The is terrible! Seriously! What is this, mud??"

"Well," the professor replies, "it was ground just this morning."

Sometimes I hide my wife's inhaler....

The neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting heavily "give it to me!"

Studies show that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

A student walks up to his teacher...

-Student: "Miss, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"

-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."

-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I don't think I can ever repay you.

"Why is there a Women's Studies Major, but not a Men's Studies Major"

"There is a Men's Studies major, its called history"

The student and the teacher.

JACK: "Would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
TEACHER:" Of course not. "
JACK: "Good, because I haven't done my homework ...."

Study reveals 20% of men kiss wife goodbye when they leave the house. 80% of men kiss house goodbye when they leave their wife.

Conclusion. Want to keep your house, start kissing your wife.

Nothing is better than studying

That's why i do nothing.

Studies show there is actually intelligent DNA in women.

But unfortunately most of them spit it out.

Worst pick-up line ever.

If you're looking for a stud, I've got the STD all that's missing is U.

Gender inequality.

There is an inequality when it comes to men and women. For example...

If a man sleeps with hundreds of women he is respected and labled as a stud or a player. Nothing bad is said about him and he goes on acting like the player he is.

However, if a woman that goes around sleeping with hundreds of men, she's your mum.

Thanks, student loans, for getting me through school

I don't think I could ever repay you

Studies show that a lot of women turn into good drivers

So If you're a good driver, look out for women turning

A new study of dolphins was recently performed...

The study showed that within a few weeks in captivity, they were able to teach humans to stand at the edge of their pool and throw fish at them.

Studies show "not jokes" are coming back and are likely to be funnier than ever.

Not.

A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic

Because they are more likely to be dead.

Two students were complaining about math class.

"I hate math. Well, I really just hate numbers." "What do you mean?" "Take seventeen, for instance. I hate seventeen. There's nothing good about seventeen." "What's so bad about seventeen?" "Nothing really. It's just a prime example."

Studies find if a woman has a glass of wine a day increases the chances of a stroke.

If you let her have more she might suck it too.

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I am forever in your debt.

A new study shows that the majority of humans alive today are better at math than Albert Einstein.

Because he's dead.

Studies have shown horses exposed to marijuana are less stable and unsafe to ride.

So get off your high horse.

I used to have a student who suffered from suicidal thoughts

but now I don't.

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

Study shows that people eat more bananas than monkeys

I don't even remember the last time I ate a monkey!

What do Women's Studies majors like after dessert?

A tip

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing?

It doesn't have any answers.

Studies have shown that smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

Next thing you know they'll be saying smoking weed causes short term memory loss.

If a dude has sex with 20 women he's a stud, but if a woman has sex with 20 men...

Somehow I'm never one of them.

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

IT Students

An IT student is walking along with his bike when another IT student walks up to him and goes Nice bike. Where did you get it?

The first student says, The other day, this beautiful woman ran up to me with this bike, threw it on the ground, ripped off all her clothes and said 'Take anything you want!'

The first student says, So I took the bike .

The second student says, Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit .

Studies show that women who carry a little extra weight live longer

than the men who mention it.

Hey girl, i can be your stud.

I have the std, i just need u.

Study something you like and you will never have to work a single day

Because you won't find work

Hey girl, are you looking for a stud?

I've got the STD, all I need is U.

Credit goes to Rooster from the Netflix series *The Ranch*

A new study showed that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I dont remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Because of all the studying, I spend an unhealthy amount of time sitting.

I think I am understanding.

Heard you were looking for a stud...

I got the STD, now all I need is u.

I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had sex with 10 people

Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay

A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man...

Guess that puts women in third.

Students are smart

Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?

Student: No

Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?

Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.

I studied 10 pages of a dictionary

I learnt next to nothing

A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"

"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"

Two students and a teacher want to have sex with foreign exchange students.

One student goes for the French student, and the whole time she screams, "Oui! Oui! Oui!"

The other student gets with a Spanish student, and she screams, "Sí! Sí! Sí!"

The teacher locks a German student in his office, the whole time she screams, "Nein! Nein! Nein!" He replies, "Really? I could have sworn you were only eight years old."

Sometimes I hide my girlfriend's inhaler

So that the neighbours think I am a stud when they hear her panting, "Give it to me!"

Also, so that I can still take her breath away, after all these years...

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student comes home, and his mother asks him "so how did the exam go?". He replies: "the teacher thought it was remarkable!'

Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

Studies show that prostitutes have higher levels of oxytocin than the average person.

Oxytocin is known to increase erotic vocalizations during sex. Scientists believe that this may be an adaptation to help with pleasing their clients.

It's a very powerful whore-moan.

Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words?

Teacher: Well yes , but actually no

Studies have shown that American youth has already started using the metric system

Nowadays you can even find students from various schools in America using 9mm

Some students notice an elderly couple in the McDonald's with only one meal on the table...

"Excuse me," says one of the students, "I noticed that you only have one meal between you. If you'd like we could get another for you, it's no trouble."

"That's very kind of you," replies the elderly woman, "but you see, in our marriage my husband and I share everything. This is enough food for both of us."

A few minutes later, the students again notice that the only elderly man is eating while his wife sits in still silence.

"Perhaps we could get that meal for you after all?" another student asks sheepishly. To which the woman replies:

"Oh no, it's fine. I'm waiting for my turn with the dentures."

A student says to the teacher, "you only teach useless crap"

to which the teacher replies, "hey there no need to be so hard on yourself"

A student got home from school and his mum asked him how the test went.

He said it was easy but one question held him up. The mother asked what the question was.
" They asked what the past tense of think was" the boy answered. "So what did you write?" the mother asked.

"I thought and thought and thought until I finally wrote thinked"! The boy replied.

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Did you hear about the house the lesbians built?

Not a stud in the place, it's all tongue 'n' groove

Students at M.I.T. recently developed a new contender for the blackest material known to man...

Scientists attempted to demonstrate it in public, but it was immediately shot by the police.

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

Studying the nature of Mars

A NASA scientist walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How's work going?" the bartender asks. "It's frustrating. We've been studying the planet Mars and trying to figure out how it went from having a warm and wet habitat to a cold and dry one," the scientist says. "So far, we don't have an answer." "Maybe it got married?" the bartender replies.

Student: (*hands in exam*) "I've been writing for 2 hours but I haven't answered a single question!"

Politics Teacher: "Congratulations, that's a straight A."

There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

Thank you student loans for getting me through university...

I don't think I could ever repay you

Studies show that one out of every six friends have a gambling addiction

My money is on Peter

Studies show that cows produce more milk...

when the farmer talks to them.

It's a case of "in one ear, and out the udder".

So this study shows that humans eat more bananas than monkeys

But I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.