Stuck Traffic Jokes
52 stuck traffic jokes and hilarious stuck traffic puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stuck traffic that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stuck Traffic Short Jokes
Short stuck traffic jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stuck traffic humour may include short stuck in traffic jokes also.
- My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
- My wife and I were stuck in traffic. She said, "I'm turning round."
"I can see that," I replied. "Try eating less chocolate." - 9 out of 10 doctors recommend not getting stuck in traffic Because the 10th one is still stuck in traffic.
- Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977. He would have started sooner, but he was stuck in traffic.
- I took the road less travelled by But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert frost
- I was stuck in traffic behind a Mazda SUV this morning... it wasn't the greatest car in the whole world. It was just a Tribute.
- My wife told me to find a new one if anything happens to her Apparently 'anything' doesn't mean being stuck in traffic
- You might want to listen to that long Marvin Gaye song while stuck in that bad traffic today. It's a Slow Jam.
- I felt very hungry while stuck in a traffic jam this morning So I put it on some toast and ate it.
Share These Stuck Traffic Jokes With Friends
Stuck Traffic One Liners
Which stuck traffic one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stuck traffic? I can suggest the ones about traffic jam and stuck.
- The ChatGPT servers must be stuck in traffic... in the internet highway!
- What did the lion say when he was stuck in traffic? Mufasa
- Q: What do you call an Oyster who is stuck in traffic? A: A PearlJam 😃
- I'M A STARK! Exclaimed the Italian stuck in traffic.
- how many sheep are stuck in traffic none because sheep cant drive!! hahahaha
- The best thing about a U-Haul truck Even if you're stuck in traffic, you're still moving.
- I was stuck in traffic while on the road in Ireland... Cork was in a bottleneck.
- My girlfriend told me her period was late So I said it's probably stuck in traffic.
- What happens when a bear and a cow are stuck in traffic? They BEARly MOOOOOve!
- A traffic jam is like a bad marriage... ...you're stuck in it because of an accident.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
- Saw a turkey while stuck in traffic... Gave him the bird
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Stuck Traffic Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about stuck traffic you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean congestion jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stuck traffic pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t.
So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat.
He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it.
He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man.
He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat.
The guy said, "It's a hurt bird."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
They kept that up for about five minutes.
Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!"
The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand.
The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?"
The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A high-class London lawyer gets stopped by police...
A high class stuck-up London lawyer gets pulled over by traffic police for failing to stop at a stop sign.
Officer: 'License and registration please'
Lawyer: 'Why?'
Officer: 'Because you failed to stop at the stop sign back there'
Lawyer: 'But I slowed down and could see that no cars were coming'
Office: 'But it's a stop sign sir, it doesn't matter if it was clear, you still needed to stop before setting off again. License and registration please'
Lawyer (trying to be all s**... and righteous): 'Alright then Officer, explain to me the difference between stopping and slowing down, surely it's open to misinterpretation?'
The officer says 'Alright then, step out of your car please Sir'.
The Lawyer steps out of his car and the officer throws him to the floor, pulls out his baton and starts beating him with it continually.
'Now then,' says the Officer, 'do you want me to stop, or to slow down?'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in Washington D.C. in the worst traffic jam he had ever seen...
Cars were stretched out for miles ahead of him. As he was sitting there, a young fellow approached his car and knocked on the window. "What's the holdup?", the driver asked. "Well," answered the young fellow, "It seems that a t**... group is holding the entire U.S. Congress hostage up ahead a few miles. They claim they're going to douse the whole bunch of them with gasoline and start them on fire unless they get $50 million. I'm just going car to car to try and get some donations." "I'd love to help." said the driver. "How much is everyone else giving?" "About a gallon each."
An Australian man decides to visit New York City...
An Australian man decides to visit New York City one day. After the long flight, he decides that he wants to wander around and see the sites. As he is crossing a busy street however, traffic picks up all around him, and he is stuck in the middle of the road. Several police officers notice his dilemma and halt traffic to help him out. One of the officers walks up to him angrily and asks "What's the matter?! Did you come here to die?"
The Australian man simply replies "Nah mate, I came here yesterday!"
Pig With a Wooden Leg
A journalist on vacation in Texas is driving on his way to do some sightseeing. Soon, he gets stuck in traffic. After slowly inching his way forward, he decides to take a back road. After getting hopelessly lost, he stops at the nearest ranch to ask for directions. Walking up to the ranch, he is met by a farmer, who is followed by a pig with a wooden leg. At first, the journalist is extremely confused, but then realizes that this could be an interesting new story, and asks the farmer about the pig.
"Oh, him? This here is Orville; he's one helluva pig. See those derricks yonder?" he asks as he points to the horizon, where indeed there are several derricks.
"One day, I was walking, and Orvill starts digging and a digging like crazy. Right after, he done struck oil, made me rich!"
The journalist, writing furiously, stops, with a stunned look.
"WOW! That's amazing! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer replies, "Well, after we were rich, I built me a mansion. We lived really happily, until one day, a fire started! My wife and I got out, but the baby was still inside. Sho' nuff, Orville runs inside and rescues Junior!"
The journalist, amazed, continues scribbling furiously. "That's amazing, what a pig! But...why does he have a wooden leg?"
The farmer looks at him and says,
"Pig like that, ya can't eat in one piece, now, can ya?"
The Indian Driver
An Indian guy was driving with his family, when he noticed that a cop car was following him. After a couple seconds, he pulled over, and one of the cops came out to his window. He rolled it down and asked, "Is there a problem, officer?"
The cop said, "No, no problem at all, sir. We have been observing you for your entire right. You've stuck to the speed limit, followed traffic rules and were respectful to other drivers. It's Road Safety week so you've been selected as the Best Driver today. So allow me to present to you this $1000 cheque as a token of our appreciation."
The Indian was so pleased. "Great! Now I finally have money for a driver's license."
The officer did a double take. Immediately, the Indian's wife said, "Oh, don't mind him, officer, he blabbers when he's drunk."
This prompted the driver's old mom to mutter, "See, this is why you shouldn't pull over when you're driving a stolen car."
Two Engineers are attending a conference in China
Since they are going to the same place, the two engineers decide to share a taxi. While stuck in traffic, the American engineer glances out the window and exclaims, "Wow! What a magnificent skyscraper, it must have taken years to build!" "In my country, it would only take months to build." brags the Indian engineer. Curious as to how long the tower took to build, the American engineer asks the taxi driver, "Excuse me, but how old is that building over there?" The taxi driver replies, "Don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandma's Facebook
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls it down and asks, What's going on?
Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100m ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car collecting donations.
How much is everyone giving, on average? asks the driver.
The man replies, Roughly a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stuck in a traffic jam
some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "
A guy gets a call his wife is in labor...
He rushes off to the hospital, but gets stuck in traffic. By the time he gets to the hospital his wife has already had the baby. So he heads down to the nursery to see his new baby. He sees his child sleeping and a nurse walks up and ask, " is this your baby?" The nurse picks up the baby and holds the child up to the father and gently rocks him, the dad is in awe... she takes the baby and throws it against the wall. The dad freaks out and starts screaming and the nurse tells him to calm down...
" I was kidding, it was a still born."
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is stuck in a traffic jam
A man is struck in a traffic jam
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire politicians, and they are asking for a 1 million crore rupees ransom.
Otherwise, they are gong to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
We are going from car to car, and collection donations.
How much is everyone giving, an on average? the driver asks....
The man replied, "Roughly 2 liters"
*Edit 1 : I apologise for any grammatical errors. English is not my 1st language.
*Edit 2 : Wow! Thanks for the upvotes guys! I really appreciate it. Also this is my most upvoted post ever.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It always takes me so long to get home through the red light district
I get stuck in s**... traffic for hours
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man stucks in a traffic jam in US
He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:
– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.
– How much people donate usually?
– Around 5 gallons.
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
Edward Jack gets a job...
Edward Jack gets a job at an average-paying office. He's popular among his co-workers, and his boss who speaks rough english. He fired a guy buy saying, You no job good! Since the boss can't pronounce Edward well, he calls him E. Jack.
One day Edward woke up late, got stuck in traffic, and was late to work. He got yelled at by his boss who said, E. JACK! YOU LATE!
Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.
The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.
The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.
The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?
His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.