The Best 30 Stuck Traffic Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stuck Traffic jokes. There are some stuck traffic jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stuck traffic puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stuck Traffic Jokes and Puns

My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.

Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.

The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."

A man stucks in a traffic jam in US

He sees a foreign man is coming towards him. Foreign man comes and says:

– Terrorists captured Trump, we are collecting donations. If $10.000.000 hasn't given in 1 hour, they will burn him with gasoline.

– How much people donate usually?

– Around 5 gallons.

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...

The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

ISIS takes Congress hostage

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.

Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."

"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...

After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:

"What am I being stopped for?"

The cop answers:

"Drinking and deriving."

My wife and I were stuck in traffic.

She said, "I'm turning round."

"I can see that," I replied. "Try eating less chocolate."

Stuck Behind Traffic

A cop pulls a car over for driving too fast. He walks up to the car,

Cop: You were going to fast.

Driver: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

Cop: There isn't any.

Driver: I know! That's how far behind I am!

Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977.

He would have started sooner, but he was stuck in traffic.

What did the lion say when he was stuck in traffic?


Three kids ask their mom about their unusual names.

The first kid asks, Why am I named Kitchen Table? His mom says, Well sweetie, when you were born the car was out of gas and we couldn't get to the hospital, so you were born on the kitchen table.

The second kid asks, Why am I named Backseat? Her mom says, Well honey, when *you* were born, we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, and you were born in the backseat of the car.

The third kid says, That's neat. But mom, why am I the only one with a normal name?

His mom just says, I wouldn't worry about it too much, John.

You can explore stuck traffic reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stuck traffic dad jokes. There are also stuck traffic puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I took the road less travelled by

But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost

Q: What do you call an Oyster who is stuck in traffic?

A: A PearlJam 😃


Exclaimed the Italian stuck in traffic.

I was stuck in traffic behind a Mazda SUV this morning...

it wasn't the greatest car in the whole world. It was just a Tribute.

Edward Jack gets a job...

Edward Jack gets a job at an average-paying office. He's popular among his co-workers, and his boss who speaks rough english. He fired a guy buy saying, You no job good! Since the boss can't pronounce Edward well, he calls him E. Jack.

One day Edward woke up late, got stuck in traffic, and was late to work. He got yelled at by his boss who said, E. JACK! YOU LATE!

A man is on his way home from work...

He gets stuck in traffic. So he calls his wife and says "Honey, im stuck in traffic right now, and it doesn't look like it wil be clearing up anytime soon. Im probably gonna be late." So the wife says, "Ok, baby, but be careful. I heard on the news that there is a crazy driver driving on the wrong side of the freeway." The man replies: "One driver? There are hundreds of them!"

A man stuck in a traffic jam

some guy came and knocked on his windows and said "Donald Trump has been kidnapped, the kidnappers ask for 1 billion dollars or they will burn him with gasoline , we're asking for donation "
So the man in the car asked and on average how much does a person donate?
so the guy replies "between one gallon and two gallons "

how many sheep are stuck in traffic

none because sheep cant drive!! hahahaha

The best thing about a U-Haul truck

Even if you're stuck in traffic, you're still moving.

I was stuck in traffic while on the road in Ireland...

Cork was in a bottleneck.

My girlfriend told me her period was late

So I said it's probably stuck in traffic.

My wife says if anything ever happens to her I should move on and remarry.

Today I found out, apparently "anything" does not include getting stuck in a traffic jam.

My wife told me to find a new one if anything happens to her

Apparently 'anything' doesn't mean being stuck in traffic

My wife said that if anything happens to her I must move on with my life

Apperently stuck in traffic isn't part of "anything".

What happens when a bear and a cow are stuck in traffic?


It always takes me so long to get home through the red light district

I get stuck in sex traffic for hours

You might want to listen to that long Marvin Gaye song while stuck in that bad traffic today.

It's a Slow Jam.

A traffic jam is like a bad marriage...'re stuck in it because of an accident.

Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stuck traffic jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stuck traffic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes