Stuck Jokes
152 stuck jokes and hilarious stuck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stuck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for some laughs? Check out this article to find some great jokes related to things that are stuck: stuck in traffic, stuck in an elevator, stuck up, stuck on you, stickiest, sticky and glued! Get your humor fix now!
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Funniest Stuck Short Jokes
Short stuck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stuck humour may include short stumped jokes also.
- Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full." I thought, "I can't turn that down."
- My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
- My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...
- I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
- I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked postman — can you help? She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessing—- Too many. - Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
- My wife fell in love with me again during covid-19 I guess you could call it stuck-home syndrome
- A programmer got stuck in the shower because... The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat." - A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.. Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!" - Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear? It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear
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Stuck One Liners
Which stuck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stuck? I can suggest the ones about trapped inside and stranded.
- I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full" Couldn't turn it down.
- What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years? Church
- Women are like a box of chocolates I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.
- Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing... But it's up there.
- Why couldn't Jesus complete the crossword? Because he got stuck on 2 across
- I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today But the needle kept getting stuck
- Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and rick perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives? Texas
- Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden. I think they are velcrows
- What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ? Garbage.
- If you like Pina Coladas... ... And getting songs stuck in your head.
- I came into a lot of money today. But now the bills are all stuck together :(
- Two cats are stuck on a roof. Which one falls off first? One with the smaller mew.
- I gave my cat a bath the other day... he liked it, but the fur stuck to my tongue.
- what is green and, if stuck between your teeth, will kill you? a tractor.
- What do you call a whistleblower stuck in a blizzard? Snowd-en
Stuck In Traffic Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck in traffic jokes and even better stuck in traffic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The ChatGPT servers must be stuck in traffic... in the internet highway!
- My wife and I were stuck in traffic. She said, "I'm turning round."
"I can see that," I replied. "Try eating less chocolate." - 9 out of 10 doctors recommend not getting stuck in traffic Because the 10th one is still stuck in traffic.
- Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977. He would have started sooner, but he was stuck in traffic.
- What did the lion say when he was stuck in traffic? Mufasa
- I took the road less travelled by But so did everyone else because they saw it on Google Maps and now we're all stuck in traffic. -Robert Frost
- Q: What do you call an Oyster who is stuck in traffic? A: A PearlJam 😃
- I'M A STARK! Exclaimed the Italian stuck in traffic.
- I was stuck in traffic behind a Mazda SUV this morning... it wasn't the greatest car in the whole world. It was just a Tribute.
- how many sheep are stuck in traffic none because sheep cant drive!! hahahaha
Stuck Traffic Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck traffic jokes and even better stuck traffic puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The best thing about a U-Haul truck Even if you're stuck in traffic, you're still moving.
- I was stuck in traffic while on the road in Ireland... Cork was in a bottleneck.
- My girlfriend told me her period was late So I said it's probably stuck in traffic.
- My wife told me to find a new one if anything happens to her Apparently 'anything' doesn't mean being stuck in traffic
- What happens when a bear and a cow are stuck in traffic? They BEARly MOOOOOve!
- You might want to listen to that long Marvin Gaye song while stuck in that bad traffic today. It's a Slow Jam.
- A traffic jam is like a bad marriage... ...you're stuck in it because of an accident.
- Chuck Norris doesn't get stuck in traffic, traffic gets stuck in Chuck Norris.
- Saw a turkey while stuck in traffic... Gave him the bird
- I felt very hungry while stuck in a traffic jam this morning So I put it on some toast and ate it.
Stuck In Elevator Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck in elevator jokes and even better stuck in elevator puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy? Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.
- People stuck in an elevator called for help. They were let down.
- Did you hear about the blonde who had her nose stuck between elevator doors? She got quite a facelift.
- Seinfeld should have done an episode where they get stuck in an elevator. It would have really taken the whole 'show about nothing' to the next level.
- So a tour group got stuck in an elevator... I hear it was an ell' of a tour.
- Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
- Uber Why was the elevator stuck downtown?
He couldn't get a Lyft - I got stuck in a elevator in a glue factory.
- The was this democratic elevator stuck in the basement it kept getting down votes.
Stuck In Lift Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck in lift jokes and even better stuck in lift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One lives in the outback, and one is a Scotsman stuck in a lift.
- What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? A Kangaroo is a marsupial found mainly in Australia.
A Kangaroot is a person from Newcastle stuck in a lift. - I watched the movie Frozen with my four year old daughter My daughter didn't like the part when the girlfriend got her hand stuck to the ski lift at all.
- I bought my blonde girlfriend a jet ski for christmas... I don't know how she got it on the chair lift, but she's still stuck on top of the mountain.
Stuck Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck up jokes and even better stuck up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike? Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
- I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head... .. In your head
In your head.
In your head. - Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg. I spent the following day thinking my Pfizer killing me
- My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it
- Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
- I keep getting confused between homophobia and claustrophobia. Which is the one about being irrationally afraid because you're stuck in the closet?
- What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company? One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.
- While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back. I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened. - I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January. My feet have never looked better.
- why is the bass player stuck outside? he doesn't know when to come in and can't find the right key anyway
Heartwarming Stuck Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about stuck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sticky situation jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stuck pranks.
Never get stuck behind The Devil in a line at the DMV.
For The Devil can take many forms.
A man and woman live in a two story house.
A man and woman live in a two story house and sleep on the second floor. At 3 a.m. they're awakened by a knock at the front door. The man goes to the window, opens it and looks down but can't see anyone.
"Who's out there?" he asks.
A voice says, "Please help me. I need a push."
"I'm sorry," the man says. "I'm not leaving my house at this hour."
He gets back into bed. His wife says, "Honey, don't you remember when our daughters were stuck in that bad part of Oakland at 3 in the morning, and if that stranger didn't give them a jumpstart, they would been there for hours?"
"Yeah, you're right," the man says. He gets out of bed and returns to the window. "Are you still down there?" he asks.
"Yes."
"Do you still need that push?"
"Yes."
"Where are you?" the man asks.
"I'm over here on your swings."
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
Tour guide
A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States, wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says...
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath;
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A funny joke indeed
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**...."
There were 3 moles living in a hole...
One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender looks up angrily, yelling at him, "Get out! We don't take stuck up snobs like you!"
Argon doesn't react.
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance.
Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
Gay guys know everything...
A gay guy and a straight guy are in a car and stuck at a stoplight for a very long time. The gay guy looks at the straight guy and says
"I'm going to go, it's going to turn green anyways."
the gay guy goes and it turns green. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that."
"Gay guys know everything." said the gay guy.
Then the two go to the mall and while they're in the parking lot the gay guy stops the straight guy and says.
"I bet you in about 4 seconds 5 hot girls come around that corner over there."
About 4 seconds later 5 hot girls walk around the corner. The straight guy says,
"how'd you do that?"
the gay guy says yet again.
"Gay guys know everything."
*At this point in the joke you say to the person "Then the two guys go up these things that are a lot like stairs but they move?" Struggle to think about what they are called and hopefully the person you're telling the joke to says "escalator." Then you say*
"Gay guys know everything..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning
She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.
I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.
He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.
He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours.
After flowers he goes to get his tuxedo at the store and the line is huge again with everyone else getting their tux's too.
He finally makes it to the prom with his date, they arrive and he asks if she wants to go onto the dance floor. She says "I'm a little thirsty, can I get some punch first?" He says "ok" and goes up to get some punch and there is no punchline.
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday"
Adam was talking to his friend at a bar. He said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stuck." His friend said, "I have an idea! Why don't you make up a certificate saying that she can have 60 minutes of great s**..., anyway she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So Adam decided to listen to his friend's advice. The next day at the bar, his friend said, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," Adam replied. "Did she like it?" "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!"
Three guys are stranded on a desert island
Suddenly a good fairy appears and tells them: "I will grant each of you one wish".
The first guy says: "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, I just want to be home." His wish is granted.
The second guy says: "I've always wanted to see the world so I wish to be in Paris." His wish is granted.
The third guy says: "Oh man, now I'm all alone :(.
I wish the two other guys back!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island
The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It must s**... being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
I just fell victim to a dad joke
Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.
Me: I don't know?
Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
Me: What about the glue?
Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.
George and the Dragon
A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition.
"No!" she said rather sternly.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she snapped again.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!"
By this time, she was fairly shouting.
The vagabond tried again: "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently.
"Do you suppose I might have a word with George instead?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
A Calculus student is stuck in traffic...
After waiting 20 minutes with little movement, he decides to catch up on his homework. 5 Minutes in, he feels thirsty and realizes he has an unopened bottle of Coke in his backpack. He takes it out and opens it. However, as soon as he takes his first sip, a nearby police car start flashing it's lights and orders him to pull over to the side. When the cop reaches his car, the student asks:
"What am I being stopped for?"
The cop answers:
"Drinking and deriving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?
The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.
When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .
When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.
Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**....
A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.
The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...
Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?
They keep getting stuck in de Nile
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teenager got s**... in well.
He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.
Two men are playing a round of golf when they get stuck behind two women.
Eventually one of the men walks over to ask if they can play through. He scuttles back and says, "When I got closer, I realized it was my wife and mistress; You go and ask them instead."
The other one walks over to the women but hurries back and says, "Small world."
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"911, what's your emergency?"
Drunk r**..., "Send help, my buddy just fell and hit his head on the sidewalk. He's bleed'n like a stuck hog!"
911, "Okay sir, what's your location?"
Drunk r**..., "We're at the corner of Sycamore and Vine."
911, "Okay sir, I'm going to need you to spell that for me. "
Drunk r**..., "Si.....Sy...ah! screw it! I'll drag him on down to Maple you can pick him up there!"
A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her: "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.
She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow.
The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Walmart parking lot, now you can follow me over to Target."
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?
Inbread.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.
Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
My friends said if you floss you'll be amazed at how much food is stuck between your teeth.
I don't remember eating this much blood
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I don't know why people hate China. I love it and can't say I have a whole lot wrong with it.
It just s**... they've been stuck on that island for so long.
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I feel sad for people with gay parents
They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
A guy's wife is stuck in a toilet.
He tries getting her out - nothing, she's still stuck, unable to get out. So guy calls the plumbing company to come to rescue. They say that they'll be there in half an hour. While waiting, the guy covers his wife's private parts with a sombrero, so she doesn't get embarrassed any further.
Half an hour later plumbers come, look at the situation and the more experienced looking one says "We'll get the lady out - no problem. As for the Mexican - I'm sorry, but we think he's beyond saving..."
