Heartwarming Stuck Jokes that Make You Laugh
Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.
Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"
I know he means well...
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
Tour guide
A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.
When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"
Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.
A funny joke indeed
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**...."
There were 3 moles living in a hole...
One day, they wake up to the smell of pancakes cooking. The first mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell pancakes!" The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says "I smell syrup!" The last mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but gets stuck behind the other two, so he said "All I smell is molasses."
two men are driving down the country road when....
...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has s**... with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.
Women are like a box of chocolates
I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.
A mugger
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
"Give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen
There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.
You can explore stuck glued reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stuck taped dad jokes. There are also stuck puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
moles
Mama mole, papa mole, and baby mole all lived in a hole. One day, mama mole stuck her head out and sniffed the air.
"That's weird, I smell grape jelly."
Papa mole squeezes up beside her, sniffs around, and says, "That's funny, because i smell strawberry jam."
Baby mole wanted to sniff the air too, but was stuck behind mama and papa mole, so he said "That's strange, all I smell is molasses!"
Why is Jesus bad at crossword puzzles?
He always gets stuck on 2 Across.
Argon walks into a bar
The bartender looks up angrily, yelling at him, "Get out! We don't take stuck up snobs like you!"
Argon doesn't react.
Dating is a lot like fishing
Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
Small Head
A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why is your head so small?"
He replies, "I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had s**... with all of them. Their leader, who was the most beautiful of all, had the power to grant anybody one wish, so I asked her to have s**... with me. She said she would grant me anything but that, so I said, "Would a little head be out of the question?"
I was once a man stuck in a woman's body
Then my mother gave birth
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of...
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs
"give me your money," he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this, I am a United States congressman!"
In that case," replied the mugger,
"give me my money."
What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?
One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
There once was a family of moles in their mole hole when one smelled something sweet...
The father mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said "is that honey?" So the mother mole squeezed through the hole next to the father and smelled "that may be maple syrup! It smells so wonderful!" The baby mole, wanting to see what all the commotion was about, frustratingly couldn't fit between the father and mother mole. So he wailed " All I smell is molasses!"
I walked into a shop and saw a radio for sale because the volume was stuck on high...
...I thought, I can't turn this down!
Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?
Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.
I saw an advert that read: Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.
I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on Top Gear?
It makes no sense, he's not a good driver, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear
A man notices a TV for sale.
"Hey, how much is this TV?"
The salesman replies "1 dollar."
"Only a dollar? Why so cheap?"
The salesman tells him "the sound is stuck on the highest volume."
"So it's always on the highest volume? And it's only one dollar?"
"Yup."
"Wow, can't turn that down."
Army Wargames
During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.
"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."
The officer turned to his driver and said, "Go drag a couple of those dead bodies over here and throw them under the wheels to give us some traction."
They helped.
I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas...
FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy.
My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water"
I know he means well...
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask !!!
Late one night a mugger wearing a mask stopped a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded. Scandalized, the man replied, "You can't do this – I'm a US Congressman!" "Oh! In that case," smiled the robber, "Give me MY money!
I saw an ad in a shop window, "TV for $5- Volume stuck on full"
Couldn't turn it down.
While bathing my 6 year old son, he stuck a wet foam letter to my back.
I pulled the letter "P" away from my skin and my son said "Dad, I peed on your back!"
-true story, just happened.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island
The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.
Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.
Man finds an HD TV in a Garage Sale
"How much is this TV?" the man said.
The seller responded, "One dollar."
"Wow, only one dollar?"
"Yep, one dollar."
Why is it so cheap?" asked the man.
"Its volume is turned all the way up, and you can't adjust it, it's stuck that way." said the seller.
"So the volume is always turned up?"
"Yep."
"And it's only a dollar?"
"Yes, one dollar."
"Just cause the volume is turned all the way up?"
"Yep."
"Wow! Can't turn that down."
The worst part of gay couples adopting kids
The adopted kids will either get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of go ask your mother.
Two blondes get stuck in elevator
One of them starts yelling: HELP, HEEEELP
The other one then suggests: Maybe we should start yelling together
The first blonde starts yelling again: TOGETHER, TOGETHEEEEER
A man is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC.
The traffic is stopped for miles ahead.
Another man walks up next to him and says, "Sir, terrorists have kidnapped every member of congress. If they don't get $100,000,000 in ransom, they will to cover them in gasoline and burn them. I'm here to collect donations."
The man asks, "how much do most people donate?"
"About a gallon."
Getting my kite stuck in a tree isn't my favorite thing...
But it's up there.
It must s**... being raised by gay parents.
Either you get stuck with double the dad jokes or get thrown into an infinite loop of "go ask your mother."
I just fell victim to a dad joke
Dad: What do you get when you cross a tuna, a piano, and glue.
Me: I don't know?
Dad: You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna.
Me: What about the glue?
Dad: I knew you would get stuck on that part.
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't stop pouring maple syrup on his bike?
Apparently he's stuck in a viscous cycle.
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
A blonde and a brunette are stuck in the elevator
Blonde: Help! Help!
Brunette: We should yell together!
Blonde: Together! Together!
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on only one book for years?
The Church
Help! I'm stuck on Rick Astley's roof
He took away the ladder and said he is never gonna let me down.
A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator..
Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"
Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."
Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
Two blondes in a helicopter
Two blondes won a joy ride in a helicopter. As they reached maximum altitude one turned to the other and said "I hope nothing goes wrong, have they got enough fuel?" The other responded "I hope so too, imagine if they ran out, we'd be stuck up here forever!"
I saw a TV for sale for 1$
I saw that the TV was in very good condition.
"Why is it so cheap? " I asked the seller
"The volume is stuck at max, and it can't be turned down" he replied
"So everything else works?" I asked
He turned it on, and sure enough everything worked, except the volume
"So you're gonna buy it?"
"A TV for $1? Can't turn it down"
Jesus was doing a crossword
But he got stuck on 2 across
I feel bad for children of gay parents
They either suffer from twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mother"
I tried playing my Demi Lovato record today
But the needle kept getting stuck
Having gay parents must be terrible
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"
What's the difference between a Chilean mining company and a Catholic priest?
The Chilean mining company gets its miners stuck in a shaft. The Catholic priest gets its shaft stuck in a minor.
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was home but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took at a card and wrote Revelations 3:20 on the back of it and stuck it to the door.
When the offering was taken the following Sunday, the pastor found his card had been returned. Along with the verse he had written, he found another cryptic message: Genesis 3:10 .
When he checked his Bible to discover what this could mean, the pastor began to chuckle.
Revelations 3:20 reads behold, I stand at the door and knock . Genesis 3:10 says, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**....
With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...
But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton...
Trump said in his campaign that if I voted for Clinton, I would be stuck with a president under constant federal investigation from day one.
Turned out, he was right. I voted for Clinton and I have been stuck for years with a president under federal investigation from day one.
A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.
The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...
Did you know that cucumbers are good for your memory ?
Because I got one stuck in my a**... a couple years ago and me, my family and doctor still remember it vividly
My math teacher told me I would be stuck working at McDonalds for the rest of my life
Jokes on her, I'm lovin' it
A teenager got s**... in well.
He calls 911.
Boy: 911?
Operator: 911, what's your emergency?
Boy: I'm stuck in a well.
Operator: How old are you? Is the well deep?
Boy: im14andthisisdeep.
I asked my wife, I'm stuck on this crossword clue Overworked Postman — can you help?
She said, Sure. How many letters?
Me: I'm guessing—- Too many.
What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?
Church
A thief stuck a p**... in a man's ribs and said, Give me your money. The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said: You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!
The thief said, In that case, give me my money!
Why couldn't Jesus complete the crossword?
Because he got stuck on 2 across
A man was rushed to hospital with 6 toy horses stuck up his a**......
The doctors describe his condition as stable.
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
I asked my wife, I'm stuck on a Crossword clue—-'Overworked Postman'. Can you help?
She said, Sure. How many letters?
I said, Too many.
I'm proud to announce I have stuck to my New Years Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
Just saw two birds stuck together in the garden.
I think they are velcrows
What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?
Garbage.
Greg Abbott, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry are stuck on a deserted island, who survives?
Texas
What do you call someone from Alabama stuck in a sandwich?
Inbread.
I hate it when you get a Cranberries song stuck in your head...
.. In your head
In your head.
In your head.
Two tipsy women sneak into a graveyard to pee one night.
Once done, one uses her p**... to wipe with and throws them away, the other uses a ribbon from a nearby wreath.
The next day one husband called the other: "My wife came home last night without any p**...!"
"That's nothing!" The other replied, "My wife had a card stuck between her b**... cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"
A family of moles
A family of moles awakens from hibernation. The father mole pokes his head out of the hole and says "I smell tulips it must be spring". The mother mole pokes her head out of the hole and says " I smell cherry blossoms it must be spring". The baby mole is trying to squeeze between his parents but gets stuck and says "all I smell is molasses"
Having gay parents must be horrible
Either you get twice the amount of dad jokes or get stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask your mom'
Just got my vaccine, but they stuck the needle in my leg.
I spent the following day thinking my Pfizer killing me
I don't know why people hate China. I love it and can't say I have a whole lot wrong with it.
It just s**... they've been stuck on that island for so long.
I feel sad for people with gay parents
They either get twice the number of dad jokes or are stuck in the infinite loop of 'ask mom'
A guy's wife is stuck in a toilet.
He tries getting her out - nothing, she's still stuck, unable to get out. So guy calls the plumbing company to come to rescue. They say that they'll be there in half an hour. While waiting, the guy covers his wife's private parts with a sombrero, so she doesn't get embarrassed any further.
Half an hour later plumbers come, look at the situation and the more experienced looking one says "We'll get the lady out - no problem. As for the Mexican - I'm sorry, but we think he's beyond saving..."
I've been feeling really depressed, and my best friend isn't helping
I try to talk about my feelings with him, but he'll just say vaguely supportive things that really don't help. He'll say things like hey, cheer up buddy. I know things seem tough but at least you're not stuck in one of those, you know, those holes in the ground? The thing with the bucket so you can get water from the hole.
I know he means well.
I saw an ad in a shop window, Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full.
I thought, I can't turn that down.
What do you call two crows stuck together?
Velcrows
Why is president Zelensky still in Kiev?
His humongous b**... keep getting stuck in the doorway.
I keep getting confused between homophobia and claustrophobia.
Which is the one about being irrationally afraid because you're stuck in the closet?
Having homosexual parents must be terrible
Either you have double dosage of dad jokes or you are stuck in cycle of go ask your mom
I saw an ad yesterday that said Radio for sale $1, volume is stuck on full blast.
I said to myself well, I can't turn that down.
having gay parents must be awful
Either 2 times the normal amount of dad jokes, or you get stuck in a loop of go ask your mom.
Here are two steps to take if you are ever stuck on a desserted island.
Step 1: Check spelling.
Step 2: If correct, enjoy.
I don't like eating rabbit
I always get hare stuck in my teeth
Why did the Bubblegum cross the road?
Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
...
Credit goes to my 6 year old son who told me this just now.
what do you call a giraffe with a jet stuck in it's t**...?
A plane in the neck.
Simon met up with Tim for coffee
Simon Said: „Wasn't yesterday's power cut a nightmare! I was stuck in a lift for 4 hours!
„Oh, you had it easy, said Tim. „I was left standing on an escalator for 5 hours!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades?
He always had his head stuck in the clouds
Just saw two birds stuck together in a tree
I think they're velcrows.
What do u call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for years?
Church
