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Struck By Lightning Jokes

69 struck by lightning jokes and hilarious struck by lightning puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about struck by lightning that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Struck By Lightning Short Jokes

Short struck by lightning jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The struck by lightning humour may include short struck lightning jokes also.

  1. My dads nickname is lightning. That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
  2. Local Man Killed After Being Struck By Lightning Statement from police: he would have been fine if he had stopped resisting
  3. When lightnings struck the church, the insurance company refused to pay Reason: Act of God, in other words, deliberate destruction by owner.
  4. What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning? A handicapacitor.
  5. They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, and I believed that all my life. So when I got struck by lightning for the 2nd time on the hill, I was shocked
  6. A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived It turns out he was a bad conductor
  7. It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm. You probably won't get struck by lightning.
  8. TIL that people who've crashed a train before are impervious to being struck by lightning. Because they're bad conductors.
  9. Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
    A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
  10. Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning? He had to be honorably discharged.

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Struck By Lightning One Liners

Which struck by lightning one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with struck by lightning? I can suggest the ones about lightning strikes and struck.

  1. How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning? Medium rare.
  2. I was trying the figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
  3. I used to wonder how lightning worked. Then it struck me.
  4. What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.
  5. What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning? A zapling.
  6. I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice. It was a revolting scene.
  7. What do you call a cow struck by lightning? Ground Beef
  8. What happened to the guy who got struck by lightning He was shocked
  9. How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning? He was a good conductor.
  10. I got struck by lightning And charged with resisting cardiac arrest.
  11. Did you hear about the man who got struck by lightning? It's a shocking story
  12. A conspiracy theorist was struck by lightning. Coincidence?
  13. I won't be struck by lightning My doctor told me I had iron deficiency
  14. Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning? He was an excellent conductor
  15. What's worse than being struck by a lightning? Being struck by an iMac.

Struck By Lightning Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about struck by lightning you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lightning storm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make struck by lightning pranks.

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken.

The church is struck by lightning.
The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as.
The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church.
One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."

Flying Blind

A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."

In a small Texas town,

the owner of Joe's Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
As the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing, he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."

A plane passes through a fierce storm...

In a transatlantic flight, the turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse whenone wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane, "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I am going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of s**... in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! I've had it! Is there ANYONE on the plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?!"
For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman in front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous — tall, built with long, flowing balck hair and jet black eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and he extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: "Iron this."

They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women

Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad...

...and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?" Tom says: "I would switch one train to another track".
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector. "Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there" answers Tom. "What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then" Tom continued "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box".
"What if the phone was busy?" "In that case" Tom argued "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalised?" "Oh well" said Tom "In that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked "Why would you do that?" "Because he's never seen a train c**...!"

Did you hear about the railroad employee who was struck by lightning?

They say he was a great conductor.

feeling like a woman

A plane is passing through a storm when a wing is struck by lightning. One woman freaks out and screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be satisfying. I've had plenty of s**..., but I've never been fulfilled. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A gorgeous man stands up. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. Muscles ripple across his chest as he extends his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers, "Iron this."
so sorry girls

What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a lottery ticket

One has a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning, the other is a lottery ticket

My kid got struck by lightning on his way home from school

He always told me he wanted to be a conductor.

Bar vs Church

A Bar Opened Opposite a Church!!!
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business.
Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it.
Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer.
The Church Denied all Responsibility!!!
So, the judge commented,
"It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Superb one.
What an irony!!

If Harry Potter, as a baby, was struck twice by Voldemort...

I don't think people would have celebrated him as much for having 2 lightning bolt shaped scars on his forehead

As I was finishing a round of golf during a lightning storm, I was suddenly struck

...by how peaceful my game was with no one else on the course. I should do this more often!

A Priest and a Rabbi Go Golfing...

A Priest and a Rabbi go golfing. On the first hole, the Rabbi swings and misses, yelling, "g**..., I missed!" The Priest chastises him in response, telling him "Don't say that, or else God will strike you down."
They go to the next hole, and the same thing happens. The Rabbi yells "g**..., I missed!" And the Priest tells him again, "You shouldn't say that or else God will strike you down."
They make it all the way to the 18th hole without incident... until the Rabbi swings and misses, his club flies from his fingers. He yells at the top of his lungs "g**..., I missed!" and the Priest is struck by lightning.
God yells "g**..., I missed!"

I was out in the wild looking for lightnings and didn't know why I couldn't find any

and then it struck me

When I worked construction back in the day, they used to call me "Lightning."

Never struck twice in the same place. (True story...)

Having s**... is like being struck by lightning

It's never happened to me, and the odds are not in my favor

My s**... life is like being struck by lightning.

I never thought it would happen, but when it did, it was shocking and left me a huge scar.

A plane gets struck by lightning

A plane is struck by lightning. A woman screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be meaningful. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up and says. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk up the aisle, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and whispers, "Iron this."

A man gets struck by lightning, you won't believe what happens next

Because believe me when I say this, you will find the results [shocking]()

Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree

It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.
What a poor sap

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."

Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*

A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies

In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.

20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.


Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"

A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!

I was having trouble finding the answer on a question about lightning

But then it struck me

A Bishop and his plumber played golf

The plumber kept shooting the ball way out of bounds cursing " g**... it, I missed again". The bishop, annoyed, asked the plumber not to speak gods name in vain. As they moved to the next hole the plumber misses again, " g**... it, I missed again" The Bishop became furious. The third hole came and the Plumber missed. Before he could move his libs, lightning struck the bishop. And from above was heard "g**... it, I missed again.