Stronger Than Jokes
99 stronger than jokes and hilarious stronger than puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stronger than that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Stronger Than Short Jokes
Short stronger than jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stronger than humour may include short tougher than jokes also.
- Americans are getting stronger; 20 years ago, it took two adults to carry $50 worth of groceries. Today, a 5 year-old can carry them!
- It's just started raining really hard and all my wife is doing is standing at the window looking sad... If it gets any stronger I'll have to let her in
- I've spent a month lifting and I still haven't gotten stronger I guess it's not working out
- Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and abstinence makes the hand grow stronger.
- Jesus and Muhammad were having an intense debate about which of their religions is stronger. My faith moved mountains, exclaimed Jesus.
Yes, agreed Muhammad, but mine moved skyscrapers. - A lot of people say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Stephen Hawking disagrees.
- I couldn't afford a weight set so I tried to work out using 3 liter bottles of Dr Pepper, but instead of getting stronger it made me feel sad. It was just soda pressing.
- Archaeologists say that Roman cement was stronger than it is in modern times... I need to see some concrete evidence
- What do you call a vegan walking down the street? Whatever you want, you're stronger than them.
- My father always used to say "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Until the accident.
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Stronger Than One Liners
Which stronger than one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stronger than? I can suggest the ones about heavier than and brighter than.
- My struggle with steroid addiction has only made me stronger.
- How did the train get stronger? Training.
- They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym they didn't mention it would hit back
- Kegels are a good exercise they make you stronger as a hole
- Why are Canadians always happy? Their beer is stronger.
- Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except, of course, Muscular Dystrophy.
- What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... ...except for polio
- That which doesn't kill you, Only makes you stronger. Unless it makes you a vegetable.
- Nothing is stronger than love Except Ronnie Coleman.
He can squat 800lbs - What is stronger than Ronda Rousey? Her anti-depressants.
- I never drink anything stronger than pop My pop likes to drink whiskey.
- While Ajax sales have been going down... It's still stronger than Greece
- Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger? Fiscal therapy
- Why did the cryptographer go to Amsterdam? Because he wanted a stronger hash
- What does a bear take to get stronger? Bearoids
Stronger Than Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about stronger than you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean smarter than jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stronger than pranks.
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.
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How do I know we are going to have s**... tonight?
Because, I'm stronger then you are.
What do you call a guy whose upper body is stronger than his lower body?
Paraplegic
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Why do b**... keep on getting stronger?
TVs are getting heavier.
Lemon drops
So a man walks into a bar and sees a big tough guy standing next to a glass and some lemons.
"What's with the lemons?" he asks.
"Its a challenge." replied the bartender. "This here is the strongest man in the world. He will squeeze as much juice from half a lemon into the glass as he can, and if you can squeeze out even one more drop, you win free drinks for the rest of the year."
The man watched several other strong looking men try the challenge, and all of them lost miserably.
"I accept" replied the man.
The bartender snorted a bit seeing as the man weighed little over 120 pounds and had very little muscle mass.
The strong man squeezed almost a third of a glass of juice from the lemon and when he was done, handed the lemon to the scrawny man.
He took the lemon and sized it up in his hand, and squeezed almost 5 drops from it.
The strong man reeled and replied "Wow! You are stronger than you look! I went easy on you."
"Fine. " said the skinny man, "Try again if you would like."
So the strong man then spent a food 3 minutes squeezing the lemon more than he had for any of the other men.
Once he was convinced even he could not summon even another drop from the lemon, he handed it to the skinny man.
The man then proceeded to squeeze another 3 drops from the lemon.
"Amazing!" cried the bartender. "I guess you can have free drinks for a year! What is your secret though? How did you do it?"
"I'm an IRS agent" the man replied.
Several hundred years ago...
Several hundred years ago, two rival villages would meet annually to compete in a religious ceremony. Both villages would send forth their strongest, fastest male to compete against the other - which involved climbing up a cliff to claim a cross-shaped stone. Legend had it that the cross, a symbol of luck and fertility, would bring good fortune on whichever village owned it.
The day came, and each village met at the cliff.
"Our representative, Tom Smith, is young and fit, and will surely bring us the symbol." claimed the first mayor.
"No, our fighter, Tom Jameson, is faster and stronger! The symbol is ours!"
The race began. Both men scrambled up the cliff side at an equal pace, eventually reaching the top at the same time. Both grabbed the cross simultaneously, each trying to wrestle it from the other.
"The symbol is ours!" cried Tom Smith.
"No! The symbol belongs to our village!" shouted Tom Jameson.
Both edged closer and closer to the cliff face, and in one violent motion, both Tom's and the symbol fell over the edge, smashing into the rocks below.
BA-BOOM-CHSSSHHH
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Bending with one hand..
Two old drunks were lapping them up at a bar.
The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
What does a strong shoulder do when it doesn't know how to get any stronger?
Shrugs.
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A couple of old guys sat at the bar...
Ernest pops up with a comment "George, when I was 20 years old and I had a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands!"
They sit in silence a few minutes, punctuated by the occasional sip.
Ernest says "When I was 35, I could bend it with one hand."
A few minutes later, he says "Now I can bend it with one finger!"
Another few sips and he says "George, how much stronger do you think I'm gonna get?"
The monkey god versus Jesus
The monkey god wukong was bored one day and challenged Jesus to see who was stronger. Jesus agreed on one condition that he would hit first. Wukong agreed and Jesus gave him one good punch unto his face causing wukong to fly across the sky. 7 days later, wukong returned with a swollen face and said "my turn". He then punched Jesus in the face so hard that the Christians are still looking for him to this day.
A guy walks into a bar after a long day.
I thought this up today. My exhausted mind thought it was funny as well as my slap-happy friends.. we were all a bit out of it. Anyway..
This guy is walking home after a really long, hard day. He decides to stop by his favorite bar to wind down a bit.
He walks in and sits at the counter and the bartender comes up asks,
"What can I get you today? The usual?".
At this, the man replies,
"No, today I need something a bit stronger.. it's been such a long week. You know what I really want? I just need to smash something over my head, that should get my frustrations out."
The bartender gave the man a shocked expression. He stared at him for a moment, then shook his head and shrugged. He reached around and grabbed an empty bottle and said as he handed it to the man,
"Here you go. Knock yourself out."
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Im definitely getting laid tonight.
Im stronger than most women.
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Why is The Hulk going to get laid tonight?
Because he is stronger than you.
Just made this up!
An egg walks into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives him a drink and the egg downs it, seeming unimpressed and says, "bartender, how about another twice as strong! "
the bartender mixes another, stronger drink and gives it to the egg. The egg downs that one just the same, and again asks for a third drink, twice as strong as the last one.
The bartender, now feeling offended pours a tall stiff drink that was certain to wipe the smug look off the egg's mouth.
The egg drank this one in the same confident manner, but then his look soured.
The bartender was glad to see the change in mood, but just then, the egg throws up everything inside of it, all over the bartender.
Now, furious, the bartender starts to jump over the bar and handle business, but the egg stops him and says, "calm down, it's just a yolk! "
So Moses decides to become a superhero...
...he creates a costume and calls himself The Crimson Crusader, with a crimson coloured 'C' on his belt. In line with his new superhero duties, he goes out to look for trouble and sure enough, he sees a man getting beat up by a gang of thugs. Moses approaches the thugs and attempts to engage in contact, however he is too weak and the thugs overpower him as well. Moses manages to escape the brawl and throws his belt with the Crimson 'C' on the floor. Suddenly, Moses becomes powerful and defeats the gang of thugs with ease. The man is grateful and asks Moses, "What happened? How did you get stronger so quickly?"
"Well" Moses replied, "I just parted with the red C."
I just had a breakthrough....!!
I should probably pull my finger out and get some stronger toilet paper....
Three Army Lieutenants have to cross a river for infantry training.
The first one prays to God and says "Lord give me the strength to cross this river." There is a flash of light and he is granted stronger arms to swim.
The second one says "Lord give me the endurance to cross this river." Another flash of light and he is granted strong lungs to help him swim.
The third one says "Lord, remove this obstacle from my path." There is a flash of light and the young lieutenant turns into a woman. Crossing a Water Obstacle is no longer part of her test and she is applauded by the media for being so strong and independent. She has a loyal group of male followers who dote on her every day and she lives happily ever after.
About to hit my yeard, and I realized that not shaving for so longer beforehand made my commitment stronger
It was then that I realized that absence makes the beard grow longer.
What's so weird about a steroid addiction?
No matter what happens, the addiction always makes you stronger.
til the hard way that my toenails are stronger than my teeth.
There is nothing stronger than love...
Except Rayleigh, Rayleigh is slower but stronger
What is the name of the new game show hosted by Katt Williams?
Are You Stronger Than A 7th Grader?
So a family of moles wakes up one morning to the smell of pancakes...
The father mole heads up to check things out. From the entrance to their den, the smell is a lot stronger, but being naturally skittish, he stays in the doorway. "This smells great!" he said. "It smells like pancakes and warm syrup!"
Her curiosity piqued, the mother mole joins the father in the door. "How lovely! It smells like waffles and hot jam! "
The baby is trying to grab a spot at the door as well, but his parents are blocking the whole entry. After a couple minutes of futility, the baby mole sits down and says "Well, all I smell is Molasses."
Gorilla tape isn't stronger than duct tape anymore because...
... They shot and killed it.
Why does our body absorb Strontium?
To make our bones stronger
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Why are black people getting stronger
because the TV's are getting bigger.
in a keynote Apple announced...
...that they will create a new, better battery that will explode even stronger than the one from Samsung.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Is a terrible thing to say to someone with a muscle eating disease.
Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin?
They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm.
Why should you bring friends when tipping a police car for Hillary?
Stronger Together.
I wish I could develop a stronger habit of running every weekday...
Too bad it's already weakened.
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A smoking hot girl walks into a bar.
A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you're gonna get laid tonight!"
She replies, "Hehe, how do you know?"
He replies, "Because I'm stronger than you."
What do you call a meter that is 10x stronger than the others?
The Decimeter
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A love poem
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Tonight we'll have s**...
Cuz I'm stronger than you.
In light of the recent fentanyl incidents. Who would have thought the solution to the war on drugs...
Was just stronger drugs???
Philosophers in 500B.C.: Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated
Philosophers in 400B.C.: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.
Philosophers in 1200: Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.
Philosophers in 1900: That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Philosophers in 2017: Would you like some drinks with that order?
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What's something that's stiff when it goes in but comes out wet the longer it's in, the longer it's in the stronger it gets, and comes out dripping and starting to sag?
A Lipton Tea Bag
There's an old adage which says that behind each and every strong man, there is an even stronger woman.
Even moreso if you work for the Weinstein Company.
Did you know?
That men have stronger arms when they are not married
I like to add words to my passwords to make them stronger
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They always say you're stronger in groups... [Dark]
...But try to say that to 6 million Jews.
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They say drinking milk makes you stronger...
So I drank a carton of milk, and then I tried to push my fridge and it didn't even budge.
Frustrated, I decided to drink a bottle of v**..., and guess what happened?
The fridge moved itself
Why are 3 days stronger than 7 days?
Because 7 days are week
Hand sanitizer is stronger than Thanos
Thanos can only kill 50% of bacteria
Which England player always demands stronger Mushrooms?
Kieran Trippier
Did you hear about the global trade war to determine who's currency is stronger?
South Korean Won.
My doctor is concerned my hypochondria is getting worse
So he put me on stronger placebos.
Talk Like A Pirate Day
"Okay, we know we said we'd come back stronger than ever this year, and we admit that 4th place in the division is not where we wanted to be. But it IS a better-than-.500 record, so there's that, and we have some good prospects in the pipe for 2019."
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Mules are just a half-assed attempt to make a stronger horse.
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A college girl was found dead in her bathtub...
She decided to take a bath after a long day of testing. Unbeknownst to her, her roommate had a f**... of putting a 9-volt battery in the bath to give herself a small electric shock.
This time, however, she left it in the tub. The college girl decided she wanted to put some soothing bath salts in the tub. The salt made the bath water into a stronger conductor of electricity, so when she got in, she was electrocuted and died.
When the authorities found her body, they deduced that the cause of death was a salt and battery.
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Trump asks for quotes...
... for building the wall. First he goes to a Mexican company. They do the calculations of material and labour and answer him that they will do it for 10 billion dollars. Second he goes to an American company which answers him they will build it for 20 billion dollars. Ofcourse it will be much bigger and stronger than the wall of the Mexican company, they CEO adds. Finaly Trump goes to a Russian company. They make a quick count and gives him the price. 30 billion for the wall. "That's the worst deal so far!" Trump exclaims. "Not at all mjister Trumpt, you see, 10 billion for you, 10 billion for me, and 10 billion for the Mexicans to do it."
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Ole and Sven grabbed their poles and headed out to do some ice fishing.
As they were augering a hole in the ice they heard a loud voice from above say, "There are no fish under the ice." Ole and Sven moved about 25 feet over and started to make another hole. The voice said a little stronger, "There are no fish under the ice." They both looked around and then looked up. Ole said in a humble voice, "Are you God?" The voice spoke back, "No ya idiots! I'm the ice rink attendant."
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When in Russia (very bad quality joke)
A man visits Russia for a month. He enjoyed everything there for the first few weeks, the v**..., the cathedrals, even the people there. It was only towards the final week that he realised things started to get a bit strange. Everyone he sees have much stronger arm muscles by the end of the month than the start of it.
He asks a man wether it's normal to see this. "Not really, but it's reaspnable." the man replied, "Some people from Ghana came here recently to do a special f**... celebration, and in return -as per Russian tradition-, since they carried the people, all people in Russia carried them back!"
A musician goes into labor
To help keep her mind away from the pain and maintain her breathing, she begins counting her sheet music out loud. Her contractions gradually get stronger, when she calls out, Oh god! The triplets are coming!
One and a two and a three and a!
A hunter was shooting birds.
A bird fell in an old man's field. The hunter goes to get the bird but the old man sees him and tells him that since the bird fell on his field, the bird is now his to keep. An argument ensues and the old man says:
"Let us kick each other on the shin and see who can take more, whoever can take more keeps the bird."
The hunter agrees thinking that surely he would be able to take more kicks than the old man.
The old man suggests that he should kick first as he was the older one.
The old man is stronger than he looks and after 5 kicks the hunter gives in and says,
"My turn now"
To which the old man replies,
"I give in, you can take the bird now."
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A 90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Full disclosure, I got this joke from Tom Jones on Marc Maron's w**... podcast today. Tom's 80, mentally spry like he's 30, and he swears like a sailor.
----
90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Says Doctor, it used to be that I'd get these erections so hard that I couldn't even bend them with two hands! 16, 17, 18 years old, all through my twenties... 30, I could bend a little bit, 40s a little bit more. 50s and 60s I'm getting it to about a 90 degree angle, and now I'm 90 I can bend it in half!
I'm getting stronger, right?"
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Sensei, I've been training for years, and I'm not getting any stronger. What's going on?
Have you seen the flock of cranes fly over the old mountain at sunrise?
Yes.
Have you seen the great lightning storms crack the sky before making way for a rainbow?
Yes.
Have you seen the fabled tiger as it hunts prey in the forest, quicker than the eye can see?
Yes, Sensei.
That's the problem. You keep watching s**... s**... instead of practicing!
They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger
But nothing has killed me yet and I seem only to get older and fatter
The earth's gravity is getting stronger!
Every time I step on the scales they register a few pounds higher.