Strokes Jokes

Following is our collection of Strokes funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include dirty puns, clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best Strokes jokes

Woman is at a maternity hospital in a lot of pain.

Her husband strokes her back and says, "I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"

She says, "Don't worry. It's not your fault."

Why do old people like golf?

Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole

The baby

Woman at a maternity hospital is in a lot of pain, moaning. The man strokes her back, I'm so sorry sweetheart that you have to endure this… Β 

Don't worry Steve, it's not your fault.

Why did the ska guitarist take twice as long to fap?

He only knows up strokes

A blonde goes golfing with her father

She is feeling good about her game recently, so she challenges her father: "If you beat me, I'll buy you dinner and drinks. If I beat you, you give me $20 to go shopping. The father agrees.

After the round, the father adds up the scores. "Ha! I beat you by 3 strokes. Let me think about what restaurant I want," he says triumphantly. The blonde grabs the scorecard to try adding it herself. Not wanting to make a mistake, she pulls out her phone and calculates it carefully.

After 10 minutes, the father is starting to get impatient. Finally the blonde looks up. "Well, did you finish adding it up?"

"Yup," she replied. "Nice try, Daddy, but I got the higher score!"

A Politician's Tells

Especially given recent events, it's important to be able to understand how to read a politician. Every politician has similar tells, you see...
When a politician rubs their nose, they're telling the truth.
When a politician scratches their chin, they're telling the truth.
When a politician strokes their beard, they're telling the truth.
When a politician loosens their tie, they're telling the truth.
When a politician scratches their ear, they're telling the truth.
But when a politician opens their mouth, that's when you know they're lying.

What did Louis CK call his style of management where he interacts with each employee on an individual basis?

Different Strokes for Different Folks

What does rock music and my grandpa have in common?

The Strokes

John and Bill decide to play some golf one morning...

...and they're not very good. So bad, that old ladies start passing them before they hit the back nine.

At the sixteenth hole, they're both playing from the rough after their first strokes.

Waiting at the tee box they see a skinny bearded man. "Mind if I play ahead?", the man asks.

"Sure thing, buddy! Lord knows how long we'll be here.", Bill yells back.

The man hits the ball over their heads and into the rough.

Laughing and amongst themselves, they meander through the woods to find his ball being held by a squirrel. The squirrel runs up a tree, but is then swooped up by an owl. The owl takes flight over a water hazard and drops the squirrel, still holding the ball. The bearded man joins them and they walk towards the edge of the water. As they approach the water's edge, an alligator leaps out thrashes his head towards the group, spitting out the squirrel holding the golf ball. The squirrel rolls down green and into the hole, only to emerge without the ball and scurry away back into the woods. The three men run over to find the golf ball resting at the bottom of the hole.

"Jesus Christ!", John yells out.

The man nods.

"Yup."

Why do old men prefer golf more than sex?

The fewer the strokes the better you are at it ;)

A woodchopper from the Middle East is looking for a job...

The foreman said, "I don't know if this is the kind of job you want; here we chop trees." The woodchopper said, "That's precisely the sort of work I do." The foreman replied, "Okay, here's an axeβ€”let's see how long it takes you to chop down this tree here." The woodchopper went over to the tree and felled it with one blow. The foreman, amazed, said, "Okay, try that big one over there." The woodchopper went over to the treeβ€”biff, bamβ€”in two strokes the tree was down. "Fantastic!" cried the foreman. Of course you are hired, but how did you ever learn to chop like that?" "Oh," he replied, "I've had plenty of practice in the Sahara Forest." The foreman thought for a moment. "You mean," he said, "the Sahara Desert." "Oh yes," replied the woodchopper, "it is now!"

A Jewish father was very troubled by the way his son turned out and went to see his rabbi about it.

Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week, he's decided to be a Christian. Rabbi, where did I go wrong?

The rabbi strokes his beard and says, Funny you should come to me. I too, brought up my son as a boy of faith, sent him to university and it cost me a fortune and then one day he comes to me and tells me he wants to be a Christian.

What did you do? asked the man of the rabbi.

I turned to God for the answer, replied the rabbi.

What did he say? asked the man.

He said, Funny you should come to me...

An instructor was teaching a young man how to swordfight.

The young man wasn't terribly good, but he had a rather high opinion of his abilities. In a practice duel with the instructor, he was continually waving his sword about arrogantly, in wide strokes, and often leaving himself wide open to attack.

The instructor thought "he won't last five minutes with that attitude, so I need to scare it out of him. But I don't want to hurt the poor kid too badly."

The instructor feinted.

A priest sees God

After being initially overwhelmed, the priest tries to talk to God to finally resolve some theological and philosophical conundrums:
He asks God: Almighty, how do you experience physical space?
God strokes his beard and says: physical space means nothing to me, billions of your miles are but a hair's breadth to me.
The priest: And time?
God: Billions of your years are but a second to me.
The priest: What about money?
God smiles and says: Money means absolutely nothing to me, all the money in the word is less than a cent to me.
The Priest, gathering courage then asks God: Almighty, would you mind than, maybe, creating few millions for our impoverished parish?
Sure - says God - just a second.

Ice Cream Truck

My grandfather passed away recently and when we asked grandma how he died she said it was while they were making love. Surprised, we asked how they manage to be sexually active at their age. Grandma revealed that granddad times his strokes with sound of the local church bell to keep his heart rate at a low steady pace. Confused, we asked how did he die then? Grandma said, well unfortunately, an ice cream truck came along.

Golf is like the opposite of masturbating

It's gets more impressive the fewer strokes it takes you to finish

Pinocchio goes to the doctor...

and says "Doctor, I have recently started dating a girl. Now, it has been fun so far but she has started to complain about splinters. What can I do."

The doctor considers a moment and says "You should simply get a few different grades of sand paper and every morning apply a few strokes. This should clear up the splinters in no time."

Pinocchio thanks the doctor and heads off. A few months later Pinocchio returns for a regular checkup. During it the doctor asks "So, how have things been with your girlfriend?"

Pinocchio replied "Who needs a girlfriend?"

My nursing home golf team won again...

We had the least amount of strokes!

Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..

Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Why do artists die early in life?

Too many strokes.

A different kind of Jewish joke

A man, visibly distracted and upset, walks toward his synagogue and finds the rabbi on the front steps.
"Rabbi, rabbi, it's my son!"
"What is wrong, Joseph, what has happened to your son?"
"Well, rabbi, he just came back from his Birthright trip to Israel, and he tells me that he's now a Christian!"
The rabbi strokes his beard and says, "Funny you should mention that. My son too went to Israel, and he too came back a Christian..."
At this moment, a bright light parts the clouds and a booming voice sounds from on high: "Funny you should mention that..."

What do vaginas and row boats have in common?

Both can't get anywhere without a few strokes

As far as I know original golf joke

So what does a bogey have in common with a dead golfer?

One too many strokes.

What is the difference between sex and golf?

In golf, less strokes is enough to win.


I could actually use some help refining the punchline on this one if anyone has some ideas.

Did you hear about the golfer who passed away?

He had two strokes over 80.

A husband gets home after playing golf.....

And his wife asks how it went to which he replies "It went very well, except when I hit that goose on the 8th hole" The wife then replies "How many strokes is a goose?"

Life is like golf

The less strokes, the better

What do you call a black man who dies of heat exhaustion and a white guy that dies of a brain aneurysm?

Different Strokes

Life is a little bit like golf.

You want to finish with as few strokes as possible.

What do you do in case of fallout?

Put it back in and take shorter strokes.

My grandmother recently had 2 strokes

Best golf game of her life

If a person dies after suffering an average number of strokes for their age

did they make par?

My girlfriend left me and became a motorcycle enthusiast

I guess she prefers two strokes to one stroke

Life is a lot like a game of golf...

Too many strokes and you loose.

Me and my friend got into an argument because he masturbates differently to me.

Oh well. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

The person ahead of us today in mini golf completed the course in 23 strokes.

I hope they're okay.

Q: What do you call a rock band with heart disease?

A: The Strokes

87 year old man makes love to a 20 year old girl

Halfway through, he as aneurysm but finishes strong. The girl goes to visit him at the hospital.

Girl: I didn't know you had it in you! I'm impressed!

Man: I've still got some strokes left.

Dates are like golf strokes

The fewer it takes for you to score, the better your game.

Friend: I can't turn on my computer

Me: I can help you with that

*strokes computer*

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Turning on your computer

Taking that CPR class before Highschool...

Led me to believe that choking and strokes would have occurred more often that I thought.

Why does Tiger Woods have a bad sex life?

He always finishes in the least amount of strokes.

Lamar Odom, after his recent troubles, decided to change careers and go into music..guess which band he joined?

The Strokes

I never could get into spanking as a fetish.

But, you know, different strokes for different folks.

What do you call a series of short strokes induced by consuming pizza?

Little Seizures

My buddy plays golf like a man masturbating in a cold shower

No matter how he strokes it's just not going to happen

I shaved ten strokes off my golf game

By quitting after hole 17.

I just saw Phil Mickleson putt a ball that was still moving

He gave me 2 strokes.

A ton of elderly people died from having sex.

Man, it must be the strokes.

I'd love it if my friend could have multiple strokes

Playing against his constant hole-in-one shots makes me want to quit golf.

Not many people know that you're supposed to scramble brown eggs differently than you do white ones

It's different strokes for different yolks

Beauty and the beast

Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more erotic, eventually causing it to sprout an erection. A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."

A bad golfer died while masturbating.

He died as he lived: Too many strokes.

I hope you like minigolf...

Because I'm gonna get 2 strokes in every hole.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes