stripper Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious stripper puns

When a stripper gets money that definitely has jizz on it she has to report it to the government

Because it's gross income

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Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

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My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper.

But she screamed when I brought her one.

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What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

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A woman runs into a man at the grocery store

Woman: Hi there!
Man: Do you know me?
Woman: I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Man: Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?
Woman: No.... I'm your son's teacher.

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Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?

Strippers don't rig their polls.

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Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

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42% of strippers are working their way through college

According to the latest pole

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My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

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Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

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Some Catholic priests are doing their final test before becoming ministers.

The final test was to stand naked with a bell on your penis, and then receive a lap dance. The candidates had to prove their vow of celebacy by not getting aroused. They bring in the stripper and she gives each guy a lap dance, and each one does not get aroused. When she gets the the final candidate his bell rings so hard it flies off. Embarrassed, he bends over to pick up his bell...

Then all the other bells ring

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A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..

He tells her, "Nice legs!"

"Wow, you really think so?"

"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."

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My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

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Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday

and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.

At the club:

Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?

Wife: How does he know you?

Chad: We play golf together!

Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?

Wife: And how does he know you?!

Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!

Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?

At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.

Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?

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A man goes shopping...

...to the supermarket. At the cashier, there is a pretty long queue. In the queue next to him, a hot blonde smiles at him. The dude says:

"Hmm, do we know each other?"

"I'm not sure, but I think you might just be the father of one of my kids!"

The guy thinks about the only time he's been unfaithful and exclaims:

"Oh my god, are you the stripper I fucked on the pool table during my bachelor's party in front of all my friends while your co-workers spanked me with a stick and put a cucumber up my ass?"

The hot blonde answers:

"No... I'm your son's English teacher, sir..."

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It's Jim's birthday

Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

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Four old guys go golfing...

And they start bragging about their sons.

The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"

The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"

The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"

The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."

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A wife treats her husband by taking him to a strip club for his birthday.

At the club, the doorman says, "Hi Jim, how are you?"

The wife asks, "How does he know you?"

Jim says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."

Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?"

Jim says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts team."

Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do you crave the special again?"

The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her & jumps into a taxi. The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy boy! You picked up an ugly one this time..."



Jim's Funeral is on Sunday!!!

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I think you are the father of one of my kids

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. He walks over to her and she greets him warmly. He's rather taken aback because he can't figure out where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' His mind races back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery?' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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Why did the stripper need more insurance?

She had little to no coverage.

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Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have sex with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

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Father of one of my kids.

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.

She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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Funny & dirty strip club joke

A man went to a strip club and took a seat in the front row. As soon as the first dancer walked out the guy directly behind him yelled "yh Baby thats what i've been waiting for." the man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.

A few minutes later the stripper took of her top revealing her bra. the guy behind our friend goes off again "yh baby, shake those things!!"

Our friend turns round and says "cool it buddy"

A few minutes after the stripper takes of her skirt revealing a G-String. again the man behind yells out "yh baby, you're almost there"

Our friend turns round again and says "will you shut up"

A few minutes later the stripper takes of her bra and G-string and everyone goes wild except for the guy behind our friend

Curious our friend in front turns around and asks "yo buddy, wheres your enthusiasm now?"

The guy responds, "its all over your back"

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Do I Know You?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me? To which she
replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids! Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??? She looks into his eyes and says calmly, No, I'm your son's teacher.

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Well this is weird......

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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Are you the father of one of my kids?

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful woman wave at him and saying hello.
He's rather taken aback because he cant even place where he knows her from but, because she is so beautiful, he goes over and asks ' Do you know me?'
The woman replies 'I think you are the father of one of my kids'
Startled, the man's mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and asks "Oh my God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching and cheering, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"


The woman looks into his eyes and calmly replies "No I'm your son's maths teacher"

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Wife takes husband to strip club for his bday....

A wife decides to reward his good husband for his bday by taking him to a strip club.
As they walk in the doorman says "welcome Mr. Howard", wife stares at husband with a surprised look, as they sit down the waitress comes over and says "scotch on the rocks Mr Howard", wife starts getting angry, the stripper comes out and starts her routine, as she gets to finale, she asked the audience "who gets the last one", the crowd yells "Mr Howard of course!!", wife gets up and leaves, as they get into the cab she lets the husband have it. The cab driver turns around and says "Mr Howard, you got a feisty one tonight~~"

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Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church

eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.

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I got kicked out of a titty club.

The stripper started yelling at me for using fake money, so I yelled at her for using fake titties.

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Strippers in Houston must be doing great.

Because they're making it rain.

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A guy is in the grocery store

A guy is in the grocery store when a pretty woman smiles at him and says hello. He's taken aback and can't place her.

"Do I know you?" he asks.

"I think you're the father of one of my kids," she says.

He racks his brain to think of how that could be. Then he remembers the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.

"Wow," he says. "Are you the stripper from my bachelor party who tied me down on the pool table and did it with me, with all my buddies cheering while your friends sprayed whipped cream on my butt? Boy that was insane."

"No," she says. " I think I'm your son's math teacher."

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I walked in to a supermarket today and noticed an attractive woman waving at me...

She said hello and I was rather taken aback because I couldn't place where I knew her from.

So I asked, "Do you know me?"

To which she replied, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now. my mind traveled back to the only time I have ever been unfaithful to my wife and I said, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"

She looks into my eyes and said calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

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A joke my work buddy came up with.

A professional magician had a day off and decided to go out to the strip club. One half naked stripper went on stage and asked if anyone wanted to see a magic trick. After a positive response the stripper explained she was going to put a ping pong ball in her mouth and make it come out of her ass. The performer then proceeded to do just that. Perplexed, the magician was curious and asked her how she did it to which she replied, "Easy, strippers are empty on the inside."

Shitty I know but it's original and it made me chuckle.

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A wife takes her husband to a Strip Club

A wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday...
At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Johnny, How are You?"
The wife asks, "How does he know you?
Johnny says, "Oh dear, I play football with him."
Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Johnny?"
Johnny says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team."
Next a stripper Says, "Hi Johnny! Do You Crave the Special Again??"
The wife storms out dragging Johnny with her & jumps into a taxi...
The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Johnny Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

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My credit card is like a stripper.

There isn't much on it.

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What are the most funny Stripper jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Stripper? Well, here are the best Stripper dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Stripper pick up lines to share with friends.

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