Stripper Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.

Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

My wife told me she wanted the body of a stripper.

But she screamed when I brought her one.

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church.....

They all look at you with disgust, but deep down, you know they want some, too.

Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?

Strippers don't rig their polls.

42% of strippers are working their way through college

According to the latest pole

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

My friend is a male stripper. He hates his job and wants to quit, but the pay is too good.

So he decided to stick it out for a little longer.

Being a stripper is like working at McDonald's....

Covered in oil and questioning your choices after high school.

A man walks into a bar and sees a plus sized stripper dancing on a table..

He tells her, "Nice legs!"

"Wow, you really think so?"

"Definitely," he replies, "most tables would have collapsed for sure."

My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."

Chad's wife decided to surprise him on his birthday

and to show him that she's a cool wife, she took him to a strip club.

At the club:

Bouncer: Hi Chad! How you doing tonight?

Wife: How does he know you?

Chad: We play golf together!

Bartender: Evening Chad! The usual?

Wife: And how does he know you?!

Chad: Um, he's on the bowling team!

Hot blonde stripper: Hey sexy, champagne room again tonight?

At this point the wife loses it and storms out of the club, dragging Chad with her, into a taxi.

Taxi driver: Hey Chad! Boy... You picked a fat one tonight huh? Same motel?

It's Jim's birthday

Jim's wife treats her man by taking him to a Strip Club for his birthday... At The Club, The Doorman Says, "Hey Jimmy, How are You?" The wife asks, "How does he know you? Jimmy says, "Oh dear, I play football with him." Inside the Bartender Says, "The Usual, Jim?" Jimmy says to Wife, "Before you say anything, He's on the Darts Team." Next a stripper Says, "Hi Jim! Do You Crave the Special Again??" The wife storms out dragging Jimmy with her & jumps into a taxi... The Taxi driver Says, "Hey Jimmy Boy! You picked up an ugly one this time...."

Four old guys go golfing...

And they start bragging about their sons.

The first says "My son is a lawyer, and he is doing so well, he just gave his friend a new car!"

The second says "My son is a doctor, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new boat!"

The third guy says "My son is an executive, and he is doing so well he just bought his friend a new house!"

The fourth guy says "Well, my son is a stripper at a gay club, but he must be doing pretty well because he just got a new car, a new boat, and a new house..."

Why did the stripper need more insurance?

She had little to no coverage.

Johnny was in class one day...

and the teacher was asking everyone what their parents do. One said her dad was a firefighter, another said his mom was a nurse. When the teach asked Johnny what his dad does Johnny said "Well my dad is a stripper in a gay bar, and if the guy looks good and the money is right he'll have sex with him out back in the alley." The teacher asked everyone to take their seats and sit quietly, then asked Johnny to step into the hall. She asked Johnny if his dad was really a stripper in a gay bar and Johnny said "Absolutely not. He's the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, but I was too embarrassed to say that."

Funny & dirty strip club joke

A man went to a strip club and took a seat in the front row. As soon as the first dancer walked out the guy directly behind him yelled "yh Baby thats what i've been waiting for." the man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.

A few minutes later the stripper took of her top revealing her bra. the guy behind our friend goes off again "yh baby, shake those things!!"

Our friend turns round and says "cool it buddy"

A few minutes after the stripper takes of her skirt revealing a G-String. again the man behind yells out "yh baby, you're almost there"

Our friend turns round again and says "will you shut up"

A few minutes later the stripper takes of her bra and G-string and everyone goes wild except for the guy behind our friend

Curious our friend in front turns around and asks "yo buddy, wheres your enthusiasm now?"

The guy responds, "its all over your back"

Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church

eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.

Wife takes husband to strip club for his bday....

A wife decides to reward his good husband for his bday by taking him to a strip club.
As they walk in the doorman says "welcome Mr. Howard", wife stares at husband with a surprised look, as they sit down the waitress comes over and says "scotch on the rocks Mr Howard", wife starts getting angry, the stripper comes out and starts her routine, as she gets to finale, she asked the audience "who gets the last one", the crowd yells "Mr Howard of course!!", wife gets up and leaves, as they get into the cab she lets the husband have it. The cab driver turns around and says "Mr Howard, you got a feisty one tonight~~"

Strippers in Houston must be doing great.

Because they're making it rain.

My credit card is like a stripper.

There isn't much on it.

Four ladies are having coffee together...

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second woman replies, "My son is an Archbishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Grace'."

The third woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"

She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6'2", hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, 'Oh my God..'"

Mr. Peanut was arrested for drunk and disorderly at a local Strip Club

The arresting officer said it wasn't the first time he'd busted a nut in front of a stripper and it wouldn't be the last.

MΓΆbius strippers...

never show their backside.

How are strippers like giants?

they both grind bones to make bread.

Hillbilly Stripper

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

He performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.
"But me 'n the wife been havin' trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

How does one become a level 99 stripper?

A lot of grinding.

Jack the Ripper's reasons for killing hookers was pretty understandable.

They wouldn't accept him into their ranks as Jack the Stripper.

What do you call a stripper who fell down?

A Hoedown.

How much does a midget stripper with three kids get paid?

Mini-mom wage.

What do you call a 350-pound stripper?

Broke.

A friend of mine used to be a stripper but she got bored with it.

It's always the same old thong and dance.

Why do strippers look better in the club than outside the club?

Black lights matter.

Grandpa's Birthday

So my grandfather turned 90 last weekend, and my uncle, the class act that he is, thought it'd be a good idea to get a stripper one night, after we had the guys golf trip.

So she shows up, it's a bit awkward at first, but she's affable and it makes it a slightly better situation.

Eventually she goes up to the birthday boy and asks him "Do you want a super lapdance?"

Grandpa thought long and hard and finally spoke up, "I guess I'll have the soup!"

I got a private dance from a stripper.

When she was done, she gave me her phone number.

I said, "If I give you Β£50, will you come back to my place for a kiss and a cuddle?"

She said, "It will have to be more than that."

I said, "That's fine. What about sex?"

What do you call a Poor Stripper?

Ugly.

What do you call a stripper with a spear?

A pole lancer

What does a stripper and a guitar have in common?

The G-String is always going off.

What does a stripper eat for thanksgiving dinner?

Twerky

What do you call a stripper without legs?

A night crawler.

Where do strippers go on holiday ?

Poland

What do you call a cheap stripper?

Buck naked

I would have been a stripper...

...but I just couldn't pull it off.

Follow the format; go!

You know you're old...

When your stripper has braces and you're wondering how much her parents paid for them.

3 men in a bar talking about there sons

The first man says my son is doing so well he just got a job as a doctor and just bought his girlfriend a new car.

The next man says my son is an engineer and he just took his girlfriend to the Bahamas.

The third guy says my son is a male stripper. One of his boyfriends just bought him a car and went to the Bahamas with the other one.

What do strippers and Hillary Clinton have in common?

They rely too much on polls

What did the man with leprosy say to the stripper?

Keep the tip.

Curiosity actually killed my cat.

Worst stripper ever.

I got it all figured out. I will be a male stripper in Antarctica

My stage name? South Pole.

It's a Mob boss' 80th birthday

Three henchmen gathered around to see what they should do for his 80th. One of the henchmen says
The boss is old, he hasn't seen many women.
Another henchman says
We should get him something super
The third henchman says
Maybe a stripper?
All of the henchmen say at once
A super-stripper! Great idea!
They all go to a exclusive club and they sit the boss down, the henchmen pitch their idea,
Hey boss, considering we are at a club and it's your 80th birthday, we got you a super-stripper!
The boss, who is hard of hearing, replies
A what?
The henchmen all yell
A SUPER-STRIPPER
The boss says back to all three henchmen,

I'll take the soup

I spent a fortune on these stripper trousers.

They're a total rip off.

Whats the difference between a streaker and a stripper?

Their speed.

How do you tip a one legged stripper?

Hit it from behind.

What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.


^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

What's the difference between a stripper and a hooker?

Time, brother...just give it some time.

What do you call a girl that can table dance infinitely due to unusual geometry infinitely due to unusual the geometry

A Mobius stripper

What superhero would be the the best stripper?

The Flash

What do you call a stripper with jaundice?

An orange peeler

What do you get from a stripper with hemorrhoids?

A prolapsed dance.

Two blondes and a stripper walk into a bar.

The second blonde should have seen it coming.
The stripper usually does.

Strippers won't tell you their real names for privacy,

But they'll show you their buttholes for $5

What are the funniest stripper jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Stripper? Well, here are the best Stripper puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Stripper pick up lines to share with friends.

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