Strings Jokes

Following is our collection of fret humor and string one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Strings puns for adults, dirty guitarist jokes or clean two strings gags for kids.

There is an abundance of cello jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on strings. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any harp witze you can hear about strings.

The Best jokes about Strings

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

For sale:

Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

Β£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period...

so I had to pull some strings.

Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!


No Strings

Two strings wanted to go into a bar. The bar had a sign up "We do not serve strings" One of them said to the other I've got an idea. He slammed into the wall, scooted and twisted himself around on the ground and then began tearing at his ends. He walked into the bar and the bartender said "Hey aren't you a string?" He looked at the bartender and said "I'm a frayed knot"

For Sale...

Parachute: $300.

Slightly stained.

Used once; never opened.

No strings attached.

I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the tampon factory where he works.

There's no openings at the moment, he said, but I'll see if I can pull some strings.

Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo?

No strings attached

Free parachute

No strings attached!

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.


I'm giving away parachutes for free.

No strings attached.

Why do tampons have strings?

So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.

5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."

Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.

He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."

She says, "That can't be right!"

The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette.

No strings attached

I asked my wife if we could have sex even though she was on her period..

...she said she may be able to pull some strings

A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.

No strings attached.

Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."

"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.

"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."


Why do tampons have strings attached?

So you can floss after you eat.


Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump.

A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".

A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".

So the string goes outside, ties himself up, messes up his hair and comes back into the bar. The bartender yells "aren't you that string I just kicked out?" The string replies "I'm a frayed knot!"

A preacher is buying a parrot


"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

So a string walks into a bar...

and the bartender says to him, "Hey no strings allowed. Get out!" So he goes out side, messes himself up, ties himself up, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why!

People usually love a no strings attached policy!

Tampon jokes

My girlfriend said she didn't think we were going to be able to have sex tonight because she was on her period. I told her I would see if I could pull some strings and make it happen.

Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.

One asks the other, what type of instrument are you? I've never seen one like you before? The other replies I'm a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that's me. What about yourself, I haven't seen an instrument like you before either. The one replies Oh I'm a harp. The other instrument is skeptical I don't think you have enough strings to be a harp, and you are too symmetrical.

Are you calling me a lyre?

How did you get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she was on her period?

Let's just say I pulled some strings.

Three Strings Walk Into a Bar...

Three pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve strings here." So the pieces of string walk outside again.

They're sitting on the curb outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning until he finally ties himself into a knot as a disguise. One of the other strings sees this and decides he will fray his ends as a different disguise.

The two pieces of string walk back into the bar. The bartender looks at them a little suspiciously again and says in a stern voice "Sorry, we still don't serve strings here!"

So the strings go back outside and tell the third piece of how they had failed. The third string then decides he will tie himself in a knot, and also fray his ends.

The third string walks into the bar and the bartender looks at him and says "HEY, are you a bit of string?!"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot"

The UK announced it's removing tax from tampon sales.

Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.

What is Pinocchio's favourite kind of sex?

No strings attached.

I told my wife we could either have sex or go and a new movie...

She said she was on her period and the new movie was sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in...

Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist

because everyone wanted "no strings attatched"

A string walks into a bar. . .

String: I'd like a double shot of tequila, please.

Bartender: Didn't you see the sign?!? We don't serve strings!! Get outta here!!

Agitated, but determined to get that double shot of tequila, the string secretly messes up his hair in a sad attempt of creating a disguise. He confidently walks back into the bar.

String: I'd like a double shot of tequila, please.

Bartender: Hey, wait a minute, aren't you that string that was just in here?

String: No, I'm a frayed knot.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go see a movie or have sex.

But unfortunately the movie was sold out and she was on her period. But then she pulled some strings and got me in.

Asked my friend who works at the tampon store if he could get me a discount

He said he'd pull some strings.

Why do tampons have strings?

Because crabs like to bungee jump too.


Told this to my friend's dad.His answer:So you can floss when you're done eating.

Tampons on sale

A woman goes into the drug store and notices a large stack of tampons in the corner with a sign above saying: "Special Offer, Five Boxes for $2.50"

She says to the assistant. What's the catch"?

The assistant replies "It's a genuine offer, five boxes for $2.50, no strings attached.

I always thought about playing the guitar

But there were just too many strings attached

How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra?

She pulled some strings.

My wife saw an ad in a window

Which said "tampons 50cents"
Is that true, she asked the shopkeeper...
Very true, he said...."no strings attached"

From one kind to another

A string walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"We don't serve STRINGS here," the bartender sneers. "Get out!"

Dejected, the string leaves and walks to the corner. Then - he gets an idea! He twists around, fluffs his hair, and walks back into the bar.

The bartender looks up, narrowing his eyes. "Say ... Aren't you that string that was just in here? I told you we don't serve STRINGS."

Boldly, the string replies, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."

How did the puppeteer meet the President?

He pulled some strings.

I'm giving away a broken puppet.

No strings attached.

What did I do wrong?

My father-in-law has been pretty depressed since losing his job last year. I wanted to help out so I pulled some strings and got him a job at the palm reading business where I work. I thought my wife would be thrilled but somehow here I am sleeping on the couch. That's the thanks I get for giving her dad a hand job.

A guitar player was panicking because he couldn't play his open strings

His instructor told him don't fret

When I have a headache, I take an Advil and follow the instructions on the bottle:



"KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"



(based on Kauffman, G. and Blakeley M. eds. 1980. Pulling Our Own Strings. Page 51)

Three pieces of string walk into a bar.

First one goes up and asks the bartender for a drink. Bartender says 'sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of strings here'. The string sits down and his mate says 'I'll give it a try'. Again, the bartender explains that they don't serve pieces of string in the bar. The third piece of string says 'don't worry fellas, I'll get this'. He ties himself in a bow to neaten himself up, messes up his hair and walks up to the bar. He asks for three drinks. The barman looks at him and asks 'are you a piece of string?' 'No, I'm a frayed not.'

A string walks into a bar...

The tender goes 'Jackass, we don't serve strings here.'
The string leaves the bar and twists and pulls and deforms himself, ruffles his hair a bit and struts back in, incognito.
The tender goes 'Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out?'
The string answers, 'Frayed knot.'

A String Walks Into A Bar

Inside the bar, the string asks for a beer. Sadly for the string, though, the bartender states "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." So, the string walks out of the bar, frazzles up his head, twists his stomach and walks back in. The bartender, noticing the string, says "Hey!- aren't you that string from earlier?" The string replies "Nope, I'm afraid not."

You know, it's really hard to hire marionette puppeteers at short notice.

But if you like, I could pull some strings.

Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar...

No strings attached...

Did you hear about the tampon thief who got out of prison?

Apparently he pulled some strings

(NSFW) Why do tampons have strings?

So you can floss after you get done eating.

The singer thought he was the boss of the band

but it was the guitarist who pulled all the strings.

My wife asked if I would donate my kidney to her if she ever needed it. I said I would but there's strings attached.

..and veins and arteries.

Just bought a guitar.

The sale felt a little dodgy, lots of strings attached.

Why do tampons have strings?

So crabs can go bungee jumping

Why do people who like bondage shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.

A man loved to tie knots

It was his favorite hobby. He spent all of his time tying knots in string and rope, and inventing new, stronger, or more interesting ways to tie knots. He tried to show his ropes and strings to his friends but nobody cared. He wasn't very talented at anything else, because he had spent his entire life tying knots. Everyone was disapointed in him, and he got depressed. He was depressed for months, and then he got fired from his job at a restaurant. That was the final thread. He couldn't take it anymore. He hung himself later that day. At least he died doing what he loved.

A group of strings go on a night out

They walk up the the first bar and ask for a pint of guinness and 2 carlsbergs. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes. The barman tells the string "we dont serve string here". So the group walk away in a huff. The second string walks up to another bar and asks for the same order. Again, the barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string says yes, the barman tells them they dont serve string. The third string had an idea. He messes up the end of his hair and walks up to the third bar. The barman asks "are you a piece of string?" The string replies "no, im a frayed knot."

I once met a very misfortunate polyamorous musician

He was in a no strings attached relationship with his guitar.

Musician's Joke: The guitarist of a band walks into their rehearsal room and sees the bassist and the drummer having an argument

Guitarist: "Why are you arguing?"

Bassist: "The drummer detuned one of my strings."

Guitarist: "So what's the problem?"

Bassist: "He won't tell me which one!"

A man returns to the music shop with his new guitar

He goes up to the manager and complains "How could you sell this to me?"

The manager responds "What's the problem? We sold you a guitar, no strings attached!"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes