strings Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious strings puns

I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Star Wars.

She said "I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

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I told my wife we can have sex or go see Star Wars, she said, I'm on my period and Star Wars is sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in.

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I told my girlfriend we can either have sex, or go see Wonder Woman.

She said "I'm on my period and Wonder Woman is sold out," but she pulled some strings and got me in.

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So my girlfriend and I were out to dinner...

..and she just reaches over and takes some of my food!
So I ask her, "can you tie 2 strings together?"

*What?*

"I'm asking, can you tie 2 pieces of string together?"

*I don't understand*

"Oh I'm sorry, what I'm asking is: can you fucking knot?"

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For sale:

Guitar

Yoyo

Puppet

Kite

£5 for the lot

Genuine reason for sale

No strings attached

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I wanted to have sex with my girlfriend, but she was on her period...

so I had to pull some strings.

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Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

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Woman goes to a doctor with a tampon lodged inside her...

Doctor: So how did this happen?

Woman: I don't know, I mean I didn't get them from the store as usual, I saw a special deal on eBay, a hundred boxes for $1!

Doctor: A hundred boxes for $1? Didn't that sound suspiciously cheap to you?

Woman: Well I thought that too, so I checked the entire listing and it said plain and clear

One hundred boxes of tampons for $1...

...no strings attached!

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No Strings

Two strings wanted to go into a bar. The bar had a sign up "We do not serve strings" One of them said to the other I've got an idea. He slammed into the wall, scooted and twisted himself around on the ground and then began tearing at his ends. He walked into the bar and the bartender said "Hey aren't you a string?" He looked at the bartender and said "I'm a frayed knot"

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For Sale...

Parachute: $300.

Slightly stained.

Used once; never opened.

No strings attached.

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I asked my mate if he could get me a job at the tampon factory where he works.

There's no openings at the moment, he said, but I'll see if I can pull some strings.

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Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo?

No strings attached

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Free parachute

No strings attached!

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I swallowed two strings by accident, and when I finally passed them they were miraculously tied together

I shit you knot

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If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

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Why do tampons have strings?

So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.

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5 boxes for a dollar...

A woman walks into a drug store to buy tampons. She notices a group of tampons stacked on a table in the corner with a sign on them saying, "5 boxes for a dollar."

Well, the woman just can't believe this price so she asks the clerk if it was correct.

He replies, "Oh yes, 5 for a dollar."

She says, "That can't be right!"

The clerk responds, "Oh yes, it's right!! 5 boxes for a dollar, no strings attached."

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I'm giving away parachutes for free.

No strings attached.

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I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette.

No strings attached

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I asked my wife if we could have sex even though she was on her period..

...she said she may be able to pull some strings

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A woman sees a sale sign that says "Tampons: 3 boxes for $5"

Wanting to take advantage of the deal, she goes into the store. The sales attendant immediately comes up to her and asks if he can help her, she says, "Yes, I saw a sign outside that said you have a sale going for tampons, are they really just $5 for three whole boxes?

The sales attendant replies," Yes ma'am, they're three boxes for $5, and there are no strings attached."

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A guy buys a parrot...

And he has been told in the pet store, this parrot can say 2 phrases. If you pull a string on its right foot, it would say: "Good morning". If you would pull a string on its left foot, it would say: " How are you?". So this guy decides to test these ones out at home. Sure enough, parrot says: " Good morning" as the guy pulls the right string and "How are you?" as he pulls the left one. The guy is so thrilled about his new pet, but he starts to wonder out loud: " Well, but what would happen if I pulled both of the strings at the same time?" And the parrot goes: " I would fall down, you motherfucker."

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I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap.

No strings attached.

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Pinocchio is walking down the street...

...and he runs into a wizard, who says, "Hey, Pinocchio, give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy."

"What's the catch?" Pinocchio asks suspiciously.

"No catch," the wizard replies, "Just give me five bucks and I'll turn you into a real boy, no strings attached."

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Why do tampons have strings attached?

So you can floss after you eat.


Alt ending: So the crabs can bungee jump.

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A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".

A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".

So the string goes outside, ties himself up, messes up his hair and comes back into the bar. The bartender yells "aren't you that string I just kicked out?" The string replies "I'm a frayed knot!"

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So a string walks into a bar...

and the bartender says to him, "Hey no strings allowed. Get out!" So he goes out side, messes himself up, ties himself up, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."

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A preacher is buying a parrot


"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.

"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.

"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."

"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"

"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.

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My yo-yo business is failing, and I don't know why!

People usually love a no strings attached policy!

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Two medieval stringed instrumentals meet each other for the first time.

One asks the other, what type of instrument are you? I've never seen one like you before? The other replies I'm a lute, lots of strings, fat and folded at the end that's me. What about yourself, I haven't seen an instrument like you before either. The one replies Oh I'm a harp. The other instrument is skeptical I don't think you have enough strings to be a harp, and you are too symmetrical.

Are you calling me a lyre?

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How did you get your girlfriend to have sex with you while she was on her period?

Let's just say I pulled some strings.

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Three Strings Walk Into a Bar...

Three pieces of string walk into a bar and the bartender looks at them suspiciously. He says "Sorry, boys, we don't serve strings here." So the pieces of string walk outside again.

They're sitting on the curb outside and feeling really thirsty when one piece of string says "Hey! I've got an idea to get me into the bar."

So he starts twisting and turning until he finally ties himself into a knot as a disguise. One of the other strings sees this and decides he will fray his ends as a different disguise.

The two pieces of string walk back into the bar. The bartender looks at them a little suspiciously again and says in a stern voice "Sorry, we still don't serve strings here!"

So the strings go back outside and tell the third piece of how they had failed. The third string then decides he will tie himself in a knot, and also fray his ends.

The third string walks into the bar and the bartender looks at him and says "HEY, are you a bit of string?!"

The piece of string replies "No, I'm a frayed knot"

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The UK announced it's removing tax from tampon sales.

Though there will undoubtedly be strings attached.

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What is Pinocchio's favourite kind of sex?

No strings attached.

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I told my wife we could either have sex or go and a new movie...

She said she was on her period and the new movie was sold out.

But she pulled some strings and got me in...

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What are the most funny Strings jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Strings? Well, here are the best Strings dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Strings pick up lines to share with friends.

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