String Jokes
156 string jokes and hilarious string puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about string that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about the funniest string jokes from around the world. From jokes about string of elephants and string cheese to string theory, string orchestras, string quartets, string basses, string beans, string vests, knots, mandolins, and poppers - get ready for a good laugh!
Quick Jump To
- Short String Jokes
- String One Liners
- G String Jokes
- String Instruments Jokes
- String Instrument Jokes
- String Bass Jokes
- String Of Elephant Jokes
- More String Jokes
Funniest String Short Jokes
Short string jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The string humour may include short stretch jokes also.
- A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
- For sale: Guitar
Yoyo
puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached - I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size Oops, wrong thread
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common? They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
- A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string?
Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit. - Can you Imagine?
Can you imagine stuffing pictures of your grandmother in a strippers G string?
Imagine you are Prince Harry - For Sale... Parachute: $300.
Slightly stained.
Used once; never opened.
No strings attached. - TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons No strings attached
- Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel. This is for the Christmas period only.
Share These String Jokes With Friends
String One Liners
Which string one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with string? I can suggest the ones about strain and thread.
- Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
- Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo? No strings attached
- Free parachute No strings attached!
- Why do tampons have strings? So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.
- I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached.
- I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. No strings attached
- The String Theory might be the answer to everything... ..but then again, it might knot.
- I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap. No strings attached.
- What do you call a 26-mile long G-string? A marathong
- A little guitar humor I broke a g-string trying to finger A minor
- Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays
- How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra? She pulled some strings.
- How did the puppeteer meet the President? He pulled some strings.
- I'm giving away a broken puppet. No strings attached.
- I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached
G String Jokes
Here is a list of funny g string jokes and even better g string puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Tell me what you want." I whispered, as I slid my finger up and down her G string… She said, "I want my guitar back."
- What do G-Strings and barbed wire have in common? They both protect the property without disrupting the view.
- What do "Jingle Bells" sung by Mike Tyson and a green and red g-string have in common? They're both Christmith Thongs.
- My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn't want her daddy's help sorting it out. Good thing I'm learning violin too and could help.
- Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts? Just in case their G-string breaks.
- A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.
- What does a stripper and a guitar have in common? The G-String is always going off.
- Women don't like bass players, apparently... Whenever I say I like thick G-strings they allways walk away, I don't know why.
- Prince Harry's bachelor party had to be pretty awkward. He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.
- What do Aussie bass strings say? G'DAE!
String Instruments Jokes
Here is a list of funny string instruments jokes and even better string instruments puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
- What did the guitar at the music store say to the customer browsing through their selection of stringed instruments? "Pick Me!! Pick Me!!!!!"
- People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
- What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint
- I've always wondered why rolf Harris never played any string instruments But I guess he figured out other ways to finger a minor
- I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'.
- I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument. They called me a lyre.
- I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
- Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass.
String Instrument Jokes
Here is a list of funny string instrument jokes and even better string instrument puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A mandolin... ...is a shoe-string instrument.
- What's the stringed instrument's favorite movie quote? "Cello, Clarice..."
- My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. **She had a history of violins.**
String Bass Jokes
Here is a list of funny string bass jokes and even better string bass puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar? Netflix has stranger things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.
- I'm bisexual and I play bass and electric guitar I suppose I string both ways
- There are 10 types of guitarists in the world: those that can only strum a 6 string... ...and those that know bass too.
String Of Elephant Jokes
Here is a list of funny string of elephant jokes and even better string of elephant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do elephants use for tampons? Sheep.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Sheep don't have strings.
Amusing & Witty String Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about string you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean text jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make string pranks.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
So a string walks into a bar...
and the bartender says to him, "Hey no strings allowed. Get out!" So he goes out side, messes himself up, ties himself up, and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" "Nope. I'm a frayed knot."
No Strings
Two strings wanted to go into a bar. The bar had a sign up "We do not serve strings" One of them said to the other I've got an idea. He slammed into the wall, scooted and twisted himself around on the ground and then began tearing at his ends. He walked into the bar and the bartender said "Hey aren't you a string?" He looked at the bartender and said "I'm a frayed knot"
A little girl lives next to a fire house...
She admires the fire fighters so much she makes her own firetruck. It consists of her wagon, with the team of her cat in front with a string tied to his t**..., and her dog which lacks the testicular string, however has a harness and reins for her to lead him with. The firefighters see it, and have to ask why the string on the cat. She replies "I need a siren too."
String
A piece of string walks into a bar and takes a seat.
The bartender says to the piece of string "We don't serve your kind around here!" and kicks the string out of the bar.
The string gathers his composure, messes his hair up, and ties himself in a knot. He then resumes his seat at the bar.
The bartender says "Hey, aren't you that piece of string I just kicked out?"
The string replies "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."
This is a very special parrot...
A man walks into the pet shop and sees a parrot with on each leg 1 string. "Where are these strings for?" Asks the man to the seller. He answers: "This is a very special parrot. If you pull the right string, then he says" good morning ". Pull the left string and he says 'good night'." "Really?" Says the man. "And what happens if I pull both strings at once?" Responds the parrot: "Then I fall, Idiot!"
Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;
Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
8{>
Did any of you hear about that p**... music teacher?
The one who broke a G string while f**... A minor.
Strings
Three pieces of strings are standing outside a bar with the intention of having a drink. The first one walks in and the bartender asks, "are you a piece of string?". He answers, "yes". The bartender yells, "get outta my bar". The second goes in and the same thing happens. The third then says to the other two, "quick tie me into a frayed knot". They do so and he walks into the bar and the bartender asks, "are you a piece of string?". He says ,"No. I'm a frayed knot"
There should be a football team called the Tampons...
...of course, they would only be good for one period and they would have no second string.
A piece of string walks into a bar
A piece of string walks into a bar and walks up to the counter.
The bartender says, "Sorry mate, we don't serve pieces of string in here, get lost."
Upset, the piece of string walks out the door. A sudden thought strikes him. He ties himself in a knot and messes his hair up.
He walks back into the bar and approaches the counter. The bartender says, "Oi, aren't you that piece of string from before...?"
"No," says the piece of string, "I'm a frayed knot."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?
The cops finally nailed him.
Can anybody else here tie pieces of string with their mind?
Thought knot...
Did you hear about the unnecessarily large string orchestra?
It was shut down due to mass violins
A piece of string walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "We don't serve no scrawny pieces of string in here."
The piece of string leaves, goes around back, ties himself up, ruffles his hair and re-enters the bar.
The bartender says, "Say aren't you that sorry piece of string that I told to beat it?"
The string replies, "frayed knot."
Today I popped a G string while f**... a minor.
I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow.
A string walks into a bar...
The tender goes j**..., we don't serve strings here.'
The string leaves the bar and twists and pulls and deforms himself, ruffles his hair a bit and struts back in, incognito.
The tender goes 'Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out?'
The string answers, 'Frayed knot.'
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
Today I broke a G string while f**... A minor
d**..., playing guitar is hard!
Strings are usually pretty straight
Unless they're knot
A piece of string wanted to get into a club
A piece of string wanted to get into a club that didn't let in pieces of string. So he twisted himself up, and frayed his top end.
The bouncer asked "Hey, aren't you a piece of string ?"
The piece of string said "No, I'm a frayed knot"
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
A string walks into a bar
and orders a beer. The bartender says "We don't serve strings here."
Causing the string walk out of the bar and tie himself in a knot and fray his end.
The string walks back in and orders another beer. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hey aren't you a string?" The string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."
A piece of string walks into a bar...
and tries to order a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string here"
The string goes back outside, ties himself up, and messes up his hair.
The string goes back into the bar and orders again.
The bartender asks, "Aren't you that piece of string?"
"No," says the string, "I'm a frayed knot"
A piece of string walks into a bar...
And asks for a Beer.
The barman says: "I'm sorry we don't serve pieces of string".
So the piece of string walks outside, ruffles himself up, walks back into the bar and says: "Can I have a Beer please".
The barman replies: "Aren't you that piece of string I just asked to leave".
To which the piece of string replies: "No, I'm a frayed knot".
How did the guitar player bust the G string?
He was f**... A Minor.
Did you hear the guitarist who got in trouble?
He was f**... a G string but didn't notice it was A minor.
A string walks into a bar...
And orders a beer. The bartender tells him "We don't serve your kind here." The string walks outside and ties himself in a knot and separates his strands.
He walks back inside and orders a beer. The bartender asks him "Hey, didn't I tell you we don't serve your kind here?"
To which the string replies "I'm a frayed knot."
My friend told me of this fish...
My friend told me of this amazing kind of fish, he said it was impossible to catch! He said it broke the string on his rod! I've never seen it. I've fished for days and days... Nothing. You know? I'm starting to think that it's not reel.
3 strings walk into a bar
The first tries to order a drink, and the bartender says "we don't serve strings in here. You gotta get out."
The second tries and gets the same answer.
The third tries, more confident than the others. The bartender says "you heard what I said. We don't serve strings here. You're a string, ain't ya?"
"no sir," he replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
[say it out loud]
What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?
[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]
A piece of string walks into a bar...
And the bartender kicks him out while yelling "I don't serve your kind in here, string!" The string really wanted a drink though, so he bent over and rubbed his head on the ground for a bit. Then he ties himself in a bow and walks back inside. The bartender sees him and immediately starts yelling "Aren't you that same string I just kicked out?!" To which the string replies "No sir, I'm a frayed knot".
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bartender yells, "Get out, we do not serve string in here!" About an hour later the string walks back in but he is all twisted, dirty, with his ends torn up. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the string I threw out of here?" The string replies, "No I'm afraid not."
What does a catfish chase after?
A string ray!
A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.
The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string.
Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string.
The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is.
The kid picks up and says,
"Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."
A String Walks Into A Bar
Inside the bar, the string asks for a beer. Sadly for the string, though, the bartender states "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." So, the string walks out of the bar, frazzles up his head, twists his stomach and walks back in. The bartender, noticing the string, says "Hey!- aren't you that string from earlier?" The string replies "Nope, I'm afraid not."
A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer
The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"
The string says, "Nope, I'm afraid not."
A man is pulling a line of string along a sidewalk
A woman asks him as he walks near, "Excuse me, why are you pulling that string along?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a string?"
I finally watched that movie about the Psycho clown that destroyed the lives of innocent children.
Halfway into it I realised it was just a string of old McDonald's Ads.
How does a physicist tune a piano?
With string theory.
A string walks into a bar looking really tired and dirty, disheveled and twisted and the bartender says: "Hey buddy, are you okay?"
To which the string replies: "I'm a frayed knot!"
A woman on her period is like a chainsaw
y**... on the string and she'll make alot of noise
A seamstress accidentally pulls a string and unravels her life's work...
Oops, wrong thread.
So a piece of string goes into a bar...
The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here."
The string goes outside, twists itself, and parts its hair.
And the string goes back inside, and the bartender yells, "aren't you the same guy from earlier!"
The string replies only with, "I'm a frayed knot."
What's the difference between a baby and a guitar?
My guitar doesn't turn blue when I string up it's neck.
Yo mama so n**...,
She had to cut the string off her t**... so the c**... stop hanging themselves.
Guitar
The only time you can break a g string while f**... a minor without getting arrested.
Why do strings never win?
Because they only tie.
Just saw that Wayne Rooney has been to see Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital. His speech is definitely improving and he can now just about string a sentence together.
Said Sir Alex
I am a fried nut
A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all t**... and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
A string went to a bar
- The bartender said:
"Sorry, we don't serve your kind."
- The string left, twisted himself up and parted his hairs, then came back to the bar.
"Aren't you the same guy just a minute ago ?" , the bartender ask.
"I'm a frayed knot" , said the piece of string.
My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes.
"What's a pirate's favourite crime?"
"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.
"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."
String of Cheese Jokes
Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.
They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.
He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.
Decided to go into the business of making boats in his attic. Sails are through the roof!
A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".
A string walks into a bar and the bartender points to a sign that says "no strings allowed".
So the string goes outside, ties himself up, messes up his hair and comes back into the bar. The bartender yells "aren't you that string I just kicked out?" The string replies "I'm a frayed knot!"
3 strings walk into a bar.
The first one orders a drink.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
So the second string ties itself into a bow and proceeds to order a drink.
"Nope", says the bartender, "you're a string."
Then the third string ties itself into a knot and frays each end, then orders a drink.
The bartender eyes the string up and down and says, "Aren't you a string?"
And the string says, "Frayed knot!"
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
Three bass players walk into a bar.
They're actually in the middle of performing Beethoven's 9th symphony, but there's a long section near the end where the basses don't play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.
To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the conductor's score a few pages before they start playing again. When he turns the page, it'll tug on the string and they'll know to head back to the concert hall.
So the symphony goes on, and pretty soon the conductor realizes he's in trouble.
It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.
A string goes into a bar
the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind". The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair, then comes back inside. The bartender asks, "aren't you the same guy from just a minute ago?" "I'm a frayed knot" says the piece of string
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bar tender says sorry we don't serve you kind round here
The string leaves, twists himself up, parts his hair and walks back into the bar,
The bartender says sorry aren't you the same guy from before
The string replies I'm a frayed knot
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton-b**... and a ball of string on the counter.
The sales girl says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's so much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own... so does she."
A piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartender says, I'm sorry, we don't serve your kind here.
Hearing that, the piece of string walks out, parts its hair, ties it up, combs it, and walks back into the bar.
The bartender asks, Didn't you just walk in here?
The piece of string says, I'm a frayed knot.
String vs bartender
A string walks into a bar bartender yells at him we don't serve your kind here So the string walks out of the bar, bends over, mess up his hair, and walks back into the bar bartender asked him aren't you that string I threw out earlier string looks at him and says No I'm a frayed knot
From one kind to another
A string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"We don't serve STRINGS here," the bartender sneers. "Get out!"
Dejected, the string leaves and walks to the corner. Then - he gets an idea! He twists around, fluffs his hair, and walks back into the bar.
The bartender looks up, narrowing his eyes. "Say ... Aren't you that string that was just in here? I told you we don't serve STRINGS."
Boldly, the string replies, "No, sir. I'm a frayed knot."
A man is walking down the street with a length of string trailing behind him ...
Why are you pulling that string along ? asked a nosey cop. The mans answer? You try pushing it !
A string walks into a bar...
The bartender says, I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here.
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.
The bartender squints at him and says, Hey, aren't you a string?
The string says, Nope, I'm a frayed knot.
My dog ate a string of Christmas lights.
The vet was able to remove them.
He said the dog was delighted.
My new party trick...
I s**... two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my a**... tied together.
I s**... you knot.
