String Jokes
157 string jokes and hilarious string puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about string that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is about the funniest string jokes from around the world. From jokes about string of elephants and string cheese to string theory, string orchestras, string quartets, string basses, string beans, string vests, knots, mandolins, and poppers - get ready for a good laugh!
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Funniest String Short Jokes
Short string jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The string humour may include short stretch jokes also.
- A friend gave me a free guitar the other day, but I've been having trouble playing it I guess I can't complain though, it's not often someone just gives you something with no strings attached
- For sale: Guitar
Yoyo
puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached - I kept pulling the string from my Christmas hat and now its half the size Oops, wrong thread
- String Fight My ex used to hit me with stringed instruments. If only I had known about her history of violin.
- What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common? They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
- A Linux Joke In computing, what's the only way to generate a truly random string?
Put a Windows user in front of VI and tell him to quit. - For Sale... Parachute: $300.
Slightly stained.
Used once; never opened.
No strings attached. - TIL the company Tampax donates their slightly defective tampons to women's prisons No strings attached
- Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel. This is for the Christmas period only.
- If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office... And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.
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String One Liners
Which string one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with string? I can suggest the ones about strain and thread.
- Go bungee jumping for free! No strings attached.
- Does anyone want to buy a broken yo-yo? No strings attached
- Free parachute No strings attached!
- Why do tampons have strings? So vampires don't burn their fingers while making tea.
- I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached.
- I'm thinking of giving away my broken marionette. No strings attached
- The String Theory might be the answer to everything... ..but then again, it might knot.
- I've got a parachute for sale. Never been used. Cheap. No strings attached.
- What do you call a 26-mile long G-string? A marathong
- A little guitar humor I broke a g-string trying to finger A minor
- Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays
- How did the unqualified harp player get into the orchestra? She pulled some strings.
- How did the puppeteer meet the President? He pulled some strings.
- I always thought about playing the guitar But there were just too many strings attached
- What's a programmer's favourite underwear ? The string
G String Jokes
Here is a list of funny g string jokes and even better g string puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do "Jingle Bells" sung by Mike Tyson and a green and red g-string have in common? They're both Christmith Thongs.
- My daughter was having problems with her G string and didn't want her daddy's help sorting it out. Good thing I'm learning violin too and could help.
- Why do women throw underwear at guitarists at concerts? Just in case their G-string breaks.
- A benefit of Charles III ascension to the throne Once they change the picture on the money to the new King, Andrew won't have to tuck a picture of his mother into the G-strings of strippers.
- What does a stripper and a guitar have in common? The G-String is always going off.
- Women don't like bass players, apparently... Whenever I say I like thick G-strings they allways walk away, I don't know why.
- Prince Harry's bachelor party had to be pretty awkward. He was putting pictures of his grandma in a strippers G string.
- What do Aussie bass strings say? G'DAE!
- What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend? My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string
- Why are guys always looking at girl guitar players? They're checking out their G-Strings
String Instruments Jokes
Here is a list of funny string instruments jokes and even better string instruments puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown. It was a coup-stick.
- What did the guitar at the music store say to the customer browsing through their selection of stringed instruments? "Pick Me!! Pick Me!!!!!"
- People were astounded to find a stringed instrument hidden within the dry well but it was merely more evidence of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- My neighbors called the cops on me, but when the police came to my house all they found was my collection of string instruments. I got charged with domestic violins.
- What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint
- I'm planning on opening a store that sells string instruments for children. I'm calling it 'Kiddie Fiddlers'.
- I recently came out to my family, I told them I wasn't on the outside who I was on the inside. I told them I wasn't a boy but a medieval stringed instrument. They called me a lyre.
- I destroy every string instrument I find... As a part of my vow of non-violins.
- Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass.
- A mandolin... ...is a shoe-string instrument.
String Bass Jokes
Here is a list of funny string bass jokes and even better string bass puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar? Netflix has stranger things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.
- I'm bisexual and I play bass and electric guitar I suppose I string both ways
- There are 10 types of guitarists in the world: those that can only strum a 6 string... ...and those that know bass too.
String Orchestra Jokes
Here is a list of funny string orchestra jokes and even better string orchestra puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the unnecessarily large string orchestra? It was shut down due to mass violins
- Why did the movie about a String orchestra get rated R16? It contained violins
- Philharmonic orchestra Why isn't the strings section of the orchestra ever televised?
Graphic violins. - What do you call a ruckus in a string orchestra? Violins
String Of Elephant Jokes
Here is a list of funny string of elephant jokes and even better string of elephant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do elephants use for tampons? Sheep.
Why do elephants have trunks?
Sheep don't have strings.
Amusing & Witty String Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about string you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean text jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make string pranks.
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans...
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Can you Imagine?
Can you imagine stuffing pictures of your grandmother in a strippers G string?
Imagine you are Prince Harry
This is a very special parrot...
A man walks into the pet shop and sees a parrot with on each leg 1 string. "Where are these strings for?" Asks the man to the seller. He answers: "This is a very special parrot. If you pull the right string, then he says" good morning ". Pull the left string and he says 'good night'." "Really?" Says the man. "And what happens if I pull both strings at once?" Responds the parrot: "Then I fall, Idiot!"
Doctor Shroedinger? This is the Animal Clinic calling;
Apparently your cat, Flüffy, is both simultaneously dead and yet alive.
We're sorry for your loss.
Our resident String Theorist will contact you.
He can explain everything.
8{>
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did any of you hear about that p**... music teacher?
The one who broke a G string while f**... A minor.
What do you call a pepper on a string that comes back to you?
A Jalapenyo-yo
There should be a football team called the Tampons...
...of course, they would only be good for one period and they would have no second string.
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
Wait, I can explain everything!
A string walks into a bar...
and orders a drink. The bartender says, "NO STRINGS! We don't serve your kind here." Angered but undeterred, the string leaves the bar determined to get a drink. He has two friends tie him together. With his new disguise, he reenters the bar to order once more. The bartender says, "Hey there! What can I get - wait a minute... Aren't you that string that was in here earlier?" The string says, "No. I'm afraid not"
What did the string say to the harp?
No, you're a lyre!
A man is getting ready to go on a business trip...
He has been suspicious of his wife cheating on him. So he places under his bed a spoon attached to a string that hangs on the metal frame with a bowl of milk under it. He measures the weight of his wife in bed alone to make sure it is not in the milk unless there is more weight.
The man leaves and comes home after a few days and looks under his bed to find a bowl of butter.
Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?
The cops finally nailed him.
A string walks into a bar
A string walks into a bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender replies "We don't serve strings here"
The string walks outside messes up his hair, ties himself in a knot and walks back into the bar and says "bartender, bartender give me a beer"
The bartender asks " aren't you the same string that was just in here?"
The string replies "I'm afraid not" (a frayed knot)
Can anybody else here tie pieces of string with their mind?
Thought knot...
If I ever become a filthy millionaire, I'm gonna string 50 smartwatches together and create a batman belt of gadgets out of them
I know it's a waist of time, but it'll be worth it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A piece of string walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "We don't serve no scrawny pieces of string in here."
The piece of string leaves, goes around back, ties himself up, ruffles his hair and re-enters the bar.
The bartender says, "Say aren't you that sorry piece of string that I told to beat it?"
The string replies, "frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I popped a G string while f**... a minor.
I'm going to the violin repair shop tomorrow.
Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?
Because they keep stepping on the string.
What did the string say when the rope proposed marriage?
"Let's knot."
Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding?
It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo.
Why did Sally the stripper stop dating the guitar player?
He kept trying to tune her G string.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today I broke a G string while f**... A minor
d**..., playing guitar is hard!
Strings are usually pretty straight
Unless they're knot
A woman goes to the doctor...
A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."
A man dedicated his life to tying bits of string together.
Unfortunately, it was all for knot.
What happens when you try to pull out a tooth using the "string and doorknob trick" or a pair of pliers?
You get fired from your job as a dentist.
How do you generate a random string?
Put a windows user in front of VIM and tell him to save and exit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How did the guitar player bust the G string?
He was f**... A Minor.
Doc Brown and Marty are watching the news
The newscaster announces "Due to a large string of worker protests in the United States the price of cheese has gone up 200%"
Doc Brown: "Grate, Scott!"
What are 2 things that don't have a second string?
Tampons and the New York Jets
My friend told me of this fish...
My friend told me of this amazing kind of fish, he said it was impossible to catch! He said it broke the string on his rod! I've never seen it. I've fished for days and days... Nothing. You know? I'm starting to think that it's not reel.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In what body of water did h**... keep his string?
The Knot seas
Bring on the downvotes!
3 strings walk into a bar
The first tries to order a drink, and the bartender says "we don't serve strings in here. You gotta get out."
The second tries and gets the same answer.
The third tries, more confident than the others. The bartender says "you heard what I said. We don't serve strings here. You're a string, ain't ya?"
"no sir," he replies, "I'm a frayed knot."
[say it out loud]
What's got two thumbs and can't figure out the difference between a string and an array?
[
0 => "T"
1 => "h"
2 => "i"
3 => "s"
4 => " "
5 => "g"
6 => "u"
7 => "y"
8 => "!"
]
I wanted to study string theory
... but I couldn't wrap my brane around it.
A piece of string walks into a bar...
And the bartender kicks him out while yelling "I don't serve your kind in here, string!" The string really wanted a drink though, so he bent over and rubbed his head on the ground for a bit. Then he ties himself in a bow and walks back inside. The bartender sees him and immediately starts yelling "Aren't you that same string I just kicked out?!" To which the string replies "No sir, I'm a frayed knot".
A piece of string walks into a bar
The bartender yells, "Get out, we do not serve string in here!" About an hour later the string walks back in but he is all twisted, dirty, with his ends torn up. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the string I threw out of here?" The string replies, "No I'm afraid not."
What did the detective see when he responded to the string of crimes at local liquor stores?
A bunch of cold cases.
What does a catfish chase after?
A string ray!
A String Walks Into A Bar
Inside the bar, the string asks for a beer. Sadly for the string, though, the bartender states "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." So, the string walks out of the bar, frazzles up his head, twists his stomach and walks back in. The bartender, noticing the string, says "Hey!- aren't you that string from earlier?" The string replies "Nope, I'm afraid not."
What do you call string made by 4chan deities?
god-tier thread.
You hear about the Jewish Mother Doll?
You pull the string and it rolls it eyes and says, "AGAIN with the string?"
why are archers usually put in charge of things?
because they are string pullers!!!!
A man is pulling a line of string along a sidewalk
A woman asks him as he walks near, "Excuse me, why are you pulling that string along?"
The man replies, "Have you ever tried to push a string?"
I finally watched that movie about the Psycho clown that destroyed the lives of innocent children.
Halfway into it I realised it was just a string of old McDonald's Ads.
How does a physicist tune a piano?
With string theory.
A string walks into a bar looking really tired and dirty, disheveled and twisted and the bartender says: "Hey buddy, are you okay?"
To which the string replies: "I'm a frayed knot!"
Why did the government of Ethiopia tie a piece of string over their country?
So the kids could play in the shadow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman on her period is like a chainsaw
y**... on the string and she'll make alot of noise
A recent study found that cats are highly entertained by theoretical physics!
*Especially* string theory.
A seamstress accidentally pulls a string and unravels her life's work...
Oops, wrong thread.
What kind of classical music do vegetables like?
Anything by a string courgette
So a piece of string goes into a bar...
The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here."
The string goes outside, twists itself, and parts its hair.
And the string goes back inside, and the bartender yells, "aren't you the same guy from earlier!"
The string replies only with, "I'm a frayed knot."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
By taking into account this year's string of s**... accusations, I can say with confidence that...
...it was nice knowing you Mr. Claus. But seriously, why that elf???
A man walked past a floating string...
*m* - "Where did you learn to do that?"
*s* - "I'm self-taut!"
How many string theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but nobody knows which one.
What's the difference between a baby and a guitar?
My guitar doesn't turn blue when I string up it's neck.
Have you seen the new #metoo doll for sale?
Pull her string and 10 years later she talks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo mama so n**...,
She had to cut the string off her t**... so the c**... stop hanging themselves.
A man walks in to a psychiatrist office wearing nothing but a pair of string y fronts.
The psychiatrists looks the man up and down and says "Well i can clearly see your nuts"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guitar
The only time you can break a g string while f**... a minor without getting arrested.
Why do strings never win?
Because they only tie.
Just saw that Wayne Rooney has been to see Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital. His speech is definitely improving and he can now just about string a sentence together.
Said Sir Alex
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am a fried nut
A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all t**... and his ends frayed. So he walks back into the bar, and the bartender's like "HEY, ARE YOU THAT STRING FROM EARLIER?" And the string says "nope, I'm a frayed knot."
Prince Harry had his Bachelor Party last night in London and here is his "Quote of the Day" from that memorable event:
"It's really weird stuffing money into a stripper's G string when every bill has a photo of your grandmother printed on it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My brother did one like that after a long string of pirate jokes.
"What's a pirate's favourite crime?"
"Arrrrson," I said, chuckling at my cleverness.
"You idiot," he replied, "it's obviously Piracy."
String of Cheese Jokes
Hear about the French cheese factory that exploded the other day? DeBrie everywhere.
They think it might be an insurance scam by the owner though he's a bit mental, painted his wife the other day! He Double Gloucester.
He even tried to start up a new business making clothes out of cheese. Didn't go as well as expected, turns out fromage frays.
Decided to go into the business of making boats in his attic. Sails are through the roof!
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
Three bass players walk into a bar.
They're actually in the middle of performing Beethoven's 9th symphony, but there's a long section near the end where the basses don't play, so they decide to go to the bar next door and grab a drink.
To know when to come back for the end of the symphony, the bassists tie a string to the conductor's score a few pages before they start playing again. When he turns the page, it'll tug on the string and they'll know to head back to the concert hall.
So the symphony goes on, and pretty soon the conductor realizes he's in trouble.
It's the bottom of the ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.
