The Best 51 Strict Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Strict jokes. There are some strict regulations jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these strict stiff puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Strict Jokes and Puns
I keep my house in strict military order.
My kitchen is always a mess.
Why did the bird refuse Martin Luther's food?
It was on a strict diet of worms.
I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable
Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.
Hydrogen asks his parents, Sodium and Potassium if he can go to a party.
First, he asks his mom, Sodium. He knows that she is very strict and she will probably say no.
"Na," she says, exactly what he expects
He decides to ask his dad. He is much less strict, and was in a good mood. Maybe he can let Hydrogen go to the party.
"k," he says
A strict agnostic says to another strict agnostic...
"All knowledge is subjective."
The other strict agnostic thinks about this for a moment and responds, "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your *opinion*, man."
What is the strictest part of a ship?
The stern
I have a strict no sex before marriage rule...
...imposed on me due to my stunning ugliness.
An American factory orders a shipment of a certain part from a Japanese factory.
They write a letter to warn their partners "Be aware of our strict standards, we only accept 3 defective parts per 10 000".
The Japanese reply: "We don't quite understand what do you need them for, but as per request, we manufactured three defective parts and attach them separately hereby"
I have decided to start a strict vegetarian diet
Starting tonight I will enjoy a nice thick steak. Cows are the most delicious of the strict vegetarians
What do you think Jesus's stance would be on guns?
I think he would be most strict on nail gun control.
(Credit to Taylor on PKA)
My parents are so strict..
they yelled at me cause i only got a B on my bloodtest.
You can explore strict rigorous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean strict apologetic dad jokes. There are also strict puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Looks like Texans over-prayed for rain during their last drought….
We here in California, have a strict "no praying for rain" policy.
A friend asked me "As a young boy, was your mother very strict?"
I said "Let's get one thing straight, my mother was *never* a young boy."
I tried donating sperm the other day, but they refused me.
The requirements they have are really strict there at the salvation army
This bloke said to me
This bloke said to me, "Tim, as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?" I said, "Let me make one thing absolutely clear. My mother was never a young boy."
An man shows up for his first day of work at a strict anti-racist organization. He notices his asian boss has very dirty glasses ...
"How can you even see with those?"
"You're fired."
Why are libraries so strict?
Because they have to go by the book.
I'm strictly against cigarettes.
So I burn them.
Cancer... what are my treatment options Dr. Trump?
We are going to begin immediately with a strict regiment of calling your cancer "cellular extremism".
I work on a freighter that transports penis-shaped potatoes around the world. The crew regulations are oppressively strict.
It's run like a dick-tater-ship.
Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?
To minimize casual tees...
Periodic abstinence as contraception can be successful, provided one meets three very strict conditions:
1. The woman must have a very regular menstrual cycle.
2. You must be able to count well.
3. And you must really love children.
Loosely translated from Herman Finkers. My favorite dutch comedian.
My dad had a strict rule where I couldn't go on dates if my age was on the clock...
I can't wait to be 61.
Got fired from work for drinking on the job
They're strict about that sort of thing at the sperm bank.
Why does Japan have such strict BMI regulations?
They remember what the first fat man did to them.
I got a job tending to baby seals once.
I got fired the first day for using a baseball bat. I guess they had a strict club only policy!
Marcus Aurelius was a Roman Emperor, a very smart man and ahead of his time.
A strict disciplinarian he hated when his soldiers drank on the job but had no way of policing it. Until he realised that the offending soldiers would urinate much more than the sober ones. So he started to measure the output of the soldiers. Do you know what he used to measure it?
Roman Urinals
What do you call two pints of strict rules?
A quart of law
My computer science professor was fired for giving a lecture in Octal
My school has very strict policies regarding eight-speech.
I know a woman That got fired for drinking on job...
I guess they're getting strict at the sperm bank.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
I was visiting my strict grandparents when they caught me hacking on a beautiful summer day, so they wanted me out of the house...
They really didn't like the mess I made of Miss Day.
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
Say the alphabets!
One day lil Jhonny had to badly go to the bathroom. His English teacher Miss. Strict didn't believe he had to go that badly and thought he was disrupting the class so told him to hold it in. Lil Jhonny kept pestering her every 5 mins until she had it. So she said recite the alphabets quickly and I'll let you go.
Lil Jhonny "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ".
Miss. Strict "Lil Jhonny where is your P?"
LJ "It's running down my pants Miss. Strict".
a miracle
A rabbi walks through a Jewish town and then he spots a fat guy who is eating pork. The rabbi is upset and prays, whishing for the fat guy to be sick from eating this "un-clean" food.
After few minutes the rabbi changes his mind: he realized he was too strict: so he prays, prays very hard to undo his previous prayer.
And lo, there was a miracle: nothing happened to the fat man.
Short short joke
I'm not saying my parents were too strict or unreasonable but the second my umbilical cord was cut after birth I had to go to my room and think about what I had done.
Two friends meet after several months in the streat and they start talking
\+ You have lost a lot of weight! You look better!
\- Yeah, I have been going to a new gym. It is near here.
\+ Oh really? Do you have a strict monitor and a dietist?
\- No, the gym is so expensive that I barely have money to eat.
Grades
My mom is so strict about grades when the doctor told her my blood type is B+, she yelled and told me to do better.
Retirement Home
An old lady was found dead on her bed . The nurses found a list of names in her hands. The sweet old lady wrote down all the names of the men she slept with at the retirement home. She slept with everyone except one guy. The nurses then asked the old man why he did not sleep with the old lady and he said" we have a strict working relationship and i only collect the money"
Without a mask on, I shopped at a store that had a strict mask policy.
Before leaving, I asked the security guard why he let me shop without a cover and he said that Halloween masks are acceptable too. :\_(
My wife has always been very strict about wasting things
One day I swallowed paracetamol by mistake and asked her what to do?
She thought for a second and gave me a headache
When i was little I had a pet rock I was always very strict on him about drug abuse
because i was afraid that he would be a stoner.
An Act of Malicious Conpliance
Teacher: Write a short story. You have a strict 140-character limit.
Student: Once upon a time, Snow White lived with 139 Dwarves. The end.
My college has a strict "No Enrollment" policy
No acceptions.
A snail walks into a bar
The snail sits down on a bar stool and orders a double Jack & Coke. The bartender says, sorry, we have a strict policy on no snails in this bar .... so then the bartender kicks the snail out.
5 days later, the snail comes back in, sits on a bar stool and says to the bartender what the f*ck did you do that for ?
Due to health concerns, my doctor recommend I go on a strict vegetarian diet, and practice portion control.
I am happy to announce that I am down to one vegetarian a day, as they are surprisingly filling.
After failing maths, Jared's parents decide to move him from the local public school to a nearby Catholic school
Within a few months, he is passing with flying colours. His parents ask him the reason behind his sudden improvement. "Was it the strict nuns, the rigour of class, the example of other students? Jared shook his head. "Well what was it then"? Jared replied "Truth is, when I first arrived and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business".
A lot of guys struggle to add muscle
Take my cousin, for example. He has a very strict diet and always sticks to his regimen. He never skips a day. The dude is still a skeleton, basically. Some people just struggle to add weight. Granted, his regimen mostly includes heroin, but still.
My Hawaiian HOA passed a noise ordinance so strict that I can't even laugh out loud.
All i can do is a low ha.
A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move
"This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."
At my job there is a strict policy that no one can discuss the topic of beer...
We don't talk about brew no, no, no.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the strict systems jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working strict policy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.