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Stretch Marks Jokes

7 stretch marks jokes and hilarious stretch marks puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stretch marks that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Share Hilarious Stretch Marks Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What is a good stretch marks joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.

They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

My patience has stretch marks.

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language

Why do gay men have mustaches?

To hide the stretch marks.

There's only one...

There's only one place a man would want stretch marks.

My boyfriend complains about my stretch marks.

He failed school. I say these are the only marks you'll ever get.

my face popped a vessel during this

I was at work today, just pricing a huge shipment of tools. This random customer comes up to me, he says Hello. I reply with a kind gesture. He then proceeds with this:
Customer "Do you know what a cougar is?"
Me "yep"
Customer "So, you know that there are two kinds?"
I giggled a bit and answered,
Me "Yes"
Customer "do you know what a tiger is?"
I figured he was implying the tiger to be like a cougar(as in an older woman seeking young men) but i wasn't sure.
Me "i don't think so, what is it?"
Customer "Its a cougar with stretch marks!"
I started to laugh pretty hard. Was so taken off guard by his answer that I dropped the manure fork on my boots.
Me "Good show! You my good man, are my favourite for today."
He smiled and I gave him a discount on all his items.

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