The Best 75 Stretch Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Stretch jokes. There are some stretch expanse jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stretch motion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Stretch Jokes and Puns
Why do the ladies love Jesus?
He's hung like this. (Stretch out arms.)
Really one that you have to tell in person, but it's my favorite.
Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor?
It was quite a stretch.
Mom called to tell me she is qualified to be a yoga instructor...
I think that's a bit of a stretch
This Joke is a Bit of a Stretch
What did the hillbilly say when his yoga instructor asked if you wanted to leave the class?
"Na, I'm a-stay"
A gambling addict begins his 5th stretch of therapy...
"It failed 4 times in a row, so it's bound to work this time."
What are the chances you know an Olympic gymnast??
A stretch
They say you should warm up before you exercise.
Sounds like a stretch to me.
How can you tell Sofía Vergara's children on the playground?
They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.
They say yoga is the best form of exercise
But I think that's kind of a stretch.
Why did the pirate have a fat girlfriend?
Real women have (s)curv(y)
...yeah it's a bit of a stretch
Two mechanics are talking, and one says to the other "Hey, I found this car part in the dump, I think it might be from an old limo."
The other mechanic inspects the part and replies, "Eh, I dunno, that might be a bit of a stretch."
You can explore stretch apparatus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stretch extend dad jokes. There are also stretch puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga,
but I think it's a bit of a stretch.
How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?
They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.
I would get into yoga
Buts it's too long of a stretch for me
What do you call a fat socialist?
Stretch Marx
My wife keeps buying me too tight pants to motivate me to lose weight.
It is a stretch goal.
A prisoner was half way through his ten to twelve stretch when he was beaten and fell into a comma
, which helped him finish his sentence.
It stretched halfway around the block and got turned backwards.
A punchline walked into a bar.
Did you hear about the prisoner that really wanted to get out of prison?
He's seeking early discharge from his long penal stretch.
A rubber band just auditioned on Broadway
It was kind of a stretch.
My friend who does yoga told me she can out both her feet behind her head
"Wow" I said to her "Sounds like a stretch to me"
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks
Why do you look so sad and the horse says well i haven't gotten a bj in months the bartender says she will do it so she gets on her knees and starts sucking the horse off. The horse is so big she has to stretch her lips out as far as they can go Then the horse looks down and asks why the long face?
Why did the lumberjack stretch the wood?
To keep them nice and timber.
Pokémon GO?
More like, Pokémon where-did-it-GO!
It was a stretch, but I made it work, didn't I?
I was going to make a pun about flexibility
I decided not to because it was too much of a stretch.
I stretch daily to squeeze the demons out of my blood.
It's the only way I know how to exorcise.
I'll run on the treadmill, I'll do the elliptical, I will even take a zumba class...
But yoga is a stretch for me.
Can a Toyota stretch?
No, but a Mercedes-Benz
My wife asked me, "Why don't you ever come to yoga class with me??"...
"That's kind of a stretch for me"
I have a pun about rubber bands...
But it's a bit of a stretch.
I once got so nervous I ate a long stretch of rope...
...for the rest of the day my stomach was in knots.
Yo mama so fat
Her CAR has stretch marks
What do you call lethargic pasta?
Lazy anya
It was a stretch but I made it work I think
I don't think jelqing works
It just sounds like a stretch to me
They say to use condoms if you don't want kids...
It totally works! Once you stretch it over their head, they suffocate it in a matter of minutes!
When the Daddy Car asked the baby car
When the Daddy car asked the baby car what he wanted to be when he grew up, the baby answered. "I wanna fit lots of people inside me and have parties where they can drink and have fun."
The daddy car replied "oh that's a stretch."
Original. Maybe bad. But original.
I'm AMAZING in bed!
Yeah, I can sleep for days at a stretch.
I've been doing yoga for 5 years.
It's been a long stretch
No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke
To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga.
I think that's a stretch.
Two Men are walking in the woods...
When they come upon a Grizzly Bear. The first man bends down quickly and begins to tighten shoelaces.
The second man says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"
As the first man begins to stretch he replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you."
What is Captain Kirk's favorite fish, stretch and 17th century infantry weapon?
Pike
I hope Elon Musk doesn't get caught up in any scandal.
Elongate could really stretch out.
When you have mastered the splits.
It doesn't feel like a stretch.
This one might be a stretch
Which Star Trek character do cleaners hate the most?
Mister Spock
Missed a spot... yah. :'(
Today I asked my wife to have sex with her high heels on...
She said, "Okay, but not with the new ones you'll stretch them out like you did the last pair."
I don't know why my friend keeps calling my car a limo
It's just a long car, calling it a limo is a bit of a stretch.
I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.
It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
My boyfriend complains about my stretch marks.
He failed school. I say these are the only marks you'll ever get.
A man was arrested for stealing yoga dvds
He's now doing a long stretch
I was gonna do a joke about Gumby on the Inquisition Rack...
But it was a bit of a stretch...
Me: A High Schooler finishing his last year decides to stretch. While stretching, my back cracks..
Mom: "Ooh, you're getting old!"
Me: "I know. I'm a senior."
I don't think people can do yoga every day.
That's a bit of a stretch.
Did you hear the largest rubber band ball has 200 Million rubber bands?
I think it's a bit of a stretch.
Today I discovered something curious about the human body
Did you know that if you were to take someone's intestines out and stretch them along a 25ft tape measure, the said person would die?
My friend tried to convince me that yoga is a workout...
I told him it's a bit of a stretch
(Thought of this tonight during yoga)
What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?
A job
Three long poos stretch down, one after the other, and silently enter the water without a splash
The toilet bowl says 'Why the long faeces?'
A Stretch of Convenience
I asked my yoga friend if she wanted to go to the convenience store with me, but she declined saying, "nah, I'mma stay".
My friend claims yoga is the best possible thing you can do for your body.
Seems like a bit of a stretch.
What was Ghandi's favorite part of a baseball game?
The seventh inning stretch.
Two blondes are driving to Miami for spring break
On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how stupid you are, you can't even see Florida from here!"
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
I keep telling my kids that limousine jokes are the funniest kind.
They think it's bit of a stretch though
I told my doctor "exercise is the best antidepressant available "
"Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied
Why did the bra stretch across the road?
To set a booby trap
A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.
License and registration the officer says.
No problem replies the motorist.
What are you doing out so late sir? the officer asks.
Just had a late night at work he replies.
Really? What do you do for work? the officer says.
Well...I'm an asshole stretcher he says.
An asshole stretcher?
Yeah, I take assholes and stretch them as far as you want, up to 6 feet
What would anyone do with a six foot asshole?! The office exclaims.
Well, the state gives them a car and puts one at the end of a tunnel!
So I thought I'd start my own rock band
I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.
But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.
Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting
but it was a stretch.
I think I thought of a great joke about yoga
But you might need to help me with the punchline, it's a bit of a stretch.
What do you call a communist doing yoga?
Stretch Marx
Imagine if Elon Musk got married to Bill Gates and took his name...
Yeah no, you're right... 'Elon Gates' is a stretch.
I hate when people say yoga is a complete workout.
It's a bit of a stretch.
I used to date my yoga instructor.
Put me in an awkward position at first, but we held on. I bent over backwards to make her happy but she found me uptight and inflexible. Guess it just didn't work out in the long stretch.
Someone told me I should do yoga
"That's a bit of a stretch for me" I replied.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stretch longest jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working stretch papercut piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.