Stretch Jokes
86 stretch jokes and hilarious stretch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stretch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for jokes about stretching? We've got you covered! From funny yoga jokes to hilarious stretching puns, we've collected the best stretch jokes around.
Funniest Stretch Short Jokes
Short stretch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stretch humour may include short strain jokes also.
- I told my doctor "exercise is the best antidepressant available " "Sounds like a bit of a stretch", he replied
- Imagine if Elon Musk got married to Bill Gates and took his name... Yeah no, you're right... 'Elon Gates' is a stretch.
- I tried circumcision without the proper equipment. It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
- So I thought I'd start my own rock band I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.
But I thought that was a bit of a stretch. - I am dreading the time when Mr. Musk's scandal come out. I just know Elon-gate will keep stretching on.
- Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga. I think that's a stretch.
- I think I thought of a great joke about yoga But you might need to help me with the punchline, it's a bit of a stretch.
- My friend tried to convince me that yoga is a workout... I told him it's a bit of a stretch
(Thought of this tonight during yoga) - Did you know? If you took a man's small intestine and stretched it all the way out from end to end, you would go to jail.
- I was going to make a pun about flexibility I decided not to because it was too much of a stretch.
Share These Stretch Jokes With Friends
Stretch One Liners
Which stretch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stretch? I can suggest the ones about slack and squeeze.
- I've been doing yoga for 5 years. It's been a long stretch
- Can a toyota stretch? No, but a Mercedes-Benz
- No one laughed at my pre-workout routine joke To be fair, it was a bit of a stretch.
- I have a pun about rubber bands... But it's a bit of a stretch.
- I hate when people say yoga is a complete workout. It's a bit of a stretch.
- Someone told me I should do yoga "That's a bit of a stretch for me" I replied.
- What do you call a communist doing yoga? Stretch Marx
- A man was arrested for stealing yoga dvds He's now doing a long stretch
- what do you call a stretched billionaire? Elongated
- Why did the bra stretch across the road? To set a booby trap
- They say you should warm up before you exercise. Sounds like a stretch to me.
- What do you call a bra stretched across a road? A booby-trap
- Have you heard the one about the yoga instructor? It was quite a stretch.
- Why was the tree stretching? So it could be timber!
- A Mexican bear walks into a bar He stretches, yawns, then says "Oso tired"
Stretch Marks Jokes
Here is a list of funny stretch marks jokes and even better stretch marks puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My patience has stretch marks.
- There's only one... There's only one place a man would want stretch marks.
- My boyfriend complains about my stretch marks. He failed school. I say these are the only marks you'll ever get.
Laughter Stretch Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about stretch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean strict jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stretch pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do the ladies love Jesus?
He's hung like this. (Stretch out arms.)
Really one that you have to tell in person, but it's my favorite.
Mom called to tell me she is qualified to be a yoga instructor...
I think that's a bit of a stretch
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This Joke is a Bit of a Stretch
What did the h**... say when his yoga instructor asked if you wanted to leave the class?
"Na, I'm a-stay"
A gambling addict begins his 5th stretch of therapy...
"It failed 4 times in a row, so it's bound to work this time."
What are the chances you know an Olympic gymnast??
A stretch
They say yoga is the best form of exercise
But I think that's kind of a stretch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the pirate have a fat girlfriend?
Real women have (s)curv(y)
...yeah it's a bit of a stretch
Two mechanics are talking, and one says to the other "Hey, I found this car part in the dump, I think it might be from an old limo."
The other mechanic inspects the part and replies, "Eh, I dunno, that might be a bit of a stretch."
I heard someone talking about all the potential health benefits of doing yoga,
but I think it's a bit of a stretch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?
They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.
I would get into yoga
Buts it's too long of a stretch for me
My wife keeps buying me too tight pants to motivate me to lose weight.
It is a stretch goal.
A prisoner was half way through his ten to twelve stretch when he was beaten and fell into a comma
, which helped him finish his sentence.
It stretched halfway around the block and got turned backwards.
A punchline walked into a bar.
Did you hear about the prisoner that really wanted to get out of prison?
He's seeking early discharge from his long penal stretch.
A rubber band just auditioned on Broadway
It was kind of a stretch.
My friend who does yoga told me she can out both her feet behind her head
"Wow" I said to her "Sounds like a stretch to me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks
Why do you look so sad and the horse says well i haven't gotten a bj in months the bartender says she will do it so she gets on her knees and starts s**... the horse off. The horse is so big she has to stretch her lips out as far as they can go Then the horse looks down and asks why the long face?
Why did the lumberjack stretch the wood?
To keep them nice and timber.
Pokémon GO?
More like, Pokémon where-did-it-GO!
It was a stretch, but I made it work, didn't I?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I stretch daily to squeeze the demons out of my blood.
It's the only way I know how to exorcise.
I'll run on the treadmill, I'll do the elliptical, I will even take a zumba class...
But yoga is a stretch for me.
My wife asked me, "Why don't you ever come to yoga class with me??"...
"That's kind of a stretch for me"
What do you call lethargic pasta?
Lazy anya
It was a stretch but I made it work I think
They say to use condoms if you don't want kids...
It totally works! Once you stretch it over their head, they suffocate it in a matter of minutes!
When the Daddy Car asked the baby car
When the Daddy car asked the baby car what he wanted to be when he grew up, the baby answered. "I wanna fit lots of people inside me and have parties where they can drink and have fun."
The daddy car replied "oh that's a stretch."
Original. Maybe bad. But original.
I'm AMAZING in bed!
Yeah, I can sleep for days at a stretch.
What is Captain Kirk's favorite fish, stretch and 17th century infantry weapon?
Pike
This one might be a stretch
Which Star Trek character do cleaners hate the most?
Mister Spock
Missed a spot... yah. :'(
I don't know why my friend keeps calling my car a limo
It's just a long car, calling it a limo is a bit of a stretch.
I was gonna do a joke about Gumby on the Inquisition Rack...
But it was a bit of a stretch...
Me: A High Schooler finishing his last year decides to stretch. While stretching, my back cracks..
Mom: "Ooh, you're getting old!"
Me: "I know. I'm a senior."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Master, why do you stretch when m**...?
My Student, that way the strain feels like real s**....
Master, I think that's why I won't do that.
Was planning on doing a 2-day Yoga workshop.
But thought it might be a bit of a stretch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do gay men have mustaches?
To hide the stretch marks.
Did you hear the largest rubber band ball has 200 Million rubber bands?
I think it's a bit of a stretch.
What's better than stretching your ear lobe to 3 inches?
A job
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three long poos stretch down, one after the other, and silently enter the water without a splash
The toilet bowl says 'Why the long f**...?'
A Stretch of Convenience
I asked my yoga friend if she wanted to go to the convenience store with me, but she declined saying, "nah, I'mma stay".
My friend claims yoga is the best possible thing you can do for your body.
Seems like a bit of a stretch.
What was Ghandi's favorite part of a baseball game?
The seventh inning stretch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes are driving to Miami for spring break
On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how s**... you are, you can't even see Florida from here!"
Mark and his wife were driving along a country road.
They weren't speaking to each other due to an earlier argument. As they passed a particularly rural stretch, they spotted a couple of monkeys in the treetops. "Relatives of yours?", asked Mark sarcastically.
"Yes," she replied. "My in-laws."
I keep telling my kids that limousine jokes are the funniest kind.
They think it's bit of a stretch though
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.
License and registration the officer says.
No problem replies the motorist.
What are you doing out so late sir? the officer asks.
Just had a late night at work he replies.
Really? What do you do for work? the officer says.
Well...I'm an a**... stretcher he says.
An a**... stretcher?
Yeah, I take a**... and stretch them as far as you want, up to 6 feet
What would anyone do with a six foot a**...?! The office exclaims.
Well, the state gives them a car and puts one at the end of a tunnel!
Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting
but it was a stretch.
I used to date my yoga instructor.
Put me in an awkward position at first, but we held on. I bent over backwards to make her happy but she found me uptight and inflexible. Guess it just didn't work out in the long stretch.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do Horses stand up and stretch their legs as soon as they are born?
Because they've been running out of w**....
A family of moles wake up from hibernation.
They start digging up to the surface to get some air and stretch their legs. When they arrive, there's a layer of concrete that wasn't there before. They dig around the concrete and Papa mole pokes his head out and smells fresh pancakes.
Oh, they must have built a pancake house up there! It smells great!
Mama mole, right behind Papa, sniffs and says, Oh wow, the syrups smell delicious!
Baby mole, in the hole behind both Papa and Mama says Yuck! All I can smell are molasses from back here!
