The Best 56 Stress Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Stress jokes. There are some stress discomfort jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these stress intimacy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Stress Jokes and Puns

There were three friends...

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.

The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."

The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."

The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups.

Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.

They say that sex relieves stress.

Not true. I had sex last week and the police have been after me ever since.

Stress joke, They say that sex relieves stress.

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,

"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"

A blonde, brunette, and a red head go to summer camp and they can only bring one thing..

The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained.

The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free.

The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.


Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

I tried publishing my novel...

in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic.

Stress joke, I tried publishing my novel...

I ordered a book called "How to relieve stress"

My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time.

And that it's useful.

And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me.

I've got a friend who is a structural engineer.

He's always complaining about stress at work.

North America blames Pacific for his extreme build up of stress. Pacific replies "It's not my fault"

It's San Andreas fault.

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that Chinese thing with the needles.

You know...heroin.

You can explore stress patience reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean stress stressful dad jokes. There are also stress puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life

The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.

Stressed Out

A guy walked up to me and said 'I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!' and I said 'Relax man, you're two tents!

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people

My doctor told me to start killing people.

Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

Stress joke, Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex

A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man

... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."

The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."

The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

Why did the Mechanical Engineer stop studying material science?

They just couldn't handle the stress.

My dad once told me that i should never hit a woman

That's why i relieve stress at the lgbtq conference.


I've been so stressed that I started doing that Chinese needle therapy. You know the one...

Heroin.

My doctor advised me for stress reduction to listen to opera music

He gave me a CD. I've been listening all night but I'm not sure if its actually having an effect. It says on the cover the guys name is Placebo Domingo.

I'm turning Rastafarian, but I'm worried about the stress it will put on my hair.

I'm dreading it.

When under stress, you have to choose between the fight or the flight response. Unless...

you're a fighter pilot...then you can do both.

A friend told me she was going to bake some cookies to relieve some stress...

I told her, that makes scents.

Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student,

they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"

Don't stress if someone says you are fat

You are bigger than that.

I've been so stressed, I decided to finally try that Asian relaxing technique with the needles.

Heroin

The doctor told me to relieve stress by improving my sex life.

So I started using some new search terms and I feel better already!

Engineering Joke: What do you call a musical artist who screws up and fails due to stress?

Thread Shearin'

Whenever I'm stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free.

I'd just do a bunch of light reading all day.

The thought of going home to my wife makes work much easier for me.

Think of all the stress I avoid by staying in the office.

The majority of Americans said driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly people

, specifically if they don't cross the stress fast enough.

Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit

I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?

"Never had any stress with it." he said

When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."

Whenever I get stressed out I cut shapes out of wood with my jigsaw...

A jigsaw is a great coping mechanism.

In light of all the Islamophobic content on this sub lately....

I would like to stress that the letter P in ISLAM stands for Peace.

A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist

He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".

Despite the stress of the court case and abuse allegations they say that.....

Bill Cosbys wife hasn't lost any sleep over it.

My therapist asked me if I was a stress eater. I said of course I'm not a stress eater.

If I could eat stress, I wouldn't need to eat all this food when I'm stressed out!

What did the stressed-out man say after he finished masturbating?

Well, that's a load off my mind.

My parents keep complaining that I'm unemployed. I don't know why all the stress, I already made my resume.

Companies are welcome to come and take it. I'm home 24/7.

My doctor said I should start killing people.

His exact words were that I need to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.

Who helps me most when I need to relieve stress?

My right hand, man.

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.

A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.

"Yep! They're finally dead."

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.

Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity due to stress. What could Berry farmers be stressed about you ask? Currant events.

What type of person lives to the east of Portugal and can't handle stress at all?

A Hispanic.

Studies suggest that masturbation is twice as effective as sex for dealing with stress.

So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush

do NOT— and I cannot stress this enough

wake me up before you go-go

Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job?

Because there was no margarine for error.

I was recently in a car accident and had to have both my legs amputated.

After the crash pretty much everything went to shit. I started getting nightmares from the stress, I lost my job from being unable to work, even my wife left me.

Honestly it feels like I dont have a leg to stand on at the moment.

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

Stress relief

Doctor : What do you do when you feel stressed?

Patient: I go to the temple...

Doctor : Good...and u pray there ?

Patient : No... I mix-up all shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me..... and my stress goes away

How do you pass a test with 0?

When it's a covid-19 test.

(Just had the test and thought this was funny as a teacher. Don't know if it's the stress making me laugh)

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when the wife is pregnant,

Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when BOTH are pregnant!

A man wakes up the mental ward

Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.

What's that?

Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.

Okay.

Now that you're awake, I'll call your wife in...

My what?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the stress strain jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working stress fatigue piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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