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Stress Jokes

99 stress jokes and hilarious stress puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stress that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a way to combat stress? Check out these Stress Jokes to provide some much needed stress relief! From stress busters to stress tests to stress balls, learn how to manage your stress in ways that don't put your liver or nerves to the test! Discover why patience is the key to stress free living and learn how to spot stress related issues like stress eating.

Funniest Stress Short Jokes

Short stress jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stress humour may include short strain jokes also.

  1. My doctor told me to start killing people. Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
  2. I've got a friend who is a structural engineer. He's always complaining about stress at work.
  3. The Covid19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
  4. Dogs are getting stressed and confused because they've noticed their owners are now wearing masks Cats are unaffected though as they're yet to notice their owners at all
  5. I hear my local school wants to introduce massage classes to help combat stress but there's been a lot of opposition from parents' groups. Apparently, it's a very touchy subject.
  6. So i bought some of that Anti-stress shampoo. Don't know why people like it so much, I drank the whole bottle, I feel worse if anything.
  7. Bomb diffusal tech on being asked how he deals with the stress of the job It's not stressful, I'm either right or it's suddenly not my problem.
  8. My doctor said I should start killing people. His exact words were that I need to reduce stress in my life. Same thing.
  9. My wife walked into the house after a long day at work. She looked tired and stressed. I said, " Did anyone tell you, you look beautiful?" She smiled and said, " No"
    I said, "One day, one day"
  10. I ordered a book called "How to relieve stress" My goodness, for the life of me I really hope that it arrives on time.
    And that it's useful.
    And that the delivery man doesn't dislike me.

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Stress One Liners

Which stress one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stress? I can suggest the ones about pressure and force.

  1. Don't stress if someone says you are fat You are bigger than that.
  2. When I'm stressed, I like to iron my clothes It's a great way to let off steam.
  3. What do you call a stressed Darth Vader? Panickin Skywalker.
  4. Why are skeletons bad at high-stress jobs? Because they're easily rattled!
  5. My doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress So I didn't open his bills
  6. Why do fish gets stressed ? Current events
  7. What does a webpage do after a stressful day? Refresh
  8. What stops a Latino from performing well in a stressful situation? His panic.
  9. Never date someone who exercises to relieve stress… They'll run when it gets hard.
  10. To cope with stress you either need to have a strong spirit... ...or strong spirits
  11. What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.
  12. Why was the Taiwanese woman so stressed? She had a Taipei personality
  13. do NOT— and I cannot stress this enough wake me up before you go-go
  14. Why is one-fifth so stressed? Because he is two-tenths
  15. What do coral get stressed about? Current events

Stress At Work Jokes

Here is a list of funny stress at work jokes and even better stress at work puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The thought of going home to my wife makes work much easier for me. Think of all the stress I avoid by staying in the office.
  • I'm so stressed by work, family, etc. I decided to start running every day I think I've reached Iowa
  • Why was working in the butter factory such a high stress job? Because there was no margarine for error.
  • Copy-editing is a very stressful line of work for women. Every time they miss a period, they get really nervous.
  • Why was the computer stressed out when it got home from work? 'Cause it had a hard drive.
  • Another long and stressful day of work for the doctor is coming to an end He really is at the end of his patients
  • Working at the Jobcentre has to be a stressful job knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day
  • Ask a counseling student how to reduce stress, they'll discuss mindfulness, work-life balance, etc. Ask an engineering student, they'll ask back, "Normal or Shear?"
  • Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you.
  • I work at a hospital. The staff are really stressed out and are being passive aggressive toward each other. They keep telling each other to be positive.

Relieve Stress Jokes

Here is a list of funny relieve stress jokes and even better relieve stress puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Who helps me most when I need to relieve stress? My right hand, man.
  • A friend told me she was going to bake some cookies to relieve some stress... I told her, that makes scents.
  • My dad once told me that i should never hit a woman That's why i relieve stress at the lgbtq conference.
  • They say that s**... relieves stress. Not true. I had s**... last week and the police have been after me ever since.
  • The doctor told me to relieve stress by improving my s**... life. So I started using some new search terms and I feel better already!
Stress joke, The doctor told me to relieve stress by improving my s**... life.

Stress Management Jokes

Here is a list of funny stress management jokes and even better stress management puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers. So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.

Stress Free Jokes

Here is a list of funny stress free jokes and even better stress free puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free. I'd just do a bunch of light reading all day.
Stress joke, I saw a job posting for an Astronomer and it sounded pretty stress free.

Giggle-Inducing Stress Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends

What funny jokes about stress you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stretch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stress pranks.

There were three friends...

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.
The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."
The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."
The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

Have you ever heard the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas tree?

Once upon a time, three days before Christmas many years ago, Santa was sitting in his office. He was under a horrible amount of stress; the elves had just announced that they were forming a labour union, half the reindeer had hoof and mouth disease, and Mrs. Claus hadn't touched his candy cane in months. There he was, fuming with rage, when in walks The Angel, cheerful and bubbly as ever, and asks with a big smile,
"where should I put the Christmas tree, Santa?"

A blonde, brunette, and a red head go to summer camp and they can only bring one thing..

The red head brings a deck of cards, to keep herself entertained.
The brunette brings her homework, to get it done and live stress free.
The blonde brings a car door, so she can roll down her window if she gets hot.

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS
Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!
If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS
Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!
COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

I've been so stressed recently I've been doing that chinese thing with the needles.

You know...h**....

Every Wife is a "Mistress" of Her Husband

Every Wife is a "Mistress" of Her Husband.
"MISS" for One Hour
&
"STRESS" for 23 Hours Everyday..:-)

Prayers for dealing with the stress of modern life

The first one is a prayer you say in the bus/train in the morning when you can't find a seat.
I always find if I pray loud enough to Allah, I get the train to myself.

Stressed Out

A guy walked up to me and said 'I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam!' and I said 'Relax man, you're two tents!

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for s**... people

Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, m**... is twice as effective as s**...

So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush.

A reporter is interviewing a 110-year-old man

... And asks him his secret to longevity. "It's simple," the man replies, "I never argue with anyone, so I have no stress in my life."
The reporter laughs it off: "That's ridiculous. That can't possibly be the reason."
The man shrugs and says, "Yeah, you're probably right."

Why did the Mechanical Engineer stop studying material science?

They just couldn't handle the stress.

I've been so stressed that I started doing that Chinese needle therapy. You know the one...

h**....

My doctor advised me for stress reduction to listen to opera music

He gave me a CD. I've been listening all night but I'm not sure if its actually having an effect. It says on the cover the guys name is Placebo Domingo.

I'm turning Rastafarian, but I'm worried about the stress it will put on my hair.

I'm dreading it.

When under stress, you have to choose between the fight or the flight response. Unless...

you're a fighter pilot...then you can do both.

I've been so stressed, I decided to finally try that Asian relaxing technique with the needles.

h**...

Engineering Joke: What do you call a musical artist who screws up and fails due to stress?

Thread Shearin'

Whenever I'm stressed, I lay my head on my keyboard and scream.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The majority of Americans said driverless cars will have a big impact on the elderly people

, specifically if they don't cross the stress fast enough.

Who is he?

After returning home from their honeymoon, the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table.
At first, he really doesn't give it much thought. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask her about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no," she answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

Talked with a former officer in the Bomb Disposal Unit

I asked him how he dealt with the stress of the job?
"Never had any stress with it." he said
When I asked how come, he said, "It's easy. I either get it right, or it's suddenly not my problem anymore."

Whenever I get stressed out I cut shapes out of wood with my jigsaw...

A jigsaw is a great coping mechanism.

In light of all the Islamophobic content on this sub lately....

I would like to stress that the letter P in ISLAM stands for Peace.

A stressed Referee goes to a psychologist

He breaks down in front of the doctor, complaining about feeling depressed, and loathed, always disappointing somebody no matter what he does. The doctor is highly sympathetic, and offers comfort - "It must be so hard, I'm glad you came to me. I can help" The doctor starts writing something on a piece of paper and says "Go to this address, and tell the optometrist I sent you".

A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....

It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

Three of a kind

Coral turns white when it gets stressed. What could coral be stressed about you ask? Current events.
Eletrical engineers make mistakes when they get stressed. What could an eletrical engineer be stressed about you ask? Current events.
Berry farmers are seeing a drop in productivity due to stress. What could Berry farmers be stressed about you ask? Currant events.

What type of person lives to the east of Portugal and can't handle stress at all?

A Hispanic.

Studies suggest that m**... is twice as effective as s**... for dealing with stress.

So one in the hand really is worth 2 in the bush

I was recently in a car accident and had to have both my legs amputated.

After the c**... pretty much everything went to s**.... I started getting nightmares from the stress, I lost my job from being unable to work, even my wife left me.
Honestly it feels like I dont have a leg to stand on at the moment.

People say that stress can make you lose your hair...

and pulling your hair can be a root problem.

Stress relief

Doctor : What do you do when you feel stressed?
Patient: I go to the temple...
Doctor : Good...and u pray there ?
Patient : No... I mix-up all shoes kept outside and watch people more stressed than me..... and my stress goes away

How do you pass a test with 0?

When it's a covid-19 test.
(Just had the test and thought this was funny as a teacher. Don't know if it's the stress making me laugh)

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when the wife is pregnant,
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when BOTH are pregnant!

A man wakes up the mental ward

Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.
What's that?
Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.
Okay.
Now that you're awake, I'll call your wife in...
My what?

m**... is perfectly normal and healthy . it releases dopamine and reduces stress . improves prostate and cardiovascular health ...

and i still got thrown off the bus

Don't stress about your eyesight failing as you get older...

It's nature's way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Why did the clairvoyant visit the psychologist?

He was suffering from pre-traumatic stress disorder.

If you're ever stressed out just punch an orphan

What are they going to do, tell their parents?

short joke

**Every Wife Is A Mistress For Her Husband.**
**Miss For One Hour**
**And**
**.**
**.**
**.**
**.**
**Stress For The Remaining 23 Hours.**

A 90 year old man is getting checked by his doctor

after the checkup the doctor sais "I heard that you have a new girlfriend, and at your age"
The old man answers "yes, she's only 19 years old, and a beast in the sheets. We have s**... thrice a day and it's always great!"
The Doctor, surprised, comments "You know, s**... is hard work for the body, and at that age the heart may give up from the stress"
The old man grins tothlessly and says "Well, if she dies, she dies.".

I was so excited when my wife told me she was pregnant..

It was a week later when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant where I began to stress

Three engineers were arguing.

The mechanical engineer, the electrical engineer, and the civil engineer. They were arguing about what sort of an engineer God must be.
"Well, God must be a mechanical engineer, because look at the human skeleton. Look at all the stress it's able to absorb."
"But look at the nervous system. Look at all the wiring. God must be an electrical engineer."
"Well, God must be a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a liquid waste disposal unit right through a major recreational facility."

A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman

"What's the secret to your longevity?", he asked.
"Simple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone."
The reporter laughed. "That's ridiculous. That can't be the real reason."
The old lady smiled and nodded. "You're probably right."

What do a stressed out politician and a dolphin have in common?

Neither wants to be caught in fishnets.

Stress joke, What do a stressed out politician and a dolphin have in common?

jokes about stress