Street Jokes

What are some Street jokes?

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB

That was a trip down memory lane

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, Wow! That could have been me!

Then I remembered I can't drive a bus.

An English man, German, French and Italian are standing at the side of a street watching a street performer

The street performer noticed that they all have poor eye sight so he asked them whether they can see him and they responded:
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sì"
"Ja"

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people looking both ways before they start

Why does the blonde have smudges on the inside of her windshield?

She needs to drag her finger across the words as she's reading street signs.

Note: I just made this up. However, please tell me if someone else has a similar one.

Jack calls an ambulance for his friend who has been hit by a car

The operator asks for his location.

Jack says I'm outside 28 Eucalyptus Road .

The operator knows there is no room for error and for clarity asks, "How do you spell that?"

There's shuffling and sounds of straining at the other end of the phone. Jack? says the operator, concerned. More shuffling and grunting.

Sorry about that says Jack. I just dragged him 'round to 1 Oak Street

My wife shouted at me to go out and find her some tampons, quick!

So, I sprinted to the car, paced down the street, rushed into the store, frantically looking down each aisle until I finally got to the tampons, hurried back to my car and raced home as fast as I could! I burst in through the front door, ran up the stairs, slammed open the bathroom door and shouted, "Walmart, halfway down aisle 10, bottom shelf!"

A Black Guy, a Mexican, and a Muslim holding a Gay Chicken Walk Into a Bar

Bartender says, "We don't do jokes in here."

The chicken says, "Come on guys I know a place across the street."

Saw a hooker on the street who said she'd do anything for $50.

Guess who got the front porch repainted.

Two condoms are walking down the street...

They pass a gay bar and one condom says to the other "hey, do you wanna get shit-faced?"

Yesterday I found a 20 dollar bill on the street. I was told to do the same thing Jesus would have done.

So I took it and turned it into wine.

are you sure I'm drunk?

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in pal. You're obviously drunk."

The wasted man asked, "Officer, are you absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah buddy, I'm sure," said the cop, "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled."

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep

So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body.

The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away.

"Where do you live?" asked the operator.

He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

How did the chicken cross the street in the ghetto

In a bucket

A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"...

A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

A physicist goes to the top of the empire state building and sees a man about to leap to his death

He runs up to him and says, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

Relieved, the man climbs off the edge and follows the physicist down to the street. The physicist then looks at him again and says: "ah... Never mind".

There were 2 blondes...

So I was sat on my porch one day and I saw 2 blondes working hard at the end of the street. One was digging a hole and the other would fill it in immediately after the first was done. This went on for about 2 hours until I walked over and said "Hey, you two are working pretty hard there, but I don't understand what you are trying to achieve?"
To which one of the blondes replied "Well there's usually 3 of us, but the one who plants the trees is off sick today".

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a street performer.

The performer suddenly realizes that these men have a poor view so he gets on a small platform. "Can you all see me now?" He asks them.
"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

Otto the German was driving from Germany to Paris to visit some relatives.

A French cop stops him and asks the usual questions:

cop: name?

Otto: Otto

cop: address?

Otto: 341 Brandenburg Street, Berlin

cop: Occupation?

Otto: no, just visiting...

A woman was sobbing on the side of the street because she had accidentally locked her keys in her car,

a passing soldier saw this and assured her that he can help.

She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens....... "That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"

"Easy," replies the soldier. "These are my khakis."

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked.

The assailant says "give me all your money." The politician says "do you know who I am? I'm an important government official." The mugger says, "fine, give me all my money."

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin...

I said "That's the last thing I need"

Friend who lives in Russia told me this joke

(English isn't my first language, sorry if the translation isn't the best)



The phone rings at 10 Downing Street.

- Hello, mister Putin would like to speak with Theresa May.

- I'm afraid she's currently sleeping.

- Very well, if she wakes up please tell her that mister Putin would like to talk to her.

- Will do.

- Thank you. *hangs up*

- Wait. What do you mean "if"?

I was walking down the street with my wife..

And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked "Aren't you going to help?" I said "No, six should be enough."
From Les Dawson.

Four men are watching a juggler...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are watching a man do some juggling on the street. The juggler notices that the men can't see very well, and stands on some boxes.
"Can you all see me now?" He calls
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

I was walking down the street yesterday when I saw someone pickpocket a dwarf.

I don't know how anyone could stoop so low.

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

I saw this cute homeless girl on the street..

..so I asked her if I could take her home. She smiled and said "sure", boy the look on her face when I walked off with her cardboard box...

I'm not racist but

I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".





But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street.

I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"

Classic Denzel.

Who's Leonardo Dicaprio's least favorite Sesame Street character?

Oscar

im so sorry

Two nuns went on a bike ride...

...and one says to the other, as they turn down a side street
"I've never come this way before!"
And the other replies
"yes! It's the cobblestones!"

Why did the sperm cross the street?

I wore the wrong sock this morning.

A snail walks into a car dealership...

And he asks the salesman about car customization. He shows the salesman a car that he's thinking about buying, but there's something he wants to change about it. The salesman asks him what it is, and the snail tells him he wants the letter 'S' painted on the doors, roof, and windows, as large as possible. The salesman wonders why, and the snail responds:

"Because when I drive down the street, I want to hear people say 'hey, look at that S-car-go!'"

I saw a raggedy little boy on the street and asked him if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?"

I said, "Your parents."

Two men are walking down the street

When they see 3 guys across the road beating up an older woman. Fred turns to George and says
"Hey, isn't that your mother in law over there?"
"So it is." replies George
"Well aren't you going to help?!" Fred asked.
"Nah," George replied, "I think 3 should be enough"

A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.

She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.

At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."

He ignores her again and continues down the street.

At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."

The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."

I saw two guys walking down the street in matching clothing.

I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

I was walking down the High Street with my wife...

... and upon reaching a corner, we saw six men beating up someone. I was going to turn and lead my wife away from the crime happening before us, but suddenly she exlaimed

"Oh my god it's mom! Quick quick! Go and help!"

I turned to her and said

"Nah. I think 6's enough."

A lawyer undergoes heart surgury, and is in bed in the recovery area

As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"

The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."

Today I saw two guys on the street in matching outfits so I asked them: Are you gay?

They arrested me.

An old political joke from Imperial Russia (reign of Nicholas II)

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of lese majeste (insulting the monarch). He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!". The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly meant the Czar!"

Two mind-readers bump into each other on the street...

The first one says to the second one: "You're fine, how am I?"

I want to give a shoutout to the sidewalk

For keeping me off the street.

So a man is walking a penguin down the street...

So a man is walking a penguin down the street on a lead. A policeman sees him and stops the man.

The policeman says, "what are you doing?! Take that penguin to the zoo!"

A week later, the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

He says, "hey, I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!"

The man replies: "I did! He loved it! We're going to the theme park tomorrow!"

An Old Man is thrown out of a bar

A young man who was walking down the street says "Hey Old-Timer, what happened in there". The old man looks at him and says "Well son, I am Jesus Christ". "Jesus Christ?", the young man replied skeptically. "Yes my son, follow me", the old man said as he walked into the bar.

As he enters, the bartender turns around and says "Jesus Christ! not you again!"

A man walks up to a girl on the street

He asks her "would you have sex with me for a million dollars?"

The girl replies "hmm.. for a millian dollars sure!"

The man asks "would you have sex with me for free?"

The girl replies "for free? What kind of girl do you think I am?

The man replies "we've already found what kind of girl you are now we are just negotiating a price."

An englishman, a Frenchman, a spaniard, and a German

Are all watching a really great street performer who was juggling.

The juggler realized that from where they were standing they couldn't see him very well. So the juggler stood on top of a wooden box. He asks if they can see him now.

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Si"
"Ja"

Two nuns are riding down a street on bikes

One says to the other "I've never come this way before."
The other smiles and says "neither have I. Must be the cobblestones."

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy said, "He just walked up to me on the street, took my hand and said, "Come on, we're going to get a free haircut.""

2 nuns take a shortcut

2 nuns are riding bicycles through the Vatican and they decide to take a shortcut down a cobblestone street. The first nun says to the second, "I've never come this way before." The second nun replies to the first, "Nor have I. It must be the cobblestones."

A man was walking down the street when he heard a distant voice say, "Climb the ladder to success."

The man then noticed a ladder leaning up against the building to his right. Again, he heard the voice: "Climb the ladder to success." The man shrugged and began to climb. The voice kept repeating itself and grew louder as the man approached the top. "Climb the ladder to success." Finally, the man reached the top of the building, where he found a fully naked man. "Hi, I'm Sess."

What's the difference between Leonardo Dicaprio and Sesame Street?

Sesame Street has an Oscar.

A penguin takes his car to the mechanic....

The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix. The penguin heads over to the 7-11 across the street to kill some time and have an ice cream. But because he has clumsy little flippers he gets the ice cream all over his beak.
When he goes back to the mechanic, the mechanic tells him, "well, it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin says, "no, that's just a bit of ice cream."

Two Irishmen are walking down the street looking for a job.

One sees a sign that says, "Tree fellers wanted." He turns to his companion and says, "Aye, 'tis a pity dere's only the two of us!"

If you find 400 pounds on the street in England, you're a lucky man...

If you find 400 pounds on the street in America, you've met Phillip.

Did you hear about the cheese truck that crashed?

The street was littered with de brie

Street Performance

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?"
"Yes."
"Oui."
"Sí."
"Ja."

A man collapses in a busy street.

Someome from the crowd shouts "Somebody call him an ambulance!"

Suddenly, another voice calls out "You're an ambulance!"

I got $20 from a blind homeless man on the street today!

He had this tin can full of money, and was just holding it in front of my face. What a friendly guy.

Some kids called me fatty as I walked down the street today.

I just turned the other chin.

Halloween Joke

This guy goes to a Halloween costume party, but he's just wearing street clothes, and he has his girlfriend sitting on his shoulders.

The host says to him, Dude, this is a Halloween party! You're supposed to be wearing a costume?

The guy replies, I am wearing a costume! I'm a snail!

You're a snail?

Yeah, I'm a snail, says the guy. Then he points to his girlfriend and says, This is Michelle.

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him.

His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"

My wife saw her ex high school boyfriend, drunk in the street. She said he started drinking when she broke up with him after graduation decades ago. I said....

....Impressive. .. I've never seen anyone celebrate that long before.

Another blonde joke

Boyfriend is driving down the street with his (blonde) girlfriend in the passenger seat. The boyfriend becomes concerned the turn signals are not working, so he asks his girlfriend to poke her head out the passenger side window to see if the right turn signal is functioning. She replies, "it's working, it's not working, it's working.."

Two psychics pass each other in the street..

One says to the other: "You're doing fine. How am I?"

A white man was arrested after shooting a black man on the street.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

How to make Street jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Street to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Street? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Street pick up lines to share with friends.

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