Stray Jokes
44 stray jokes and hilarious stray puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about stray that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh with these silly, humorous jokes about stray animals! Dogs and cats with unexpected reflexes, wanderlust, and more will have you in stitches. Delight in the unexpected and enjoy these stories about our furry friends.
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Funniest Stray Short Jokes
Short stray jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The stray humour may include short wayward jokes also.
- My uncle got shot by a stray bullet. By some miracle, he had a bible in his jacket pocket. So he had something to read as he bled to death.
- I found a stray cat today. Sadly, my dad is allergic to them so I had to put him down. At least I still have the cat for comfort.
- I found a stray dog the other day. I think it's owner was a blacksmith, because as soon as I brought the thing home it made a bolt for the door.
- I got fired from my job for chasing away a stray cat. Whatever, I never really liked working at the animal shelter anyway.
- "I saw a stray cat earlier," said my dad. "How sad..." I replied.
He said, "No idea. I didn't ask him." - How come when I find a stray dog, take it home, and give it a bath everyone calls me a saint... ...but when I do it with a kid everyone just calls me a priest?
- A stray bullet just flew through my window and broke my monitor. I think there are better ways to take a screenshot...
- A Vietnamese knight encounters a stray dog... He grips his blade and calls out, "friend or pho?"
- Dave and Ronnie noticed no one else was wearing a collar Then they realized, they were in a stray bar.
- A cat walks into a bar And it is then rescued and killed by Peta. Stray animals are a threat in all situations
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Stray One Liners
Which stray one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with stray? I can suggest the ones about stranded and wandering.
- A lost dog strays into the jungle..
- Don't worry about straying from your diet today. It's Tom Brady's cheat day, too.
- What's the best part of the multi awarded game Stray The Cat-scenes.
- My humor is so dry... I'm legitimately worried about stray fireworks this weekend.
- Kim Davis's Daughter was Fired by the SPCA She wouldn't feed the strays
- I found a stray dog that goes by the name of "Tere". But that's neither here nor there..
- Why was the stray dog afraid of meeting new people? He never learned how to shake
- What do you call a misplaced table? A stray table.
- How do you find out what gender a stray cat is? Carefully
- Who do you call about stray cats walking around your yard? Brian Setzer
- Why are there no stray dogs in China? Have you heard of stray chickens?
- When Chuck Norris was circumcised.. The neighborhood stray dogs ate meat for 3 days.
- l**... are like stray cats. There are more of them than you think.
Stray Dog Jokes
Here is a list of funny stray dog jokes and even better stray dog puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- what did the Mexican dog groomer tell his apprentice on the first day of training? You no do strays.
- I was helping Animal Control round up a stray dog today, and was hoping to get credit for the catch. But he got the collar.
Amusing & Witty Stray Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about stray you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean homeless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make stray pranks.
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two teenage boys are walking down an alley
when they see a stray dog l**... its c**....
The one boy says, Man, I really wish I could do that.
His friend responds, I don't know, you'd better pet him and see if he's friendly, first.
An art collector walks by a shop and sees a stray cat drinking from a dish that looks very valuable.
The art collector asks the shop keeper if he could buy the cat.
The shop keeper tells him he can have it for $10.
The art collector asks if he could get the dish as well because the cats already familiar with it.
The shop keeper tells him he can't have it because its his lucky dish.
The art collector asks why it is lucky.
The shop keeper tells him its lucky because he has sold twelve cats this week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was late for work and panicking he suddenly hears...
Someone yelling "STOP" the man stopped, not knowing what else to do and just a few seconds later a car c**... occurred missing the man by a few inches.
The man, very confused thinks nothing of it and since people came to help, he ran his way because he was really late.
Then just a minute later he hears someone yelling "STOP" and he stopped, just a few seconds later a stray tire crashed into a shop missing the man by mere inches again.
The man now fully frustrated yells back "WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I WAS GETTING MARRIED!?".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course.
So a guy decides to walk to the bar by strolling across an adjacent golf course. As he walks he picks up stray b**... and stuffs them in his pants pocket. Later, seated at the bar he notices the lady next to him staring at the huge bulge in his pants. "Golf b**...," he explains. "You poor man," the lady exclaims. "And here I thought my tennis elbow was bad."
In the early 90's, a lonely stray dog wanted a friend and got an idea when reading an old paper...
So the dog walked into the local paper to place an advert in the social column. "I'm lonely" advised the dog "please place an ad that reads: *Woof woof woof. Woof woof. Woof woof woof woof woof woof. Woof. Woof*."
The sales consultant writes it all down before offering "I'll let you in on a secret, for the same price, I can actually add two more woofs?".
Came the reply from the dog "But - then it wouldn't make sense?"
There was a man who wasn't creative
He named his kids numbers in the order they were born (the first child was 1, second child 2 and so on)
After he had 100 kids , a fire burned his house down leaving only one child. 90
90 grew up and had his own kids that weren't creative and when they saw a stray dog , they took him in and called him 'that'
One hot summer day 'that' was run over by a car
Ofc they replaced 'that' but they never forgot him
Only 90's kids remember that
Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?
Mom: Why don't you talk to John anymore?
Me: If you get to know one of your friends harasses women when he sees them alone, does drugs, throws stones at stray animals and laughs at their misery, gets into fights for no reason, abuses his girlfriend and bunks classes, would you still talk to him?
Mom: No way!
Me: Neither will John.
I was out mowing my lawn...
I was out mowing my lawn. When I had to stop and refill the mower with gasoline.
The gas can broke and spilled gasoline into a puddle. I went to get some absorbent to clean up the mess but found the local stray cat had lapped up all that spilled gasoline.
I tried catch it, but it went racing around the block, then back into my yard and right up my tallest tree. Then fell right off the top of the tree.
Feeling bad I took the cat to the vet, the doctor gave the cat an exam and I finally asked, "Is the cat alright?"
The doctor replied, "the cat is fine, it just ran out of gas."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call someone who is s**... attracted to the killing of stray dogs?
A PETAfile
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walking Down The Street
One morning, two Englishmen are strolling down a London street, when they see a stray dog l**... its own t**.... One of the Englishmen turns to the other and says, "Say, I wish I could do that!" His mate watches the dog for a moment, sighs longingly, and replies, "I should say so! But don't you think you ought to get to know him first?
I was talking to my plumber...
I told him, "Mario, I'm growing a big bushy mustache like yours, so I got this hair trap to prevent the stray mustache hairs from clogging my drain. It's working great, and I'm thinking of keeping the mustache, so I figure maybe I should get some plumbing epoxy and affix the hair trap to the pipes. What do you think?"
My plumber responded, "Listen, if it ain't a-broke..."
Why was the track runner with low self-esteem able to complete the race even after being impaled by a stray javelin?
He didn't know he had it in him.
If you are about to euthanize a stray pet...
And a depressed little man with very low self esteem jumps into your arms.
Do you put him down?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know how far a woman is allowed to stray from her man in Saudi Arabia?
Just about a stone's throw.
